Alright mongs? What are you looking forward to today?
For me, I can't wait for 10am as that is when my mother-in-law fucks off home.

Alt: what are you dreading today?

AltAlt: Why are you such a sexual deviant? Nature or nuture?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:16, 120 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Getting the fuck out of here
Can't be arsed today, not even slightly.

Alt: About 10 minutes after my boss arrives, when my workload goes through the roof.

Alt Alt: Bit of both. Then again, I am Elisabeth Fritzl.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:21, Reply)

please don't nut me

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:24, Reply)

I am desperately looking forward to 5pm
so I can flick the vees at work and have two blissful days of sleep, no stress and no psychopathic wankers.
(berk, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:26, Reply)

Same as berk, only it's 3pm for me today
Alt: The intervening period between now and then.

AltAlt: Because of the "nurturing" your mum gave me. Deviant doesn't even cover it. The things she was into would make your nose bleed.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Today should be alright I reckon.
I found FIVE ENGLISH POUNDS a-fluttering in the breeze whilst walking in the beautiful sunshine down the canal to Islington. I've had my exercise for the day, it's Friday, I'm not you - it's all looking OK.

Alt: I'm dreading NOTHING bar shit threads on here about fucking computers. Provided we can avoid any of that nonsense all will be well. Can I just explain, the things computers can do can be amazing, the things themselves are incredibly dull. It's like going on and on about paint because art is good. Or crapping on about guitars. No. Stop it.

Alt alt: I enjoy the whole spectrum of heterosexual physical entertainments available to me and why not? Seems a waste of a nervous system and a brain not to make full use of them, to me. That's very much nature. However, some of the more unsavoury aspects of my disgusting behaviour are, I suspect, nurture.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Would you have picked up the fiver if you knew it was covered in tramp's spunk?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Does nothing faze this man?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:47, Reply)

I like the way you compare me there to an artist there, baring my soul for the entire planet to see, in HTML5, CSS3 and jQuery.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I mean it, too.
End results = potentially amazing
How you get there = tedium

I once borrowed a book on Chaos Theory and fractals from my father. Half a chapter in, I skipped to the trippy fractal pictures in the middle and gave it back. Fucking hell, 'page-turner' it was not. More of a 'turd de force'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)

I wish Tina Turner's middle name was 'page', and she had a penchant* for those "Tiny little book of [emotion]" books you get at the till in Waterstones.



* I think that's a real word in this context.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:16, Reply)

I also wish this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:32, Reply)

This man speaks the truth.
I love guitars, but I do not read any guitar magazines, or bore on and on about the specifications of different makes and models.
Rein yourselves in, nerds.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Five quid? That's your food budget sorted for the next month.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I like knowing how things work
without people like me, there'd be no LPs, guitars, leather jackets and huge amounts of MDs that make your life bearable. Consider it a necessary evil.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)

It's great that you know about these things
But you don't need to talk about them.
Nerds should be seen and not heard.

seen and
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)

But it's INTERESTING

( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)

YEAH!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:54, Reply)

You hate your mother-in-law? She's been staying with you? Woh', you kept that one quiet.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Ha you have no idea what she is like.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Are you writing a sitcom?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:56, Reply)

It's more of a horror film tbh.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 8:57, Reply)

I donno, didn't she recently lose her husband or something like that?
Probably just wants to spend time with her daughter (and visa-versa). Not that I know the situation, not that I've been there, but I know if I just lost my Dad, I'd want to spend as much time with my Ma' as I can to help her during this very fearfull and confusing time... and that I'd give in to any of the annoyances and just dismiss them because they're not really important on the grand scale of things.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:03, Reply)

No her husband is very much alive.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Oh, erm, I'm sure you mentioned that your father-in-law died when you went off on on about Bono or something.
My mistake.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Nope.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:15, Reply)

I am looking forward to leaving at 1pm as I have the afternoon off work
Alt:
My 10am meeting. Yawn

Alt Alt:
'cos it feels so right
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:01, Reply)

It seems that your campaign of hate is starting to make some small impact, Batto:
www.b3ta.com/questions/sextoys/post1619139
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:04, Reply)

This meme may run and run.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:08, Reply)

One hopes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:13, Reply)

OH BOY !
Everyone laugh and point out my amazing ZING www.b3ta.com/questions/sextoys/post1619133?highlight=answers-post-1619183
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Nice work Gonz. 10/10.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Thank you !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Gonz, you are a cruel, heartless person.
Well done.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:14, Reply)

I should write a book of put-downs for specific situations.
My last one would be "Ermm, if you bought this book, then you really aren't in a possition to put anyone down.".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:23, Reply)

My favorite one is
"Aww, are you looking for sympathy? Go find it in the dictionary, it's somewhere between Shit and Syphalius".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Haha that's a good one.
You can tell me some more of them when I come round for that slap-up feed.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:41, Reply)

The wanker has now put a link to his shit book in the replies. Twat.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:36, Reply)

I'm looking forward to going to Telford for a presentation in about ten minutes
looking forward to downing vodka shots in an effort to forget I'm

EDIT: I'm watching the Scottish Cup final on Saturday with with a Hearts fan who has a nice stash of single malts. As long as he gets the right result it should be a good day.

Alt: A three hour round trip with my boss and his sparkling conversation

Altalt: Practice
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Looking forward to seeing my son tonight.
Alt: more stressy mood-swings and putting up with my boss, she's always been a headcase and now that she's leaving in an uncertain number of days and has a shit-ton to do and hand over before she does, she's really fucking annoying. Still she'll be gone in a week, probably.

AltAlt: I don't think I am. Tried most stuff and while some of it was fun it seems that I am happy enought with fairly vanilla sex done well.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 18 May 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Are you still safe there?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)

He uses a safeword

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)

2 factor authentication tokens are not to be mentioned
I'm aware that most people won't get this, but hey
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:29, Reply)

This smells suspiciously like nerd talk.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:34, Reply)

VERY much so, yes
/startreks
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Work?
Yeah, I'm not effected by the latest round of redundancies. Likely to loose some friends but I'm safe. Wondering how many they can lose and still have a company mind. I'd jump ship but I like this place and the only safe places in this economic climate are big bastards like Sky.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 18 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)

i have 2 friends at sky
both are on consultation. the bigger the company, the more fat there is to trim, i guess!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:20, Reply)

I'm looking forward to getting the fuck out of work and going to see The Dictator
I've had two separate arguments this morning. Fffffuuuu...
Alt: I'm a sexual deviant because my lube preference is actually Tiger Balm
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:18, Reply)

It looks shit.
That Cohen chap really is incredibly dull.

Have a nice time, you fucking knobend.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Thanks brah' *fistbumps*

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)

*washes hand*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)

It turns out that your wife probably knew you were a bender as soon as she first set eyes on you
www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/9269298/Women-really-do-have-a-gaydar.html
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Yeah, those stats are a lot less impressive when you
substitute stuff like "57 percent accuracy" for "7 percent better than guessing at random" not saying there's nothing there, but 65% is the highest figure given and that's just a 15% improvement on guesswork, so not exactly gaydar.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 18 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)

I didn't link to the Telegraph because of its skill in presenting science stories accurately
It was more about name calling, if anything.
Perhaps you would prefer to read the actual science? www.plosone.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pone.0036671
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:51, Reply)

its not even better than guess work
If they were mincing about in assless chaps you'd probably guess gay which would skew the odds.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)

They did at least eliminate these factors
buy showing the faces alone with no hair etc, still pretty slim margins though.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 18 May 2012, 11:07, Reply)

5pm does look promising.
alt: nothing really

AltAlt: I doubt my penchant for being whipped, cross-dressed and humiliated by tall blondes in school uniforms has ANYTHING to do with the girl who bullied me when I was 11. I'm just not seeing a connection.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I spy with my little eye, eomething beginning with 'L'
Something beginning with 'L'
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:31, Reply)

You can see 80s pop sensation Limahl?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:39, Reply)

I'm sorry, the correct answer was 'Lies on the Internet'
Let's see what Monty could have won, folks...
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:45, Reply)

A speedboat

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:47, Reply)

A limited edition Bendy Bully, with Kung-Fu grip

( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:01, Reply)

You know 'your account', right?
You know 'yourself', right?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:48, Reply)

I am looking forward to saying something ON THE INTERNET
and having the same person as always attempt to belittle me. I look forward to it most days.

I am dreading going home after work

I am a sexual deviant because oven gloves are too fucking sexy
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:44, Reply)

So hot!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Hiya PhilliePhil!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)

You're like Melle Mel only without any of the sex he probably gets.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:49, Reply)

I met Melle Mel once.
He's about four foot tall.

Like a non-fat, black, rapping version of Battered, really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:50, Reply)

How did you meet him?
Was he sucking you off in the bogs again?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:55, Reply)

A daisy chain backstage at a Billy Ocean concert.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:56, Reply)

The best kind

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 May 2012, 9:57, Reply)

Just call him Pierre.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)

He was performing alongside The Sugarhill Gang
in a really shit club on Tottenham Court Road, and he did a meet & greet afterwards.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:12, Reply)

HI MONTYMONT AND THE MONTSTREET GANG!

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:07, Reply)

OMG thank god adam is here!
I was so worried!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:00, Reply)

Don't worry fella, I'm in a better place now
And Monty Boyce is taking real good care of me, mmhm
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:05, Reply)

watch out for him, he'll steal all your small change to spend on lighterfluid.
the smelly tramp.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)

I'm only hearing deal-sealers here
Oh my, he's gonna be, like my BEST MATE HERE
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)

bert?
is that you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)

I vaguely remember someone called bert here, and that his mentals coined the phrase 'to have a bertdown'
So in answer to your question: no, I'm not bert, but thank you for the inference.
( Frisbee OG wanker, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I'm sending Vippers a letter today! How nice am I?
With a USB Pen and a DVD in it, I should get the nice b3tan award except or all the times I've been a cunt.
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Your wife obviously doesn't put out for 'nice guys'
Go home and crack her head off the kitchen counter, she'll soon change her tune
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:17, Reply)

If you break her jaw the pitch of her whistling will change I expect.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:18, Reply)

If only there was a show such as 'loose men' for these matters to be discussed in depth

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:21, Reply)

there is
it's called "tool academy"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Fucksticks, I was mid draft on my production proposal

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:23, Reply)

i look at some of the guys on that programme
and i compare them to some of the guys i've been on dates with, and i think, what are you complaining about, woman?

i guess "cunt correction camp" was a bridge too far for sky.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I imagine it all to be a 'true lad' nuts and wked Kru

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:28, Reply)

i think it's american
i am showing my ignorance, as i've only actually seen it once...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:29, Reply)

DOes anyone know if vippers has moved house since august?

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:22, Reply)

He would have come on here to tell us about his flooring if he had.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:24, Reply)

He's mostly living the free life in his van since his wife kicked him out. Post it to some beach and it'll find him

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Highly unlikely.
Send him my best, will you?


When I say 'best', what I really mean is 'a bot dog'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)

I've already sealed the envelope
but rest assured that if I hadn't sealed it I still wouldn't send him your best, because I am a cunt.
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:32, Reply)

i'm looking forward to
shopping, "american pie" and dinner at westfield tonight, seeing a friend tomorrow lunch and then a birthday party tomorrow night, and dinner with a friend and a client on sunday.

and not being stuck in here past 5.30pm.

alt: my running programme kicks up a notch tomorrow. doom.

alt alt: the only answer to any sexual question is BOTH.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:15, Reply)

HURRAH. MiL has fucked off.
* has gin and tonic to celebrate *
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:25, Reply)

It's funny 'cause I do the same when you log off.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:34, Reply)

I'm not a sexual deviant.
I'm a nice guy and a total gentleman.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:31, Reply)

g b
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Buy or bentleman?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)

I'm going with "bentleman"
Because I like the imagery of a Victorian chap in a fruity waistcoat.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Good day to you sir, I say would you join me on this fine morning in a spot of buggery?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:52, Reply)

You are correct.
And your reply proves me right.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Finishing my EAL revision, having a clean room after last night, and BBQ tonight.
Alt. doing my EAL revision, cleaning my room, prepping for BBQ.

Alt alt: thundercats
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:33, Reply)

English as Alternate Language?
Bloody welsh.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:41, Reply)

Ha, mainly for second/ third language kids.
The strategies for EAL are so vague and lightweight that most of them are fecking useless. Some are genius though.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:44, Reply)

I just realised what I am looking forward to, I am looking forward to tonight
My sister and bro in law are going out and I am spending my friday night looking after my 6 on 10 year old nephews! YAY! What fun it shall be.

I am buying a large bottle of something with lots of alcohol on the way home. Isopropanol probably.
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:36, Reply)

I'm looking forward to the pain in my face going away.
Apparently I've got an access in my wisdom tooth and a raging infection. So far this morning I've passed out and thrown up. Yay.

Alt: I'm dreading the next time I throw up.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Massive hugs ( literally) teeth/head pain is the worst I think. What are you going to do?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I've necked a shitload of codeine
And have just had my first antibiotic tablet of a five day course.
Will have to go back to the dentist on Monday for him to have a good prod. Probably end up being a rootcanal. Or an extraction, seeing as it's a wisdom tooth.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Good luck, wisdom teeth surgery recovery was fucking shit for me. 10 days of agony.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Excellent. Thanks for that.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I had mine out and it was fine
No need for painkillers after the extraction, no worries. Bobby's just a gigantic flange.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I was such a wimp after. Fine having it done but the constant pain after drove me bonkers.
Plus I wasn't allowed to smoke which didn't help.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I've been told in no uncertain terms
that my antibiotics do not mix with alcohol. I didn't want a drink until they told me that...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)

I still smoked, just out of one side of my mouth.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Have you seen a dentist?
I had a problem with an impacted wisdom tooth last year. I had an infection that cleared up in no time with antibiotics. Then I got the wisdom tooth taken out at the dental hospital. I was scared shitless, if truth be told, but it was all absolutely fine.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)

I have (see above)
and will be going back on Monday. I have been assured that the medication should kick in pretty quickly.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Literally the antibios started working for me within an hour. I was amazed.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)

Have you tried DYAAKY?

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)