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This is a question Off Topic

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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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quentin, "boring people are bored" as my friend would say
so. what is the most ridiculous/clever headline or story you've ever seen in the papers?

alt: post something in the style of another poster and we'll all guess who it is? a game that NEVER gets old.

alt alt: have you ever dressed up as a member of the opposite sex? would you?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:28, 118 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
When Celtic lost to Inverness Caledonian Thistle....

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:32, Reply)
that can't be real
it's up there with "wham bam sam cam's a mam (she'll need a new pram)"
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
No, it is real
The headline write had to retire after that one, surely? You can't top it
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
Unliley seeing as he ripped it off from a Liverpool Echo headline that read
SUPER CALLY GOES BALLISTIC, QPR ATROCIOUS
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
I'm late to this
but it's definitely real.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)
Killer Nazi Flies Invade Europe
Was a Sunday Sport headline years ago.

"it's Paddy Pantsdown" is my personal favourite.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
WWII DOUBLE DECKER BUS FOUND ON MOON VANISHES

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
i liked that on "spitting image"
esp when he came on and said "this campaign was fought on the slogan MY VOTE!

and sadly, that's all i got"
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:50, Reply)
That needs to win awards.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:53, Reply)
my friend says 'only boring people get bored' and she has a point, but i was referring to that tedious arguement taht was going on all morning
alt: I AM FAT AND CRAZY WHY WILL NOBODY LOVE ME???

alt alt yes, yes
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:32, Reply)
alt: stop stalking your gf at lunchtime and give her some space and maybe she will stop dumping you?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
i didn't see her today, shes got a flood in her backyard

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
Ah, that time of the month

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:40, Reply)
What Jeff said
Alt: This thread is fucking shit.

Alt Alt: Nope, never.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious
After Inverness Caledonian Thistle battered Celtic at football.

Alt: No. Such games are for bennys and proles.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:37, Reply)
MARTIN CAN YOU PAY ATTENTION AT THE BACK PLEASE

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:41, Reply)
I haven't
alt: *pun*

altalt: yes, no.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:37, Reply)
I should be working but I've got my hands down my knickers

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
darth foxtrot
that one was easy
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:40, Reply)
I need that family fortune sound that says neit

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:43, Reply)
eee-arr
www.televisiontunes.com/Family_Fortunes_-_Wrong_Buzzer.html
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Cheers Quint

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:55, Reply)
*Takes out knife* *Drinks coffee*

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I had no idea my boyfriend was a smack head, but then he had no idea I was shagging my brother

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:39, Reply)
forty shades of what now?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:43, Reply)
nah that bird who looks like a bloke, bella just looks like a mess, a fat bloody mess

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
ah do you mean beky letters?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:48, Reply)
Yer, it's one rule for one and a different for another from the clique man
How come she never got hounded mercilessly for loving the 'wrong person', fuckin rules of society man
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:55, Reply)
beckyletters did her brother?
why do i never hear the good gossip?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:06, Reply)
It's ok to bang on for years about Roberts minor indiscretion, but Becks fucked her brother and nobody bats an eyelid
This place is weird
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)
I'd never heard about it before
maybe she didn't explode online and tell the entire internet?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:18, Reply)
I think we need some kind of breakdown database where this info can be searched

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:20, Reply)
There's sickening evidence that can be added to the database
www.b3tards.com/u/e908521f1c6e8c370697/jizzbox.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:11, Reply)
I like this.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:21, Reply)
right, see, youll never guess waht
tricky fuked sasha ovre the desk right and then johnny right he craked one out ovr it and i gave him one LOL LOLLOL your fat
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
i don't know any johnny?
tricky never fucked sasha, although he tried

i was gonna say something about louise earlier, i forgot what it was though
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:47, Reply)
I remember reading a headline in a Irish newspaper
After some bloke got attacked with a golf club at a garage.

'Petrol Pump Punter in Pitch and Putt Pummelling'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:48, Reply)
sounds better with an irish accent

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:49, Reply)
Julio Babtista leaves Arsenal because its to cold here here
Weather forces Baps out
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:49, Reply)
good afternoon quenders
one has just hiphopped in from one's paul smith shoot reeking of givenchy and oozing suaveness.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:50, Reply)
monty

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:50, Reply)
don't be silly
there was nothing about nignogs
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:52, Reply)
it was monty

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:53, Reply)
Alright PD

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:01, Reply)
The guy who broke his foot kicking a terrorest in the nuts while on fire.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 15:52, Reply)
Always been my favourite

(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:00, Reply)
That'll teach it for luring disco dollies to a life of vice

(I helped save b3ta! Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:09, Reply)
OH god yes, I remember this, DING DING, winnner

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)
OH god yes, I remember this, DING DING, winnner

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:13, Reply)
OH god yes, I remember this DING DING, winner

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:17, Reply)
^^hehe stupid hat.
obsidian nipples ARNO.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:20, Reply)
you greedy fucker

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:34, Reply)
OK, now you've confused me.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:35, Reply)
YOU ATE GORDON RAMSEYS SEX MIDGET

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:38, Reply)
It's a wicked headline
just a shame the story turned out to be bollocks.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:18, Reply)
alt no fatties, etc
Alt alt yes of course, I used to be a lesbian, a hasbian roffle
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:06, Reply)
I dunno, I don't read tabs very often and the other rags don't really like comedy headlines

Alt alt: fuck yes. Back in my "9 stone" phase I could do a pretty passable pre-Beckham posh spice.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:17, Reply)
Darth?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:18, Reply)
haha, but no. that was an alt alt not an alt.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:19, Reply)
I've heard a single alt is best

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:22, Reply)
Oh, I dunno, there are few very underrated blends out there.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
PROOF!!
If proof were needed
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:29, Reply)
Of what?
That I know a lot of shit? that's hardly news.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)
I know more shit than you.
Most of it biblically.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:37, Reply)
Fair play.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:39, Reply)
You are all incorrect about everything, I should know I work at a university or some shit

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:23, Reply)
Oh come on, that could be at least three of us.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:26, Reply)
or just you three times?!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
That would be Roota.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
Al doesn't work for a uni
He works in a portacabin plannIng holes
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
In fairness I've never claimed to be right "because I work for a University"
I'm right because I fucking am. Except, apparently, when I'm not.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
k2k6

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:27, Reply)
What happened to him?
Did he fuck his brother too?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
Not that I'm aware of
He did seem overly sweaty handed on several occasions, but within normal off-topic parameters
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:33, Reply)
Normal distribution of sweaty-handedness
nice.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:33, Reply)
I work at a Uni and I am always right

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
unless it has to do with scale or perspective

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:37, Reply)
'Worksop Man Dies of Natural Causes'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:30, Reply)
'Hop Off You Frogs'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:30, Reply)
I just accidentally tripped up a small child running down the train carriage
He is now crying
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
"accidentally"
I bet you're sniggering as you're typing, you cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:31, Reply)
superfly? monty?
no, defineitely battered? yes?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)
Not Battered
He'd have "accidentally" glassed the kid.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)
Well done!
Kids shouldn't run round on trains
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:32, Reply)
Explain that it's a good life lesson for him.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:33, Reply)
Good work.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:33, Reply)
yeah, but where did he want his blinds?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:35, Reply)
No, she went of her own Accord.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:37, Reply)
AHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:39, Reply)
AH NOAH!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:42, Reply)
This thread is more than a tad lacklustre.
Come on, flids. Look lively.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:36, Reply)
*goes home*

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:47, Reply)
Alt: Rah Rah Rah. Daddy bought me my flat and I only attract homosexual men darling.
Obvious post is obvious.

What else is going on pissfaces? I am home from work early and spending time with my daughter. Later I will go to the pub.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:46, Reply)
punch her fucking face in battered, she was looking at your pint

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:47, Reply)
That's child abuse.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:49, Reply)

child abuse fun for the whole family.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:54, Reply)
I can't believe you're saying this!!!1
Just because some people are in social housing in the Stoke area doesn't mean you can just hit them!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:52, Reply)
hitting them would be preferable to living in stoke

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:58, Reply)
TJ: One for Monty, and possibly a few others
www.planetrock.com/news/rock-news/motorhead-and-anthrax-announce-uk-tour/
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:53, Reply)
motorhead is what teh thing at the top of a guitar is called
and anthrax is a poisonous thing
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)
'motorhead is what teh thing at the top of a guitar is called'
No, it isn't.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:18, Reply)
^^wrong, again^^

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:20, Reply)
It's a peghead or a machine head
As the tuning bits are known as tuning pegs or tuning machines. The name motorhead comes from a Hawkwind song referencing the American slang for someone on speed.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 18:15, Reply)
Primal Scream did a great cover of Motorhead.
Even Monty approves of it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 18:22, Reply)
alt alt
I've dressed up as other species*, does that count?

*not like a furry or anything
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:55, Reply)
Alright?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:55, Reply)
evening
you're not dead then?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)
One lives in hope.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:03, Reply)
I thought he lived in London

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:04, Reply)

hope Stoke.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:04, Reply)
LOL

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:04, Reply)
Am I bollocks
Fucking NAILS, me.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:05, Reply)
careful
make sure you've got your tetanus injection up to date
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:06, Reply)
Tetanus needs a Monty injection, not the other way round.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 17:06, Reply)
oh yeah
Swansea Herald of Wales, back in 1995 had an article on the front page about someone finding a potato that looked like a fish "it was 6 inches long...it looked exactly like a turbot"

it was all we talked about in uni that year
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 16:57, Reply)
IT'S THE SUN WOT WON IT

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 18:19, Reply)
I'd forgotten about this one
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html

alt alt: yes, once. A horrific experience for all involved - I have good legs for a skirt though..
(Apothecaries' weight - I'm a cyborg, but that's OK, Wed 25 Apr 2012, 18:45, Reply)

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