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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I still have a job.
What piece of news has cheered you up today?

Alt: why do I want a fag more now than I have over the last 3 weeks?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:49, Reply)
Congratulaions. You must be v relieved.
Alt: I'll bet you 'want' a 'fag', you dirty poofter.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Monty, I'm hapy enough right now to suck your scabby cock
if you ask nicely.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:04, Reply)
Excellent news mate.
Alt: is it because you are a colossal bender?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Congratulations fella!
My friend has gone into labour, that's rather good news
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:52, Reply)
There seem to be a lot of pregnant women in your vicinity.
Anything you want to confess?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Nope, unlike others, I'm bright enough to know to wrap my tool

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Top work. Brilliant news.


Oh, sorry, I meant "you fucking bender, get down the job centre"
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:52, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1540610
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Slap bang in the pubic triangle Kroney. Slap bang in it.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)
haha.
The area around lothian road/bread st forms a triangle in between roads and it's where most of the strip clubs are.

Trust me, though, this is edinburgh, it's fine. There's only about 2, and they're pretty understated. It's a good location for the city centre. You're also across the road from a pub called The Blue Blazer, which is very good.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:03, Reply)
Alt: Because they're bloody delicious.
Can't decide whether to have my third fag of the day. I think I will. Waitrose finally got Lucky Strikes back in so I am chugging on them like there's no tomorrow.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:53, Reply)
That's it Baz
Smoke the asthma away.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Well done you commie bastard
Alt: sweet relief I suspect
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:54, Reply)
I am celebrating with Tea and Milka
and by listening to "Violent pornography"
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Isn't Milka the name of that ghastly bender who 'tried a little Freddie'?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:57, Reply)
No idea what you're on about
this is swiss milk chocolate
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:59, Reply)
It was a music joke.
You wouldn't get it because you're not cool.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:00, Reply)
If it is reference to Mika, then not getting it makes me far less of a bender
and raises monty into the upper echelons of the bent brigade somewhere above george micheal and below Julian Clary
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:07, Reply)
so you knew what he was talking about but pretended not to to hide your sexuality?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)
No I didn't until your post below

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:13, Reply)
thats Mika
and his song on Just Dance 3 is mental
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:59, Reply)

m b al
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:06, Reply)
oh BENT!
now i get it, i thought you meant 'ika' and ment
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:08, Reply)
you deleted your other post and i still don't get it?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Have you walked through the office twirling your moustaches
and smirking at the other losers?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Not allowed.
Or more accurately have been requested not to disclose my status until after the last person knows, at 3pm. today will be an excersize in reading faces. I reckon my boss is gone, which is probably a plus TBH.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:07, Reply)
this is just like when chandler lost his job and he applied for that internship
but one of the other interns was the bosses son, so he knew he'd get the job, so he gunned him down in the revolving door and went on to become the Don of the Corleone family
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:58, Reply)
5/10 - needs more "randomness"

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 10:59, Reply)
everything i have said has been a Friends/Film crossover
nothing random about it
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)
I realise that

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)
just like the time joey was on his lay-z-boy reading a dirty magazine
when a chaos lord sucked him through time and space until he landed on earth and found out that people here evolved from apes, whereas on his planet the people evolved from ducks
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:03, Reply)
better

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:05, Reply)
better like when the black girl strings ross and joey along, but then they accidentally knock her into that supercomputer
and she becomes a freaky evil robot lady who tries to kill superman III?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:07, Reply)
hahaha, genius

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)
(!)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:17, Reply)
There is something called "Super sized vs super skinny", it's a TV show and they're talking about it on another telly show (This Morning).
One girl is 25stone, another is 6. As far as I'm concerned, they _both_ have a horrible eating disorder that can kill them. The fat bird lives off "12 red bulls, 10 chocolate bars, a pizza and a _big_ chinese a day", her words. The skinny bird lives off "30 ciggerettes and 15 cups of tea", again, her words.

You know what the presenter just said? "I wish I had your problem" to the skinny bird.

They asked what they plan to do in the future, the skinny bird goes "I'm going to carry on* eating just as well as I am now" and the presenter said to the fat one "And I hope you now stop eating". WHAT THE HELL?

* ovbously talking about how she eats now, after the show has taught her to eat properly.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)
being skinny is ok, being fat isn't
i don't like holly willoughby thou, that girl gets on my gibs
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)
I wish I was one of the fat contestants on that show to say "Edmund...", it was edmond holmes who said it, "... are you that fucking stupid?...
... think about what you're saying, did you miss the entire point of the show?".

And he just said to a black actor saying "I thought it was barac obama there". Christ, what a morron.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:08, Reply)
jesus, he needs firing sharpish
i can't watch those shows, they're so vapid i can't tolerate them
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)
10,000 spoons

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:10, Reply)
=10 kilospoons

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:11, Reply)
this is like when rachel has the definition of ironic explained to her by her dad
and he kicks her down the stairs for being pregnant
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Just to say, this new 'thing' of yours is not at all funny.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:17, Reply)
I quite like it
but then again i am a "bent spastic", just saving you typing it
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:20, Reply)
not funny like that time when phoebe leaves a baby on the bus
and the baby grows up to be Lee Marvin's wife, Pam
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:22, Reply)
I think I've missed this one, what're you talking about.
Also, why isn't "What're" a real word? "You're" is.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:24, Reply)
i think what're counts, i wouldn't pull anyone up on it
people say it, so it can be written too
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:24, Reply)
Yeah', that's what I reckon

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:31, Reply)
you've got the apostrophe in there, it's fine

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:39, Reply)
because it would be "What is"
not "what are". I think what is singular and which is plural.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:41, Reply)
waht are the chances of you ever stop being a prick?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:45, Reply)
"which is you talking about?"
"What is you talking about?" neither makes sense, you thick cunt
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:46, Reply)
I'm pretty sure attempting to answer a question asked doesn't actually make me a prick.
And that's why I said "I think" not "this is true".

The example of using "what are" as in "what are you talking about?" had not occured to me, so you're spot on about that.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:55, Reply)
yeah, fuck you badger i win again#

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Man, I must have bullied you something vicious as a child
I'm so sorry.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:58, Reply)
nah i really like you, i just like being harsh to you for no reason
because the education system clearly failed you as a child
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:05, Reply)
This is because fat people are disgusting
thin people are just irritating
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)
The sun shines on the righteous.
Good darts.

Or "nice one", in English.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:03, Reply)
My train tickets home just this second turned up.
As did my Sunspel top that I was worried wouldn't get here in time for me to wear tomorrow. I cannot wait to get home, I'm even looking forward to the journey.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:06, Reply)
you are such a fucking girl

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:12, Reply)
Worth it for all the compliments I get off hot birds init.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Except for the girls over 5'7"
who can't stand next to you in heels because they feel ridiculous.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)
We used to wear exactly these to do PE in
different colour for diferent houses:

www.sunspel.com/uk/mens/short-sleeve-t-shirts-3/contrast-binding-crew-neck-t-shirt-orange.html
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:19, Reply)
Phil Edwards?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:19, Reply)
That t-shirt is very rubbish.
But Sunspel make the best basic tops/t-shirts/polos in the world. You know what you're getting with them, nothing fancy just amazing quality plain stuff. And if they're good enough for James Bond they're good enough for me.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:21, Reply)
You never linked which Tom Fords you have. i love his sun glasses

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:22, Reply)
The model T

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:23, Reply)
These ones
www.eyewearbrands.com/designer%20sunglasses/tom%20ford/tom%20ford%20leopold%20tf%20197/tom%20ford%20leopold%20tf197%2001b%20black--silver/
Paid a lot less though.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:30, Reply)
nice

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:36, Reply)
Thing I don't like is the lenses aren't nearly as pink/red.
They're much darker which isn't nearly as good.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Top news.
When are you buying us all vast quantities of beer to celebrate?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Can I have some Leffe please?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:10, Reply)
My overtime has been authorised and will be paid to me on Tuesday
This makes me a happy cow
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)
Oh and it's sunny out as well, I shall be bowling round like a twat in my Tom Fords later.
And it's payday Kisstory on Kiss FM, fucking hell I'm a happy chappy today.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:12, Reply)
Great news Quey, I never doubted you for a moment.
The postman has once again cheered me up by delivering three delicious pieces of vinyl.

Alt: Once a smoker, always a smoker.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:14, Reply)
You're not supposed to eat them Joey.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:17, Reply)
It was a dingo, not a kangaroo

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:20, Reply)
That's what the girl in Lush said
But I showed her.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:20, Reply)
Silly tangles
Lush is not greengrocers
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:21, Reply)
*foams at the mouth*

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:22, Reply)
*froths at the clopper, more like*

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:22, Reply)
I would have sex with about 95% of the female staff in Lush.
They're so bubbly and enphusastic that I think that when I blow my load in 5 seconds they'll still try and sale me extras.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:25, Reply)
not everyone you have sex with charges you, Gonz.
at least not directly.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:40, Reply)
This is incorrect.
ALL sex is transactional.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:41, Reply)
"at least not directly"

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Congratulations on the continued employment.
I'm off to pick up a mobile mobile phone jammer. This should be fun.
*edit* I mean portable, obviously. "Hello ... yes, I'm on the train ... yes, I'll be there in ten minutes". FUCK OFF.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:26, Reply)
Weren't they maknig them illegal yesterday or something?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:27, Reply)
It's only illegal if you get caught.
I originally bought it for going to the theatre or cinema, truth be told.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:29, Reply)
That sounds to me like a bit of a dick-move, there are systems that rely on the spectrum to be working properly.
And if you're not bothered by other people's safety, then you might as well get a GPS spoofer and reset some clocks in the local stockmarket or betting office.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:34, Reply)
this kind of thing does get on my tits a little
it's like people who defend driving in the outside lane of the motorway at 70 as "that's the speed limit so I'm can't be in your way as you aren't allowed to go any faster"

Yes. and when did policing speed limits become your fucking job?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Chief Inspector Heguator of the b3ta Police does not like this

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:41, Reply)
bloody self-policers.
if you want someone to stop using their phone, grow a pair of fucking balls and tell them.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:44, Reply)
I'm not going to disagree. I feel somewhat shabby about having ordered it actually.
I'm just thinking of the idiot that sits two seats away in the theatre trying to have a whispered irrelevant conversation while I'm trying to watch folk working performing something I'm interested in.

I can be extremely selfish sometimes!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:46, Reply)
When are you off to robbingparcs?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Later on this afternoon
Post-school
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Everything will be booked up by the time you get there then.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Pre-booked it all during the week
Woop!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:31, Reply)
You can do that???????!!! Bollocks!
I have 2 weeks and 6 days until 16 nights of this:

www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g303910-d586643-Reviews-Sensi_Paradise-Koh_Tao_Surat_Thani_Province.html
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:32, Reply)
i hate you

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:33, Reply)
I hate me too.
I can't wait. I went there 2 years ago, it's great. And cheeeeeap.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:36, Reply)
You just need to logon to their website with your booking reference
You can pre-book the activities and restaurants
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:35, Reply)
I got there about 6pm Friday and everything was booked (that could be)
for the whole weekend. It was miserable. I sat in the chalet (*shudders*) sulking for the whole weekend.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Next time you can be a smug cunt like me

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Good skills.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:43, Reply)
Sex tourism at it's best. Got your list worked out?
Night 1: Two lady boys and bucket of custard.
Night 2: One goat, a thai boxer and a bowl of gravy.
Night 3: One female hooker and pegging device.

etc.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:38, Reply)
Mmmmmmm. Gravy.
You could get into that game, your height would be, well, specialist.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:40, Reply)
I'm too expensive.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:41, Reply)

p t
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:42, Reply)
*chortle*
"To Chomp"
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Good Work! keep paying those taxes bro! I need my student grants!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:38, Reply)
+ to buy doughnuts in industrial quantities.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:39, Reply)

drugs and lightsabers actually!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:40, Reply)
One day you'll lose your virginity

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:42, Reply)
and what a lucky seven year old he'll be

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Don't build his hopes up.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Is that an offer? I never thought I would go "full" gay but ah well.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:47, Reply)
When 900 stone you reach, look as good you will not

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Can someone kindly recommend me a film to download for my train journey.
Nothing too heavy, ta in advance.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:47, Reply)
Cars

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:48, Reply)
Warrior or Drive for recent awesomeness

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:48, Reply)
Drive is amazing.
Seen it too many times though.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:51, Reply)
You just like the jackets!
Warrior is phenomenal, 2hrs7mins of cinematic gold!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Gosling's jackets in Drive are terrible.
His driving gloves are ace though, I've got a pair.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:54, Reply)
you big fruit.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:54, Reply)
planes trains and automobiles

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:49, Reply)
"Confessions of an Oftiweak"

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:49, Reply)
i don't get it?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:51, Reply)
Well that would be a shit film then, wouldn't it?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:53, Reply)






?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:54, Reply)
Read a book.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:49, Reply)
I do that normally.
But I'm not currently reading anything.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:50, Reply)
Buy a book?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:51, Reply)
Only option would be a bookshop.
And they're all well overpriced in actual bookshops.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:52, Reply)
A second hand bookshop?
Or Oxfam?
No wait, I've got a better idea - just watch a film.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:58, Reply)
The Boondock Saints
Awesome film if you've not seen it.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:49, Reply)
I love that film, and the sequel too!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:49, Reply)
first one is great, second one is fucking pap.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:50, Reply)
I enjoyed the second one

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:51, Reply)
I know
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1540773
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Ha!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:53, Reply)
under seige 2
Snakes on a Train
murder on the orient express
the lady vanishes
money train
polar express
Speed
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:49, Reply)
Anal Cumsluts 4.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:49, Reply)
Is there any particular reason for recommending this over 1, 2 or 3?
Shouldn't one watch them in sequence?
Or is it like Star Wars?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:56, Reply)
because if you like 4
you know there's another 3 films you'll like too.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:59, Reply)

Part 1 didn't feature enough prolapses.
Part 2 had an awful sound track.
Part 3 didn't contain any anal creampies.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:02, Reply)
Do they still employ proper composers for grot film soundtracks?
I thought that died out with the introduction of VHS.
I can't imagine it being reintroduced for the digital age, although the technology is there to make it fairly easy now.

Gert Wilden is the man though, when it comes to porn music.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:07, Reply)
If you're looking for a CRASH BOOM BANG WALLOP film, Death Race isn't the worst film ever

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:50, Reply)
Accion Mutante.
It is fucking brilliant.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:55, Reply)
This sounds like a Spanish Harry Potter/X-Men crossover.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Star Trek V

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:58, Reply)
LOL

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 11:59, Reply)
Tucker and Dale Vs Evil
You will not get a better recommendation than this...


Edit actually Accion Mutante is also superb
(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:00, Reply)
Good film

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:07, Reply)
Blazing Saddles

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:10, Reply)
Some cunt start a new thread eh?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:20, Reply)
The board bitch has

(, Fri 24 Feb 2012, 12:22, Reply)

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