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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Proper evening thread time!
What is your worst/best lie ever?

alt: why don't i believe you?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:06, Reply)
I pretended to have a mouse when I was 6 or so.
It even got released into the wild at school.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:11, Reply)
that;s pretty cute
did it have a name?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:15, Reply)
turbo

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:15, Reply)
+t

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:19, Reply)
it weren't no fish. that would be insane.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:48, Reply)
exactly
an imaginary mouse called Turbot would be awesomecrazycute
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:51, Reply)
you crazy!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:53, Reply)
i did not have sexual relations with that woman

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:14, Reply)

Bet you did, you lezzer.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:16, Reply)
like you'd know

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:22, Reply)
I've kept the proof in the freezer
To preserve it.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:46, Reply)
I started a lie at Glastonbury once that gained almost site-wide rumour mill acceptance
I can't even remember what it was. Somebody died or summat.

And I once convinced a group of strangers that I did a slightly different but equally unremarkable job to the one I actually did ... just because I could. I'm well good at lying.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:18, Reply)
and a great story teller

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:19, Reply)
I'm also fucking handsome.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:20, Reply)
ha! genius!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:23, Reply)
I love photography

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:25, Reply)
whatevs!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:26, Reply)
Snap!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:44, Reply)
Watching the footy?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:58, Reply)
I hope to catch the second half.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:08, Reply)
We're losing

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:10, Reply)
Good.
It justifies Wenger's decision to put Henry in the 25 man squad.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:14, Reply)
By two now

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:25, Reply)
I didn't see them going through

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:27, Reply)
Nope

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:38, Reply)
I'm really Into Film.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:55, Reply)
This thread is really making my evening

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 19:59, Reply)
Have a wank

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:00, Reply)
I'm at work, wanking at work is what a bogwanker would do, I am not a bogwanker

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:10, Reply)
yay
it's opposites day

and you are my favourite poster
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:01, Reply)
But there are loads of better posters than me !!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:09, Reply)
Yeah, that one of the tennis girl scratching her arse, for starters.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:29, Reply)
I won't cum in your mouth.
Alt: because my spunk is dribbling out of your nostrils.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:02, Reply)
Alright mate
How is work going?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:09, Reply)
well given that the above was said to his boss
as she wasn't so chuffed about it...
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:11, Reply)
Really good thanks. Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday.
Have you seen this: www.fox5vegas.com/story/16937627/man-suffers-heart-attack-at-heart-attack-grill
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:13, Reply)
I'll click the link later.
I'm on my phone at the mo, Saturday should be a right giggle, what time are you getting there?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:18, Reply)
About 7 I think. Will text you when en route.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:20, Reply)
'giggle'?
Are you going to swap stories about boys and plait each other's hair?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:30, Reply)
What is your problem?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:33, Reply)
Some Scouse bint has corrupted her brother and is whisking him from the bosom of his family?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:35, Reply)
Could be worse.
Could be a fat bald geordie.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:39, Reply)
Are you calling me a...
...oh, hang on - THAT one.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:40, Reply)
You're not bald, are you?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:41, Reply)
Nope, full and lustrous head of hair, me.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:49, Reply)
I'm shit at lying.
Alt: because I'm shit at lying.

Evening, Cavy. You're looking especially lovely tonight.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:31, Reply)
why thank....
wait a minute! damn
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:32, Reply)
Get those applications off?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:35, Reply)
phwar

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:37, Reply)
Yup.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:38, Reply)
Good for you.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:44, Reply)
Had a bit of a stupid last minute panic
when I realised that I hadn't saved my shiny new CV, and that the last interview I got was off the back of my useless old CV.

This is very confusing.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:46, Reply)
Friday night lights is my new favourite programme

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:48, Reply)
i have a strong desire to compete in a dance battle

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:52, Reply)
You should totally throw some shapes

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:55, Reply)
that is a terrible.phrase

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:57, Reply)
I'm a terrible person.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 20:59, Reply)
Oh god, the japanese girl on Master Chef is unbelievably cute.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:16, Reply)
You're dead to me now, Gonz.
DEAD.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:18, Reply)
See, shit at lying, I know you totally digg me =)
What's up with that though, why don't you like her?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:21, Reply)
I have no idea who she is

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:26, Reply)
Ahh, coolio, well, take my word for it, she's very cute.
How you doing b3th? I made a lovely garlic butter for my pizza express home-cooked doughballs, way better than their butter. Got a dark kitkat for afters.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:33, Reply)
I'm very well thank you Sir.
We had Malaysian beef rendang for dinner, followed by toffee cornetto.
I think we win.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:38, Reply)
toffee cornetoes exist?!!
Why was I not informed?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:01, Reply)
They're Morrisons own brand
Two boxes of SIX for 2.

I kid you not.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:05, Reply)
I *was* considering eating better
and looking after myself more. But I have a big freezer compartment nowadays and a morrisons not too far away! Let the housewhaling commence!
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:11, Reply)
If you ever leave the house, you'll inevitably see your ex husband
He'll be thinking "Christ what was I thinking of"
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:15, Reply)
"I never should have cheated on that hunk of womanhood"?
"What the fuck am I doing in Wales?"?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:17, Reply)
If you paid any attention to her posts you'd note that she frequently sees her ex husband at larp
get with the sisterhood
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:19, Reply)
I really have to up my stalking game.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:20, Reply)
well if he paid attention
to my boring missives, he'd know I only went twice last year
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:21, Reply)
That's like loads of times when you don't want to be bumping into your ex husband both dressed like twats with his new biatch in tow

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:23, Reply)
soz 'cheating' biatch in tow

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:24, Reply)
i should complain about him
to the elders of herofest
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:25, Reply)
I need details, I'm always on to them, I'm one of the trusted inner circle of dwarvin orc elves

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:33, Reply)
"If you paid any attention to her posts"

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:21, Reply)
I can barely remember where I live
let alone what I read on the internet once.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:28, Reply)
fear not, below average intelligence, and limited insight into what they themselves are writing let alone others is a common trait of this messageboard

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:30, Reply)
I think that's true
but trying to understand it is hurting my feeble brain.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:34, Reply)
best stay in then
with all these friendly ice creams
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:17, Reply)
Although gaz me up with some photos of when you met, your wedding day and how fat you both are now so that I can pass some more considered judgement

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:17, Reply)
yes, of course i will, right away

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:19, Reply)
I'm only trying to help here, NO WONDER YOU@RE DIVORCED!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:21, Reply)
Yo Rorybbz
www.morewax.com/

24/7 streaming Mo' Wax radio station.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:25, Reply)
Finally a descent link that I can get behind

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:28, Reply)
I never liked Money Mark.
DON'T HATE ME.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:29, Reply)
I never disliked what he did

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:31, Reply)
I dig his work in the Beastie Boys, but that Hand in my Head and Maybe I'm Dead were shit.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:33, Reply)
I like Money Mark
Night all
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:33, Reply)
so very hurtful
but I know you are angry and just lashing out, I will forgive you this once
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:26, Reply)
I convinced the world that I didn't exist.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:18, Reply)
You are either The Devil
or an honest politician.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:19, Reply)
I am not a politician.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:30, Reply)
but you are a liar
which makes the chances that you are in fact a politian since a) you have admitted to lying a lot, so your statement is more likey to be a lie and b) politians love lying.

But what if a negates itself??! HEAD ASPLODE
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:00, Reply)
Me and my dad were fed up with my mum liking Boys II Men
so we told her they were sex offenders who met in prison.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:23, Reply)
Oh lol, this reminds me.
At work the other day my director was gently ribbing one of the guys in my office about him going to see Boyz II Men, 'a boyband', she kept saying.

He then accidentally referred to them as Boyz 4 Men.

Funny as fuck.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:32, Reply)
My landlord saw my aunty's Bagpuss toy and said
"Awwww, Skagpuss!"
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:36, Reply)
Not as funny as Boyz 4 Men.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:37, Reply)
Alright, Elevenerife!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:38, Reply)
That *really* sounds like a euphemism

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:44, Reply)
What does?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:45, Reply)
'saw my Aunty's Bagpuss'

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:46, Reply)
that's why I said "Bagpuss toy" and didn't leave it at Bagpuss.
You dirty mare.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:48, Reply)
Hurr hurr.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 21:50, Reply)
So where's BGB gone?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:28, Reply)
she ded

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:33, Reply)
orly?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:33, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:39, Reply)
So?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:39, Reply)
The missus is going down to visit her tomorrow for a few days.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:40, Reply)
Is she ill?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:41, Reply)
She's been reet poorly.
But she's on the mend!
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:42, Reply)
What's she been poorly with?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:42, Reply)
No idea.
I'm a DogFucker not a Doctor!
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:43, Reply)

to visit on tomorrow
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:42, Reply)
Oh Jeff...

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:42, Reply)
Something for your W:\ this lonely weekend though!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:44, Reply)
Once I finish another bloody application off
I'm going to chill for a couple of days.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:46, Reply)
What are you going for?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:47, Reply)
A job.
Badum-tish. Right, I'm off for a bit, stuff to do.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:51, Reply)
Have fun.
(I asusme 'stuff' means, 'gone for a tab').
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:52, Reply)
I say!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:46, Reply)
Get yer duster out!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:48, Reply)
You have a one track mind, you know that?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:50, Reply)
That's my Pledge.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:52, Reply)
Not that any of you care
But I'd like to point out that I'm not in work now until Tuesday.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:54, Reply)
I'd like to point out
that you're 'fucking bent'.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:55, Reply)
That's a shame
As I was going to come to WsM on Friday and I was going to see if you fancied letting me buy you lunch.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:57, Reply)
I don't know
Weston's pretty dusty.
What if it doesn't meet your rigorous standards?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 22:59, Reply)
Damn you and your failure to let me LIE :-(

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:00, Reply)
I'm like Conan the Joke Destroyer.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:02, Reply)
heh
Had a good week?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:03, Reply)
Quite a productive one, which isn't like me.
So, what are you going to do with your huge number of free days?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:05, Reply)
Sleep.
I might do some shopping and I might apply for some jobs.

The latter being most important.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:06, Reply)
Ugh.
Don't remind me.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:08, Reply)
Well, I need to step things up.
I was offered work in Edinburgh, but I wasn't comfortable with the terms and conditions.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:09, Reply)
Why does everyone want to go to Edinburgh?
Edinburgh is shit.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:11, Reply)
I'm not bothered either way.
But an offer was made, but after expenses, I'd be worse off.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:15, Reply)
I like Edinburgh.
It's infinitely preferable to London.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:18, Reply)
I'm a Weegie at heart.
I always loved living there.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:19, Reply)
See, I like Glasgow as well
but I just love the architecture and general appearance of Edinburgh more.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:21, Reply)
Too many fucking hills

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:23, Reply)
I like hills.
Now't wrong with a good hill.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:24, Reply)
Damon for example.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:27, Reply)
this sounds very bent indeed

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:00, Reply)
Checks post again.
No, there seems to be no mention of your wife, who, if the toilet walls are to believed - has her own cock - mentioned there.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:01, Reply)
'tis a fighting cock an' all Jeff

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:16, Reply)
In further good news a pair of shoes I want are down to 39 bones in the sale.
Hurrah.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:01, Reply)
Linky!

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:01, Reply)
The other colours are nicer but I have eight million pairs of brown/dark beige trainers.
www.youmustcreate.com/products/footwear/saddle-trainer/
For 39 quid they'll be good beater trainers.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:07, Reply)
Did you ever get some Clarks originals?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:10, Reply)
Nah.
I have too many pairs of Mark McNairy/Quoddy/Yuketen shoes that are very similar (but miles better). Annoyed I didn't ever get the waxed Wallabees though.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:12, Reply)
Did you get that t-shirt in the end?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:13, Reply)
I picked it up today aye.
It's amazing but the medium is pretty big on me. Small was tiny though. Should shrink a bit in the wash.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:16, Reply)
How much did you drop on it?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:29, Reply)
49 boff.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:38, Reply)
That is a lot of coinage mate.
How many times will you wear it before you get bored of it?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:39, Reply)
I don't think I'll ever get bored of it.
I have a stupid amount of t-shirts so the one I bought today is the only sort I'll buy from now on. They have to be amazing for me to warrant getting it. Rather get that and not find another amazing one for a couple months than get a few average ones for the same price in that time.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:49, Reply)
How would you describe your style?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:52, Reply)
Were they a squillion pounds at full price?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:02, Reply)
£95 was full price which is fucking nuts.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:08, Reply)
Were they Laboutins?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:09, Reply)
What are they?

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:11, Reply)
I get this joke.
You're pretending not to be a massive bender. for comic effect.

Very funny.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:12, Reply)
Also
they're hideously expensive designer shoes, recognisable by the fact that they have red soles.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:13, Reply)
I've justed googled, and yes. They are a bit pricey.
How many pairs do you have?
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:15, Reply)
I'm going to wait and get a really nice pair for the funeral.


I've just seen an advert for a 'Sandwich Production Assistant'.
I'm getting seriously tempted.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:16, Reply)
Is it in the 'testing' department?
(You'll be grateful for that, I was going to ask how much 'bread' it paid, or if the 'dough' was good).
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:28, Reply)
I don't imagine it pays a decent crust.

And on that note, I'm off to bed. Try not to miss me too much, y'all.
(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:31, Reply)
Sleep well benderino.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:32, Reply)
Fuck it. I'll google it.

(, Wed 15 Feb 2012, 23:13, Reply)

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