the good, the bad and the ugly
new year's eve, 1993. i'd gone out clubbing with a couple of mates and was having a whale of a time. i'd drunk lots and danced like a tazered twat. i'd even run into an ex i'd had a bad break-up with and managed to sort out a few things with him, parting as friends. life was good.
as the club was owned by my mum's boss, i was allowed into the private upstairs bar. usually when i went up there, i'd have a few drinks with some of the staff and get a lift home. tonight, however, only 2 staff members were taking a cab, a couple who i didn't really like. i went back downstairs to find my mates who, assuming i'd be getting a lift, had already left, taking the remaining kitty money with them. i asked the staff couple if i could have a lift home, as it was on their way. the girl said yes, but the bloke(DEAN CORRIGAN, YOU'RE A CUNT) said there was no room in the cab and left me there, penniless and freezing, five miles from home and pissed.
uttering curses against my friends and cuntish men, i started tottering homewards.
has anyone else done that thing when they're pissed, when they start whinging about one of their exes and wanting them back? well, this is what i started doing. leaning against a wall with my face buried in metal railings, i howled like a banshee, drunken tears soaking my dress and making me even more frosty cold.
it was at this point that salvation appeared in the form of 2 blokes in a delivery van. they calmed me down, gave me a cigarette and asked where i lived. upon hearing how far from home i was, they insisted on giving me a lift. i was so grateful that i didn't even think about the possibility of them raping or murdering me.
they dropped me off right outside my house, waiting to make sure that i got inside all right. once inside, i kicked off my ridiculously high-heeled shoes and looked for some baby wipes to take off my makeup. when i saw my reflection in the mirror, i almost gave myself 7 years' bad luck. those railings i'd had my face buried in? they'd been coated with vandal grease, which was now spread in stripes all over my face. i looked like a ninja waffle. if i'd been the one driving that van, i'd never have given a lift to someone looking the way i did then.
still, it turned out my mates had a worse night than i did.
they got mugged on the way home and wound up in hospital for 2 days.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 18:48, 9 replies)

*clicks* for ninja waffle

(pounana Slept well, and dreamed of large women, on, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 18:54, closed)

And for tazered twat.

( girlinthehole, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 19:20, closed)

clicks for both!

(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 19:33, closed)

^^

( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 20:37, closed)

:)

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 21:58, closed)

Oh yes!
And another!
( Bathory, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 21:08, closed)

it was horrible
all mixed in with my mascara and everything. getting it off was a bugger, too. my grey face the next morning had nothing to do with the hangover!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 27 Mar 2011, 21:58, closed)

*click*
for:

- 'ninja waffle';
- 'tazered twat';
- the immediate and merciless karma meted out on your friends for abandoning you.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 7:53, closed)

to be fair to them
they did think i was getting a lift home
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 28 Mar 2011, 20:43, closed)