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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I see that we have RABIES in the UK again.
I was always rather a fan of rabies. Do you like rabies?

Alt: I also like uremia - that's when you sweat piss. How smart is that? What's your favourite medical condition?

Alt alt: No, sorry. Not today.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:56, 125 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
It's never lupus.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)
It might be a mild arrhythmia though.
somewhere in my heart.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:57, Reply)
Luckily I don't know this song.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:05, Reply)
it's a classic

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Not really
Alt: Narcolepsy, fantastic for the lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Alt Alt: Benny.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:59, Reply)
Alzheimer's.
As it's fucked that cunt Pratchett and is probably going to get my mother in law as well.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 10:59, Reply)
touettes, of course
the tourettes karaoke guy makes me laugh. i do hope he is not a fake.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Is he an 'internet meme'?
If so, I don't like him. Soz x
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Link please.
Are we still meeting for pizza next week?
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Tuesday
Table for ten is booked.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:03, Reply)
Splendid.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)
there are loads of them on youtube, but it's banned here, so you'll just have to search
he does "lady in fuucccck red" and other such soppy songs sworn up to the max.

HELL YES. i am excited about pizzabash. i went to santore in exmouth market last night, which is one of the italian places where they do pizzas for the whole table by the yard, fucking awesome.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Why is banned here?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)
not banned here you idiot
banned at her work

you idiot
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Ah! Of course.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)
best character from maid marion's merry men, ever

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)
I watched that once.
True story.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:06, Reply)
why don't you marrion, and making heroes out of merry men something carry on

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)
it was 'fucking shit'

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:10, Reply)
She used to make the teenage sportscock twitch

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:11, Reply)
The world needs more Ebola, bleeding from every orifice and from your eyes is a great look for summer 2012
altalt: did you hear that they rebuilt the school in Germany that looked like a swaticka from above? Sad times

www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=swastika+shaped+school&hl=en&gbv=2&biw=939&bih=488&tbm=isch&tbnid=cagMCflXS5POZM:&imgrefurl=http://www.gearthblog.com/blog/archives/2007/09/google_earth_reveals_nazi_swastika.html&docid=_IuBKLe0D4TEkM&imgurl=http://www.gearthblog.com/images/images907/swastika.jpg&w=646&h=458&ei=qQi-T67qGITv8QOo6NA3&zoom=1
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)
Yeah gutted.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
Really? My favourite bond girl is Solitaire

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)
When my Nanna was dying she actually started to throw up shit
Ew!
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:11, Reply)
How did she manage to vomit up Apeloverage's book?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)
She read it

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
So that's what killed her.
I always knew he was a cunt, but a granny murdering cunt too! Excellent. More ammunition.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:15, Reply)
No, don't. He turns really nasty if you push too far.
He accused me of not being able to use italics the bastard.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:18, Reply)
The prick got me modded for putting a picture of him sucking cock in the replies to one of his posts.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:20, Reply)
you were shitting in your terminally ill nanna's mouth? :|

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)
Only occasionally

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
how else would he persuade Darth to accept a blow job from her?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
hahahaha!

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)
That's compacted shit and all

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Well she was only little

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Did she gobble it back down again?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:16, Reply)
He didn't give her a chance.
I'll bet he was on it like flies on, errr, you know.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:18, Reply)
I know someone who eats his own shit all the time, how crazy is that !!

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)
are you thinking of a capybara?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:40, Reply)
A CRAPPY-BARA MORE LIKE

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:04, Reply)
it took me 24 minutes to think of this
yeah, that's right
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:05, Reply)
POTD

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
Leprosy
or most parasites are hilariously disgusting.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)
Bot fly lavae

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
This^
Pare back the skin - out pops fly
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
Plus he said 'bot' which is a rude word.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:18, Reply)
I'm telling

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:25, Reply)
I'm down UCL later, I hope the crazy bitch don't touch me !!!
Schizoaffective disorders are usually hilarious.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)
Say ello to my mates Ziggy and Andy

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Ziggy Greaves?
I didn't know you went to school with Battered.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I really wish I hadn't missed where this Grange Hill Battered meme comes from

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:23, Reply)
he is small and looks like zammo

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:26, Reply)
Whereas you look like a dodgy Reading-based Phones 4 U salesman with a second job in a kebab shop.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)
no need to get defensive battered, it's not my meme

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Belt up Stavros.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)
i hope you borrow some drugs off monty and OD, you cunt

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:31, Reply)
Chew on my tagnuts fuckface.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:34, Reply)
kiss my grits

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:36, Reply)
Suck on your gran's piles.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:37, Reply)
lick my nonna's hairy armpits

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)
Suck the bits off my used toothpick.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:40, Reply)
suck the teeth out of my disused penis

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:41, Reply)
Disused? That explains a great deal.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:42, Reply)
explain the great deal of your drugs provider, you zammo faced fuck

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:43, Reply)
The only drugs I do I get on prescription.
Whereas I'm pretty sure there isn't any medication available for your problems.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)
JUST SAY NO, ZAMMO
unless its to sex from the woman you had to marry because you knocked up, you won't get many opportunities there
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:50, Reply)
is it just me or does anyone else feel cheated that he landed on 18,000 cardboard boxes?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-18160632
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)
Yeah what a wankstain.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)
i thought he'd be able to decelerate to a level where he could land at a running pace and just toddle off
otherwise he might as well have just not fucking bothered
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:22, Reply)
He probably didn't land on all of them.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
well then he should be made to do it again

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:22, Reply)
What a fucking pansy
I'd have accepted if he landed in a childs paddling pool with 2 inches of water in it, but half a gazillion boxes is fucking cheating. Oh he wasn't the first. There are several documented cases of people surviving falling out of a plane with no parachute.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:25, Reply)
Jason Statham for one.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:26, Reply)
i saw transporter 3 the other night
that ginger russian girl was HORRID
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:27, Reply)
How many times do I have to petition for the word horrid to be banned
before it happens.

It makes the user sound like a little girl
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:28, Reply)
YOUR HORRID

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)
MY HORRID?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:31, Reply)
YEAH YOUR HORRID

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:33, Reply)
And Indiana Jones
Though he did have a blow up boat.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Keanu Reaves in that surf film.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:31, Reply)
Alt, don't know about "favourite",
but a few of our clients have mild/mid level Tourettes, and I must admit it's rather entertaining.
I know a guy who had an Orchidopexy, an operation to free an undescended testicle. He didn't have it done till he was in his 20s, he claimed it hadn't been noticed before; I'd have thought it reasonably obvious. Anyway he confided in me, not to tell another soul...
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Tourettes is just fucking brilliant
BISCUIT!
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:32, Reply)
That girl is just so cute.
And funny. I read an interview with her in The Guardian. She's single. Not because of the tourette's per se, but as she put it 'even the most patient guy gets a bit fed up with being beaten up every night'.


Oh God, I have a crush on the girl who shouts biscuit, don't I?
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:35, Reply)
Why did she beat up her boyfriends?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)
Tourettes often has a physical component
Muscular tics etc. The sweary bit's pretty uncommon. Mostly it's twitching and random noises caused by the tics.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:44, Reply)
^This
She beats herself up too.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:52, Reply)
Perfect partner material
Best excuse at a&e eva when you've had to tell her something, but can't be bothered doing it twice
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Definitely NSFW
tinyurl.com/cgfngdn
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:33, Reply)
Is this gruesome medical picture? I'm not arsed about the NSFW bit, but if it's gruesome medical stuff I don't want to know.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:36, Reply)
it's just a warty finger

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:36, Reply)
O GOD ITS NOT A FINGER

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:37, Reply)
The bar pixie, a student nurse, brought a book into the pub many moons ago, with pictures of STD affected cocks.
Thanks Louise, you made us feel a whole lot better.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)
No it's not.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:36, Reply)
Ebola. Wouldn't want to get it myself, mind.
Or Sarcoidosis which, as best I can tell, comes out of nowhere, completely fucks up your entire body and nobody even knows what causes it.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:36, Reply)

I used to pretend I had rabies when I was brushing my teeth as a child then chase my brother. Who would then kick the shit out of me.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)
I am sure any siblings of yours would want to kick the shit out of you with no provocation.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:41, Reply)

But I'm loveable and kind. The day I finally won a fight against my brother was awesome. I made say I quit and I got the remote control.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:42, Reply)
that explains the eating disorder
you ate and ate and ate until you were big enough to take on older boys than yourself
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:43, Reply)
They had to eat quickly when Bob was around, otherwise they went hungry.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:45, Reply)
Dinnertime at Bobby's

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)

My hair is much better than that.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:48, Reply)
I know you think that's the case
but you're just deluding yourself.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Thanks Dr Q, will you do me a birthday thread tomorrow?
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:47, Reply)
no, today is my girlfriends birthday, its a one-off

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:49, Reply)

FUCK YOU Q.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:50, Reply)
:(

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:50, Reply)

    
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:56, Reply)
hooray!

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 11:58, Reply)

    
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:00, Reply)
haven't we all?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:02, Reply)
sweat is pretty similar to piss anyway, isn't it?
I'm mad for a bit of priaprism, me. Got to love it.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:00, Reply)
You only wish you could get priapism.
You're like Monty in that respect.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:01, Reply)
well exactly
that's why I love and yearn for it. It's like a sleeping baby mole, Al. Why must life taunt me?

Oh yeah, it's because I'm a cunt. I forgot.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:07, Reply)
Or satyriasis

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:08, Reply)
where you roam the woods looking a bit goaty?

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:11, Reply)
no you just walk around making political puns and quips based around popular culture

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:18, Reply)
oh I say.
well played, Q.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:19, Reply)
thank joe, he came up with that one
we were all pretty impressed to be fair
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:20, Reply)
I like Joe
He's the funniest one.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:21, Reply)
he's definitely the father figure of the group

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:26, Reply)
Not like that cunt Tricky
He makes your skin crawl.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:28, Reply)
he really does, he's a creepy sex pest of the worst order
to be fair joe is like an older version of him, but at least he's amusing and intelligent with it
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)
I'm disappointed by the lack of Alt alt here.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:21, Reply)
I'm dissapointed by your mum.

(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:24, Reply)
She just doesn't put in the same effort to please a man these days.
And she's really starting to look her age too.
(, Thu 24 May 2012, 12:25, Reply)

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