Cover the monitors in lunch by offering your finest sweary words
Make us spit lunch at the monitor by offering up your swearyest words for lunchy amusement.

Alt- what have you just spat at the monitor today

Altalt - why aren't you bunking off in the sun?
( b3tz, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:45, Reply)

Alt alt: There is no sun,
there has just been one almighty storm, with the biggest hailstones I have ever seen.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Whereabouts are you?
I was just saying that it's so humid here that a storm can't be far off.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:55, Reply)

Coventry
It's taken about two hours to get here from Birmingham though.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:58, Reply)

It's not rained here yet & I'm in Ryton.
However, from he look of the sky and the sudden rise in humidity it can't be far off!
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:00, Reply)

One of our branches in Castle Bromwich
has lost power due to "severe weather".

LOL
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:02, Reply)

I fully expect my internet to go off anytime soon
Always does when there's heavy rain. Tried complaining to BT but it would appear that their approach to non-corporate complaints is 'Meh'.
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:07, Reply)

Don't worry, their response to corporate complaints is also "meh"

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:07, Reply)

I'm so glad they have upped their game now that they have competition
Or not, as it appears. 7 months ago we were supposed to be getting that BT Infinity here 'soon'. There's still no sign of it and, when asking BT about the delay, we're told it will be here 'soon'. This is oviously some usage of the term 'soon' of which I was previously unaware.
Roll on cable!
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:13, Reply)

Try these
fttc-check.alc.im/

Then click on samknows in the results for more detail
( b3tz, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Thanks for that!
Looks like it could be September, I'll give them a kick up the arse closer to the time.
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Sun?
Cloudy, damp and very warm.

I have to go to my nephew's new school later today for a talk or something. This is one reason I didn't have bloody kids.
( Big-girl's-blouse is one quarter gyppo it seems, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Well that didn't work then, if you still have to go.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:51, Reply)

Spitting is so uncouth.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:55, Reply)

altalt: because it's pissing down
FUCKSOCKS!
(localboy Ignore are for cunts, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:58, Reply)

"Finest sweary words"
Will result in lots of wakki compound words that follow the "swearword/animal" tradition of /board, or long, over-convoluted "you *adjective* *adjective* *verbing* felchmuncher(subsititute for other compound insult)" of the truly humourless.

The best swear word is cunt.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 12:58, Reply)

I'm sitting in the garden,
drinking Newcastle Brown and smiling. I don't want to spit at my monitor, cos it'll mean cleaning it.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:00, Reply)

Shamelessly copy & pasted from Pooflake
The B3ta Guide to sweary Insults 101
Right then children, are we sitting comfortably? Good, then I’ll begin. The general tried and trusted insult types that figure on B3ta follow the following ratio:

1. [Something insulting / rude verb]
2. + “you”
3. + [measure of magnitude / insulting plural if required] + “of”
4. + [sweary / rude word / adjective]
5. + [dull, functional noun or verb. Possibly with ryhming or use of alliteration].

Example:

“Lick my left one, you gaggle of total spluff gargling twat-ticklers”

Lets examine the ratio in it's individual parts and phrases:

1. The insult / rude gesture has to imply something graphic which can be given sexual connotations. Examples are:

Suck
Blow
Chew
Bite
Lick
Squirt

You therefore have to add this verb to an intimate part of your anatomy. Examples:

Clay-hole
Poo-chute
Cock-shaft
Scrote sack
Ribbed-for-her-pleasure-shiny-pink-bell-end.

2. “You” – used as a direct confirmation of the recipient of the verbal assault.
3. If used against a singular, example to stress magnitude can be:

Total
Utter
Uber
Megawobbling
Unadulterated

If used against multiple recipients, then examples to proceed the word ‘of’ are:

Bunch
Tank
Swarm
Gaggle
Bag full

4. This is the easy part. However, it can duly be noted that mere rudeness can achieve the same objective as the swear, however, if an insult is to be hurled in anger then a swear is more effective. Examples of the token swear here are:

Cunt
Twat
Fuck
Arse (ass for our American cousins)
Fanny (For our American friends, just use ‘cunt’ again)
gusset
Shite
Spunk
Botty

5. Now, relevance is of little importance for this final section of the insult. Examples of pointless nouns / verbs include:

Brick
Bucket
Biscuit
Chewer / gobbler
Arm-pit
Sponge
Stick

Now it’s all down to you, class. Put parts 1 through 5 together and try to put your own unique slant on an insult using the examples above (or even some of your own for extra points).

Remember...each ingredient of the insult is as important as it’s comrades in the insult mix, and therefore a good insult can be ruined by a ‘weak link’ i.e:

"Cock off, you total testicle-full of cum-drippings"

Additional tip: Diversity is the key to success. Phrases such as:

“Poo off and poo yourself, you pooey poo-bag of poos” often fails in it’s effectiveness and shows a lack of imagination.

However, the combination of words like twat & cunt to make ‘twunt’, and ‘Fuck’ and ‘retard’ to make ‘fucktard’ can be potent down-putters with devastating effects.

Good luck people. Together we can make people feel like the little gonad-nuggets that they deserve to be.
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:03, Reply)

Poo flake is shit.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:20, Reply)

Thank you!...

( Pooflake cannot even count to potato..., Thu 28 Jun 2012, 14:00, Reply)

Cuntbubbleslug
Sunny 28oC here so will be slacking off in a bit :)
( b3tz, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:05, Reply)

I've only just noticed that you're not b3th.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:08, Reply)

3 2 1
And back in the room
( b3tz, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:09, Reply)

Man, you're slipping Sherlock Tangles

(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:10, Reply)

What was it that upset you yesterday, Berty_from_Eastenders?
I missed all the fun, what made you delete?
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:13, Reply)

I didn't delete anything

(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:16, Reply)

My kid invented 'fartdog' as an insult last weekend.
I rather like that.

Alt: urgh, nothing.
Altalt: I am *desperate* for it to start raining. I can't concentrate in this muggy heat.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Fartdog is a nice term
It needs more Clangers references however.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:19, Reply)

cringe-fringed minge binger
I'm indoors because it's the last Thursday of the month so the company has a masseuse in for 15 minute sessions. I'm all limp and wobbly now.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:12, Reply)

I'm all limp and wobbly because I've spent half of the morning shitting through the eye of a needle.
An hour's train / bus journey home has never been so touch and go.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:19, Reply)

I've never spat on my monitor.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:18, Reply)

I do love "fucktard"
although for sheer unbridled nastiness, it's hard to beat "Corden"

Alt: Only my VENOM. What I've spat at the toilet is another matter.
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:18, Reply)

"Corden"?
Don't get it.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:20, Reply)

He can't spell 'Croydon'

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:21, Reply)

As in James, beloved fat funny man of the masses.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:22, Reply)

Oh right.
That knobend.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:23, Reply)

Hey! Davvers is alright. You take that back!

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:30, Reply)

I wish I were, Monters. I feel like shit today.
Sweating like a fat lass on a bouncy castle, I am.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:32, Reply)

It's too hot for me. I don't like it one bit.
Being a nordic Aryan type, I struggle with heat.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:39, Reply)

This is more internal, I think I've caught a bug.
Lots of people at work are dropping like flies at the moment, the dirty infectious cunts.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Rolly-polly comic.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Plus-size mirthmeister.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Fat cunt.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Unfunny tub of shite.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Good news! Gerry Anderson has Alzheimers!!!
All his programmes were shit. I'm glad he's got Pratcheimers. Fucking wanker.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-18614483

Even as a kid I thought his bent puppets were crap. The Mysterons can suck my diseased cock.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:20, Reply)

Good news! Gerry Adams has Alzheimers!!!

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:23, Reply)

Good news! Gerry Marsden has a pacemaker!!!

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:23, Reply)

How do you do it?

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:24, Reply)

I wish I knew.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:25, Reply)

This doesn't seem like something you should be happy about
Even if you didn't like his shows. I know all this stuff is a big front but it isn't necessary Monters, just be yourself.
(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:23, Reply)

It makes my winkle feel funny.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Do you mean your penis?
Does it feel funny in a good way? Maybe you mean an erection. People having alzheimers gives you an erection, is that right? I'm not sure why you're sharing this
(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:26, Reply)

I'm just a generous, sharing type of guy.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:26, Reply)

It's easy to be generous when you've got nothing.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Well you share your extreme opinions a fair amount, that much is certain
Maybe you could try to be a bit more positive in the things you share
(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:28, Reply)

I shared something positive with your wife last week.
HiV.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:30, Reply)

See, this is some funny shit right here
Go on, do something else
(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:31, Reply)

you need to throw change to get the monkey to dance

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Someone stole something,
and my winkle felt funny. I haven't heard the term "winkle" for years, that made me laugh, and it felt funny.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:28, Reply)

I could tell by the way he handled those puppets ages ago.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:25, Reply)

+ he's a woman's man, no time to talk

(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Stealing lyrics now as well?

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:28, Reply)

Are you the rapist from Milton Keynes?

(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:29, Reply)

No

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Okay

(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:30, Reply)

he only moved there as a child

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:34, Reply)

See, this is some funny shit right here
Go on, do something else
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Oh man, the ol' switcheroo! Don't cut yourself Boycey

(J.J.Abrams something something lens flare, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Who deleted the thread on the populol page

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:26, Reply)

Some prick.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Here comes the rain!

(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:27, Reply)

The Cult were alright at one point.
Sonic Temple was gash and they've done shit all of merit since. My bro saw them last year and halfway through their set, they made everyone watch some bent documentary on Red Indians. Ian Astbury is a right knob.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Ian Astbury's in his element when he's singing about the, er, elements.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:31, Reply)

He's ele-mental!!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:32, Reply)

He's more like an ele-phant these days, I've heard, the fat fucker.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:33, Reply)

I heard he and Andrew Eldritch have a bet on
as to who can ruin their legacy the most by being a fat, noncey-looking git.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Andy's still quite skinny, he's just as bald as a coot and wears day-glo yellow t-shirts these days.
People still yell "You're a Goth and you know you are" at him, though.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:39, Reply)

He looks exactly like Paul Gadd.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:40, Reply)

I couldn't see properly through all the dry ice.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:42, Reply)

He should cover 'Holiday in Cambodia'
www.quotesby.co.uk/celebrities/andrew_eldritch_gallery-g12866/

LOLOLOLOL
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:45, Reply)

Hmm, there is a certain resemblance.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:47, Reply)

'A certain resemblance' in the same way that Fred West was 'a little bit badly behaved'

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:50, Reply)

Oh man, could you imagine the hilarity of a remake of Men Behaving Badly
starring Fred West and Peter Sutcliffe? The laughs that could be generated as they go around behaving REALLY badly by murdering people and the like, instead of just forgetting a girlfriend's birthday or leaving the bog seat up. It'd be an absolute scream.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:54, Reply)

'The really fucking odd couple'
Denis Nilsson could pop round for tea.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:56, Reply)

Again.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:29, Reply)

FISHCLIT
alt: I ate m y lunch at 11 :(

altalt: cloudy here, just been out now sweating like a B3tan
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Altalt. There is no sun here.

Alt - I've spat nothing at the monitor today luckily. I've maintain majority control over my bodily functions.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:32, Reply)

I wish I had.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:33, Reply)

bad times, DG. Bad times.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:34, Reply)

I noes right?
At least I'm now back home where the bog roll doesn't rip your arse to shreds.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:36, Reply)

couple of rolls in the freezer
job done.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:38, Reply)

wet wipes, it's all about wet wipes

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:48, Reply)

My mate once mistakenly wiped his hoop with Flash anti-bac wipes.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:50, Reply)

So clean you could eat your dinner of it

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:54, Reply)

He and his wife had tears in their eyes.
Unfortunately, his wife's were ones of sheer pissing herself hilarity.
( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:56, Reply)

but not your ability to string a sentence together?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:34, Reply)

fragment (consider revising)
also "sentence"

but, yeah. You gots me.

EDIT - you fucking Ninja.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:35, Reply)

it's one of those words I just can't get right first time
like rohododendrum and neccessarily
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

I seriously doubt I could get rhodedendron right on the fiftieth time
but then, I'm not a garden centre owner so I don't give a shit.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:38, Reply)

never eat crisps eat salad sandwiches and remain young.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:39, Reply)

this is good advice, but really you should stipulate the type of bread as white bread is full of salt and carbs

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:40, Reply)

I read that as "full of shit and crabs"
and wondered if you have a very odd baker.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:40, Reply)

It also helps with spelling necessary, which even you could adapt to necessarily.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:42, Reply)

Thanks Chomp you are a mate

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:42, Reply)

Says the perpetual last-placer in the local spelling bee competition.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:35, Reply)

That's why the irony of me picking somone up on spelling/grammer is so delicious
WITH A KILOSPOON!
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:36, Reply)

that's not a kilospoon.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)

THIS, is a Kilospoon!
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:44, Reply)

I'm just imagining ninja'ing in a spelling bee.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:36, Reply)

Bees are shit at spelling, they only know one letter and that's 'Z'.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:38, Reply)

oh god
reluctant click as that embarrassingly made me laugh
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:39, Reply)

\:D/

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:40, Reply)

I might tell my Wife's y 4 year old god daughter this joke
i suspect it will get a laugh
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:41, Reply)

I taught my daughter
'which is the smelliest tree?'

THE LAVATORY!!!!

I taught her this to steer her away from saying 'toilet' which I fucking hate.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:42, Reply)

excellent work
I was carrying my daughter yesterday just before putting her in the bath and she started giggling, I thought what's so funny. It was then I felt the hot urine running down my chest and stomach.

LITTLE TERRORIST!
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:45, Reply)

You might be advised to substitute the word 'shit' for 'rubbish', though.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:41, Reply)

I wouldn't spit anything at my monitor, as my lunch was too damn good to spit up.
Alt Alt: Because I'm not a layabout student.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:48, Reply)

I have a question, right, but it's gross
I haven't eaten anything for about 22 hours now, on account of severe stomach discomfort yesterday and an awful lot of rusty water today. At what point is it wise to consider solids, and what sort of thing constitutes a safe bet?

Responses which consider my intent to get fucked up tonight will get bonus points.
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Why do you have the squits so often?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:51, Reply)

The anus tends to lose its tightness after years of sustained, vigorous forced entry.

( Davros' Granddad STOP BEING SO REASONABLE!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:55, Reply)

What you want is rice (inc some of the cooking water) or dry toast.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Hmm, won't have chance to cook, but I could get some rice before the gig I suppose
Cheers
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:59, Reply)

Scrambled egg on toast
allegedly eggs "bind " your stomach, or something, too many can bung you up.
(localboy Ignore are for cunts, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:55, Reply)

You're putting them in the wrong end

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 28 Jun 2012, 13:56, Reply)