Long weekend!!!!
The one thing I'm looking forward to over all other this weekend is a massive lie in.

So, work. Have you met your childhood ambitions? Are you in your dream job.


Alt. Breakfast.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 7:53, 191 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

No. I wanted to be an architect. However my lack of academic ability soon made me realise I couldn't be bothered.
Alt: two eggs, two slices of fried bread, beans, black pudding & two sausages.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 7:57, Reply)

Plus, you couldn't reach the drawing board without a special cushion
and all the other students laughed at you MAKING YOU VERY ANGRY.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:26, Reply)

PD is now the official OT shortarse.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:47, Reply)

don't hate me because I'm handsome.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Mornin' Frodo

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:54, Reply)

morning bbz.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Yay for long weekends!
I've actually got half of today off AND tuesday and wednesday of next week, so that's 6 1/2 days!
High points - going to a game fair at the weekend, finishing off a guitar repair for a mate (neck reset and conversion to bolt-on) and probably imbibing far too much wine on several occasions.
Potential low points - DIY at G/F's place. not that I dislike DIY it's just the 'immediate cleaning up and putting stuff away' that she does that annoys me.
As to work - it's not my dream job as I actually have to do some work for my salary but it's pretty close!
Alt: Smoked bacon, salad and tomato wrap with several mugs of tea.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:05, Reply)

Why did you wrap your bacon with several mugs of tea?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Nope, I wanted to be a policeman
Now, I work in data manipulation, etc.


Alt: None today.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:18, Reply)

In being a cozzer you'd have been manipulating things.
Typically statements and crime statistics.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:23, Reply)

I was hoping more for joints.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:28, Reply)

Going to a safari park, are you?
('mazssive lie in' lolz)

Re: work: I've never had any ambitions. Ambitions are a little crass, I feel. That said, if I am in my dream job, it's a nightmare from which I would love to awake.

Alt: breakfast is for cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:24, Reply)

cunts people who can afford it.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:31, Reply)

I'm in bed drinking tea and watching the hurt locker
Mini ape woke me by singing 'dadadada' *prouds*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:30, Reply)

+'If I were a rich man....

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:32, Reply)

+ I wouldn't have to live in the workhouse

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:35, Reply)

I take it you've never heard of 'Fiddler On The Roof' then?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Your dads noteriaty as a house climbing nonce
Didnt make it all the way down south
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:45, Reply)

My Dad IS from down south.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Those poor southern children

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:56, Reply)

I'm looking forward to watching Forest play from the comfort of a City Ground hospitality box to celebrate my sister's 30th
If they win they'll be more or less safe from relegation, whilst condemning their opponents to a season or two in League One.

Who are they playing again, Jeff?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:38, Reply)

No, Jeff isn't playing.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:42, Reply)

If only I was
At least I'd put in some effort.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:48, Reply)

There isn't a wine bar in the area
That isn't shitting itself.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Hahaha
Good old-fashioned relegation six-pointers require a good old-fashioned dust-up to commemorate them mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Even if City win
We'll still go down. We are awful.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Please no more

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:55, Reply)

^^^^THIS x1000

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:56, Reply)

We don't negotiate with anti-football terrorists
Or "benders" as they're known. Sets a dangerous precedent. If we shut up now there'll be icons like this featuring Quentin's face in no time.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:56, Reply)

I shall resist the temptation to create such an icon.
For the time being.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Fuck's sakes Battered
Why do you think I suggested it?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I am far too busy and important* to indulge you on this occasion.
*not really, I simply can't be bothered.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Might as well

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Better not let Dozer see that.
There'll be a banning.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:18, Reply)

what is it about me that makes people spend their offline time
making pictures and drawing stories about me so that when tehy come back they can go 'HEY EVERYONE LOOK WHAT I DID I'M SO COOL'?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Merely acting on DF's suggestion.
It took 30 seconds.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:42, Reply)

and the other 5 pictures you made?
what is so wrong with you that you feel the need to make that much effort?
is your life so empty?

do i bother you when you're not here? why is that? what is missing in your life?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:44, Reply)

I am very contented with my life thanks.
I've obviously touched a nerve with you about this. Would you feel better if you shared your feelings with all of us?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:45, Reply)

no battered, you haven't come close to touching a nerve
i'm just trying to get to teh bottom of why you, battered, who takes the internet so seriously he flounces every few weeks, feel the need to keep on posting pictures of me

are you a complete prick, or jsut a sad little prick? i'd like to know, thanks
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:49, Reply)

More of a cunt than a prick thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:50, Reply)

i mean lets get down to brass tacks here
you've had to copy and paste my face into each of these pictures, somewhere on your harddrive there must actually be a photo of me

why is that, battered? do you love me?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:50, Reply)

There is a facility on this site called 'Search' and as you chose to post your photo on here yourself it's readily available.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:52, Reply)

it's not a photo of me

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:53, Reply)

It's a photo that you posted that you claimed was of you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:54, Reply)

maybe i did, doesn't make it me though

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)

so you 'search' "me", cut, copy and paste "me" into photos which you then manipulate
all in your own time?

this is very sad battered
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:54, Reply)

Is that quentin? Yellow teeth... Yuck

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)

I think I summed up my feeling on the matter quite well yesterday:
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1579810

Mornin Darlin' how's tricks?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Not bad at all sweetcheeks
How's the shoulder?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:07, Reply)

fine, fine.
I have annoyingly long-winded excersizes to do for the next couple of weeks and I'm not allowed to use the as much as I want, but it's on the mend.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:11, Reply)

since been told "you can do anything as long as you avoid end-on impact to the arm at all costs"
2 weeks ago, I've had a car door shut on it and slipped and fell on some stairs. I suspect I've done something unpleasant recently on an ancient American Indian burial site.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:18, Reply)

lovely
I think I got off easier, I've just been told to let it rest and heal and not use it just because it works and doesn't hurt
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:21, Reply)

I dunno, I'm pretty sure that neither of us got off lightly...
The really wierd thing with mine is that it still won't twist. The surgeons swear that's normal and it'll ease with time but it genuinely does feel like they've screwed the two bones together.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)

As long as they connected them in the correct order
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYb8Wm6-QfA
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I've had little pain and a quicker recovery than anyone expected.
I'm just stubborn and wanting to get back to my normal life.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:50, Reply)

Dead Indians are so preachy.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:22, Reply)

The trick is to go before you leave the house

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:23, Reply)

what if the dead indians are in my toilet, eh? what then?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Then I'd have a word with your interior designer
Don't pretend you don't have one
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)

you mean "the missus" then?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I would assume as much
How does Kapil Dev feel about being imprisoned in a giant cistern?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:37, Reply)

I dunno, but I think KP thinks the IPL has started early...

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)

I'm not a big fan of Dilshan
So watching (Cricinfo describe) KP heaving him all over the place is a joy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:49, Reply)

It's got a bit tasty
SL complained about him switching stance and the umpires asked him to stop. Which is interesting, cos it isn't against the rules, to my knowledge. However, he stopped anyway, started conventionally reverse-sweeping and carried on battering them out of the ground.

Since that's basically like turning around and telling Rooney he has to take all penalties left-footed from now on .... fair play to him. Even if he is an arrogant saffer tool.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:53, Reply)

This is exactly why it's so maddening when he gets out cheaply
He thinks he can launch any bowler in the world to any part of the ground. And when he's in form, he can. Grr.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:00, Reply)

there's going to be some massive fallout over this.
They warned him for time wasting. But it was Dilshan actually time wasting as he kept stopping in his delivery stride when KP switched stance. Nothing in the rules says you can't switch stance, and it's a valid way of combating leg side spin bowling.

Interesting*

*for you and I, every other poor cunt here is asleep now.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Time wasting? After Dilshan pulled up twice in his approach in one over?
I reckon the umpires have caved to excessive whinging from Sri Lanka cos they're out of ideas. They should have told them to MTFU and get on with it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Someone's just tweeted this;
"Jayawardene 105 from 313 balls. KP 105 from 112 balls. KP warned for timewasting. Eh?"

Not relevant to the issue but made me chuckle.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)

haha, nice.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)

yeah, but everyone knows you're mad for a puddle party.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:16, Reply)

Oddly, no.
But if I was I'd not go on about it or would go to boards meant for such things.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:20, Reply)

to be fair, CQ
this board is for "conversation" and there's nowt that prohibits football or sport from that. If every fucking conversation was about football you'd have a point, but it ain't. Nowt wrong with you and others pointing out your displeasure but if others want to talk about it occasionally, deal with it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:29, Reply)

This is true
ANd people would be as free to discuss a common interest in watersports and I'd find it equally uninteresting, distasteful and dull.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)

Fair does.
I'm intrigued as to why sport is distasteful to you, though? I can see the other two.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Aside from finding it dull?
It's tribal and brings out the worst in people. It also strikes me a a waste of a lot of money that could be spend in almost anything better.

Sorry to push the watersports analogy, but it's a good one (something I have no moral objection to in it's self but don't enjoy or wish to hear about). Imagine if there were a National Pissing on Other People League and it was televised. Imagine top Pissers were paid millions. Imagine roaming gangs fighting over who was best...

Much like religion I guess, if you want to do it in your own time and find joy in it then good for you, genuinely happy you're having fun.The industry that has grown up around it however I find distasteful.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Luckily there's all kinds of awful down there
There's really only one place left up for grabs and Coventry are really fucking poor
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I have a great job.
What makes it even better is that I am the Samantha Brick of my office.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:42, Reply)

I never
Realised from the photos, just how short Mrs Brick is.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Nono, Samantha Brick is of "average height"

( Kroney, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)

Surprisingly none of my childhood ambitions involved sitting bored in front of a computer talking shite to you lot.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Have I fuck
I wanted to be an actor, an author or an astronaut. I am sadly still in the position of not knowing what I want to do when I grow up.

I also gave up on my ambitions of playing professional football for Nottingham Forest some time ago, due to a combination of shitness and utter, utter shitness. If I'd anticipated that Forest would decide that being one of the best clubs in the country wasn't for them after all I might have tried harder. Also a shame I couldn't have anticipated that utter, utter shitness would one day not be a barrier to becoming the most expensive English player of all time.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:50, Reply)

I take it from this that you never read past A in the school careers advice book.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:53, Reply)

I grew up in Nottingham mate
The "school careers book" only has two entries - getaway driver and gangland enforcer. I was thinking outside the box.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)

holy fuck
Darth and I had the same childhood ambitions.

*fist bumps*
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Were you incessantly bullied every day of your school life from 5 to 18 as well?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:57, Reply)

No.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Oh, you haven't lived mate
Character-building.

That character being a sexually confused idiot with cripplingly poor self-confidence
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:03, Reply)

*proffers hugz*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:05, Reply)

*accepts*
*gropes arse*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:07, Reply)

I can see what attracted the bullies to you

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Past tense?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Well past it - we're at uncomfortably awkward now.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)

You've flowered into a beautiful Rafflesia Arnoldii

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:44, Reply)

*farts*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:12, Reply)

I dunno about "dream job"
since I'm not a highly-paid professional ski bum.

But I'm doing what I realistically always wanted to do.

Give up all of your childhood hopes and dreams for the socially acceptable position of wage slave, kids.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:15, Reply)

This
I only ever wanted to be a scientist, from the age of about 9 (before that I wanted to be a marinebiologist but since I can get seasick on a wet pavement I thought it would be a pretty miserable way to spend my life) I'd love to be a successful author one day, though.
(berk, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)

I don't think I dreamed as a child of database development
However I do like the work and it pays pretty well, so I'm happy.

Alt: bowl of porridge. I'd forgotten that the long weekend meant Friday hot sandwiches would be ordered today instead, so I've been accidentally healthy. :(
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)

I read that as "child database development"
and thought ... aha, the job for the IT literate paedo.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:35, Reply)

the photos are indexed by cuteness and how gullible they are

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:53, Reply)

My dream 'job' is to go on the grand tour.
Paid employment is tawdry and something for the lower orders. The fact that I have to engage in commerce in order to live disgusts me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:36, Reply)

I am increasingly of the opinion that this is you, this is:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Wilmot,_2nd_Earl_of_Rochester
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Oi! No outing!
*gazzes mods*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:34, Reply)

I'm in a job that I don't like, that barely gets me through the month.
Time for a change, you'd think, right?

My childhood ambition was to be a fighter pilot.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)

My father was one briefly, until his eyesight deteriorated.
He was utterly gutted, as he really loved flying his Sabre.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:39, Reply)

I was in the Air Cadets until I started suffering from epileptic seizures.
These days the physical training to get into the RAF would kill me. They nearly did then.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)

What is it with this place and fucking eppys?
Can't we just stick to mental deficiencies, please?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:48, Reply)

Epilepsy is a form of mental deficiency.
Different to your own ones of course.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:49, Reply)

It's relatively common in teenagers to have a couple of fits.
Usually medication sorts it out, as it did with me. Unfortunately a history of seizures and millions of pounds worth of high tech explosives and jet fuel don't mix.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)

Are we still doing Samantha Brick links?
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/apr/04/samantha-brick-hated-good-looks
( Peej, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Depends.
Are you still doing your wife?


Well, then the answer is the same.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:53, Reply)

I did my wife the other day in fact.
It was rather nice
( Peej, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)

Ahh, young (g)love.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:01, Reply)

sort of...
... i read "to kill a mockingbird" and wanted to be a lawyer. but this is not what i pictured.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:52, Reply)

I know, it gives you no useful instruction at all in killing mockingbirds, does it?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)

I don't see why you'd need to be a lawyer at all, in fact.
An air rifle would be favourite.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:59, Reply)

Were you expecting more, or less black people?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)

On which side of the dock?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:17, Reply)

I am determined not to have a massive lie ins this weekend.
But probably will.

Realistically, I've always wanted to be an engineer, which I am. I did start to look in to doing demolition but my tutors said I shouldn't, and stick to electrical and controls. I still dream of legally blowing stuff up.


*sigh*
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 9:57, Reply)

Blowing things up is cool.
Unfortunately all the websites giving you instructions are monitored.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)

When I get a garden shed, I will have to install blast panels.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Setting fire to saltpetre was a hobby of mine as a kid.
I may take it up again.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)

Noooo.
Cook it with charcoal and sulphur. Watch out for sparks though.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:22, Reply)

When I was a child I wanted to be an author
I was certain of it through my school days but my college wouldn't accept me on the English course. I ended up doing Psychology and Sociology and I have no idea why. They just sort of twisted me in to signing up for the courses. I hated them both and dropped out after a couple of months. A year later I lied on a university application form and got a place at uni and three years later had a BSc with Honours in Technology.

I enjoy my job because fucking about with computers is a hobby of mine but a part of me still longs to be an author. But as anyone who reads any of the shit I write on B3ta can tell, my punctuation and grammar are shit.
( Peej, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:02, Reply)

No disrepect to PJ here, but I have some advice for all budding authors, including myself:
Write something interesting you stupid fuckpig. Start Now.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:04, Reply)

I've always half-fancied writing a historical novel.
I'm thinking of writing and illustrating a book for my daughter, too. One where the principal character has her name and is a pirate.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:07, Reply)

See above.
My currrent book is about the effects of weather on military campaigns.
I've got as far a choosing a font.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Big chapter on Russia, then, I take it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)

I can see this being a series.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)

Called 'STORM TROOPERS'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:22, Reply)

HE BANGS HIS HEAD HAHAHAA!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)

I'm not a budding author though
I didn't get on the English Lit course because I'm not very good at it.

I did write this one book about a young boy who discovers he is a wizard and goes off to wizard school but I left it in some Edinburgh Cafe called The Elephant house in the 90's and never found it. I couldn't remember what I wrote.
( Peej, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:08, Reply)

I wouldn't worry about it
sounds a pretty story shit to me, mate. Doubt it would have come to anything.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:09, Reply)

you wanted to be a rockstar more tho
iirc..
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:05, Reply)

i'm looking forward to
the much-deserved pissup and relax AFTER i photograph my lovely, but erm.. 'highly strung' friend's wedding on saturday.

work: ideal JOB on the grander scheme of things, i'm a reasonably successful digital designer. if i can only find a way to be a digital designer closer to home in brighton, maybe even working on some more varied stuff, then all boxes are ticked.

alt: marks and spencers beef and horseradish sammich, butter and chocolate flapjack, iced coffee, and some grapes. average.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)

Bastard
I had a Rich Tea biscuit and a cup of tea
( Peej, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:05, Reply)

this is probably my lunch too though
thanks to the 4 day weekend, i had to compress what was already about 8 decent days worth of work into 4 days this week. deadlines are all tuesday morning, which sounds nice but in reality means 5:30 today.
fuckbuttons.
/works
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:06, Reply)

I'm pretty much doing my dream job, doing creative stuff on computers.
My secondary one was to be a truck driver, I'd drive up and down the country listening to TalkSport and LBC on the radio. It still seems like a fucking wicked job to me. My third choice would be a train driver.

Looking at it today, all 3 jobs seem do'able paths for me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)

You are Peter Sutcliffe aicm messages from God telling you to kill prossies.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)

They were talkin' 'bout sex workers on Big Question last weekend.
The editor for "The British Guide to Massage Parlors" or whatever was a creepy 60 year old man who was talking about regulating it and them paying tax and to make sure all the girls was over 16.

It was like he completely forgot the pretenses that massage parlours are for getting massarges.

They said phone in for more information, but they wouldn't give me a single prostertute's number.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:23, Reply)

you're going to have to seriously up your raping and hooker-murdering game
if you want to be a lorry driver.

And you don't have anywhere near enough days off sick to be a train driver.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)

I've acquired a German lorry driver as a stalker.
He's slightly less creepy than the convicted murderer I had before.
What is it about me that attracts creepy old men?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:17, Reply)

Well hell-o there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:19, Reply)

You shouldn't hang about on street corners.
In a mini skirt, and with a black eye.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:21, Reply)

I love that "Little Lady" rap with Ed Sheraan and that other bloke.
Forget the visit to the clinic you were booked in for,
You'll make a visit to the whittington where they'll look at your jaw,
They'll be inquizitive and ask about your buisness for sure,
They'll know you're fibbing if you say you got hit by a door.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)

Hey, some of us aren't that old.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Great minds think alike, you and monty must be on the exact same interlectual level. It's almost as if you two are the same person.
I'm not sure if I've insulted you or monty or both here. I'll let you two kids duke that out.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:24, Reply)

I think we'll both take it with the clearly good grace it was meant, chap.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Bugger. ,P

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Another thing a history of seizures bans you from is long distance lorry driving.
I was less gutted about that one than I was the fast jets.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I think being wasted on opiates pretty much 24/7 and a lack of being able to take a dump at any point in time would be my biggest problem to that job.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:28, Reply)

It doesn't seem to preclude quite a few lorry drivers from doing it.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Haha, is that only 'cus the codine bungs them up?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:34, Reply)

No. Not even close.
As a child I wanted to be an actor or a writer.

mr b3th knew from about the age of seven that he wanted to be an engineer, grew up to become an engineer, and did that for forty years.
He doesn't understand anyone without exactly the same single-minded focus.

Alt: I won't, thanks.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)

I have a similar sort of thing
some of my friends are nearly 30 and still have no idea what they want to do, yet went to university regardless and got themselves in to debt doing completely useless degrees. That kind of behaviour/mindset/indecisiveness boggles me.
(berk, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Hello!
I didn't even find out what I was good at until past 25. It turns out, it had nothing to do with an English Lit with Philosophy degree.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Shame 'whinging on the internet' isn't more lucrative, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Luckily for me, my skills can make me money
unlike consuming heroic amounts of drugs, which does rather the opposite.
( Kroney, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Yes, but...'heroic', eh?
Sounds pretty cool, doesn't it? Kind of like a Viking or some shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)

That's precisely what I did/am still doing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:23, Reply)

I studeied languages because that was my best academic subject.
I let people tell me that 'acting' wasn't a serious answer for 'what you want to do', so I never pursued it, which is a shame, because apparently I was pretty good.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)

"You need to have something to fall back on, if it doesn't work out"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I was very much looked down on for being the only person I know who didn't bother with a-levels, let alone uni.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I sometimes wish I had left school after GCSEs and gone straight into work.
I was pretty feckless as a student, but it is far easier to rise through the ranks in the world of work.
That said, I did enjoy sitting on my arse getting stoned for a few years before having to face up to real life.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I realised about halfway through my A Levels that I simply didn't give a shit
It's why I stopped considering Uni
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)

My mum works in the same hospital where I went to see the Bollock Doc the other day
She's only 49 and went down to visit her and her work colleagues after my appointment and they got me to make they tea and then all crowded around doing the "Ooooo Young Man" thing.

I'm 31 this year and still feel like a kid. How am I supposed to have a clue what I should be doing.
( Peej, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Your career path is obvious.
Two sugars please.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:28, Reply)

He should be Noddy Holder?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:31, Reply)

It doesn't work in Coooornnnnissshhhh.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Since the tin mines closed there is little that does.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I wanted to be an undertaker
But looked shit in spandex.

Alt: just woke up so might have a crumpet or miller rice.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)

You could have been a 'Funkasaurus'

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Or Giant Haystacks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Or King Kong Bundy

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I'm not black.
Earthquake or typhoon.didvyou know Yokozuna was Hawaiian.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:41, Reply)

Kendo Nagasaki?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Californian by birth, Samoan by origin
And I wouldn't exactly say Brodus Clay was black...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I assumed he was a jap.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Nah, he's related to The Rock, Rikishi, etc

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)

I imagine that was the general idea.
What nationality was the Giant Gonzales? Swedish?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Argentinian

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)

He was fucking HUGE

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Oh wow, Sharron Mathews got released today.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Someone should give her a good 'hiding'
LOLOLOLOLOL
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)

hahahah

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:44, Reply)

The kid?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Somebody start a new thread please.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Ta da

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Thank you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Fuck me Daily Heil are really hanging this stupid cow out to dry
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2125464/Samantha-Brick-exclusive-pictures-Are-looks-make-woman-hate-her.html

Could they have picked worse pictures? I doubt it
( Peej, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)

I feel really sorry for the way she's being used at the moment.
https://apps.facebook.com/theguardian/commentisfree/2012/apr/04/samantha-brick-thrown-to-wolves
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)

I'll let you know a week on Monday.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 5 Apr 2012, 13:39, Reply)