R.E.S.P.E.C.T
I work for a further education provider in one of London’s less salubrious postcodes. In order to get to us, you must first walk though a library. Unlike many libraries this one is well used by the local populace. Unfortunately this also means it is frequented by nuisance types - drunks, petty criminals, teenage hood-rats and their ilk. The library staff have to deal with a fair amount of grief from these arseholes but it’s probably the site-staff, who are a cross between security guard, porter, caretaker and general dogs-body, who take the brunt of the abuse.

Anyway, one of the site staff, whom we will call Clive, spots a young lady walking into the library talking in a loud voice on her mobile phone. That’s right, not walking ‘out’ of the library having just answered a call but walking into the library already speaking on her phone.

“Excuse me madam, you can’t use you mobile phone in here” explains Clive firmly.

The young ‘lady’ deliberately ignores him and carries on walking. Clive gives chase and confronts her in a somewhat more robust fashion.

Enter yours truly - I had just finished a long and tiring day of teaching and was just about to take a well earned break when I was approached by one of the other teachers and asked to mediate between an understandably miffed ‘Clive’ and the young ‘lady’ in questions who was clearly of the ‘talk to the hand’/ ‘am I bovered’ generation and regretably one of our students.

Anyway a certain amount of back and forth conversation takes place as I try to understand what has happened. It appears that Viki Pollard’s sister has taken umbrage and is now accusing Clive of “disrespecting” her and is threatening to make a complaint. It’s at this point that I start to lose me legendry cool.

Her: “He disrespected me. He was rude. He pointed at me”

Me: “Madam, you understand that this is a library. which is supposed to be a place of quiet contemplation. That one of the rules of a library is that you can’t use your mobile phone. In fact one of the reasons people come here is so they don’t have to listen to people on their mobile phones.”

Her: ”Yeah, I know that now. He disrespected me. He was really rude”

Me: “Sorry. No. HE did not disrespect YOU. HE was doing his JOB. YOU were the one not showing any RESPECT. YOU were the one being RUDE. ”

Her: “Yeah, but he…”

Me: “In fact, by using YOUR PHONE in the library, not only were you being RUDE to the site staff. YOU were in fact DISRESPECTING EVERY OTHER LIBRARY USER. IT IS YOU WHO ARE RUDE. IT IS YOU THAT IS NOT SHOWING ANY RESPECT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

Her: “Yeah, well, but…”

Anyway, I was probably foaming at the mouth at the point and she left the building looking somewhat cowed. She dropped out of her course a few days later. On the plus side, I received major kudos from the site staff for standing up to her and telling her like it is.

The most disturbing aspect of this tale is that she was on the phone to her daughter’s school. It’s depressing to think that this individual will be responsible for instilling a value system and shaping the mind of a young child. Perhaps she learned something from the encounter, but I very much doubt it.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 12:13, 80 replies)

I get that she was in the wrong, I get that you were frustrated
it's the "She dropped out of her course a few days later." that made me not like this tale - anover urban yoof falls by the wayside.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 1 Dec 2012, 12:44, closed)

I'm OK with the ending.
It frees up a place for someone who may need / want it more.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 13:07, closed)

As it happens
The reason she was coming into college in the first place was to inform her tutor she was going to drop out of the course, but I can see why you interpreted it the way you did. She was going to drop out anyway rather than I told her off and that's why she dropped out. Interestingly enough the course she had decided to drop out of was a Counselling Course.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 16:23, closed)

Furry muff.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 1 Dec 2012, 19:42, closed)

so your story is you shouted at someone in a library?

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 15:36, closed)

Nope.
I didn't shout. I was assertive.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 16:25, closed)

Did you have a little wank afterwards?
You did, didn't you? You went into the toilet and wiped away the panic tears and then you sat in a cubicle and you re-imagined the whole exchange such that it no longer ended with you crying and humiliated. Then you had a little wank about your imaginary success. Then you posted it on the internet.

You'll probably have another little wank about it later. Another couple of little wanks and you'll manage to hold back the tears. A full dozen and you'll manage to persuade yourself that this version is the truth. It'll be lovely.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 19:48, closed)

You know
when I wrote this for your amusement, I could never have anticipated the sexual charge that it seems to hold for some of you. Maybe I should start writing porn for a living. Look out E.L. James here I come!

and Dr Shambolic does the thought of a fat bald man who looks like Ken Livingston's uglier younger brother having a misery wank turn you on? Well does it?
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 20:23, closed)

Nicely handled, that's what stops me writing into QOTW a lot of the time
There's always someone willing to have a pop. If it's funny or at least entertaining then fair enough but these comments don't exactly contribute anything. I thought B3ta had a 'If you don't like it, don't click like, this is not the place to slag off other members work.' policy.

Your post was far better than the usual convoluted story followed by a weak pun so I have given it a click! :-)
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 21:40, closed)

^^^ all of this and a side of fries ^^^
it's like they have Tourettes of the typing finger
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 1:16, closed)

You don't have to respond to them.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 13:12, closed)

Fuck off with your common sense, Gvoodside.
You ruin everything. EVERYTHING!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 13:28, closed)

are you having a difficult shit at the same time?
because that would be H.O.T.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 21:48, closed)

I don't have trouble shitting anymore
because my boyfriend anally rapes me every night with his massive shlong.

Cheers JamHamster, I just think life's way to short to get wound up by Internet Trolls.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 22:20, closed)

That sounds like a deeply unhealthy relationship.
You should seek help. Rape isn't funny.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 1 Dec 2012, 22:55, closed)

...and it's never been less funny than here.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, Nitrous - sadly, this is just what happens when you reach 41 years of age yet still define yourself by fairly unremarkable accomplishments made two decades ago, whilst the withered ghost of your social life looks like this...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 0:42, closed)

Awwww. Sweetie.
This crush you've got just isn't going away, is it?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 8:53, closed)

Coming from someone who looks like a photofit of a serial rapist, this is a gem.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 1:11, closed)

Apparently I'm fat as well.
It's hard to understand why the dulls are all so obsessed with my looks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 8:54, closed)

Mainly because it's passingly amusing amusing to see a wholly unimpressive middle-aged sasquatch mock other people for their appearance. You know, you should have an entire category to yourself this week - all bluster, no content, and yet somehow convinced that you're something other than a boring, repetitive prick.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:02, closed)

... who you follow around like a little lost puppy.

edit: I particularly like the bit where you desperately attempt to white knight for somebody who doesn't share your tragic online insecurity ... top work there. A+++. Would mock again.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:08, closed)

So, you've done the 'puppy' thing, and the 'you only respond to me because you love me' thing - any other tired old cliches you'd like to trot out under the mistaken impression that you're being witty? Mention a shed, perhaps? That's always a bit lol.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:36, closed)

He just did the same thing to me
But it looked so pathetic, he deleted the thread.

I love the way some posters think they are the pinnacle of wit and can say whatever they like, but any response is because you hang on their every word.

A little bit narcissistic?
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 13:40, closed)

You're fat?
You didn't look fat at all in the pics of you that have been posted here.

You did look like a serial rapist through. Or perhaps to be a little kinder, Ricky from the popular televisual show Trailer Park Boys.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 14:51, closed)

Actually, Shambles is quite handsome.
Just saying.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:09, closed)

Terrible bigotry.
There's no reason why violent sex offenders can't be attractive. There was something rather yummy about Peter Sutcliffe.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:11, closed)

We're not all like Rosemary West.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:12, closed)

They! They! I meant "they" not "we".
They.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:12, closed)

Ted Bundy was really rather attractive.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:14, closed)

I always get him confused with Al Bundy

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 11:39, closed)

Fuckwot?
Each to their own I suppose, then even fuglies get to shag something.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 14:46, closed)

I've never been described as anything less than "terribly handsome" in the real world.
I've always put that down to the fact that I'm terribly handsome. I'm also big and clever. And rich and successful. I can sing too. If I weren't me, I'd probably be riddled with envy. Fortunately, I am.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 14:52, closed)

The sad sacks on X factor are told they are beautiful, wonderful performers and singers too.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 16:42, closed)

Does it honestly bother you that I'm physically attractive?
How can it possibly impact your life?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 17:50, closed)

Heh, of course it doesn't matter what you think you know.
Your delusions are a delight to many but you do protest too much when confronted.

Jus' saying.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 22:50, closed)

So 'yes' then.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 7:52, closed)

Come on, particle physicists
Stop pissing around with Higgs bosons and get cracking on the Total Perspective Vortex. Society needs something which lets these entitled lumpenproles realise once and for all just how little respect they deserve.
(ubergeekian, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 8:59, closed)

I like this.
It was lacking in Accord, but this was made up for in the swift descent into pointless squabbling between Dr Shambolic and Happy Phantom.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 21:09, closed)

:/


_{He started it.}
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 22:02, closed)

I demand more willy waving.
Why else would we come here now? Not for the punnage, that's for sure.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 2 Dec 2012, 22:51, closed)

Shambo has me on ignore and I cba logging out
precis please.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 2 Dec 2012, 23:36, closed)

Dr.S is fond of his reflection,
but HP and Infidel are not so keen. You're really missing out.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 13:33, closed)

Does it qualify as a squabble when a dozen indistinguishable feebles drag around my heels wherever I go?
That's like calling a pubic lice infestation a
discussion.

(What I'm saying here is that I'm a big dick
and the dulls are itchy little crabs.)
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 13:19, closed)

So you do have to spell it out.
Funny how you deleted the thread where I mentioned that reasoning.
And all the further posts where you made yourself look an even bigger dick by arguing with me.
It's almost like your ramblings show a complete lack or self-awareness and then you suddenly have to back-track.
Ouch.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 13:36, closed)

I thought you didn't want attention. Changed your mind?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 13:40, closed)

Nope. Don't want a response.
But I know you won't be able to help yourself.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 13:41, closed)

Traditionally, the best way of not getting a reply is to not keep replying.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 14:58, closed)

For some reason...
Dr Shambolic seems to be on the ropes. He keeps re-editing or deleting threads I reply to...




Isn't that poor form, or just someone that doesn't like to play fair?
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 13:58, closed)

Why have you just screenshotted the posts immediately above this?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 14:33, closed)

The bit at the bottom was what Dr Shambollock deleted.
I just left the top bit in to show where it used to be.
(it does look like a real post, I admit, but it's a piccie).
Edit : And in it goes again!
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 14:36, closed)

You left it in to show 'where it used to be'?
What, the exact same place?

LOLwhut?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 14:45, closed)

Christ. This one is bordering on Bou levels of mental.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 14:47, closed)

I'm going to screenshot that post when when you post it again, in exactly the same place at exactly the same time.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 14:51, closed)

Really?
You'll have to do better than that.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 14:54, closed)

I can't think of any bettrer description of lunacy to describe someone screenshotting and then posting something..
...which is still there.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 14:58, closed)

Soz. Which dreary mental would you prefer I compared you to?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 15:01, closed)

There's a certain amount of Legless-esque 'no, I'm actually upsetting YOU by getting angry and insulting you' going on here I suppose.
Cheers.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 15:06, closed)

cheers

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 15:12, closed)

It's the internet for Christ's sake
Nothing you could say would get me angry. I know you think that's how it sounds but that voice in your head? It's yours, not mine.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 15:27, closed)

No, you're right.
Screenshotting something which is still clearly visible is definitely the act of a calm and sane mind.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 15:52, closed)

Really?
"The World According to Amorous Bugger".
I bet you love the little world you live in.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 15:56, closed)

I'm in your screengrab.
Could you validate my on-line presence, too?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 16:04, closed)

Oh hang on. Are you the super witty one who HILARIOUSLY alters names?
Blob Bumsmell. AHAHAHAHAHA. Priceless.

Cheers.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 16:22, closed)

You still keep missing the point
And if you want to think I'm male, then go ahead.
I'm sure it's what you want.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 16:48, closed)

cheers

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 16:50, closed)

Yes. Perfectly sane.
Are you trying to say that it's the actions of an obsessive loon?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 19:28, closed)

The 'bit at the bottom' being the words...
'(What I'm saying here is that I'm a big dick
and the dulls are itchy little crabs.)'

Which are still there?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 19:32, closed)

What, the bit you edited after I commented on it?
Yes, it's there.
(BlondeBombshell Small but perfectly formed., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 6:55, closed)

6:55am: not upset

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 11:39, closed)

ignore 2.0 - definitely not upset

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 17:54, closed)