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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning B3ta
I'm new to posting here, though I've been lurking for years. Thought it was about time I signed up and said 'ello.

*edit* I have a heart condition.. If you hit me it's murder....
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 6:17, Reply)
Hello Apothecaries' weight.
I hope you won't be scurrying away to hide behind the sofa when the nasty boys come in to the playground.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 6:49, Reply)
Cheers Bartleby
I've got a freshly laundered pair of y-fronts on standby just in case..
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:10, Reply)
Best pretend you're a girl, with a fine set of norks if you want an easy time.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:19, Reply)
I've got a freshly laundered G-string as well if that helps?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:25, Reply)
It will.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:31, Reply)
Alright AW?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:10, Reply)
'Ello Battered
Pleasure to make your acquaintance n'all that :)
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:25, Reply)
Tell us more about yourself

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:28, Reply)
I'm a girl with a fine set of norks and a fresh pair of panties on standby...
But in my spare time I'm a 24 year old man with a rather flat chest..
currently living on the Isle of Wight.. Not sure what else to say beyond the fact that I have a copy of photoshop and a perverse sense of humour, anything else you wanna know?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:40, Reply)
This is a rollercoster of interest.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:53, Reply)
Have you ever been to the Isle of Wight Gonz?
It wouldn't suprise me if this fellow has the only computer on the island.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:57, Reply)
Nah' man, donno nothin' 'bout the place.
I know on the train map there is a little island in the south with it's own train line that might be aisle of right but it might also be gurnsey or somewhere like that. It's pretty close to france.

Check this article out, *sigh*, if I worked in a place where I could bring my pet to work, I'd get a pug called Monster. thenextweb.com/insider/2012/04/09/12-startups-that-offer-their-employees-the-coolest-perks/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=share+button&utm_content=12+tech+companies+that+offer+their+employees+the+coolest+perks&utm_campaign=social+media
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:05, Reply)
I don't think I could work in a happy environment.
Just the occaisional laugh when someone trips over or spills their coffee does me.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:15, Reply)
Being a job you hate sucks, you probably spend more time at work than anywhere else, whats the point in life if you hate it?
Despite my recent complaints, I f'cking love my job, OH BOY, and I rock at it.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:25, Reply)
Don't get me wrong, I love my doing my job.
Doing the engineer thing is just super. It's just that the actual work conditions are often crap.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:28, Reply)
I'm the other way round, not a big fan of my job
But I enjoy working with the people I do, and the environment here.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:29, Reply)
And the third little b3tan said "My jobs is JUUUUUUST right. The work is pretty chalanging in a good way, and the people I work with are [mostly] awesome...
....So little jewfrow-a-locks decided he would take that job"
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:30, Reply)
Haha

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:36, Reply)
We won't be swapping jobs then.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:30, Reply)
There's not much to know really
Beyond the fact that we're vastly out-numbered by OAP's and tea-rooms. Some nice beaches though, and a couple of music festivals.. Other than that we're culturally dead
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:17, Reply)
Do you work on the mainland or the island?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:23, Reply)
Am I thinking of the right place though, that you have a tiny train line on your ireland ?
What about the chicks? Do they put out, what with the lack of suiteable males?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:26, Reply)
I reckon what would be good, right, if the only men on the island are people who I like are on there...
... and the rest of the population is made up in women, and the moment I finish with one, they have to leave the island forever and be replaced by someone else. I'd have a big breeds of girls, BBWs, Matures, MILFs, CCMW*, Anal, Red Head...etc. so I don't get bored.

* Not sure what that means, but it always seems to be a party in a night club.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:29, Reply)
You forgot the bit about them all being fully trained ICU nurses.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:34, Reply)
I'm not working at the moment
Signed off on the sick. But when I do work it's usually in shitty tourist traps - couldn't afford the commute off the island daily it's about 20 for a return on the ferry, and yep that's us with the tiny train-line, a massive 10 miles (ish?) of track running old 1960's London underground trains on it
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Sorry to hear that.
But you're young and have the prospect of a long miserable life in front of you.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:47, Reply)
I think work would suck in a place like that, there are only so many jobs one can do.
I bet there are lots of turf wars with the drug dealers, as there is such a limited population. Have you thought about moving to Brighton? I really like Brighton.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:52, Reply)
And 1 in every 10 girls looks like avril lavigne.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:41, Reply)
CCMW
Canadian Council of Muslim Women?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:40, Reply)
I'm not entirely sure, I might have gotten the initials in the wrong order.
Basicly, there is a night club full of women and a couple of blokes, and the women are having a perfectly good time, fully clothed, having a drink, and every now and then one of the blokes comes up to a girl and gets a blowjob from one or two of them, and then it cuts (I don't pay for the full version) and they're having sex, but the girls who aren't having sex are just going about their buisness as normal, just laughing and joking over a few drinks.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Sounds like Oceana in Watford.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:45, Reply)
hahaha

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Haha, last time I was there, I got so drunk I couldn't stand up and I cried a little bit because I couldn't find anyone for like an hour so I thought I missed my cab home.
Do you lot remember Erros in Enfield? That place broke through the "It's so shit, it's good" right back to "Oh god, what am I doing here" again.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:54, Reply)
I can't say I've ever been out in Enfield.
I did once go to a 'club' above a pub in Kingsbury. It smelt like poor people so I went home.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)
It was _the_ place to go if you were underage in north end of north london.
So crazy that it got shut down 10 years ago and _still_ the signs are up for it. It eventually got shut down when all the wood green lot started shooting up the bouncers.

Totally still want you to check my new place out, it rules.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Let's sort a date, maybe get clendrix involved?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Sweet !

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:13, Reply)
Do you mean CWNM?
because if you do, it's clothed women naked men. I think.

/TMB. Niche porn expert since 1975.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Oh, maybe.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:39, Reply)
Gonz will shag anything.
will would
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Think possitivly.
would will.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:04, Reply)
I assume since you've been lurking you have already formed opinions of some posters. Feel free to share your views.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:17, Reply)
Eh, I try not to be too judgemental
Besides, I'm terrible at names.. I'll probably start making lists now that I'm making an effort to post.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:26, Reply)
Chicken.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:32, Reply)
Getting in before Jeff here
Turkey.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:35, Reply)
Partridge

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:36, Reply)
It says Cook, Pass, Babtridge.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:42, Reply)
You were supposed to make an Alan Partridge reference. 1/10.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:44, Reply)
That is one.
-1/10 for you.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:47, Reply)
Fucksticks.
It's this northern 'air' affecting my brain. All the coal fumes.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:48, Reply)
I did.
When his car gets vandalised with 'cock piss partridge' and he changes it to the less offensive cook pass babtridge.

Scum. Subhuman scum.

Can I just shock you? I like wine.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:48, Reply)
I'll have....a pint of bitter.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:48, Reply)
The Best of tbe Beatles?
Bangkok chick boys.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Alright AW?
Is that a Kyuss reference?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:34, Reply)
Indeed it is!
*edit* I was hoping someone would get it.. Hullo t'you too
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:41, Reply)
Blues for the Red Sun
Is one of my favourite albums. You will come to find out that a metric fuckton of shit heavy metal is discussed on these pages. I would name and shame but if you lurk then you should already know.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:50, Reply)
One of my favourite albums too
But it's been a tough journey. I listened to my fair share of shit music in my time, but Kyuss was one of those bands I discovered a few years ago and never went back.. Kinda gutted I missed them on their re-union tour last year I think it was? What other musics are you into?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:00, Reply)
I like loads of stuff.
House, jungle, breaks, post rock, country, hip hop, Lo fi, hardcore, loads of stuff.

I have a Last FM profile if you're curious. Same username as here.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:04, Reply)
I considered setting up a Last FM profile recently, until my friend pointed out the amount of utter shit I listen to alongside my standard stuff. (which I'm aware most of you also rank as utter shit)
I realised it was probably for the best to not advertise that to the world...
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:26, Reply)
here's a tip-
Don't listen to shit music.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:31, Reply)
It's shit to others, not to me

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:36, Reply)
But you chose not to make it public.
Indicating some shame on your part. I have no issues with people knowing that I like, for example, Atari Teenage Riot or Hercules & Love Affair.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I've made it public many times, Billy Joel, Busted, etc

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Those are indeed terrible.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:49, Reply)
You just made those names up.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:50, Reply)
I prefer Autumnal Mammogram or the works of alt. country legend Rusty Spanner.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:52, Reply)
I never make up bands.
I leave that to Darth. CombiChrist? Made up.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:54, Reply)
I wish you were right.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:07, Reply)
'Marseille'

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:26, Reply)
That's a pretty comprehensive list - some good shit
A lot of names I do know, a lot more that I don't. Can't actually say there's anything on there I know and particularly dislike but I'm quite open in the same sense.. Should really get around to setting up one of these accounts myself if I ever bother I'll let ya know
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:34, Reply)
I also have a lot of vinyl.
So what stuff do you recognise?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Ermm
Recognise & enjoy - Johnny Cash, Pavement, Joy Division, DJ Shadow, Massive Attack, Burial, Sun o))), Jesus & Mary Chain, Kyuss, QOTSA, Nirvana, DJ Yoda, Cohen, Nick Cave, Jeff Buckley, Squarepusher, Prodigy, Hot Chip, NIN, Chris Morris, Benga, Dan Le Sac, Hendrix, Death in Vegas, Kimya Dawson, Daft Punk, Alice in Chains, Thom Torke, RATM, Flaming Lips, Chemical Brothers, Casette Boy, Nightmares on Wax, Orbital.. It all starts to thin out around there but I didn't go through all 60 pages
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Did I ever tell you about the time I........

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I'm the only person on here who has a fucking clue about music.
Plummers in particular is a cloth-eared oaf obsessed with something called 'sadcore'. Ignore him and with any luck he'll go away.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:46, Reply)
You utter homosexual.
I suppose you didn't even listen to those Essential Mixes over Easter, what with all the cottaging and Pendulum-listening you were balls deep in.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:51, Reply)
I went to Winchester instead
and listened to my mother doing her missus with a strap-on.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:53, Reply)
You really are the queen of the quenders.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:55, Reply)
And you, sir, are the leader of The Time Bandits.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:06, Reply)

an um
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Bumdits?
That's a good word.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Yeah', not bad thanks, you?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 7:54, Reply)
Morning AW
Just to get it out of the way, Fuck Off Bert.

Aside from that, Welcome.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:25, Reply)
Having resisted the temptation to issue an FOB to encourage a lurker to inject some life in this place
I reckoned it would most likely be you that would issue it instead. Well done.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:36, Reply)
Simply fulfilling the quota, but left it at that
As I said, just getting it out the way.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:37, Reply)
I'm grand, thanks for asking
& Hello Agnostic :)
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:36, Reply)
First error AW ; you have failed to ask a question.
Tsk.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:42, Reply)
Haha, I'm having some difficulty keeping up here
Please excuse my bad manners, How are you guys?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Oh don't get him started,
he's a VERY ANGRY MAN.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:51, Reply)

ANGRY short
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Plumdozer is now the official OT shortarse.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:56, Reply)
I must have missed the memo, sorry

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I am in the north for work. I hate it.
Thankfully driving back to civilisation this afternoon.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Brutal..
How far North have you had to go?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:56, Reply)
*glares*
Morning AW, how the fuck are you, sir?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Blackburn. Or the third circle of hell as I prefer to think of it.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Oof, fucking hell.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:02, Reply)
Indeed.
Going here later for lunch though : www.northcote.com
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Anything beyond Southampton
Is generally too far north for me.. I've been to Birmingham but that was as much as I could stomach, I suppose at least you get to travel with the job? What is it you do?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:06, Reply)
My sister tells me
they found some body parts in a skip in Southampton on the weekend. She is a policewoman, you see.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Yep, burnt ones

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Aye Monty
Flaming body in an industrial bin somewhere.. Lovely place
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:10, Reply)
It is fighting Pompey and Basingstoke for title of 'anus of Hampshire'

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Yeah Portsmouth is pretty shit too
Never been to Basingstoke - I'm there on Friday to see Doug Stanhope though
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Also *cowers behind sofa*
I'm very well Sportscow, how 'bout you?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:14, Reply)
I'm fucking great today, ta
11 days off in a row = happy cow
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:15, Reply)
I used to go to raves at Park Prewitt mental hospital in Basingstoke.
Whilst it was still open, and inmates wandering around in their pyjamas.

Mental, as we used to say.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:18, Reply)
MI6

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Tom Cruise's latest offering?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:18, Reply)
He works for *CENSORED*.
And, in my experience, they are a bunch of *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED*'s with *CENSORED* family too.

Also, I'm one of the Northerners, I live just south of Manchester.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Please ensure you count holes

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Eh?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:06, Reply)
4000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:07, Reply)
This means nothing to me.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:09, Reply)
That's Vienna, you fucking plum

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Well done. You're delivering to expectation this morning.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:10, Reply)
I must confess to needing a touch more coffee

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:10, Reply)

touch more coffee fucking slap
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Good morning.
I read with sypmpathy that you live on what we in Winchester call 'The Pile of Shite'. So it's you, The Bees, and some old cunts who reek of urine.

Nice one.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:44, Reply)
No etc.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Morning all
I have returned from holidays, older, greyer and wiser...
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:47, Reply)
Still a tedious wanker though, I see.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:49, Reply)
NOT REALLY!!!!

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:50, Reply)
No, I indeed am both tedious (often) and wanking (now)

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Alright Sporty.
Did you know that rhythm is a dancer?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:53, Reply)
This sounds rather serious.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Possibly the worst lyrics of any song, ever

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:53, Reply)
You forgot Joe Dolce

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Shaddap you face

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:00, Reply)
As expected. Well done.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:01, Reply)
I was aware of this, yes
I also believe it is a soul companion
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Can't say I've ever been to Winchester
So I don't know enough about the place to making sweeping generalisations, It's not so bad here provided you like the quiet life which I'm somewhat inclined to.. My only real frustrations lie in the cost of getting off this rock, and the complete lack of jobs... And the pissy OAP's. I've often thought of moving but it's hard when you can't build up the capital or the work experience to make life outside the womb any easier
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:59, Reply)
I have been to WInchester many times for work.
It is a lovely place, though would seem to be a bit "lacking" in stuff to do, other than drink and eat
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:01, Reply)
You are forgetting 'heroic quantities of drugs'
and 'fighting the Greenjackets'.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Do they still have those shit plastic dinosaurs at Blackgang Chine?

PS I'm only teasing by the way. Osborne House is nice.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Fuck!
I've been there as a kid!
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Oh fucking hell. Argh. The childhood flashbacks.
* books appointment with hypnotist to remove the memory *
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Yep
It's all still there for now.. Blackgang chine has a nasty habit of falling into the sea though so they have to keep on inching it back, they even have a shit rollercoaster now too
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Strange name for somewhere
that in all the British Isles is possibly the least likely home for a 'black gang'.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Aside from your house, of course.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Morning Monty, how are we?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:31, Reply)
AOK young man, you?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Pretty good thanks
Went to a gig last night, the spastics that organised the gig were unable to realise that some people would be bringing bags, and as a result, only seemed to have room for about 20 of them. Considering there was well over 1,000 at this gig, the planning was awful. This meant that I had to wear my bag throughout the gig, resulting in backache, and everyone thinking I'm even more of a cunt than I usually am.

Seeing family at the weekend, and having one nephew start to recognise me as 'Uncle' was rather nice too.

How was your long weekend?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:44, Reply)
so, i hear that you're a raging homosexual....?
well, you did say 'Isle-love Mann'
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Except he said Isle of Wight, you witless cock-end.
Morning, Quint.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:03, Reply)
i can't help it, i'm just a little bit too good at what i do
morning monty
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:04, Reply)
I love white
I'm actually the head my local KKK chapter
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Ahh, you MUST know Monty then
He wears a tall, white, pointed hat at meetings? Yes?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:14, Reply)
stop being homosexual at me, outlander

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Good morning AW
And how are the rest of you feckless shower of cunts this morning? I've been off the board for a few days, fact me up, fuckers. What's the news?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Matt Groening revealed the 'real' location of the 'real' springfield
literally no-one cared
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)
I can see how that could fail to stir attention, certainly.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:29, Reply)
This^
Any meltdowns?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)
What ho, Mighters.
Loads of people were shit and dull and posted tedious lies.

There you go.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Morning Boyce.
That's hardly news though, really. That happens every day.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
So true.
So sad.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
i am, the obvious exception to this

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:32, Reply)
You won't believe this Mighters
A REFEREE favoured MANCHESTER UNITED and made an INCREDIBLY DUBIOUS DECISION to make sure they won.

It was like Halley's Comet.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)

like Halley's Comet monumentally dull
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:42, Reply)
The FA's decision to uphold that red card is fucking ridiculous

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Agreed

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:43, Reply)
It would be
If it hadn't happened to QPROFL

In all seriousness, if they've actually reviewed it and said it was the correct decision, everyone outside of Sussex might as well give up hope of their team winning the league ever.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:45, Reply)

www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/apr/10/qpr-shaun-derry-manchester-united
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I love how this makes more news than the fact that Balotelli's assault on Song
isn't worthy of an FA charge.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:51, Reply)
Isn't that because it was noticed at the match, or something?
www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/apr/10/mario-balotelli-song-challenge
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:53, Reply)
so, in case people hadn't noticed, was Derry's "challenge"
yet people still think it should be overturned. One of them was a dubious decision that almost certainly had no bearing on the result of a game that Man U were totally in control of. One was a piece of physical assualt that could have ended a player's season if not career. Way for people to maintain a sense of perspective about the FA appeals process, don't you think?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:00, Reply)
I disagree with both decisions, as I think the contact from Derry was so utterly mininal that it shouldn't even count
However, as you say, there was contact, so there can't really be any argument against that. The Balotelli thing not being fully addressed it absolutely disgraceful, but I'm glad that Ivanovic is getting charged.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
I'm with you on both decisions being poor
for certain. But the only reason that Derrys could be recinded is if there was clear evidence there was no contact, and he definitely touches him. Incidentally, it was about the same amount of contact as Brad Jones on Yakubu for the second Blackburn pen last night and no-one is whining about that, either, despite it being a gold-plated example of going down like you've been fucking shot.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:10, Reply)
I certainly agree with you on that one, twas a very odd incident indeed.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)
it's particularly amusing
when you consider the size of Yakubu's arse, and the fact that it would take a fucking landmine to bring the boy down in reality.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:19, Reply)
Same with Drogba though, yet he still manages it
Never understood that, in the middle of the pitch, he's one of the strongest in the league, yet get him within sight of the goal, and a fucking fly could take him off his feet.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:23, Reply)
see also: Gareth "fucking" Bale
and his instant inner-ear infection when he gets into the opposition box.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:28, Reply)
Yep

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:30, Reply)
although, just for balance and fairness
Ashley Young is a terrible fucking diver, I'm not denying that.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
Haha, fair enough!

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Don't be a dick.
It's exactly the same as DRS. There has to be grounds to say it's an incorrect decision. Tell me what they are? (they aren't reviewing the offside, because they can't. So that doesn't matter)
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:49, Reply)
OK, why are they not reviewing the offside?
Surely thathas to be a part of it? If the correct call had been made in the first place it wouldn't have been a red card unless Derry had "done a Keane" and scythed him in two.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:52, Reply)
of course it's not part of it.
it's two separate decisions. if you could review offside, then Wigan could demand a review of the two goals Chelsea scored.

They are reviewing whether there is CLEAR evidence that there was no foul. There isn't. You can argue all you like for "going down too easily" but Derry touched him, therefore the red stands as long as the ref stands by his interpretation that Derry is the last man and it's a clear goalscoring opportunity.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:57, Reply)
How can it not be a part of it?
No-one has suggested reviewing offside goals because the FA will have no truck with it, and rightly so. Results have to stand regardless of errors made, once they start being retrospectively fucked with we might as well all give up. But this is QPR asking if an erroneous red card can be overturned because it was wrong on two counts. Why should only one of those counts be reviewed?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Because you are reviewing the referee's decision
not the linesmans. Being offside doesn't make it any less of a foul, so incidentally it's a penalty whether he's offside or not, but it's not a red card if he's offside because there's no goalscoring opportunity to deny.

But you can't appeal the failure to give offside, because it's a separate decision. Think of it this way - ball goes out of play but linesman doesn't see it. play goes on, ball hoofed to striker who is brought down by keeper, straight red. Do you seriously think for one second the FA would consider an appeal on the grounds that there should have been a throw-in a minute before, which would have prevented the red card happening? Of course not. It's the same situation but with a much smaller time interval, so it can't be appealed in that way. I didn't say I thought it was fair, but those are the rules. It isn't the FA being pricks, those are just the rules. It's QPR that are idiots for not knowing.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Being offside doesn't make it less of a foul, but it does mean the foul wouldn't be given
The point is that the linesman made a bad call - and it's not like Young was marginally offside, he was a good two yards - and if he'd made it correctly then the seriousness of the foul wouldn't have mattered because it couldn't have been given.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
no, it could be given.
if you trip a player coming back from offside it'd still be a pen. The only cast-iron reason that him being offside would prevent the foul being given is if he'd touched the ball whilst offside before Derry fouled him. Since he didn't it's down to the vagueness of interpreting the offside law.

I do think he should have been given offside, and that should have prevented the foul mattering. But it doesn't have to. He can be in an offside position, be fouled, and be awarded a penalty without technically the linesman or the ref being incorrect.

But that's all irrelevant. You can argue all you like, there was no way for that decision to be overturned on appeal, and QPR are fucking idiots for not knowing that.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)
I dunno
Even if they were unfamiliar with the fact that the linesman's decision can't be reviewed - and I wasn't, and see no reason why it shouldn't be - Derry really didn't do enough to send Young tumbling like that. Minimal contact or no, the correct decision was a yellow card for simulation. You can't blame them for thinking that a review and some replays might prove that
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:24, Reply)
it's only simulation if there's no contact.
I don't like it any more than you, but Derry touched him, so the decision is foul or not, you can't book a player for "going down too easily"

yet, anyway. You never know your luck.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Er, you CAN book a player for going down too easily
Obviously in an ideal world this only happens when there's no contact at all. I agree that the FA couldn't award a retrospective booking to Young based on this principle but the correct on-field decision would have been to determine that Derry hardly touched him and Young was looking for it.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
can you?
since when? I thought it had to be "simulation". Which means there has to be no contanct.

Not denying that you're right about the onfield decision, although Young couldn't really have been booked, but no penalty. But that's not what I was talking about, I was just pointing out why there was no way it would be overturned.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Referee's call isn't it?
Even with contact simulation can occur. Cases liek Carroll v Newcastle, where's it's just embarrassingly obvious, are few and far between. I see what you mean as regards the FA overturning a decision on this basis, but perhaps they should assess whether the "foul" was really worthy of a penalty and therefore a red card, which it palpably wasn't. I appreciate this brings it more into the arena of opinion than is desirable.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Oh Christ, that Carroll thing was fucking hideous.
The less said about the entirety of that game the better.

Including the offside goal, the penalty, James Perch going down like he was shot, etc
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
As I texted you at the time
Liverpool were utterly kippered in that game, but Carroll is a fucking idiot for going down when it was easier to score
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:49, Reply)
I think it could have been an altogether different game if he'd even tried to score, or maybe laid it off to Gerrard, who was on his way in
Instead, the spastic dives, and things went even further downhill from there.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:54, Reply)
I think you're right there
Dispirits the whole team. No excuse for all the bad decisions but from that point on the momentum was with Newcastle.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Definitely

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)
it's impossible
I mean, you and I both know 95% that Young could have stayed on his feet. But we can't be absolutely sure, because there was contact, maybe he was really off-balance, who knows for sure? So the ref's decision about whether it's worth a foul only goes as far as giving the foul or not, it can't be used to retrospectively decide anything.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
The question will be asked though
Why is it that when reviews are conducted that they operate on such a basis? Contact or no, that wasn't a penalty. The referee may well have been influenced by various factors such as his view of the incident, appeals from players or the crowd; surely the point of reviewing is to provide an impartial, unaffected decision. Whilst there was contact I can't believe that anyone watching that replay thought it was a penalty. Surely that's all that should matter?

Please let me stress that I'm not arguing with you, I agree that your assesment of the situation is correct.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:53, Reply)
It's like the DRS stuff
if it's down to "interpretation" they'll go with the original decision. They are looking for cast-iron proof. And, like I said, you can only be 95% certain that contact didn't make Young go down.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:20, Reply)
Bollocks.
There was contact. Yep, he went down way too easily, but on what grounds are you going to reverse the decision? referee's interpretation of whether it's a red offence or not? Can't overrule on that. It's almost as if QPR don't have the faintest fucking idea how appeals work. Oh, wait...
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Did you watch the first 15 minutes of that that game?
I mean, fucking hell, it was a rubbish decision, but I reckon it probably helped QPR because it left them with no choice but to park the bus and thus kept the score down. Man U were tearing them multiple new arseholes until Derry went.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I'm not suggesting for a moment that United wouldn't have won
But for the second time in a week a referee - and his linesman - made a staggeringly bad penalty call to benefit United at Old Trafford. The stupid thing is that Utd were going to win the title anyway, but now everyone will be talking about how much help they had to get there.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:50, Reply)
no
fucking idiots with paranoia complexes will talk about how much help they had.

Maybe the Carrick/Fulham decsision got them 2 points. But since the equally terrible decision against them at OT to give Newcastle a penalty cost them 2 points, I make that even. QPR is meaningless as you'd be massively speculating on the result one way or another.

there's no conspiracy. There is a fuck load of bitter jealousy though.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
It's self-perpetuating
For years there's been the suggestion that little teams can't get a break at Old Trafford. As you say, people will overlook the things that go against them but when a blatant penalty isn't given in the 90th minute of a match that "could decide the title", it adds fuel to the fire.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:06, Reply)
whilst conveniently overlooking the blatant "no foul" that was given as a pen to the "little team"
a month before in a game that has exactly as much bearing on the title?

Remarkably selective memories that ABUs have, isn't it?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)
I know, you're right
I've personally always felt that the notion that "it evens itself out over the season" is bollocks, but that's based on all we have to go on; personal opinion. The way we got shafted in last year's playoffs can't possibly be rectified, and I'm all for a fourth referee who can advise the ref when he's got something horribly wrong.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:28, Reply)
What's your opinion on overpriced sunglasses?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:29, Reply)
what have you bought now, Baz?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Hahahahaha
'How much was your jacket?'
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Good morning sirrah
I'm puzzling over the grammatical accuracy over your username. It's probably fine but I hardly slept so am a bit woozy. Fascinating stuff, I know.

Welcome to /OT. Names of those you should ignore available on request.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:39, Reply)
It's correct.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Knew I could rely on you
I really am feeling incredibly shaky today. Expect outbursts of unfettered rage and flouncing.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Are you tired every day?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Only when I haven't had any fucking sleep
Funny that
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
the closet gayboism trying to escape is keeping you up at night

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:00, Reply)
I see you've got your period

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:11, Reply)
you're the one that's cranky, schnookums

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Yes I am
So starting isn't wise
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)
shove your manstruation up your fairy arse
you ballroom dancing prick
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)
You're so cute when you're trying to be Rory
Do Monty next
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
you'd like that wouldn't you?
you'd love to see me do monty, and then you'd love to join in until we were a chain of thrusting, groaning, man meat
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:50, Reply)
I imagine the term "Daisy chaining" was based on the length and girth of your penis

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:54, Reply)
i imagine the term 'fannying about in a sequinned poof suit'
was designed specifically with you in mind
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)
You mean the term you just made up with me in mind?
Flattered but spoken for, sunshine
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:04, Reply)
shove a cock in it, prancer

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:13, Reply)
You're shit at flirting

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:14, Reply)
quit whining you massive girl

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Its' not

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Morning Darth

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Hello mate
And where the hell have you been?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Had 11 days off - fucking wonderful!
I now have contented children, a new front door and new wardrobes.....and no money left.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:49, Reply)
This is exactly why I'm not having kids
Or doors. Or wardrobes.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Been quite good actually
New wardrobes meant sorting out all my old clothes and buying new ones

I have discovered play.com do good t-shirts for fucking cheap!
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:56, Reply)
I need to go through my wardrobe and get rid of all my fat bastard clothes
Apparently needing them again is not an option
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:57, Reply)
This is what I've just done

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Morning fella

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Morning chap
How's you?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Hand spaz is bloody sore
Otherwise, fine.

Yourself?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Hand spaz?
Wanking injury?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Tripped over my own feet whilst pissed, twatted my hand into door frame, fucked up my knuckles

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Ooops

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Yep
Only cuts, but they're rather fucking painful

See?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Fuck
What did you punch? A deep fat fryer?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Exzema has fucked up the skin already, cold weather has made it far worse
I know I caught the frame hard, but if it were my other hand, I think it would have been a small loss of skin, and that's about it.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:20, Reply)
I think boxing gloves are the way forward on a night out

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:21, Reply)
This was a night in
What embarrasses me is that I have a feeling that this would have happened even if I was sober.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Yeah, yeah
You're making it worse because of our bet

I feel like hell
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Believe me, there's no point making it any worse
Too much booze?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:58, Reply)
Not a drop
Just didn't sleep
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Ah, not good

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)
To be equally fascinating
I think it's right (I hope it is) - if it was singular ownership it would be Apothecary's - but since i'm applying to the a plural the apostrophe sits at the end.. My mum'd be able to tell you, fucking grammar nazi she is. Top of the morning to you as well - good to know I'm not the only one suffering from crappy sleepless nights. All's well besides that I hope?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Upon review (and Monty's contribution) I believe you are spot on sir
You seem like a thoroughly decent and likeable chap. I think you must be lost.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:56, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Why thankyou
Kinda glad I made my introduction here rather than the other boards.. Although I guess I should make the rounds at some point
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)
More new blood on here is a good thing
There seems to be far fewer posters than 6 months ago.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Don't go to /Talk
Just don't
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)
*quicksteps over*
Mr F, how's tricks?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Stunners!
Good to see you, mate. Feel like hell today but generally not bad cheers. Your good self?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:45, Reply)
I have got post holiday blues and
shit loads of work but the sun is shining etc.

Were you on the ale last night? (Above, I see, no sleep)

You coming to Brizz?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Can't make Brizzle sadly
It was based entirely on the hope of persuading the missus that she wanted to visit her sister, not happening.

How do you rate your chances of playing Premiership football next year? "Better than yours" is not a viable answer.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:57, Reply)
In fairness, that's how he rates his girlfriend, and his chances of getting laid tonight.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Fucking slim.
Unless all further games including the first round of the play offs are away.

Reading are flying and Paul Lambert is keeping Southampton at the top.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:01, Reply)
I assume you mean Rickie Lambert
rather than the Norwich manager. We'll do Reading up a kipper next week mate. You're welcome.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
That's the fella. Thank you in advance.
There is always one team that starts well and fades. It looks like that's us this season.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Could be worse mate
You could be a Man City fan.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:19, Reply)
morning AW
I spent yesterday pouring knowledge into my witless co-worker and watching it slosh back out again completely unabsorbed. Guess what i'm doing today. Joy.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Who is Joy?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:01, Reply)
what is love?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Don't hurt me

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:04, Reply)
no more

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)
She lives at No 4 in our street and is very tasty

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Hi noob.
So, how much would you spend on a pair of prescription sunglasses?

I may have gone a bit Barry on a pair before the weekend.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:04, Reply)
I get reactive lenses, or "paedo glasses" as I have heard them refered to.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:12, Reply)
My sunglasses
Augment my vision to photoshop out anything I might deem unpleasant on the eye.. How much did you pay for yours?

Hello by the by
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:14, Reply)
Less of the pleasantries "weight"

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Don't call him "weight"
/Battered
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Yeah, I heard they're a pain in the arse for driving.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
I NO RITE
They dont have any wheels
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Weren't you complaining last week
that you needed a new job because you always had so much month left at the end of your money?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:17, Reply)
I think everyone (apart from swipe) has this though?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:18, Reply)
I'm doing quite well so far this month
Doing some shopping tonight, then aiming to not actually spend any money until next week.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:21, Reply)
God bless an all-in-one bank account
Need cash, make payment plan!
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Makes a lot of sense.
There's almost light at the end of the tunnel for me, this is my last month in debt to a company, my first overdraft will be cleared by the end of July (if not sooner), then I've simply got one overdraft to go!
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:25, Reply)
Excellent stuff!
How long to clear the other one then?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:26, Reply)
I'm not sure yet, when the first one is cleared I'm going to go and speak to one of the managers at the Macc branch
Spoken to her in the past, she's very friendly, and very helpful. Going to try to hammer out a deal, see whether I can reduce it at about 50 per month, if not more. If I can, I'll be clear soon enough!
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:30, Reply)
Woop!

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:37, Reply)
*dances*

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Good fiscal planning for one so young.
I was a nightmare with money when I was your age.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:39, Reply)
That nightmare happened to me halfway through last year
After repayments, etc, I couldn't even afford the rent. A friend sorted me out, on the condition that I paid her back no matter what. That gave me the kick up the arse I so badly needed, I paid her back, sorted myself out, accepted that it's going to be quiet for a few months for me, and am getting myself back on my feet.

So glad she helped me out though, don't know what I'd have done.

The other upside is that I'm downgrading my phone contract in a month, so that'll save me a fair amount of cash in the long run.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:41, Reply)
*pats on back*
Good austerity skills AA. You'll go far.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:52, Reply)
Thank you

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:55, Reply)
AA for PM

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
Hello AW.
You are a beacon of light in a sea of cunts.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
You, conversely, are a deacon of shite.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:33, Reply)
A RICH deacon of shite.

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:34, Reply)
Dinner tonight?

(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 10:34, Reply)
Hullo Faces - methinks you do me too much honour..
I prefer to think of it like this: *NSFW* Naughty words. www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQO1qZD5lek

You people are a lot more wlecoming than I'd expected, unless it's just this board?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:01, Reply)
We've been given a bad press as being cliquey
We're actually rather friendly, just relentless pisstakers.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Let's face it
who'd want to be friendly with anyone on here?
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
Exactly!
You cunt.
(, Wed 11 Apr 2012, 11:17, Reply)

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