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This is a question Off Topic

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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Well that was a cracking start to the day, wasn't it?
No.

I'm still lolling at that boy who murdered his mum, shouting at his tie.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:10, Reply)
He really is a colossal minge.
Legless that is, not the kid.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:12, Reply)
I read about that on one of those rolling news tickers whilst eating at Wagamama
As the words "Boy who murdered his mother with a hammer after writing a horror story plot based on a soap opera" hoved into view, I started to wonder just how many chillies were used in my firecracker prawns. I felt like Homer Simpson.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:16, Reply)

impson exual

LOL!!!!!!
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Kipper tie?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:19, Reply)
This thread's even shitter than the other one.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Yes.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I'll bite
Milk no sugar please
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:47, Reply)
My preferred one of the moment is about Helen Keller's favourite colour being corduroy.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:54, Reply)
What did Helen Keller say when she found the cheese grater?
It was the most violent thing she ever read.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)
This has quite amused me this morning
Not a type of gravy I've heard of before...
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Ha ha.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Me too.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:25, Reply)
There's something you might appreciate on /links
www.b3ta.com/links/UNKLE_and_Scratch_Perverts_breezeblock_mix_1999_just_fucking_awesome
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Tony Vegas of Scratch Perverts is one of the soundest people I've ever met.
I used to buy records off him when he worked at Mr Bongo and also when he setup his own shop Deal Real. He sold half of his collection to keep the shop going - and I bought lots of it. Fucking superb.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:31, Reply)
That's rather impressive

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:32, Reply)
A more modest and self-deprecating world champion DJ you would struggle to find.
He fucking loves the old drink and MDs too.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:37, Reply)
this sounds like a poor investment decision

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Quite the opposite.
A number of records I bought for less than a fiver are worth more than 20.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:39, Reply)
no they're not

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
Shut up Paul Daniels.
Yes they are.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Haha
this-a-way
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Could be POTD here

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Needs moar Debbie McGee.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:46, Reply)
no they're not
Vinyl goes for less than a fiver on ebay, regardless of whatever shit obscure band it's by
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:52, Reply)
This is excellent news! I had no idea.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:54, Reply)
get with the times, granddad

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:54, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
and is it discogs? you can get any old shit on there for £2.50

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
Oh man, and when Jonny Thompson of the Obscure Beavers invested in Stevenson's Ketchup Factory, he gave everyone a BLAH BLAH BLAH
Is there such thing as an obscure band who you don't know anything about and have a personal connection with?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)
ooh, gaz me that link pls.
Did you like those mixes I gazzed you?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:53, Reply)
There's only the four of us about this morning
I suggest we turn OT into Loose Women. So what do you guys REALLY think of Sportscow?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Northern bumlord.
I'm certain he's a nonce as well.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)
I hear he touches kids.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Not interesting enough to form an opinion on.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)
i suspect he may not be a cow or that sporty

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
We've done April fools already? What does that cunt want over here?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:31, Reply)
He's a 'tie shouter' if ever there was one.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:33, Reply)
+Simpsons

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Hahahah the worst kind

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:35, Reply)
A star wars ship?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:36, Reply)
i did a card trick on my dad for april fools day and he got REALLY angry trying to figure out how i dunnit
he googled it and still couldn't find the trick (this is because he is old and stupid tho)

wanna know how i dunnit?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:33, Reply)
No thanks.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:35, Reply)
are you sure, it's bloody impressive when i do it
i can pull all of the aces out of a deck of cards, without touching any of the other cards in the deck
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:36, Reply)
I'm quite sure, thanks though.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:39, Reply)
positive?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:39, Reply)
+HIV

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
tricky said all black people have HIV this morning
i dispair
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Yes a few white people do as well
You know, ones that got raped by a black guy
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:43, Reply)
yeah but not all of them like it's in their DNA or something
Tricky is extremely stupoid
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:51, Reply)
he told me he was too scared to go to cornwall because of the sharks :(

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:51, Reply)
He's right to be scared
A shark killed my brother.

He threw the washing in the bath....sock....etc
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
hey wait a minute...
A shark wouldn't fit in a bath

your brother would tho
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)
I cycled 11 miles to work in the hail and sleet
because I'm fucking hardcore that's why.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Gangsta shit, Phil. Gangsta.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:39, Reply)
When bitches be seein me on my bike
dey be all hollerin and shit
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
hollering
things like 'it's coming right for us!!!' and 'MY EEEYYYYEEEEESSSSS!!'
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:18, Reply)

hardcore sexually frustrated
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)

hardcore fuckwitted
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
Why do you work in the hail and sleet?
Don't you have an office?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I have a fucking great office!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)

of ori
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:44, Reply)
You want some?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:48, Reply)
that's not me

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Do you?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I work in hail and sleet because I am a penguin molester by trade

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Better than working with Hale & Pace.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:50, Reply)
*stonks*

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:20, Reply)
* punches AA in face for the reminder of that *

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:21, Reply)
*accepts punch*
Only heard of it for the first time over the weekend
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:22, Reply)
to be fair, it's a good job nobody assesses our mental health based on what goes on here
al and his googly magenta cocks. monty and his family sexual fantasies. battered and his rage. darth and his dancing. freefair and his tory rape. psychochomp and the world's fucking ugliest jumper. bobby and his multiple personalities. quentin and his - quentin. etc etc.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Swipe and her lovers who prefer teh mansex

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:46, Reply)
swipey and her fantasy of being a SATC lawyer.
she's a 47 stone crazy cat lady from Sussex called Joan.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Now this is definitely POTD

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:57, Reply)
My grandma was called Joan. Dead now.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:57, Reply)
^ Interesting fact online right here everybody ^

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
did the cats get her?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:59, Reply)
The fags got her. She hated darth's lot.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:00, Reply)
he's not mincing today
it's all about teh cricket
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Worst sport Evah!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
er, curling?
caber tossing? FISHING?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Cricket

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
believe me
not one person would fantasise about being a lawyer. i am spending my morning researching what exactly constitutes "sharing occupation" by group companies. clue: it's not what you think. being a 47 stone crazy cat lady sounds infinitely preferable.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
I'm sorry, if you were a real lawyer you wouldn't be fucking around on here so much.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:00, Reply)
whatever you like dude

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:01, Reply)
*air guitars*

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)
firebox have a range of t-shirts with guitars on them for just this purpose
i nearly bought one for monty
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
is it air guitar if you need a prop?
damn your eyes t-shirt manufacturers, is there no imagination left in the world?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:06, Reply)
you're getting all technical on me now
i'm more of an air-recorder type. cooler than air-triangle, but not in the same league as air-guitar.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:07, Reply)
I air beatbox

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:08, Reply)
I air breathe

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)

air mouth
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Ha ha ha

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)
he was a damn sight better than some of the others
like the one who leapt up mid-shag when the doorbell rang and said "that'll be my mother" (it was about 8am on a sunday. why?). or the one who quite literally could not get it in. i don't think he'd ever had sex OFFLINE before. and of course the one who shat the bed.

i think liking a bit of manlove pales into insignificance!
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:00, Reply)
So better rephrased as Swipe and her inability to find herself a normal boyfriend.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)
the normal ones are too boring to talk about!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
I made the team, momma, momma i made the team!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
WHAT

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)
nothing
how's your gf? is she your gf again yet?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
well.... yeah/no/kinda
i took care of her when she was ill last week, and now i'm ill but she's not taking care of me

we're going back to mine for lunch today, i guess we're just keeping things casual
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
hmmm
don't let her mess you around
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
shurrup woman, wtf do you think this is One Tree Hill?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Some cunt has come in to work looking like shit and sniffing and coughing everywhere
I told him to fuck off home but he says he won't get paid because he already took loads of time off work after a crash and has no sick leave left. Now everyone else is calling him a twat and saying they don't want to get ill over Easter weekend. I'm probably fine because I have my own office, orifice and hail and sleet.

Is my life interesting or what.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:50, Reply)
It sho' nuff is, my nig-nog.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:52, Reply)
Tricky is talking about pakis now
oh god
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:53, Reply)
No doubt they come over here and steal our jobs.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:56, Reply)
i don't mind if the women do that, at least they're efficient

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Hahhaha

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:01, Reply)
or what
is teh answer :D
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:05, Reply)
FUCKBUCKETS!!
end of line
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:52, Reply)
CUNTSOCKS!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:52, Reply)
SHITTYPANTZ!!!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:54, Reply)
SPUNKYVEST!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
DICKCHEESESLIPPERS!!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:56, Reply)
DANGLEBERRYTROUSERS!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:57, Reply)
CUNTSLIMECARDIGAN!!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 9:59, Reply)
You win. I can't even try and top that.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:00, Reply)
it's not about the winning Battered, it's about the LOL swearing and just joining in.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:01, Reply)
MINGECUSTARD

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:01, Reply)
BOLLOCKSBLAMANGE!!!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)
MENSTRUALJAM!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
WANKSHAFTHOTCROSSBUNZ!!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:07, Reply)
HELMETCAKELICKER

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:08, Reply)
SHITHEADSUGAR!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)
EARWAXMARMALADE!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:08, Reply)
ARSEWANKAPPLES!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)
COCKROACHSALAD!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
DIRTYPIERREDOUGHNUTS!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)
SWEATYBEEFHAMMOCK

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:07, Reply)
JOBBYPASTA!!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)
CATPISSMOUTHWASH!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
it's rare i get to look down on everyone in a single thread
i'm taking a photo of this momentous occasion
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
HEMORRHOIDCURRY!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)
I'm sorry that tourettes wednesday ruined your internets Q :'(
FUCKWANK!!!
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:14, Reply)
SCABBYVULVAMITTENS!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
VADGELUBEOVENGLOVES!!!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)
ANALFROTHSCARF!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:19, Reply)
FISTINGFRENCHFANCIES!!!!!!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:20, Reply)
it hasn't ruined anything mmps
its funny when you do it
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
O< ----- I'M A PENGUIN AND I LIKE FUCKING SNOW. HOW DOES IT FEEL? COLD!!!! HONKLOL

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:17, Reply)
CLAGNUTS SAUTEED IN GOOCH BUTTER

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
i had a CRACKING start to my day
my new upstairs neighbour set the damn fire alarm off at 7am. thankfully, i'd already been up since 6:15 and showered so i went and turned it off. probably should have knocked to make sure she wasn't unconscious on the kitchen floor next to a burning chip pan, but it was two flights of stairs, and i was in my pants. figured the last thing she'd need after a sudden shock like that was me and my trusty moose knuckle.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:06, Reply)
I hope she's dead
and that you never forgive yourself.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
i'm already saddened
by the fact i missed a blatant opportunity to increase the number of women who've seen at least the outline of my junk.
and she's a 'merkin. that would knock another country off the list, a biggun too.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)
So she'd be the second, after your mother?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Well played.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
well played sir
*narrows eyes*
*contemplates saying 'third after both our mothers'*
*thinks better of it*
*slinks away*
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Did your tie try to hurt you?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)
i haven't worn a tie
since the last time a friend got married. i won't be wearing one again until the weekend, for the same reason. same tie as well. my wedding tie. it's a beauty.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Well watch out.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:20, Reply)
Fuck me Loafy you lead an epic life
I expect they will find you hanging from the banister by the same tie when you realise just how pathetic and miserable your useless life is.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
yeah, it's pretty tedious
the regular socialising, the freedom to do what i like due to almost complete lack of fiscal and personal responsibility, .. the varied and fulfilling sex life.. living in a nice flat by the sea.. i don't know how much more i can take. i'm one jammy dodger away from a complete fucking breakdown :D
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:55, Reply)
Culture Club's less successful etc, etc

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)
that's pretty good, socky.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
i can't believe you'd call another woman
by my nickname for you
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:34, Reply)
I seriously doubt that's a woman, sweetie.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
this doesn't make it any better!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Hahah

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Breaking news!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)
Alright Ben Elton, calm down.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:30, Reply)
Ben Elton wants to suck the queens cock
FACT!
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Liddlebiddapolitics there.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
I'm in to Politics the same as you are in to film

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)
That much, eh?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
That much
But I am into cunts.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Good tickets?
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1579297
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1579298
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Great seats?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
That much, eh?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
That much
But I am into cunts
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Squeeze at the Phil?
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1579296
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
surely it's "in to" film?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
PhillieJoe, earlier:

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:31, Reply)
You should see me before the makeup

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
The happy couple

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:41, Reply)
HE'S AN EAS-EH GLO-VERRR

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Don't be silly
Why would a pathetic star wars nerd have that oven glove. Here's my sexy lady!


(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
Shall we call you Ishmael?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
+ Ishmael when you call me, you can call me...etc, etc

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)
I wonder what would happen if you make mashed potato, really buttery and creamy, then froze it in ice cub trays and then deep fried it into chips.

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)
Another shit Aunt Bessie product?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:53, Reply)
Would dropping ice into hot oil not cause merry havoc?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 10:57, Reply)
Frozen potato is still potato
not ice. The problem with ice/water is the instant boiling and spraying hot oil everywhere which catches fire and kills the lady living upstairs from peteloaf
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Fair point

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:04, Reply)
I'm not just an oven glove fucker!

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
i'm an oven glove fucker's son
and i'll keep on fucking oven gloves
til the glove fucking's done
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:08, Reply)
Innuendo link
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-17604412

Featured places include Stainmore, Wetwang, Ladybower resevoir and, brilliantly, the Hole of Horcum.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:07, Reply)
You missed Little Wood
which could mean a small erection you see. And by erection I mean erect penis and not a tent or something like that.

Get it?
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:10, Reply)
Someone who is not me who actually has an interesting question
Please make a new thread, this one is shit.
(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:08, Reply)
your shit

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:08, Reply)
What about my shit?

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:11, Reply)
yes it is

(, Wed 4 Apr 2012, 11:18, Reply)

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