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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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My loser housemate is dropping out of the same course he dropped out of last year.
Because he can't get up in the mornings to attend lectures. It's a degree in advertising so it's not like it's taxing or anything. What witless morons do you know? First one to say Bobby get's a prize.

Alt: How did you revise for exams? Tactics please.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 13:54, Reply)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 13:57, Reply)
What a fucking tit
Revision for exams goes as follows:

Read books
Make as small a reference page as possible. One sheet A4 max
Stare at page
Use partial photographic memory to recall where things are on page
Remember what you wrote down
Profit
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Stunned.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 13:58, Reply)
The last thing you see before it happens to you

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Good work!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:02, Reply)
Tell him he's a useless prick who will never succeed at anything in life
He should save himself from a life of the dole by killing himself.

The girl who asked why Hitler was speaking German is still one of the most moronic things I've ever heard.

Alt: Go over the notes I've made from the year, compare them against the work we'd been doing at the time, that way it was easier to find any gaps in my knowledge. Then, I'd redo my notes, trimming out any superfluous bits, to help me focus on the core stuff.

Then I'd get bored and go to the pub.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
+ deleting his account and

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:02, Reply)
Alt: I saved a weeks holiday from work and tried to wank myself to death.
It didn't work and I passed with some distinctions.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 13:59, Reply)
If he can't get out of his pit in the morning,
then he's a waste of space. Twice? Jesus.
And a degree in advertising? FFS, why not just kill him now. Witless morons, just checkout our councillors, shedloads of expenses for precisely nothing.
Alt, I sat with a book, and read it. several times, memorised what I knew the examiners wanted to know and wrote it down. hardly the most difficult of shit.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:04, Reply)

He is the most useless human I've ever met. He cannot do anythign for himself. His parents come and pick up his washing weekly, they drive him to work and pick him up(when he goes), the girls have to wake him up in the mornings and he still doesn't go to lectures.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
How old is he?

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
21

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
Fucking hell.
From the sound of it, his parents need to buck their act up too.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:11, Reply)
Pot and kettle here

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:12, Reply)

they live two miles away...

they walk into the house without knocking, I had a word about that and know they ring him when they're outside.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:13, Reply)
Absolutely ridiculous

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:19, Reply)
Sounds much like someone I lived in a houseshare with in Bristol
except that he was 27-odd, I believe.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:17, Reply)

It wasn't North Road was it?
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:20, Reply)
Oi, careful now!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Wow, so you scored a first in astromaths from Oxbridge then, I'd never have guessed

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:10, Reply)
Read through handouts/course handbook
make a list of things I was supposed to learn
make detailed notes on what I was supposed to learn
attempt to learn it in the space of about three weeks as opposed to a year
fail by 0.5% to get a 2i, so possibly my method is not what you want to be doing anyway
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:09, Reply)
A mate's daughter was saying how she was going to Ayia Napa on holiday
with her mates.

I asked when she was off to Cyprus and she said she wasn't going to Cyprus but Ayia Napa. FFS.

When I explained to her that A N was in Cyprus and we all had a laugh at her expense, she asked "why" would she know where Ayia Napa was? Lazy, feckless bastards.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:13, Reply)
Fuck loads.
I'm on here, I'm on facebook, I'm on twitter and am surrounded by several thousand undergraduates on a daily basis. I'm like a perfect fucking storm for witless retards.

Alt: The tactic of knowing the stuff in the first place is fairly infallable. After that you're pretty much gambling.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:14, Reply)
Other than myself, not many I tend to avoid them
and our marketting director was made redundant so now I don't have to work with one.

Alt: Badly, crammed in the last week or so. I got what I was aiming for though so maybe the secret is to have low expectations.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:21, Reply)
I've never revised for anything in my life.
I got a 2.1, if you're interested.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:30, Reply)
Yes, but what was your degree in, again?

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:30, Reply)
English Lit/Lang and Philosophy.
Both of which are surprisingly complex. The English component was large part phonetics etc, the Philosophy component was inexplicably short on lazing around talking about "the great beyond, man".

It was all mostly dogshit dull.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:32, Reply)
Where did you do your degree?
The Philosophy course at UCL had the remarkable distiction of only have one compulsroy element - the final exam. Everything else was optional.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:34, Reply)
Glamorgan
ex-Poly in South Wales. I did it as a minor, so I only had to do a few courses. Kind of interesting, but Christ was the expected standard of your argument high.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:38, Reply)
En Francais, natch.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Not at all, I had to write it in English.
So on top of everything else, I had to express myself in my second language.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:40, Reply)
MERDE!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:43, Reply)
Zut Alors! Malhereusement.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:49, Reply)
Je ne comprende pa

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
C'est le probleme.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:52, Reply)
Students, pay attention!
If my students put as much effort into revision as they do into attempted plagiarism, procrastination, whinging and deadline evasion then they would probably do rather well in their exams.

(Also, if I put as much effort into my job instead of procrastinating, whinging and deadline evading then I would probably have been promoted by now.)

I would say this though: if you are handing in a report that constitutes the work of an entire term and that counts for 100% of your assessment for that course, using a stapler will probably put the person marking it in a much better mood, and better mood = better marks.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:47, Reply)
Yes Miss. Whatever you say Miss.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:50, Reply)
You lose marks for calling me Miss.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
It was purely for selfish reasons.
Sorry, ma'am.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:52, Reply)
I have final year UG students who still call me sir.
this disturbs me.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:52, Reply)
haha!
*staples post just to make sure*
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Could I also add:
Please don't leave the last 3 pages of a 10 page report out. I find it rather trying when a sentence ends halfway through.

Also, for the love of fuck, if you must copy text from the internet I'm probably going to spot it, but it's really easy if you forget to take the fucking hyperlinks out. OKthanxbye.

PS - wikipedia is not a valid scientific reference source.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:51, Reply)
Bloody Internet copiers.
I asked them "Is this your own work, did you do this from scratch?"
"Yes, yes, absolutely" they assured me.
"Really, this is completely original and your own work? Because sometimes people forget to reference things correctly and mistakenly include work that isn't their own" I said, looking incredulous and offering them the chance to redeem themselves.
"We wrote it all ourselves" they said.
On being told they were being summoned to a plagiarism hearing they admitted they "had help".
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:01, Reply)
fucktards, the lot of them.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:19, Reply)
your students sound like retards
what are you teaching, how to be a mongo?
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:05, Reply)

your most
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:05, Reply)
Is it better to pass or fail that course?

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:06, Reply)
if you can't figure it out for yourself i'#ll send you the prospectus

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:07, Reply)
Ask Quinten, he managed to simultaneously do both!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:07, Reply)
:(

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:09, Reply)
:(

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
i tried to do the angry eyes sideway v above that quinten, but it didn't work
even when i out the pre tag in

FML
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Your code doesn't do that pre-tag thing.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Depends
I teach Chemical Engineering at UG level. Bioprocessing/therapuetic drug development/downstream processing/stem cell therapies at PG level.

How to be a mongo is optional on any course I teach.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:18, Reply)
PG level?
you teach chimps how to copy things from wikipedia?
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Postgraduate.
But, I might as well be teaching chips sometimes.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:33, Reply)
chips? fucking CHIPS??? HAHAHAHA you REATARD

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
I clicked this.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:38, Reply)
yeah. sticks of potato deep-fried.
What's so hard to understand about that? honestly, Quents, I despair of you sometimes, I really do.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:44, Reply)
i hate it when clever people don't get upset about me pointing out minor errors

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:55, Reply)
This is the potato
to hell
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:47, Reply)

you earlier
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:49, Reply)
hahahahahahaha!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:50, Reply)
I work with a guy who asked his bosses missus if she actually liked his boss
Her reply "Well I sleep with him every night so I guess so"
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 14:53, Reply)
this is well good

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:03, Reply)
This is a glovely story

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:04, Reply)
If this ain't glove
why does it feel so good?
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:14, Reply)
THIS IS SHIT

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:03, Reply)
SEND FOR ALL THE QUENTINS!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:04, Reply)
(toots the quendhorn)

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:05, Reply)
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:08, Reply)
where's QIII?

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:09, Reply)
It's not the same without him here too.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:12, Reply)
its the power of three
without it we're just poor spelling retards who make shit jokes and try to bully virgins
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Look out
FIRE!
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:07, Reply)
i hate when you go to a website and click back but it doesn't do anything
so you have to hold down the back button to bring up the back history to skip back passed the page your on cos of some shit on there stopping you
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:08, Reply)
i don't quite have a photographic memory, but not far off
I passed every single exam I ever took by dint of memorising the notes. Pro's: makes exams easy and no revision until the last minute. Con's: I guess I probably have a much shallower understanding of the topics than those who revised every bit and made notes in painstakingly coloured detail.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:22, Reply)
This^
I have an exam to take tomorrow and will be doing exactly this tonight
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:23, Reply)
*last minute fives*

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Stupid fucking Microsoft qualifications
*jumps through hoops once a year*
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:28, Reply)
I keep meaning to start doing my Cisco creds.
I keep getting distracted by such things as telly, computer games, going out, girls and sometimes sitting around staring at the ceiling being bored.

I am not a natural study.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
Just passed the latest Citrix XenApp 6.5 CCA qualification
and need to update my 2003 MCSE to 2008 MCITP

Pain in the arse it is
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:35, Reply)
I haven't done any of that shit.
Times have changed, I'll need them if I'm going to get another job.

Still. Effort.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:37, Reply)
meh
I've done so many Citrix qualifications it is silly - CCA x 8, CCEA, CCIA, CCSP. Microsoft MCSA/MSCE for 2000 and 2003

Off for VMWare training soon
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:39, Reply)
Sounds like a thoroughly shit time, to me.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:56, Reply)
It was grim
I need the qualifications for our company though as we are Citrix and Microsoft partners
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:58, Reply)
memorising the ingredients on the back of a kitkat chunky isn't revising
and scribbling "SUGAR, MODIFIED MILK INGREDIENTS, COCOA BUTTER, UNSWEETENED CHOCOLATE, LACTOSE, SOYA..." on your bedroom wall in your still warm detritus doesn't count as an exam
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:26, Reply)
i don't like kitkats
I can't stand wafer, me.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:33, Reply)
The Boomtown Rats less well received.....

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:34, Reply)
Sting and the Police's.. would have been better

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
For the second line yes

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:36, Reply)
oh i just realised you meant the first line! well done!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:37, Reply)
Why the hell did they let him on the course the second time?
I wish him luck getting on any course again ever.

I find teh world is full of imbeciles and fucktards. Especially the ones who say "You're so clever! How do you know that?" when you demonstrate any knowledge whatsoever. It's so hard to refrain from saying "because I read occasionally, and I listened in school, you moron."

alt: Went through pages and pages of doodled-on lecture notes, copied out main themes and motifs etc, learned some quotes, revised topic vocab, panicked, cried, had anxiety dreams. Hope this helps.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:39, Reply)
Are you kidding?
9000 a year say he will get on any course he wants
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:47, Reply)
There are still limits to the number of students you can take
(I think in England, I only really know the Scottish system now) and you'll be financially punished for poor retention rates, so the 9K fees won't make any difference in that way. Except to a seriously despairately crap University.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:56, Reply)
Wales innit?
As long as he promises not to fuck sheep, all will be OK
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:57, Reply)
Ah, Welsh system is the same as the Scottish I think
We've got this weird situation now where the English have to pay 9K a year to come to Uni here but everyone else in Europe. including the Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish, doesn't. Rather silly.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:02, Reply)
RIP OFF BRITAIN!!!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:03, Reply)
It's just Salmond being a cunt
sooner or later someone's going to challenge it as discriminatory. I'm amazed no one has yet.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:04, Reply)
Well he is a big, fat, smug, racist cunt. He's nothing if not consistent.

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:14, Reply)
Have a right good wank before the exam, helps to settle the nerves I found.
Although probably best not to do it in the examination hall, as I also found.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:46, Reply)
Could you not pass?

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:46, Reply)
Pass on the opportunity to have a wank?
Not at that age, no.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:57, Reply)
spunkylols

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:58, Reply)
YOU WILL NOT PASS!

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Thanks Ian McKellen

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:58, Reply)
one simply does not wank into mordor

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:59, Reply)
McSnuffWanks

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:59, Reply)
Hahahahahahaha.
Which Q are you?
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:59, Reply)
Q1

(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:00, Reply)
i feel dirty writing that
really dirty, i don't even like LOTr, i barely watched the films, they were shit i just know this meme thats all

please don't bully me cos i've got a D&D hat
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 15:59, Reply)
Embrace your inner hobbit.
Then touch it's hairy balls.
(, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 16:01, Reply)

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