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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Yeah that's right, bass for your face.
It's Friday, I've been paid, it's all gone already. Woo woo.

My passport is awaiting delivery though so it looks like my little jaunt to Iceland is still on. Prawn ring/mum's gone etc etc.

What are you up to today/tonight/this weekend?

Alt: I find it massively bent when Frenchies say 'le weekend' and 'les bluejeans'. But I find Raymond Blanc massively endearing. I'm full of contradictions, me. Are you?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:27, Reply)
WHERE IS THE QUESTION?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:28, Reply)
Are you blind?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:29, Reply)
Are you a MASSIVE HOMOSEXUAL?
Actually, we know the answer to that already.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:31, Reply)
I am going to see if I can SMASH my crisps record today.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:32, Reply)
TWO PACKS DOWN ALREADY.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Fatty.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:39, Reply)
Good good
Couldn't send your DVD yesterday, dispatch woman was kicking off over nothing. Will send today.

Morning Monty, I just had a sausage, bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, as it's payday. I'm so full I feel like I could sleep.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:28, Reply)
I went to sleep some time around three o'clock.
I also could sleep in a trice.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:30, Reply)
I have no idea when I went to bed, was shitfaced last night

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:36, Reply)
I don't think the DVD even exists

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:41, Reply)
It's like that Neil Buchanan nonsense all over again.
He's a kind of Craig Colclough/Walter Mitty character, is our AA.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Well, it's in the post now

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:00, Reply)
i fed some eagles, a monkey stole some of my tobacco

i swam in a freshwater lagoon, then the sea. ate bbq'd sea bass with ginger now im having a bath before going to the beach for sunset in a couple of hours. I'll either nap or go to the bar by the pool for a tiger in a bit.
its 32 in the shade here, lery hoht wever yes?!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:33, Reply)
^ SEX TOURIST CHECKING IN, EVERYONE
How's your Glitter holiday going? It sounds shit. I much prefer North Finchley to any of that rubbish.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:34, Reply)
beer is about £1 for a can or £4 for a jug
and everywhere sells satay. My hotel room is bigger than my flat...
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:41, Reply)
Good stuff.
I am sick with jealousy.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:49, Reply)
This is all noncing code, if only Labs was here he'd be able to decipher it for us

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:52, Reply)
satay = 12-year-old girl bought from her parents on the beach

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:53, Reply)
jug = disabled boy with 'special talents'

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:54, Reply)
You've managed to break the nonces enigma code!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:58, Reply)
How does the travelodge compare to the one at Newbery services?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:40, Reply)
its about half the price of a travelodge.
more Germans. And a pool that's it.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Nice
Iceland sounds like a cracking to place to get sizzled on MD's. Pricey for booze though. When you off?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:35, Reply)
It's either the 12th or 13th.
Apparently since their economy collapsed it's half the price it used to be, the shit-banking ash-cloud cunts.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:36, Reply)
Fuck the financial flids
I saw some 3 day breaks going for 300 that included whale watching, blue lagoon or paedo bashing daytrips. Was tempted, despite being about 286 short.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:47, Reply)
This is pretty much what we're doing.
Lusty's parents paid for it - otherwise this year's holiday would have been a walking tour of east London bus stops.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Raymond is brilliant, as is his mum
This weekend involves DIY, rugby and lunches.

also, good moaning
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Blanc?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:39, Reply)
Oui

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Is his mum's name 'Blanketty'?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:46, Reply)
le golf clap

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:58, Reply)
We won the war. Housemates moving out.
Off to the gym, then back to Bristol to see some friends
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Did you shit in their coffee jar?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Just pissed in his jägermiester

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:46, Reply)
No, I'm not full of contradictions
Well maybe I am.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Thinking about it, yes I am.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:43, Reply)
I used to be indecisive
but now I'm not so sure
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:44, Reply)
I used to be a sauce
but now I'm not chasseur
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:46, Reply)
I used to be a French shoe
but now I'm not chaussure
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:49, Reply)
I used to be OH FUCK OFF

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:50, Reply)
poor monty :'(
angry and a thickie.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:56, Reply)
The worst kind.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:00, Reply)
I used to be a French town
but now I'm not Sochaux
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:53, Reply)
I'll be going out for a few jars tonight.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it shut ins.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Oh man I can't cap this.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:47, Reply)
why would you want to shoot me?
MONSTER!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:49, Reply)
That's my shit, yo.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:50, Reply)
*points at poo on floor*

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:50, Reply)
You're as bad as my kittens.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:52, Reply)
I taught them everything they know.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:04, Reply)
gangsta 4 lyfe

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:51, Reply)
too much gun crime gwan here, i'm leaving now

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:03, Reply)
You should go Cathouse

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:00, Reply)
I've done my last day of teaching kids swimming, I've sent off half a dozen job applications, changed my sheets and I've finished a book.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:46, Reply)
You high achieving shit.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:47, Reply)
You love it.
I'm all ready to move house next weekend too. And I'm taking part in a flashmob on Tuesday. Looking forward to the flashmob bit the most. :D
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:50, Reply)
I never had you down as a flasher.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:55, Reply)
I'm a lot of things.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:57, Reply)
KEVIN RUDD has resigned!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:52, Reply)
no shit sherlock!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:53, Reply)
There is a Australian polictical POWER STRUGGLE on the horizon
plus dingo lady is back in court and Toady has been reunited with his long lost sister!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Plus 'Bouncer' has had another psychedelic dream.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:56, Reply)
And Helen Daniels has been caught wanking in the kitchen with a cucumber. Again.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:58, Reply)
She's had another stroke, you're right.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:00, Reply)
He's the one who plays Alf Stewart, right?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:54, Reply)
NAOW FACKIN WAY MAIT! STREWTH!!!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Hey Pops, I found a picture of your great grandmother
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/worldnews/9095938/Mugshots-of-Australian-women-criminals-from-the-1920s.html
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:00, Reply)
I thought that was your mother actually.
My great grandmother wasn't even born then.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:03, Reply)
eh, my great grandmother would have been born in the 1800s...

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:08, Reply)
it was about bloody time too

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:02, Reply)
Just had:
Egg, 2 bacon, 2 sausages, black pudding, fried bread and beans. For 1.59.

I love having a staff canteen. Got to be careful though, too many of these breakfasts and I'll end up as fat as Bobby,
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:54, Reply)
I can hardly imagine the "Richond-esque" horror that a £1.59 breakfast contains

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Subsidised by the company, after all, my employer owns four restaurant chains.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:57, Reply)
If it's Yum! Brands I wouldn't really describe their slop as food

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:01, Reply)
It's not Yum!
I used to work for them though. About 5 years ago.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Selling shit in a soggy box, those strategy meetings must have been pretty tedious

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:10, Reply)
They were.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:12, Reply)
probably dog eggs and rat sausages.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:57, Reply)
And black pudding made from real blacks.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:58, Reply)
don't be daft.
Polish immigrants blacked up.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:59, Reply)
I want that. My two bags of crisps haven't even touched the sides.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Eat the packets whole, without opening them

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:01, Reply)
That sounds rather good, and can be a significant improvement on my breakfast
If the fried bread isn't soggy, and the black pudding isn't shit.

Also, I've just seen who you work for on LinkedIn, it seems that we supply cards to one branch of the company!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:01, Reply)
well its friday
we all got through another week, and very productive it has been too, we all deserve a pat on the back, go ahead, give yourself a round of applause, you deserve it.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Oh man I wish I worked for you.
With this sort of motivational team talk in the morning I'd never skive off on b3ta all day.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:03, Reply)
They never stay, though. Look what happened with Sasha.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:08, Reply)
All she wanted as to eat her pizza and wear her socks in piece

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:10, Reply)
You think Quentin's constant "accidental" brushing past her was what convinced her to leave?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:12, Reply)
i enver brushed past her, we had a witty repartee backa nd forth you know?
but i did dry hump her at christmas, i am eternally ashamed
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:34, Reply)
I told Tricky it would end this way. I told him.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:12, Reply)
He should never have left Massive Attack

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:13, Reply)
It's like Shara Nelson and Pete Tong all over again.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:17, Reply)
tricky is such a prick
but we have tracey back today, tracey is just like an early 90s felicity kendal
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:33, Reply)
The Salsiccia rocked.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:57, Reply)
i'm glad you enjoyed it, but yours would not be half as good as my mum's
you owe me now, and i have added you to my profile
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Mums gone?
Are you taking the piss out of AA? you utter bastard.

I have lots of work on, and am only posing as I've just realised I have a candle today. Must be 6 I think.

Happy Les Weekends, put les bluejeans on and relax.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Stick your candle up your arse.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:19, Reply)
and to think we could have lost you to drink scarpe...

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:21, Reply)
He should have a couple to celebrate his candle day.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:21, Reply)
He's got his emergency bottle of glens stashed in the toilet cistern for just such an occasion

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:25, Reply)
+ a bottle of Claymore in the Cornflakes box

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Fuck off you two. This is well out of order.
You don't know how much I struggle every day to find ways to cope. And here you are, revealing my hiding places to everyone.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Monty has a case of the dyslexia, he doesn't mean pawning, he means porn'ing.
He is flogging his mum's ringpeace out to the highest bidder. I would bid on it myself, but why buy the hardcore-watersport-games when the cow gives it away for free?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Haha
Happy Candle day, you bumder
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:21, Reply)
You make it sound like her actual cause of her death was being bludgeoned with a frozen turkey leg and hidden in the bottom of a chest freezer underneath ready meals and potato waffles
by Kerry Katona.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:47, Reply)
I just heard a song by that Dappy fella on the telly that didn't suck, it was alright.
It's got me into a mood of listening to a load of "Fuck you, your were a cunt, and now I rawk" type music. Eminem is great at that.

I swear though, I'm gonna cancel +1 telly channels before mid-day. My tellybox system that I made switches over to ITV2+1 at somepoint while I'm asleep, so I turned it on today thinking I got up really early for me, but no, I woke up normal time. Now I'm late. I fucking hate that they don't adjust the clocks on the +1 chanels OR, or, at least have a watermark on the screen to say it's an hour behind the rest of the planet.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:19, Reply)
That Dappy chappie is a fucking weasel.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:31, Reply)
He needs feeding to starving angry bears.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:04, Reply)
I like to say dappy, it's fun!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:36, Reply)
You can join the ranks of these intellectuals
themediablog.typepad.com/the-media-blog/2012/02/daybreak-viewers-confused-by-time-twitter.html
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:40, Reply)
There's a simple solution to this problem, Gonz.
It's called "owning a fucking clock"
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Stolen from /links
Some classic quotes from Monty's spiritual leader: www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ninety-gaffes-in-ninety-years-2290148.html
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Fucking love that man.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Speaking of Monty's heroes
Here's another
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Hahahahah nich tache Timbo.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:43, Reply)
i have just added a section to my profile dedicated to my favouirite forum poster
Set Your Faces to Stunned Corner
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:38, Reply)
First off I'm going to the tailors to pick up some trousers.
Then I'm LONDON BOUND BABY. I can't wait to give my mum a massive hug.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Re the alt:
It's only fair. The French probably cringe horribly every time a Briton talks about his "savv-wah fare" or a spot of "day-jar vooh."
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:45, Reply)
But Crow, do you know why they only have one egg for breakfast?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:50, Reply)
I believe it's because they consider one egg to be un oeuf!

(I bet they love that joke. I might go and tell it to the French guy in the office next door just to gauge his reaction)
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:51, Reply)
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Oui.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:52, Reply)
If he throws his coffee in your face, that means he found it funny, doesn't it?
I still don't understand these forrin customs...but I'm sure "va te faire foutre" means something like "that's really witty."
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Most days I have what I call a French Breakfast.
Which is a coffee and a cigarette.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Whilst hiding from your neighbours?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:58, Reply)

hiding from surrendering to
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:06, Reply)
hahahahaha
9.9/10
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Apparently 'armed, patriotic resistance' means 'come on in Hans, mind the architecture' in French

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:58, Reply)
I am up to nothing this weekend. I don't get paid until Wednesday :'(
However, the parents are coming round to see the flat and to take me to the pub for lunch tomorrow, so that's alright.

Alt: I am a dychotomy wrapped in a contradiction, framed in hypocrisy and lightly drizzled with hyperbole. I'm also a cunt.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Shrouded in an enigma?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:54, Reply)

n enigma massive, hairy, floppy labia
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:56, Reply)
+ reeking of smegma

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:57, Reply)
+ with a thin but discernible crust forming over the opening

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 9:59, Reply)
you sound like paul rudd in "i love you man"
"slappin' da baaaaasss". not good.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W3NERMKIBM

going oop north this weekend for MOAR bridesmaid dress shopping.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:00, Reply)
I sound like fucking who in fucking what?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:01, Reply)
see above
i quite fancy paul rudd. but NOT when he says that.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:02, Reply)
what on earth is a Paul Rudd?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:05, Reply)
a short but relatively hot actor
who would totally get it. the lucky bastard.

i think the link has killed monty.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:06, Reply)
I thought he was the drummer for AC/DC
but that is Phil Rudd. As you were.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:06, Reply)
slappppppin da baaaasss
fucking irritating. they should have cut that scene.

i would have dumped him for that.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:09, Reply)
they should have cut that film, the whole thing was shit
that himym bloke needs a fucken tellling
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Is he bollocks short.
Although you've given me my Rashida Jones fix for the day so thank you.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Granted, he's not 'Battered short' but short he is, nonetheless.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:08, Reply)
he is short
he is short in "clueless" and he is short in "romeo and juliet" and he is short in "friends" and he is short in "i love you man".

SHORT!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:09, Reply)
He is definitely average or I'm fucked.
Well I'm not cos I'm a great looking chap, but you know what I mean.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:10, Reply)
He's 5'9" apparently
sorry Baz, but that is short. It's not midget, but it's definitely short.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:12, Reply)
yeah, he's short
you can tell, because all the leading ladies are his height or taller when wearing heels.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:13, Reply)
5'9" is short enough
that some women will never go out with him.

Ergo, he's too short. See also "too ugly" and "too poor".
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:15, Reply)
bet he has a girlfriend tho eh?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:16, Reply)
aww, been married 11 years
if i had been recently dumped i would find this news of a man much shorter than me being in a successful relationship upsetting
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:17, Reply)
what a weird thing that would be to focus on
a normal non-minging man with a real neck would relish his new found freedom and would go out with his mates and getting hawt poontang.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:19, Reply)
is kroney the one who was moaning about being dumped recently? i still don't know who everyone is :(

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:20, Reply)
I was, but don't worry about me Quentin
I'm reasonably handsome. I might not be a Malc, but I'm decent enough that I don't struggle.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:25, Reply)
Malc is everything that Shania Twain was singing about

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:30, Reply)
I'm 5'10" so actually yeah fuck him the shortarse.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:14, Reply)
The avergae for a British male is 5'10"
therefore anything below this can be considered short
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Meh. Anything under 6' just isn't really trying.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:23, Reply)
shows a poverty stricken upbringing lacking in vital nutrients

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:25, Reply)
quite so.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:25, Reply)
ahh, right so.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Fudge packer.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:06, Reply)
i wouldn't shout that around here
you might get more answers than you bargained for.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:10, Reply)
I was taking the register.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:12, Reply)
when i lived in a houseshare, i yelled "oi dicklick" up the stairs at my flatmate cath
and all 4 girls replied.

said a LOT about our household.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Ah, the North.
Smoggy air, angry men and slutty women.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:16, Reply)
yes
except that this was in hammersmith. and one girl was australian, so about as southern as it comes, apart from penguins. and the other 3 were all from kent/surrey/essex.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Oh, well I can't speak to the others
but Surrey women are all whores.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:19, Reply)
one of my brother's female housemates at uni
was known as "shagger". Even in front of her mum. Top work.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:22, Reply)
my friend was known as "shredder"
because she once ripped a guy's boxers clean off.

her wedding speech will be FUN.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:26, Reply)
oh man remamber when paul rudd married phoebe and they had baby rats in their cupboard
and one of the babie rats was trained in martial arts and got mutated by some chemicals and then fought a shredder with some turtles?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:13, Reply)
this did you no favours yesterday
and it will do you no favours today. poor stoopy.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:17, Reply)
it was soooo cool when monica did that favour for phoebe and chandler found her messy cupboard and they raised their eyeborws and all the tops fell off

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:20, Reply)
hahaha, what?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:20, Reply)

www.imdb.com/title/tt0084945/
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:22, Reply)
"messy cupboard" has got to be the best new euphamism for an unkempt vagina.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:22, Reply)
A mate of mine was explaining to me about a girl he had recently been with being very hairy downstairs.
He said it was like a black lab had crawled onto her lap and died. He then referred to her as "dead dog" for the rest of the convo.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:26, Reply)
Haha you know all the classiest people.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:27, Reply)
oh yeah
and i'm sure your mate just looooooves to spend 60 a month having some stranger glooping red hot wax all over his most delicate bits and then ripping it off. and then massaging oil in. and NOT in a good way. i'm sure his "area" is beautifully kempt with not a hair in sight.

fucking men. they should be grateful for what they are given.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Any bloke who doesn't keep his downstairs in check is fucking disgusting.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:30, Reply)
Do you veet your balls?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:31, Reply)
oh dear will you not suck me off if I don't trim Barry?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:31, Reply)
and hairy arses
it's just not a good look, to have a thick black bristly doormat down there.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:32, Reply)
What can you do about a hairy arse?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:33, Reply)
It's called back, sack and crack for a reason, Apers.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:39, Reply)
They're bloody painful

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:41, Reply)
I'm nowhere near bent enough to try.
And I am, as rswipe regularly identifies, pretty bent.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:41, Reply)
i only say that cos you won't sleep with me
wedding ring my (non-hairy) arse.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:43, Reply)
yeah?
well, however sensitive your back is, i can assure you that a foof is 100 times more sensitive.

so next time you whinge about a hairy mary.........
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:42, Reply)
I'm not going to go into the biology
but unless you've got stupendously saggy curtains, waxing balls is going to hurt a metric fuckton more than waxing mimsy.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:44, Reply)
i was talking about arses
shaved balls give me the creeps! if i want to play snooker, i'll go down the pub.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:54, Reply)
being a girl, i don't know
but there must be something.

really, it can be dreadfully offputting. like a big black tiger stripe.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:41, Reply)

(leaves quietly)
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:33, Reply)
depends what you mean.
Trim - maybe. If you're shaving or waxing you're just compensating for a small cock.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:39, Reply)
ah, the "optical inch"

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:41, Reply)
After all, he's there to eat, not floss

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:34, Reply)
I have signed on a new flat!
It has 2, count them 2 bedrooms and stairs! I've never had stairs before.

Bloody expensive though, 1st months rent, deposit and extortionate agency fees really add up.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:19, Reply)
I desperately need a second bedroom
as my ex uses the lack of a permanent bedroom for my kid as a reason to not let her stay over. Despite the sofabed in the sitting room.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:20, Reply)
yeah we wnat our bedroom back
and the new place is just over the road so not too much of a moving hassle.

Why not put up a stud wall and split your living room into two spaces, kids don't need much room
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:22, Reply)
You'll have to put the b4sh in the calendar, we'll all turn up and leer at your wife
don't leave that kid unattended though supermatt might come
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:29, Reply)
I think this weekend
Will be spent in the pub with friends. Which is similar to last weekend only the friends I'll see this weekend are proper friends, not a selection of benders.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:26, Reply)
Well; screw you then.
At least you'll be able to understand what they are saying.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Sorry, which one are you
Chas or Dave?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:29, Reply)
Dave, definitely Dave.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:32, Reply)
There ain't no pleasin' Stunned.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:37, Reply)
a smorgasboard of benders

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:29, Reply)
smorgasm?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:38, Reply)
The Cow family are off to Penrith for the weekend
We are Centreparc-ing. This is a good thing. My car is bursting at the seams with luggage and wine. I will be nomming pizza and pasta later, have booked the Indian restaurant for Saturday and the Tex-Mex place on Sunday.

FAT CUNTS AHOY!

Except I've finally started my jogging. Done 3 5K runs this week
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Going to Centre Parcs is a euphamism for anal
enjoy your weekend
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Brace yourself
I'm going in dry
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I'm off to Edinburgh soon
I'm am mucho looking forward to it. I may buy a new car especially for it.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Blimey
I only need to buy some pop for the car
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:39, Reply)
you'll need to get a 4x4
our road are fucking ruined.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:41, Reply)
I like the sig

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:42, Reply)
All your road are belong to me

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:42, Reply)
we only have one open
the rest are closed for the cunting trams.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:43, Reply)
To whom will the trams make a difference?
Are the routes all decided?
I would like to be teleported from the West End to Greyfriars Bobby in 5 minutes thanks.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:53, Reply)
The trams will make a difference to everyone
Cos we're all fucking well paying for it. It's only going to run from the airport to Queens Street - you know, the same route already covered by the fucking airport bus. Cunts.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:08, Reply)
The bus is ace as well, dickheads

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Yeah, but I'm not driving the length of the country in a proper fourby
Besides, "new" is very much a relative term where my buying cars is concerned.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:43, Reply)
Edinburgh is fucking lovely.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:42, Reply)
IT'S MY NEW HOME

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:42, Reply)
I have had nothing but excellent times in Edinburgh
I must go there sober one time
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:43, Reply)
Last time I went was ten years ago.
I have a hotel room with a castle view and everything. I decided that I was going this year come hell or high water.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Where are you staying?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:45, Reply)
Edinburgh you fucking idiot.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:47, Reply)
The Point

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:48, Reply)
slap bang in the pubic triangle
well chosen.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:49, Reply)
In the WHAT?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:56, Reply)
The Point is lovely
I've stayed there twice
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:06, Reply)
With Battered's wife

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Is no-one going to start a new thread?
EDIT apart from CQ?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:50, Reply)

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