So this morning I have to visit the docs for my heart trace and blood test results
I am of the opinion that this is all a massive waste of time and effort.

What is your biggest waste or time and effort (b3ta and Paul King excluded)?

Alt:
My bosses are all away so I'm in charge. What new work rule should I enforce?
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 7:10, Reply)

I got my blood test results yesterday
Suitable for black pudding production. When I learn to spell Cholesterol, I have to cut it down.

Alt: No trousers, only shorts or mini skirts.
( Bartleby I am sir, your disobedient servant., Wed 9 May 2012, 7:20, Reply)

I shudder at the Alt

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:16, Reply)

The blood test results will confirm it is AIDS. Again.
Alt: depends if you want to piss them off or not. If you do then ban tea and coffee. If you don't then insist they all take a full hour for lunch and go out for it.
( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 9 May 2012, 7:21, Reply)

Lunch hour is a good plan

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:15, Reply)

You should award yourself that pay rise that you've not had in years, bet your managers somehow squeeze them in at your expense
stop being the office bitch donkey
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:13, Reply)

Eee awww

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:15, Reply)

IPHONE DAY IPHONE DAY IPHONE DAY ! OH BOY ! OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY !
Plus Ma' is getting back from cyprus, haven't seen her in about a month.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:25, Reply)

that sounds like a good day Pops.
one of my lecturer's is from Cyprus. He's ace. Are you from Cyprus too or was your mum just going there on holiday?
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Cool, nah', not from there, but I have a place there on the north side. Dad fell in love with the area and wanted us to move there.
For about 5 years I used to live there for 2 months in every 6 or soo.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)

that sounds a bit luxxy

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:33, Reply)

It was alright really.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)

He owns half of Cyprus and was once an MC in popular 'rap group' Cyprus Hill.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 8:30, Reply)

OH MAN!
I have no idea who the fuck they are mate.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Be real man, EVERYONE knows teh Hill!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Nah mate I seriously have no clue, or interest, in who they are.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:33, Reply)

*psst*
It was a joke as one of the members of Cypress Hill is called B Real

How is the lovely Poppet this fine day?
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:34, Reply)

Yeah I'm alright.
It's been muggy as hell and the thunderstorm finally broke which is a relief. I've finally got some of my studying mojo back. I have my hair covered in henna and wrapped inside a towel. Also, I think I've got my foot in the door for if I want to do Honours at my current university.

The most important thing however, is that someone lovely took me food shopping last night so now I can EAT. :D
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)

\o/

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)

yeah it's pretty good.
I had no idea how necessary/amazing food was to me until it got to the point where I couldn't afford it.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

and how are you mr sportscow?

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Not too bad thanks
I await the docs report with interest.
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)

I dunno if I should go to the docs or not.
I got these really sharp stabby ouchy pains in my chest today. I've never had that before.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Its probably impending death
Best get it checked out
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Yeah, impending death and all that.
good point. I'll go when I have the money for a doctor's appointment.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Ahh. Money for docs is not a good thing
You get used to just being able to go here
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)

there's a clinic at uni, but it's booked like a month in ahead.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)

...by which time you will either be dead or better
Useful
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)

pretty much yeah.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)

AND I got the turks to take the rap for all that.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:32, Reply)

You mean Paul Owen.
Paul King sang 'Love and Pride' - and whenever I see a TV ad for 'Oven Pride' I am reminded of said shit record and think to myself that the makers of Oven Pride missed a trick when they failed to use the song on their ads. As you were.

As the risk of revealing myself as the whiny beakering bitch I am, my biggest waste of time is spent trying to reason with the mother of my child. I'll try not to mention it again as I am painfully aware of how tedious it is for me let alone anyone else.

Alt: Anyone with a physical tic or speech impediment should be forced to stand in a bin in the middle of the office and have kettles of boiling water poured over them whilst all the other staff do impressions of them - the person responsible for the most cruel/accurate of which gets sent home for the rest of the day with £50 for the boozer. Team building, you see.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 8:29, Reply)

Excellent out-of-your-box management thinking

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Another one of the many talented people to hail from Coventry.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)

From a list of literally tens of...err...people.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 8:41, Reply)

You must stop thinking of 'twang club' as having any talent

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)

The first rule of twang clu...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)

I always think of them as a group of Yorkshiremen comparing their penises
T'wang club
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Wu T'wang club ent nuffin ta fuck wif

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)

Gravel Pit is actually about the town centre

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)

It's about their nans' growlers.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)

A gravel pit would be a marked improvement on the City centre

(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)

thanks for that.
I have tea up my nose from laughing.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)

"people"

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)

It's a hotbed of talent alright.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)

There have been a few
The Specials, The Selecter, Hazel O'Connor, Kristy Gallacher in the music shere. Clive Owen the actor and Gez McGovern (design Director of JLR) also hail from the lovely Coventry.
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Yeah, we always seem to celebrate the wrong ones ^ and overlook the real talent though:
Philip Larkin, Delia Derbyshire, The Sorrows, The Orchids, Lee Dorrian, etc.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)

Lee Dorrian is a splendid fellow
whose expert knowledge of obscure late 60s/early 70s British psych/rock is pretty much second to none.

And as we know, Don Fardon is certainly a superb Brit soul/rock vocalist.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)

It seems a bit odd that Lee Dorrian, one of the men responsible for the rise of grindcore in this country
Is an expert in such a field...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)

I know what you mean. It's pretty weird.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Cooks a mean steak too

(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Who, Don or Lee?

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)

The Specials and the Selecter had their hearts in the right place
but I put it to you that their actual records were shite, especially when held up against the proper Jamaican ska which inspired them.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Indeed. Their best songs were covers.
Jerry Dammers would make my list, but not the others, as he refused to join in the reunion rehashing of former glories preferring to look forward rather than backwards, with his Spatial AKA Orchestra.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Have you seen him lately?
Boy needs a dentist big time.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)

He always did IIRC!

(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:17, Reply)

It's now critical.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Sadly the fluoridation of Coventry's water supply came a little too late for our Jerry.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)

I'm annoyed that I'm going to have to undergo a full asthma test before they put me back on my old medication
They took it off me, as they 'didn't think I needed it anymore', which I accepted, as at the time, my asthma wasn't too bad. However, since then I've found that my allergic reaction to cats is just as bad as it ever was, and after telling them this, I've had to arrange an appointment for them to give me a full test. I'm sure they have a viable medical reason for it, but it's just irritating that they're unwilling to put me back on a medication that has worked wonders in the past.

Alt: If people are allowed to drink tea/coffee at their desk, stop them taking more than 5 minutes to brew up. Some people here take up to 20 minutes, and the boss doesn't bat an eyelid. Yet if the rest of us nip into the kitchen to grab a drink from the fridge, etc, he's watching us like a hawk.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:34, Reply)

My desk is right next to the fridge, the toastie maker and the coffee
I can brew up and make a sandwich whilst on the phone
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)

It's alright for some!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)

Damn right!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Alright 'John Shaft', that'll do.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 8:43, Reply)

*pops collar*

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Shut yo' mouth!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)

*is able to dig it*

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Alt: If you are being the boss, then everyone should do someone else's job for the day.
Each person should perform the duties of the person to their left. This should include maintaining an impression of their voice and mannerisms in order to convince others outside the office. Bonus points for cruelty when mimicking your colleagues.
Whoever is being sportscow should also post on here for the duration.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:35, Reply)

hahaha!
This now makes me half Italian and able to eat massive amounts of pizza EVERY lunchtime
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:36, Reply)

Make sure your Italian accent is as offensively racist as you can manage.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:37, Reply)

Mama Mia, how canna you say such a thinga?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:40, Reply)

I declare-a DOLMIO DAY!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Imagine if they made Mr Ben's Rice adverts like that...

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)

hahaha!
Brilliant!
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Featturing 'my mate Chalky' and the 'fried onion rings' fellow from back in the day.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Fucking hell
You even namedrop Rick Stein's dead dog now? A new low
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)

He was also good friends with Ken Dodd's dad's dog
Now also sadly no longer with us.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:52, Reply)

haha!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:05, Reply)

He actually has the strongest Sunderland accent I've ever heard!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)

'ow cannae ya say such a thing, Ma

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)

^I'm not sure what that is supposed to be^

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Scotch?
Oops
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Don't mind if I do.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:46, Reply)

alcolols

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)

:Alt
As you're boss for the day try these:-
Smokers 'nip out' for a fag? - Everyone gets a break until they're back.
Ladies that do 'a spot of shopping' in their lunchbreak DON'T get a further break in which to eat their lunch!
Ban cupasoup in the office.
Anyone talking about the new diet in Heat/Hello/insert title of vacuous prole-fodder here to be force-fed the magazine it's from, alien style.
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Ban coopasaoup in the office?
Ow naow mite, that'll nivver daow. Disgriceful oidea.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Haha
It'll be the British Leyland Bovril strikes all over again.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Hahahah

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)

That actually happened?!
I thought that was just how Pooflake described his last bowel movement.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Hey, computer cunts!!!
Where should I advertise a London-based web content/marketing position in order to get maximum quality applicants, please?
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:19, Reply)

www.brandrepublic.com
( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:21, Reply)

cheers

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Alright Legless?

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I can honestly say
I have never been so insulted in my life.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Would have been worse if I had called you James Hutchings.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Alright piston?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Alright AA?
...shit
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)

actual outburst of laughter from me here

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Brilliant!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)

It's not the same as what I do, but Monster has been amazing at getting my CV picked up.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)

ok mate thanks

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)

I actually know a couple of people who might be interested, that I can pass on your number.
One of them is a copywriter who has done major work with a national chain(s) of highstreet jewllers. The other is an SEO expert who is great at content and marketing.

I'm not sure if that's entirely what you're looking for, but it can't do any halm to mention them =)
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Thing is Gonz, if you like them, you don't want them to get a job at my place,
it's fucking awful.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Haha, fair enough, I can relate to that.
One of them is a freelancer though, so that could work out good... do you think the possition you need is full time?
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)

FT for sure.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)

craigs list

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:28, Reply)

I think one of you should change to Bad Quentin
I don't mind which.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:37, Reply)

craigs list

(apeIoverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Your underscore has been noted along with your fuckwittery

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I will be giving blood for the first time in a couple of weeks, I hope I've got enough

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:27, Reply)

I dont!

(apeIoverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:30, Reply)

That's because you are dead inside
What with being a Pakistani gang rape toy for ten years
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)

He is a 13 year old girl from Greater Manchester AICMFP.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:33, Reply)

9/10 people blah blah

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)

6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)

I went to school with someone named Paul King
And his brother was a binman named Stephen.
Imagine that!
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)

THEIR DAD WAS CALLED JUAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Wed 9 May 2012, 9:35, Reply)

+netto
Wait, that only worked yesterday
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)

No, I think it was Dave, he was a policeman actually, and...
WAIT A MINUTE!
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)

to be fair, it's mostly the doctor's time and effort
so thanks for spunking MY TAXES up the wall like that. cheers.

men.

alt: everyone in your office has to send me presents? i would enjoy that. alternatively, send them down here to slaughter whichever stinking cunt was farting on my tube this morning. every 2 mins a waft of rotten gut gas. it's just fucking disgusting to fart on a packed train like that. urrrrgh. i thought it was a terrorist attack at first.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Soz curry for dinner last night

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)

i don't give a fuck what the reason is
urgh! my lungs feel dirty.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 9 May 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Have you all succumbed to the crushing weight pushing down on your vital organs?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)

I took little tangle and his friend to an indoor play area on Monday
(I'm not proud - it was raining and I allowed them to choose).
I was going to get a bag of crisps from the snack bar, but on seeing all the terrifying examples of morbid obesity that filled this chav-ridden hellhole, I decided against it.
There were many people there whose vital organs will be crushed/consumed by cholesterol before they reach 40.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Exams start today.
First up Welsh. Let's start with a fail!
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Pob lwc!

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)

What? My mother was a saint!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Well she's an angel now...

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Have fun with that.
Takes half an hour to put all the little stickers about your person, and ten seconds to do the actual trace. And you always miss one of the stickers when you're taking them off, ago you find a random one later in the day.

Is your back still fucked too?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Is this your method for completing a Rubik's Cube?

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:35, Reply)

Let's just say
over the last year and a bit, I've become quite the expert in watching someone have an ecg. Usually at stupid o'clock in the morning, after I'd had to rush them to casualty.
Which is fun.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Apparently I may have Left Ventricular Hypertrophy
which has a symptom of high blood pressure, which I don't have.

This can lead to a sudden death type syndrome so if I stop typing suddenly it's becasue I have dropped dea.....
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 9 May 2012, 10:46, Reply)