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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Unpleasant colleagues
There is a woman in my office (same grade as me so I canít fire her) who has the worst interpersonal skills of anyone I have ever encountered. She makes her team miserable by the way she talks to them and others despair of her. She has been told repeatedly that she needs to get a grip on this but doesnít seem to care. Iíd like her to go (for the sake of her team) but canít formally influence anything. What would you do?

Alt: your colleagues; good, bad or indifferent?

Alt Alt: unemployed? Why havenít you got a job?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:49, Reply)
sleep with her, that'll punish her
alt: mostly wicked. the occasional twat.

altalt: no, been gainfully employed since i was 14.

altaltalt: WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT MY LUNCH?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:52, Reply)
Okay Little Miss Demanding.
*sighs* what are you having for lunch?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:59, Reply)
well, it's a good question
i have a rather boozy pub quiz tonight, which will mean no dinner. so i am thinking about waiting until 2pm when it will be a bit quieter, and then wandering over to m&s to stuff my face on the justification of no dinner. but leaving it til 2pm does mean all the good stuff will have been snaffled by the plebs.

you can see my dilemma, darling.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:00, Reply)
Get Fortnum's to deliver you a hamper to your office instead.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)
i just got selfridges to deliver something to the ex after his op
next day delivery was £12! TWELVE!

i had breakfast at fortnums the other day. their welsh rarebit was £15 but fuck me it was like a big cheesy mustardy orgasm.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Fortnum's is ace.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
god yes
i fucking love it there
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Aldi is my favourite department store.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:09, Reply)
i fucking HATE aldi
i've only ever been in one, once. that was enough.

as for the cunts that populated the carpark..... pikey pikey cunts!
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:11, Reply)
You banged every single one of them, didn't you?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)
Even the hetro ones.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
you two can go fist each other
i look forward to the footage at pizzabash
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
All the orgasms I give are mustardy.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)

orgasms diseases

+discharge
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)
That'll teach you to send the fucker presents, then.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
i know
but he has just had an operation.

that doesn't make it ok, does it?

god i'm such a pussy.

hilariously, he genuinely does love pink socks, so one of the things i sent was the new paul smith zebra socks. made me think of you, it did.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:30, Reply)
Zebras aren't pink, though... ?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
this one is red
the socks are pink (they do other colours) with a tiny red zebra logo and - oh fuck it, here!

www.selfridges.com/en/Menswear/Categories/Socks/Zebra-socks_101-86057480-AFXJ745AF172/
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)
that's a fucking expensive pair of socks
says the man who spent £240 on lingerie yesterday.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:51, Reply)
Does it fit you well?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:52, Reply)
badum-tish.
I wouldn't even get fucking close to getting it on.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:53, Reply)
I am out after work so am quaffing shepherds pie, chips and beans.
What a fat cunt, eh readers?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:03, Reply)
you can't have chips with shepherds pie
it already has potato on the top! food fail...
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
The double-carb lardy.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
Triple carbs!!! Don't forget the beans.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)
You know NOTHING.
The beans reinstate the chips, you see.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)
in what way is this....
NO. just... NO!
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)
Shit in her cunt
Alt: Excellent bunch - funny as fuck and excellent workers

Alt Alt: Had a job since I was 17
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:54, Reply)
Alt: All salt of the earth Geordies?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:57, Reply)
2 Mackems and 3 Geordies

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)
Mackems must be sick seeing the Slagpies do so well.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:06, Reply)
meh
Newcastle have really overachieved this season. I think both teams will be around 8-10th next season
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)
Either a "quiet" word with her boss
or undermine her at every turn.

Encourage her team to complain.

Alt: Usual mixture of good and bad. Mostly good because we are a small firm.

Altalt: Yeah, dolescum. Get a job.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:55, Reply)
we have the same boss, so I will be making him aware of specifics on occasion - subtlety is key I think.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:57, Reply)
Prolly sensible. Is she a contractor?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:59, Reply)
No, permanent.
Permanently a cunt too it seems.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:00, Reply)
Could always mention the bullying directly to HR
out of "concern" for the staff.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)
Call her up on it whenever you see a specific example of it.
Privatly obvs.

Alt: Alright on the most part.
Alt Alt: Looks like I'll be unemployed march next year at this rate, we'll see.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:56, Reply)
How would unemployment fit with your plan for your own business? You haven't mentioned that recently.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:58, Reply)
I worked up the numbers a few weeks ago
I would need a minimum of £7.5 million to get anywhere further than research and computer modelling.
I have no fucking idea how to get that money. And unfortunatly it's not something that can be done incrementally. Open up a landfill and you need to either clear it all out or clear out a bit and then seal it again. The seals are hundreds of thousands of pounds just for the plastic and clay, let alone the labour costs.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:03, Reply)
That's a pisser.
So paperclips it is then.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Yeah,
might just save up and get a patent on it and hope someone decides to buy it before I die.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:07, Reply)
won't work.
You can't really patent something you don't intend to develop yourself - it would be seen as patenting simply to stop someone else doing it, which is rather frowned upon.

Plus, where were you planning on finding the £100,000 to half a million you need to file and defend a patent?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
I'll pretend to die running a marathon.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
Oh, sick burn.

I did chuckle, but then I'm a total cunt.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:31, Reply)
Sleep with her.
Alt.Indifferent.
Alt alt. No, but there are not many not many out there, in case you haven't noticed.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:58, Reply)
Shit in her cunt
Alt: My colleagues are the only reason I'm still here. I have a good laugh with pretty much all of them, it distracts from the tedium.

Alt Alt: Nope.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 12:59, Reply)
Why are you trying to entice darth to have sex with her?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
i would ask her why does she think, it's okay to talk to people the way she does

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:02, Reply)
I may do this in front of our boss, having tee'd him up in advance. Should make for an interesting meeting...

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:03, Reply)
that's a lie actually, i would just deal with it and call her a bitch behind her back

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Send bot dog in the internal post, every hour on the hour
Colleagues are lovely.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:05, Reply)
Wow
she sounds almost entirely like my boss. Nice enough person but a total autist. She however is my line manager and yours is just your colleague so you at least can have a quiet word, or a louder one if that doesn't work.
Apart from her everyone here is really nice, actually. They go to the pub a lot which I like but would have found weird in my last few jobs.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:07, Reply)
I had you down as a massive drinker.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
Who, me?
*looks innocent*
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Right-ho!
Butter wouldn't melt. ;-)
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:31, Reply)
GET A ROOM YOU TWO

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:31, Reply)
Its probably not the right thing to do but I know I would just end up telling her what I thought of her
I like 80% of my colleagues but would never socialise with them outside of work like the rest of them do.

Alt alt - Anyone who claims benefit of any kind no matter what the circumstances is dolescum and should be rounded up and sent to the camps. I have worked a job of sorts since I was 12. Whats your excuse wheelchair bound guy with severe brain damage!

Alt Alt Alt I have a fish and ham dish in tomato sauce, thanks for asking.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:09, Reply)
This is v topical.
Today, our new Ecommerce Manager walked out following a blazing row with my boss. He lasted a fortnight. He was the replacement for our old web content girl whoÖ.walked out following a blazing row with my boss. I took a call today from a woman whoís done bits and pieces of design for us over the years. ĎI canít believe you still work for that maní she said. He is routinely described as the rudest person someoneís ever met. Most external contractors only work for us once. Heís a cretin, a bully, utterly unfunny and really quite dim but actually his heartís in the right place and heís helped me out with an interest-free loan when I was in trouble a while back. I cannot hate the fellow despite his appalling lack of manners.

My staff are all really a decent bunch, but no-one bothers showing any initiative or giving more than the basic effort because it is patently obvious that thereís no reward for it. Zero incentive.

If I wasnít double fucked for money and in an industry where there are sod all competitors based in London Iíd walk immediately. If I didnít have a kid Iíd probably get dual citizenship papers and move to Canada with Lusty.

However this is not possible so I am forced to grin and fucking bear it, as I have for the past 16 years. GREAT.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:10, Reply)
Interest free eh?
You're right he is a bit dim
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:12, Reply)
Ha ha ha.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Dyaaky it's the only answer

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:13, Reply)
Who gives a shit enough about work to have a blazing row?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:13, Reply)
He has an incredible ability to enrage, it's really quite a gift.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Take her with you
They never found Maddie.

I'm just saying
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
some people don't have a filter
Some people are too stupid, to realise they're an asshole
And others do it for show
Last colleague I had did it for show and her ass got sacked. Stupid cunt. And I mean that in the horrible American way.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
Cunt is horrible in the uk as well, just not so much here

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
Not where I work it isn't
Cunt is a commonly used word in my office to describe a cunt.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
really?
All this time and I never knew. In fact, I've been told several times that it's not bad there.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:22, Reply)
It's nowhere near as bad in the UK.
This statement works on several levels.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
Its still the worst swear word but people are so easily offended I guess
Twat however in the UK is pronounced to rhyme with Cat rather than Got is hardly offensive and my gran says it sometimes
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
She's right to - you fucking are one.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)
*too

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 14:09, Reply)
I thought it was twat that was more severe in american english

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
no way
Especially if you call a woman a cunt, be prepared to have your balls handed to you
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)
I have difficulty judging the severity of american insults
I jokingly called someone a douchebag in a meeting the other day (he was in the room at the time) and the atmosphere became quite tense for a few minutes. I don't know how insulting it is but I just like the using the word.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)
If you live and work in the UK
and you called someone in a meeting a douchebag it's just possible the tense atmosphere was due to everyone in the room suddenly realising you were a tool?

Sorry to be the bearer, etc.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
I don't
so don't.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 15:04, Reply)
... as opposed to those nice british cunts?
.. as I said just the other day over tea with the vicar.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
From what I gather Merkins get a lot more upset over the use of the word that we do
Mind you they all cried when they got blown up whilst we make sick jokes about 7/7
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
What cunts.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
IS OFFENDED! BAN REQUEST!

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
over here cunt has turned back on itself and become pretty affectionate among friends
i hate to use the gervais defence though, the fat prick
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:48, Reply)
Oh, I agree
but there isn't really a worse word to call a stranger, especially a woman.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:52, Reply)
shut your hole, hockeyprick

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)
you're supposed to call me a cunt, you idiot
see if it offends me. Honestly. Do I have to explain this shit every time? You're just letting yourself down, here.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:58, Reply)
you still yapping hockeyprick?

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 14:06, Reply)
Retrain?
Has he not got any skeletons you could exploit. I'll bet he's a tax dodger. THEY usually are.

Non-payment of employer NI stamp is common for small businesses.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
I'd like to retrain but I cannot take a cut in pay which fucks that off immediately.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
You could have a happy career as a bag expert.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:27, Reply)

expert lady.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:27, Reply)
He's just scared that in a different job he'd have to cut his hair & wear a suit and hope that having a 'permanent cold' wouldn't be noticed.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
There is an element of truth to this.
Although I've no problem with suits and look damned fine in one, I'll have you know.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:33, Reply)
The only solution is to DYAAKY

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)
And have a shave.
Down stairs.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)
I have lolled. In my office.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Stop being such a noisy cunt, it's got fuck all to do with you and simply contributes to office politics
You should be more concerned that they've spotted your trembling hands and smell of booze most mornings.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Ha ha.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:17, Reply)
call her a cunt
my colleagues and employees call me a cunt all the time and i always change my working practices because of it
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:40, Reply)
This shocks me to the very core of my being.

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 13:49, Reply)
i'm such a likeable guy i just odn't get it

(, Wed 2 May 2012, 14:09, Reply)

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