NEWS ALERT:
Moribund messageboard struggles with chronic lethargy and dullness.

What's wrong with you people, eh?

Alt: My kid is four this summer. 'Member being four? What would you say was your favourite age so far?
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:53, Reply)

It's OK, I'm back!!!
(!)
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Dullness and lethargy

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:55, Reply)

I'll be a butterfly one day though

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:56, Reply)

butterface

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:56, Reply)

He always chooses the butt.

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:59, Reply)

Must be thirsty

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:00, Reply)

But not in that order

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:56, Reply)

No Quinten today *sadface*

( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:58, Reply)

I'd not noticed but you are correct
*places finger on nose and points to CQ*
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:59, Reply)

He contributes more than people think.

( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:59, Reply)

He does
I like most of his/her/its posts
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:00, Reply)

it's because he's in court in Germany.

(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:00, Reply)

For what?

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:01, Reply)

Health and safety violations in his kebab shop.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:02, Reply)

chilli saws?

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:03, Reply)

incest.
Bertlols.
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, Reply)

I thought it was compuslory in Germany
Germany Austria
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:06, Reply)

Fritzllols

(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, Reply)

Best burger topping?
Mrs Cow has informed me this is for dinner
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 15:59, Reply)

Cheese, of course
Followed by bacon.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:00, Reply)

Or both
*ponders*

I'll fry off some red onions and mix it in with chilli jam I think
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:01, Reply)

Blue cheese and bacon
Chilli con carne & cheddar
Tits and arse
Cannnon and Ball
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:03, Reply)

Needs more N

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, Reply)

Baconnn surely?

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:09, Reply)

Joey Bacon

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:10, Reply)

Chilli con Deacon

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:12, Reply)

*tastes*
Needs a touch more shoe
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:14, Reply)

Made a very small fuckup that has led to one gigantic clusterfuck
Oops
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:00, Reply)

How?

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:02, Reply)

Told a customer they would receive their order today
It hasn't gone out yet, as a result they have no keycards at all. As they're a hotel, this is quite bad.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, Reply)

ooof
How is that a small fuckup?
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:05, Reply)

Small because 24 hours rarely makes a difference in these cases
At worst, we can set it for a pre-10am delivery the next day.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:34, Reply)

YOU'RE FIRED!
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:12, Reply)

Mixing up the blue pens with the black pens again eh.
Christ when will you ever learn you Deacon
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:03, Reply)

Left work early to surprise wife. Got home, she's out. I am now in pub.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:02, Reply)

One of my mates from work did the same a while ago to find his mate up to the back wheels in his wife

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:02, Reply)

Ha ha. Hmmm. Actually ... Perhaps not ha ha after all.
* finds knife just in case *
( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, Reply)

This did lead to a most impressive mental breakdown

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:05, Reply)

It was you wasnt it Sporters

(Bonzodog29 watched the sky turn hellfire red, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, Reply)

Nah, he lives too far away

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:05, Reply)

Urban myth?

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:05, Reply)

No, not at all
Messy divorce soon followed, then re-marriage and now 2nd messy divorce
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, Reply)

That is an expensive hobby he is developing.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:08, Reply)

Indeed

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:09, Reply)

that'll backfire one day sunshine.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:03, Reply)

I'll wait until house prices fall further. It'll make the divorce settlement cheaper.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:05, Reply)

We're all on the secret cool board.
Talking about you.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:02, Reply)

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I WANNA BE ON THE SECRET COOL BOARD!

*throws mouse at screen*
*misses*
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:03, Reply)

Well I am very interesting and important, I suppose.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, Reply)

My kid is 4
Its a tough year
( PhillieJoe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:04, Reply)

Really?
There was nothing remotely resembling 'terrible twos' with mine, though, so I'm wondering if people mistake 'difficult year' for 'child is actually a bit of a cunt'. No offence, like.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:06, Reply)

More like 'parent is a bit of a cunt' if you ask me...

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, Reply)

No, no-one asked you.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:10, Reply)

Kids are rebellious
until you beat it out of them
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, Reply)

Ha ha.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, Reply)

Its definitely her being old enough to question everything, do what she likes and push boundries

( PhillieJoe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:11, Reply)

But I like that! Rather that than her being a subservient vegetable.
My ex will hate it, she wants a toy person as an accessory. I'm looking forward to the gradual realisation on my child's part that her mother is both an utter cunt and more than a little mentally unstable.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:16, Reply)

My daughter is really turning into her own person now
She questions everything and argues her point far better than she should do!
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:18, Reply)

Growing up
our family evening meals were like a fucking debating society (my father ran them): the 'being a child is no excuse for a badly-argued point' nightly gauntlet set me up for life*

*as an argumentative wanker
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:20, Reply)

I do insist we all sit down at the dinner table for our evening meal
No fucking TV or toys, and that includes the kids. We have a dining room so I use it. Best 1/2 hour of the day
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:22, Reply)

It's very important, I agree.
My ex does not, as she is a peasant. Kid eats on her own with the tv on.

Not happy.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:25, Reply)

On rare occasions we may have pizzas in the living room
But that is it
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:26, Reply)

I was only aloud to eat my supper in front of the television when Monkey! was on.
Special dispensation was granted.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)

I'll allow this

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:28, Reply)

Children should eat at the table.
It teaches table manners, the art of conversation and appreciation of time together as a family.

* old fashioned values *
( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)

This^

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)

Children should also be taught not to knock up their partners so they are forced to get married.

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:58, Reply)

I like it too, but its tough
Especially trying not to laugh when she smears her mothers makeup all over her face or covers herself in talc and runs in to the room screaming I'M A GHOST!
( PhillieJoe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:22, Reply)

hahaha!
I take it you have seen the hairdryer talc video?
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:24, Reply)

Yup
Seriously though, she covers herself in talc upstairs in her room, and I mean covers. She then runs out of her bedroom across the landing, down the stairs, through the kitchen and in to the living room all the way covering every room she runs through with a thick layer of talc. Whilst I go to fetch the hoover my wife foolishly starts wiping the wood flooring with a wet cloth which meant when it dried covered the floor in a streaky white mess that could not be hoovered. Child thought it hilarious, I thought it hilarious, her mother needed restraining.
( PhillieJoe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:28, Reply)

My mate Dave Clark posted a good pic on his Facebook
He was babysitting and instead watched some TV for about 2 mins. He popped in to check his daughter was ok to find she had covered herself and her whole room in Sudacreme
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:29, Reply)

My sister in laws son did that
rubbed it all in to the carpet in a rented house. She tried everything to get it out including renting an industrial carpet cleaner. Nothing worked. In the end it would have been cheaper for her to replace the carpet and be done with it.
( PhillieJoe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:34, Reply)

When 'keeping an eye' on my 4 year old cousin, many years ago
I popped to the bathroom for all of about 3 minutes and got back to discover she had painted her entire stomach blue.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:15, Reply)

Partridgelolz

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:24, Reply)

I'm busy
Because I'm dead important innit.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:05, Reply)

I liked being 20
I think being about 6 was good, too, but I'm hazy on the details. I think there was a lot of painting things and sewing things
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:07, Reply)

Genuinely read that as 'sewage things' there.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:11, Reply)

Sounds shit

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:12, Reply)

Lol

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:14, Reply)

I was over that by the age of 6
unlike you...and Kroney
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)

I'd probably choose around 24
I was being paid well, had a nice flat and plenty of cash money
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:09, Reply)

Kid age, probably around 9 or 10
Building dens, fires, swings, etc. Riding around on your BMX all day and playing football.
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:10, Reply)

That sounds shit.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:11, Reply)

Aged 9-10, it was the fucking business

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:12, Reply)

29 was a good age for me. I seem to remember having quite a lot of sex.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:11, Reply)

That was a dream.
Sorry to be the etc.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:12, Reply)

Or a wank

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)

a whole year of wanking

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)

Arm like a fiddler crab, that boy

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:14, Reply)

No, that was 13-14

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:15, Reply)

+year olds

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:15, Reply)

Then I had some exceptionally good dreams and wanks at the age of 29, so I will stick with that age.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:16, Reply)

with to
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:19, Reply)

+ th of Feb
a age
( JeffTheDogFucker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:16, Reply)

lolzors

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:17, Reply)

I got more sex whilst single in the year before I met my wife
than I have had in the last three years.

Pity me.
( PhillieJoe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:36, Reply)

I do pity you. However this is more related to your mental deficiencies.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:42, Reply)

Can you be more specific?

( PhillieJoe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:43, Reply)

And his hideous, malformed face.
Don't forget that.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:43, Reply)

You'd love my face!

( PhillieJoe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:45, Reply)

You'd glove my face.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:56, Reply)

it's your own fault
if your little swimmers weren't so goddamn enthusiastic...
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:54, Reply)

I knocked off early
To take Battered's wife out for a bit before he gets home.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:12, Reply)

out
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)

Wipe her down before you bring her back this time.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:18, Reply)

It puts the hose up its chuff
or it gets the hose

..wait...
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:19, Reply)

19 was awesome, earning shit loads (respectively), company car, down to a different uni to see mates every weekend. Quite enjoying my late twenties too. What's left of them anyway.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:20, Reply)

the correct answer was saus-age!
You fat cunts
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:22, Reply)

reluctantlols

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:22, Reply)

Afternoon Quinten

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:23, Reply)

YAY!!!!!
*happydances*
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:53, Reply)

Alt: I'll go with 36.
Onwards and upwards, the past was never as good as the present and the future will be better still.
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)

Utter tosh.
This sounds like the blurb on the back cover of an American self-help book.

There are elements of my life today which are the best they've ever been but '89-99 were fucking spectacular and I shan't top them for lolz.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:36, Reply)

With the greatest of possible respect Boyce,
What is true for you may not be true for me. The question was "What would you say was your favourite age so far? (my emphasis) not "What would you say was Monty's favourite age so far?".

I am happier than I have ever been and I expect good things of the future. Frankly if I thought my best years were behind me I'd be very depressed, but each to his own.
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:47, Reply)

I am, rather, truth be told.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:48, Reply)

Well, there you go then.
*looks smug and a little sad*
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:49, Reply)

Stop nicking my look.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:50, Reply)

*takes off tramp-wig*

( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:52, Reply)

it seems I no longer have imageready
is there a place on line I can make gifs now?
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:38, Reply)

No, soz.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:40, Reply)

:(
you broke my heart, MOnty
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:44, Reply)

That's how I roll, Madame le Cavington.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:44, Reply)

What shall I buy my father for his birthday?
He is 69 (dude) next Thursday, and already has every book ever written. He lives in America so please bear shipping in mind.

Thanks in advance,

Monty x

PS I have about eight pee to my name.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:42, Reply)

'Fly Fishing' by J.R. Hartley

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:44, Reply)

Ever see the Fry and Laurie 'My name? It's L.O. Pages' sketch?
Rather funny.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:45, Reply)

Butt plug
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:45, Reply)

He already has a gold plated one that I got him for his 60th.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:48, Reply)

elasticaengineering.com/zencart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=14_57_58&products_id=314

NSFW
( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:48, Reply)

I really wish I hadn't clicked on that at work.

( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:50, Reply)

Sorry. Will edit.

( Battered I can see! I have legs!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)

Danke Mien Freund

( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:02, Reply)

Get him membership
To your favourite political party.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:49, Reply)

I can't.
It was disbanded in the mid-40s.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:50, Reply)

AU contrair
www.americannaziparty.com
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:51, Reply)

Excellent.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:55, Reply)

I'm curious as to exactly what is at the other end of that URL, but I am not going to find out at work.
Edit: I am only aware of their existance due to the following: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTT1qUswYL0&feature=related
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:58, Reply)

I bet you all talk about them at your Bolshevik club nights.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:11, Reply)

did
You intentionally wait to have a child?
( K Swizz all my bells are ringing, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:44, Reply)

Yes.
For many years I thought bringing a child into this horrible, overpopulated world was an act of gross selfishness but I see now that if the decent people don't have any children then we are truly doomed.

How are you?
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:46, Reply)

that makes me smile

( K Swizz all my bells are ringing, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:50, Reply)

How is your leg?

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:59, Reply)

nothing a few bong hits and some bacon won't cure
alas, there's at least thrity five minutes between me and leaving work, and a further hour and a half before i step across the threshold.
clagnuts.
EDIT ah yes. there was a question. well, i quite like this age really. twennynineannabit.

for the following reasons:
1:have decent enough job
2: am starting to look more like a reasonable human and less like a spotty scrawny/tubby sack of assorted human features
3:can grow decent beard on command
4: regular secks with a woman of my choosing who, by the by, is rather plendiferous to hang out/live with. a keeper, if you will.
5: can afford to go to festivals without resorting to an all-rice diet for months before and after.
6: no longer live in shitty reading
7:can walk from house to beach in five minutes.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)

Alright Smugsy Malone, that'll do.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:03, Reply)

are you jealouse of the secks
or the delightful, borosilicate glass roor bong with a carbon filter?
i won't tell anyone.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:05, Reply)

I'm doing OK for the former, thank you.
However the only smoking implements left in my life these days are a Silver Palm Leaf pipe and a 'Bud-Bat'.

I really could do with a good bong.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:08, Reply)

we invested in a tarty one
i don't smoke, other than the obvious, and i'm not smoking for the sake of smoking.
found the moment of truth when you're thinking 'i just spent £85 on a BONG ffs this better work' was realising that after a week of use, the glassware past the carbon filter was still clean, and the water too. worth it.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:17, Reply)

I read that as "farty one"

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:18, Reply)

nope
that's MY role in the house.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:20, Reply)

Do you have a link to where you got it, please?

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:19, Reply)

i don't but it's a shop in the brighton lanes called the marketplace
it's a roor blue series with optional carbon filter. glass gauzes too, so no skanky rusty ones, taste of metal, or scrabbling for tinfoil when you run out.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:22, Reply)

If Brighton wasn't chock full of benders and Fat Boy Slim I might have been up for a day trip to check this out.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:30, Reply)

despite my *ahem* rugged good looks
i am yet to be accosted by a man for the purposes of hanky-panky.
with the possible exception of a man who, seemingly unable to find the door of the toilets in concorde one night, was striking up conversations with people as they pissed. he was talkign to my junk, i was like 'erm.. wtf?' he was like 'it's ok, i'm gay!' i forgave him because he was gurning like a chimp eating pop-rocks and ther was a large bouncer bearing down on him at the time.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:35, Reply)

i can also recommend
everyone does it .com (remove spaces) they're like amazon for mashheads.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:36, Reply)

Wow looks like I missed a LoT
Has everyone had a good week? Have any complete cunts died? Please say they have.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:03, Reply)

Are you back from holiday?

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:03, Reply)

Yes
I am waiting for people to arrive at my flat for the weekend now.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:06, Reply)

Where did you go?
And what you you doing when people arrive in the flat?
( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:08, Reply)

Cotton-eye Joe lolz

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:10, Reply)

You bugger
I'll be singing that all night
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:12, Reply)

I went to a spa with a friend
A fancy pampering kind of spa, not a health farm spa. Best gym I've ever seen though. My running is improving. I will be joining the al/crack house/Darth obsession soon.

How was your Easter egg fest?
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:11, Reply)

Not bad.
Green and Blacks mint eggs are disapointing. And I am a leg spaz at the moment so running can go fuck itself up the arse quite frankly.
( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:12, Reply)

What did you do to your leg??

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:13, Reply)

I don't know. Too much running I think.
Last weekend I did five miles before I had to stop for an epic shit, then on the next lap my knee gave up halfway so I walked home, did three miles on wednesday then during a run yesterday morning my knee gave out again even more painfully and then ached for the rest of the day.

I don't know if I'm running wrong or what. I need to see a physio really.
( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:16, Reply)

Definitely because they can fix it early doors so you can carry on
Whereas if you ignore it you could make it worse. You don't want to fuck with your knees, they're fiddly little cunts
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:18, Reply)

My father and sister both have fucked knees from exercise.
It's bad for you, I tell you.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:18, Reply)

My dad needed a new knee a couple of years ago
After 60 years of running, football, squash etc. But he does have the heart and lungs of a 30 year old at the age of 70. There must be some benefits.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:20, Reply)

As do I.

In a tupperware box in the fridge.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:21, Reply)

...to being an organ collecting serial killer

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:21, Reply)

Wow you two are in sync!

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:23, Reply)

Finishing each others sentences, how romantic!
If I were Wanderlust, I'd be concerned.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:25, Reply)

I can't be bothered to do strikethroughs on my ipad
Let's pretend I said something clever about you groping your tits if you were lusty for a day
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:26, Reply)

I'll be honest
I kind of figured that went without saying.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:27, Reply)

Since when have you not needed to spell out the obvious on here?

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:31, Reply)

Timberlake lolz

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:25, Reply)

i reckon I said it better

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:28, Reply)

Wotcha.
I've not been on here too much. Consequently it's been rather shit.

Good hol?
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:04, Reply)

Sadly this is true.

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:07, Reply)

Hello gorgeous
I can see that having no monty would make it suck. I am looking forward to seeing you in Bristol! Or shall we go out with stunned and himjim etc etc before then?? Xx
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:08, Reply)

Me too and yes, let's have a drink next week, eh?
You *are* drinking, right?
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:10, Reply)

Nah, she got herself knocked up
so you have to throw her down the stairs before she can have a glass of wine.
( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:11, Reply)

OK, no problem.
That and a 'gin bath' and she'll be back on the lash like billy-o.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:12, Reply)

I've been away with a GiRL
If I came back pregnant, we could all live on the earnings of that medical marvel
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:15, Reply)

I will drink for you, hell to the yes

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:12, Reply)

Driving women to drink is my 'thing'.
It's what I 'do'.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:13, Reply)

rumours of my demise have been
greatly exaggerated
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:06, Reply)

Fuck you, Monty, I'm amazing.
A-maz-ing.

OK, I may have accidentally deleted somebody's entire email archive with little to no hope of retrieval, all because of my usual rakish, cavalier attitude, but I'm still brilliant.

Overall, my favourite age so far is probably 24. I was making decent money and had a job that let me build up time in lieu to augment my holiday whenever I wanted. This was handy because I'd just met the ex. Things were still good and I was bombing around seeing her every couple of months. I had a lot of fun.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:14, Reply)

You could be allowed to come for a drink too?

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:19, Reply)

Now steady on.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:20, Reply)

ONLY JOKING, KRONERS.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:20, Reply)

FUCK YOU MONTY I HATE YOU

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:21, Reply)

No dissing monty

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:23, Reply)

I could, I have a few free evenings next week.
I am very popular now that I have new sunglasses.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:21, Reply)

Those two sentences don't go together

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:22, Reply)

Really I've been crying myself to sleep
over Next Generation repeats and a bottle of cheap, vinegary red.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:23, Reply)

Urgh, red mings

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:25, Reply)

What? Stop being a weirdo.
You're a woman, you love red wine.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:26, Reply)

I fucking hate red
It's WaRm. No no no.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:26, Reply)

Certain Beaujolais are meant to be drank slightly chilled, if memory serves.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:27, Reply)

Correct.
Any light red is fine to drink chilled and in some instances it's fantastic.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:28, Reply)

I haven't had a Beaujolais for yonks.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:29, Reply)

it has its place*.


*In the fucking bin whilst I quaff a hearty Barolo.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:30, Reply)

I mistakenly bought a British red wine once.
It was so utterly insipid that I refused to even cook with it.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:33, Reply)

I've had a few good ones.
They are about 20% more expensive than they deserve to be, though.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:36, Reply)

And about 4% weaker than they should be as well.
Although I believe this may be a climate thing as Australian and South African wines tend to have a higher abv content than French wines.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:38, Reply)

Yup, sweeter fruit = more alcohol.
More sun = sweeter fruit.

You = a fucking fruit.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:43, Reply)

*raises eyebrow*
I am a little surprised at this grave error of yours. Mind you, after 'meat-gate' I shouldn't be.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:28, Reply)

You know I have dreadful taste in food, alcohol and men

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:28, Reply)

Is meat gate
that website where a bloke repeatedly slams a garden-outside world interface system on his cock?
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:31, Reply)

It should be

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:31, Reply)

Yes. Yes it is.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:35, Reply)

Red's the best wine.
Plus, all the best drinks are consumed at room temperature. Fact.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:29, Reply)

Diet come??

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:30, Reply)

I'm actually going to leave that one
I am childish enough to smile. I do hate the autocorrect though.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:30, Reply)

Come again?

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:30, Reply)

I eat way too much sugar for that, I'm afraid.

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:33, Reply)

This is an excellent post.
I am unashamedly congratulating myself, here.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:33, Reply)

I'm going to give you a generous five and a half for it.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:34, Reply)

Give over, it was funny on two entire levels.

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:35, Reply)

OK, six. But that's it.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:37, Reply)

I am wasted on you people.

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:38, Reply)

Thank god iPads don't have webcams

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:34, Reply)

Spat your diet come out in mirth, did you?
I can understand that, it was the best post all day.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:39, Reply)

It was the image of you congratulating yourself. They don't make vodka strong enough for that image.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:44, Reply)

That cunt Arsene Wenger sticks fucking ice cubes in with his red wine
He's french though, so it may be allowed
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:32, Reply)

I thought that was more Spanish?
I hate whinger. Would totally do Jose though.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:33, Reply)

He should do the world a favour and hit the old delete button.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:34, Reply)

There's people in the Q ahead of him dude
Dangerously illiterate people
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:35, Reply)

Illiterate people in the 'Q', eh?

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:36, Reply)

I thought you'd like that
Haha have just seen this werk's qotw. Am surprised if isn't just people posting links to one another's usernames.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:38, Reply)

"werk"

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:39, Reply)

Battered did.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:39, Reply)

He's a good lad, is our Batsy.
If a little 'short' tempered.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:40, Reply)

Haha!
Who??
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:43, Reply)

Apeloverage.
Well, he didn't link to his profile, but that was all he said.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:44, Reply)

Hahaha

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:50, Reply)

Excellent idea!
I shall get on this asap
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:40, Reply)

I could give you...
..... Well actually just one these days. But now I can't think how to say this without it looking dodgy.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:43, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:44, Reply)

s e
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:27, Reply)

The Corinthian Spirit is not dead!
http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/blogs/world-of-sport/player-deliberately-misses-penalty-133953673.html
Have you seen anything recently that restored your faith in humanity?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:28, Reply)

Only stuff that has depressed it further

( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:29, Reply)

Innit blud.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 13 Apr 2012, 17:36, Reply)