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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I got up at 5:45 this morningAnd still had to run for the 6:50 train even though the station is less than 5 minutes from my door.
This was after briefly waking at 4:50 and then falling back into a dream where I overslept until 9.
How long does it take you to get out the door of a morning?
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 6:59,
189 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
well I got woken up at 6:10 am this morning.kept dozing til about nine, then got up and dressed and was out the door in 5 minutes.
Good side of today: I got an excellent mark on my microbiology test.
Bad side of today: I've been studying for a test it's doubtful that I'll pass, had to complete an assignment due in tomorrow, and had to do readings for a prac that is, funnily enough, happening tomorrow. WHY SO BUSY TOMORROW?!
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 7:03, Reply)
Depends on the sprogsAnyone require an update on my bollocks?
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Peej, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 7:05,
Reply)
Without kids it was 30 minsShit, shave, shower, breakfast, done
Now it is "No, we don't have Weetabix. Yes, you can have a red yoghurt. Eat or the telly goes off. Charlie (dog), stop trying to eat stuff. Go on your potty"
And that's just Mrs Cow
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 7:30,
Reply)
Got the shits today so won't be going out the front door at all this morning. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:04,
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I wasn't aware you had two kids(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:14,
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Didn't you?Tarquin and Sinita, but they have different mothers.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:17,
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Been pissing rusty water out of my ring piece since 2am. I could crap through the eye of a needle at 50 paces. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:21,
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I suggest uploading to YouTube if you do manage this(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:22,
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"one fat angry bloke one needle"Got to be a winner.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:27,
Reply)
Who is Les HartAnd why do you Need him?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:42,
Reply)
He can shit through the eye of a needle from 50 paces(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
5 mins if I don't shower, have breakfast, or sort my lunch outabout an hour if I do all of the above, although can be cut down to about 45 mins in times of need*
*desperate lateness.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:07, Reply)
Up at 5:15, and out the door at 5:35 this morning.I wish I lived nearer the office.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:10,
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If I left the house then I could be at Kings Cross for 9amWhere do you live? Finland?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:13,
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This morning, from the New Forest to SloughI've been here since 7:00 restarting the server.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:16,
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Ahh Monday morningThe bane of the IT professional
Could you not restart it remotely?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:27,
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Oh Sporty, I ain't no IT dude.We don't have one in the company, I just re-started it to take some updates. I sit at a computer almost all day, but I don't know how to make them work, besides adding programmes and simple stuff.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:30,
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You need an IT dudeAn IT dude would have meant considerably more time in bed
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:06,
Reply)
I've got the busiest day i've had in years today10:00 - GPs
11:30 - [country] embasy for some legal stuff.
13:00 - First job interview
15:00 - Second job interview
17:00 - Third job interview... maybe.... I need to call someone back, this is with an agent who wants to meet before presenting to client.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:18,
Reply)
I was reading up about Crohns last nightIt appears the risks are raised if you are Jewish and if you smoke
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:28,
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That's interestingas my boss's wife's dad has it and he's the only other person than Gonz I've come into contact with the illness, and he, too, is a Hebrew.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:11,
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My friend Sharon has it and she is neither Jewish, nor a smoker(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:14,
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Maybe she's both but is lying to you.You know what 'they' are like. Terminally dishonest.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:16,
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are you sureen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ariel_Sharon
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:17,
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I purposely left it open for just this joke!I should start calling her Shalom
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:23,
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Yes but Jewish populations are full of strange genetic disordersbecause historically they would marry only within a small population rather than intermingling with local populations. So your chances of getting quite a lot of stuff are raised if you're Jewish.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:25, Reply)
The summer I spent in Stamford Hill amongst the Hassidic communityled me to the same conclusion: massively inbred, it's plain to see.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:28,
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cant fucking stand those pricks.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:48,
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RACISTJews are not a strange genetic disorder, they are a proud people with a rich cultural tradition.
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Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:31,
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You're only saying that because you're French.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:38,
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That is correct, the French are well known for theircultural tolerance.
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Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:43,
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yup, thats true.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:14,
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I've managed to be out of the door within a minute of waking beforeThere was a period of about 6 weeks where I wouldn't be able to get to sleep until about 4am, with my alarm going off at 7:30. I ended up ironing my shirt, showering, setting up my lunch, etc the night before, then all I needed to do the next morning was jump out of bed, get dressed and run. As I've kept toothbrushes at work for a few years now, it's not too bad.
Usually, I'm out of the house within 15 minutes of waking up. I speed shower most mornings, a skill I used at my last house where the water pressure was so shite that showering for any length of time was near impossible.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:41,
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About 20 minutesBut I have the kids to get ready too, so it takes me 2 hours. Stupid children.
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jenpots, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 8:43,
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My Dad used to get very frustrated at us kids when it was a school morningUsually because I'd always manage to lose one shoe, only ever one.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:01,
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Sleep to out the door in 15-20 mins.I have it down to a military-precision operation.
Got any more flats to see?
EDIT in other news, I went to a nightclub for the first time in years on the weekend. It was pretty good. It had a psychedelic lightshow and the music policy was late 60s/early 70s rock. Full of young people too. I think I might send them* a mix, see if they want to hire me. I have better records than them for sure.
*the club hosts, not the young people. That would be weird.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:10,
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I reckon you and I should host a club night,but you live in the badlands so it's not really feasible, eh?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:25,
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It would certainly have to pay pretty well for me to commute down to London each time.And in my experience it doesn't usually pay much at all.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:32,
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I was on the brink of not needing a day job at one point.Unfortunately that point was in the 1990s.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:37,
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I just left a passive aggressive note on a car that someone had parked partially blocking the driveway to our office car parkOnly it was less passive and almost entirely aggressive.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:22, Reply)
A radical approach to Lady's day at Ascot.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:32,
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You tell them, Al!via the medium of anonymous notes
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:23,
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Despite all my best efforts I cannot get out of the house on timeI get as much ready as I can the night before - kettle full, teapot ready, cereal in bowls, lunches made, bags packed, school uniforms ready, etc. - I get up at six(ish) and get myself ready fairly swiftly.
Yet despite all this we still consistently fail to get out of the house on time. And the later we leave, the longer the journey across town takes - If we leave at 7.30 it takes 15 mins, 8.00 it takes 20+ mins, any time after 8.00 and it will be 30+ mins.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:29,
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Wake the kids up by screaming, "get in the fucking car."All other methods will be useless.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:35,
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*takes notes*Will this work on the Mrs too?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:40,
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60% of the time, it works every time.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:42,
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27 minutes exactly.First alarm - 6:00AM. Second Alarm 6:25. Get up, turn on shower, take care of other things while the water heats up, shower, teeth, dress, grab a bottle of sparkling water for the walk and out the door at 6:52 on the dot, every day.
I have it so fine tuned that even something as small as having to get a new tube of toothpaste from the cupboard can throw me out of whack though.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
I think I forgot to put on deodrant this morning.I'm concerned I may start to smell.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I use Mitchum deodorant which claims to offer 48 hour protection.Just in case, like.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:43,
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What is annoying is that I looked for the deodrant, made sure it was on the chest of drawers in teh bedroomthen spent ages walking around in the cold with my top off looking for a T-shirt, so I had plenty of opportunity.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:45, Reply)
This is a mental image I could do without, thanks all the same.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:47,
Reply)
ditto.although, I'm contractually obliged to point out I do shower daily. I'm not some kind of tramp.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:47,
Reply)
did you sell bathory the stuff that got him so off his face he shagged 3 blokes in 1 nightand filmed it?
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:05, Reply)
eee-arwww.b3ta.com/questions/morningaftersouvenirs/post1603284
she/he/it originally posted a story about doing some drugs and having sex with 3 men while filming it
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Oh shame, story's been removed. Bah.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:37,
Reply)
aw, man, and no-one screencapped?where's AB when you need him, eh?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:39,
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About 10 minutes this morningbut that's rather cheating as I was going to the gym on the way in to work so only needed to throw on gym gear.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:41,
Reply)
Fuck all.,Nice sunny morning though. And a weekend of 'normal people' activity (getting plants, constructing a new bed, cinema with nipper) - feeling pretty good ackshrly.
You?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:05,
Reply)
i didn't want to know about your shitdulltedious lifei meant with my clone, you vagrant-looking cirque du so-gay bumnast
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Well tough.Tough shit. Tough shit on you.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:11,
Reply)
NO, the tough shit is on you cos i may have read your postbut on the plus side
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
I know.I had a good weekend. Would you like to hear about it?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:20,
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Well, it all started when.....(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:24,
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shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup
shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)
Fuck all.Nice sunny morning though. And a weekend of 'normal people' activity (getting plants, constructing a new bed, cinema with nipper) - feeling pretty good ackshrly.
You?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:13,
Reply)
shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup
shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Nice sunny morning isn't it?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:16,
Reply)
it sure islooks lovely out, shall we go for a stroll in the park at lunch? I've got monster munch
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Then buy some looser trousers.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:18,
Reply)
HEY MAN JUST COS THEIR FROM PRIMARK DON'T MEAN THERE LOOSER TROUSERSprick
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:18, Reply)
thats the best i'll post all weeki'd stop now, but i don't want my average to increase
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:26, Reply)
Alarm at 7:30Flail about half awake for a bit, wander around in my pants, have a shower, get dressed, forget to have breakfast, leave the house at about 8:45 leaving me time to get breakfast in town, in for work anywhere between 9:35 and 10, which is anywhere between 5 minutes and half an hour late. Get told off for looking scruffy.
I work for ogres.
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Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:51,
Reply)
+ mince down the Champs Elysee eating a pain au chocolat,then surrender to the Germans for a bit.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:54,
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I think I might strike soon.30 days holiday, and a 30 hour working week is INHUMANE. Mon Dieu.
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Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 9:57,
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I suppose I shouldn't complainI do take the piss and they still gave me a pay rise.
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Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:14,
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I'm in the odd positionwhereby if I get a payrise it would all be pinched by my creditors so there is literally no point in my getting one. All of this makes me slightly less resentful of the fact that I never get them.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:15,
Reply)
It'd mean that your debt would get paid off more quickly though, wouldn't it?(
Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:25,
Reply)
It might just be more of the debt gets paid as opposed to being written off(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:26,
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No.My repayment timescale is fixed for 5 years (unless I come into the funds to repay it early, which is highly unlikely as my mother will outlive me by decades I expect*).
* the selfish BITCH.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:29,
Reply)
How goes Operation Debtgone?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:26,
Reply)
If Lusty didn't live at my house it would be hell.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:39,
Reply)
I suppose that's true, splitting bills makes all the difference.and sharing meals saves fucking loads of money.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:41, Reply)
dunno depends.Older people, have stag and hen dos always been as shit as they are now, I've just realised when I was growning up they seemed fun, now the thought of being invited to one fills me with dread.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:22, Reply)
They are almost always shitunless it is on the provisor that "pranks" are banned. i.e. a good excuse to go out and get pissed all day with a load of mates you've not seen for years
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:23,
Reply)
The only thing I've noticed changing about stags is it's becoming more and more common to have some sort of weekend away. I guess it depends what you're into. I still find them fun and since my own has now been postponed indefinitely, I no longer need to worry about reprisals.
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Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:24,
Reply)
I went on one which was excellent.Tayyab’s late Saturday afternoon, followed by having a little bar to ourselves for the night. No indignity, no overseas travel, no nudity, no problems at all. It can be done.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:26,
Reply)
I don't see what the problem isA weekend away drinking with your friends should be fun.
Unless your friends are cunts.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:26,
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It's not my friends that are the problem,it's that there'll be a bunch of "new people" who are probably "well up for it" and want to "have it large"
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:29, Reply)
Warsaw and Riga were the ones I've been onthey were both great weekends. Unless you don't like going away and getting drunk with your friends, I don't really see the issue.
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Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:30,
Reply)
They're not your friends though are they, they're the grooms.That said I'm going to one next august in Las Vegas which I'm looking forward to, because I used to live with the Groom and so know all his friends and family.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:32, Reply)
Yeah, but presumably you know a lot of his friends, too?In my experience, friends of friends have usually been people I've quite liked, too. Maybe I've just been lucky.
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Kroney, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:34,
Reply)
I think we can just assume from thisthat the world hates chompy.
I'm not likely to be friends with people who also have cunts as friends, so like you I've never had a problem with stags. Except liver based issues. I just assumed everyone was similar.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:41,
Reply)
I think they're like new years eve.Amature night, people who only get let out once a year getting fucked.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:43, Reply)
It really does depend on the quality of the people, old boy.Good people don't behave like cunts therefore fun can be had. Doesn't need to be forced, doesn't need to involve strippers and shit clubs.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:46,
Reply)
'Shit clubs'?Sounds a bit German.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:48,
Reply)
die glassentop schiessen.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:49,
Reply)
The problem is it often does involve shit clubs and jaeger bombs and that shit.(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:48, Reply)
stop being friends with fucking idiots thenjob done.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:49,
Reply)
A well placed Jaeger bomb can be fun.I wouldn't drink them all night, but it's fun to get one of your mates really drunk so he feels rough the next day, as long as you don't take it too far and actually go out of your way to make him have a shit night.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:54, Reply)
i just googledits called a bomb cos you drop the shotglass into your red bull, but ti says you can do it with beer as well,, i don't like the sound of it to be fair, jaegermeister is all sticky and sweet and io'm not all about that, but if i had to i'd rather do it with beer
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:01, Reply)
I should really have clarifiedChompy's issue is that his friends do things he doesn't enjoy. So he needs to change friends rather than moan that things are shit.
I quite like Jaegerbombs. Also, Jaffabombs and hand grenades. But then I am a bit of a cunt so this shouldn't be surprising.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:57,
Reply)
It's like a Jaegerbomb but it doesn't go off(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:01,
Reply)
and a hand grenade?why do shitcunts make up these shitcunt names for drinking like shitcunts?
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Because they are shitcunts?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:03,
Reply)
I just don't know QuintenI've always managed to be able to get quite pissed enough without having to resort to:
Drinking Games
Kerrrazyy Cocktails
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:04,
Reply)
COME ON EVERYONE LETS DO HANDGRENADES AND JAEGERBOMBS AND WHIZZLERSI;'M A START CALLING YOU ALL NICKNAMES TOO, YOUR NEW NAME IS NON-HOCKEYPRICK
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Better than some I've been givenQube
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:08,
Reply)
I don't know, Quentin.Why do they?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:21,
Reply)
cointreau instead of jaeger.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 11:20,
Reply)
For my brothers, about 15 of us are having a weekend in Chester, should be good fun(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:27,
Reply)
Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:44,
Reply)
I just like the clicking sound.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:48,
Reply)
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