Right, new thread time
"Team Building". These words strike fear into my heart. Yesterday we had our staff conference. The highlight of this was an afternoon outside learning circus activities - stilt walking, tightrope walking, clowning, unicycles, etc. After spending an hour or so doing this, you then had a 5 minute performance to give to the rest of the company. Fortunately I was covering support and missed this, though I was able to watch our CTO dressed as a lion being whipped by our receptionist.

What the utter fuck?

What is the best/worst thing you've had to do in your job?
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Best: being taught to cook steak properly by chefjohncampbell.co.uk/

Worst: make people redundant. Not pleasant.
( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:30, Reply)

what if they are cunts?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Firing people for being cunts is different. Telling decent people that their job has been made redundant is horrible.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Afternoon Sportsbilly
I don’t normally agree with you Batts. But yes it’s fucking horrible having to make employees redundant, I had to do it with people I considered to be not just employees but also friends.
Alt(ish) Having free reign with a company credit card is fun as long as I can justify it I can spend what I like, and having your own office, Monday mornings office door shut (I’m going to have to get a do not disturb sign soon) and having a wicked telephone system so that you can phone any internal line and make your voice come over the loudspeaker.
( hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)

top tip for your own office with a door:
If you fancy a snooze but worry about getting caught, empty a box of paper-clips on the floor, get on your hands and knees with feet about 6 inches from the door and doze off.

Anyone coming in will hit your feet with the door, waking you up and you can go "oh, sorry, just picking up these paper-clips".
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)

We do this once a year, we've made one minute movies of movies, had a fashion show and done photography
then there is drinks, dinner and dancing, plus a room for the night if you want one, tbh it's not that bad.
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:30, Reply)

It was fucking GRIM yesterday

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)

I once got an email from a former mate which said 'ur a nob'
So I proved him right by replying to it with his manager as a cc, saying that perhaps he would benefit from a refresher on the email policy.

I BCCd in some mates as well, it was well lol.
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:31, Reply)

he clearly had a point, ur a nob

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:31, Reply)

what made it more lol was that I was a higher grade than his boss so it had to be acted on.
Like I said, well lol and his own fault for abusing company email in the first place.
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)

ur such a nob

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)

You nob.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)

*emails manager*

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)

i'm having a pub lunch
i feel proer waki already
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:31, Reply)

You need a pee

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)

14 sailors in one hour, dark alley in Portsmouth
I had an arse like the Sarlacc Pit filled with glue the next morning

Oh, my DAY job? Nowt.
(Darth Foxtrot so now I'm giving up, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Two hot girls in the office were arguing over who gave the best blowjob
and they both gave me one and made me mark them out of ten.

I gave them both 4 and said they had to give me anal for the tiebreaker.

But the very best thing was mark bringing in a nice tin a of biscuits.
( PhillieJoe Ariston and on and on and on and on and on and on, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)

the biscuits are the lie, right?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Yeh
They weren't chocolate hobnobs so they weren't the best really
( PhillieJoe Ariston and on and on and on and on and on and on, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Tight cunts

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)

4/10 is a shit BJ

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)

yeah you're easily an 8, sporty

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Damn right
Wait...
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Describe your worst blowjob:
'marvellous'.
( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)

haha!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)

I would have thought, for PJ
merely the chance to have the briefest contant of lips on his cock would be a 9 these days.

Unless she was a biter. Urgh.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)

Phillie two-stroke

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)

is contant short for contestant?

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Could be, could be.
Or it could be a spackhanded typing of contact. Although fuck knows how I did it, c and n are two spaces apart on a keyboard.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Nah its what you get rachel riley to pick after you picked a vowel

( PhillieJoe Ariston and on and on and on and on and on and on, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)

*spunks*

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)

I don't really like blowjobs
To many bad memories from my childhood. I miss my uncle so much. 4 eva in my hart!
( PhillieJoe Ariston and on and on and on and on and on and on, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)

hahahahaha!
Genuine officelol
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)

man, that pain must be real.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)

They were both shit

( PhillieJoe Ariston and on and on and on and on and on and on, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)

current job it would just be tedious, eg conforming court bundles until 5am
but as a letting agent - probably being sent to the dark basement flat to see if the tenant had died. send the 18 year old summer student to look for a corpse. nice. oh and writing to the 60 year old pervert to tell him to keep his porn down.

the italian deli near me does a lush box of up to 4 different fresh pastas of the day for £5. the silly cow today missed the blue cheese and spinach, so i just have spicy penne and roasted vegetables. turns out roasted celery is not as nice as it looks :(

i shouldn't really call her a silly cow. the food is fab. but waaah i want my blue cheese shells :(((
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)

alright swipe?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)

flying visit, Q
off to barcelona first thing, so been up to my neck in it the last 2 days
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)

i wouldn't know how that feels :'(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)

don't make me smile

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)

it's be nice to swipe day today, alcohol has made me a better person

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)

well, you'll soon have a few swipe-free days, you can take all your hatred out on me behind my back, eh?

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)

i don't hate you swipe, you're alright
i don't hate anyone
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)

i can bring you back a mini toblerone if you want

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)

FROM SWEDEN????
yes please
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)

erm
do swedish toblerones taste different to spanish ones, then?
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)

well obviously all toblerones are made in sweden
isn't there a barcelona in sweden? it's like theres orleans in france, and new orleans in america, right?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)

there are retarded flids gurning and monging their way around special schools
who have a better grasp of geography than i do. sorry.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)

ok, so bring me back a toblerone form your trip to Barcelona, Sweden
ok?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)

don't confuse me
i could end up on the wrong plane

then there'll be no toblerones for ANYONE
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)

if you don't bring me back a tobelerone i'll cry

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)

you can have all the dark ones

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)

racist

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)

when it comes to chocolate, i totally am
the whiter, the better.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)

i like the dark ones

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)

those bitter bad boys are all yours

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)

stinkyclamlols

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)

and it looks like shit, so it must taste proper rancid.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:40, Reply)

see, i thought it looked nice, but this is why you should never go for looks
on the plus side, the roasted carrots, courgettes, onions, peppers, mushrooms and baby potatoes that came with it were lush. 9/10.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)

*waggles eyebrows on hideous visage*

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)

mind you, you can be ugly and still a complete cunt

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Of course it's not
letting agents are blood sucking arse twats, no offence like
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)

:(

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)

10% for doing fuck all
8% renewwl for doing even less
xx% if I want to sell to my tenants

Sorry but it's money for fuck all. Still you're nice lawyer now instead :)
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)

oh yeah, but how much of that did i see?
i worked 9am-5.45pm plus a LOT of overtime, plus 9-3 on saturdays.

for £12,000 a year.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)

well someone in your office was getting rich off your back and the back of your landlords and tennants

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)

well yeah
that's how the boss went from owning 1 semi-detached house when he was 18 to a multi-millionaire who owned 100's of properties!
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)

i hate him on many levels

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)

About 10 years ago I worked with a 22-year-old who already had 3 houses
he was just doing IT to pay the bills while accumulating the rents to buy more properties. He had a plan and everything, becoming self-sustaining after another few years. I did find myself wishing I'd started accumulating property at an early age...
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)

that's exactly what he did
his only leg-up was that his old man was a banker, so helped him get a mortgage. the rest he did himself. when he had 10 houses, he asked my dad to go in with him. my dad said no thanks, he'd stick to banking.

well done dad.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:00, Reply)

My mate Baz did this
He now owns about 25 houses
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)

he got rich by stealing other people's drugs

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)

you've got to be ready to take a lot of shit
esp if you let to students. and you need to pick your area and your property wisely. but if you get all that right, profit.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)

He is looking at giving up work completely soon
to run his property empire. His apartment in the south of France is very nice too
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:08, Reply)

*turns green with envy*
and gamma radiation, obv.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)

hello
IOU something or other.
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)

just send me a cheque, doll

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)

you can write gazcheques?
We are living through great times swipe.
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)

for £5 I got an enormous roast pork bap from the market
and you got roasted celery.

There's clearly only one winner here.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)

there is something inherently filthy about "enormous roast pork bap"
i didn't JUST get roasted celery! i got fresh spicy penne with parmesan and lots of roasted vegetables. so I WIN.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)

It was a jalapeño focaccia
stuffed with shredded roast pork from a hog roast, lettuce, onion, rocket, jalapeños, apple sauce, barbecue sauce, and hot sweet chili sauce.

OM NOM NOM.

If I want a lingering taste of parmesan in my mouth I'll simply remove my shoes while sitting at my desk.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)

i am hearing 50 shades of wrong
meat and sweet stuff? fuck that nasty shit.

the bread sounds nice, i'll just have that toasted with a bit of butter or houmous, ta.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)

Aside from the jalapeños, that sounds excellent.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:17, Reply)

what's wrong with jalapenos, AA?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)

yeah, they weren't even that hot

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)

It's not the heat that bothers me, I simply don't like the taste of them

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)

Focaccia eating that again there'll be trouble.

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)

and it's certainly not your arteries

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)

admin, I fucking hate admin

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)

Bizarrely as an IT chappie I dont mind doing admin or documentation
BRAINWRONG
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)

My attention to detail is appalling I'm sure yoiu'll be surprised to hear

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)

*drops monocle*
I say, what?
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)

it's sooo tedious
I'm more ofa creative sort, an ideas man*

*ie useless
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)

[BOX].............................................................................................. Ape

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)

story of my sex life that

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)

v. good

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)

If you'd kept the spaff out of the box in the first place you'd be getting more box.
Harsh lesson there, NA.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)

indeed, I'm sure you'll want a cete of your own at some point?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:00, Reply)

cete?

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)

Set I think

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)

Oh, a badger thing?
right so.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)

Best thing is when you get a good result that you know is something that's never been done before.
Worst - internal politics. Shit support services. Having to do all your own admin, finance and HR stuff because those departments are useless.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)

Internal politics is great
(!)

I love pissing all over it by emailing the correct people rather than the tactical people. I dont do politics
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)

You ain't seen nothing until you've played the "academic backstabbing game"
Joy.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)

We go for the Communist approach with customers
All are equal, just some more than others
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)

I just refuse to go to meetings until they stop behaving like toddlers
this can be hard to get across to 60 year old professors, but we're getting there.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)

you should grow some blood cells with tiny little cocks

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)

Your mum

(PsychoChomp I want to more creative in a buisness kinda way., Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)

m +c
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:52, Reply)

"It was the best of times, and the worst of times, in sporter's mum"

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)

And as Sporter's Mum looked from man to pig and pig to man, she licked her lips.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)

which is the man and which is the pig?

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:58, Reply)

Sporter's Mum doesn't care.
She's noshing whatever moves.
(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:01, Reply)

Spirally cocked or not

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)

what have ducks got to do with this?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:12, Reply)

Tina Turner's less successful follow up single.

( Kroney Dignity is having the stones to dress in hemp, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)

i once stood outside of a conference dressed as a hawk
It was ridiculous
( K Swizz all my bells are ringing, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)

there was a guy dressed as a cock wandering around hammersmith tube station the other night
it was a campaign to get men to check their prostates.

niiiiiiice.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:00, Reply)

One day we'll bum into each in Hammersmith broadway and never even know it...

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:01, Reply)

spellinglols

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)

hahahaha!
You fucking mong
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)

it's wholly possible
i am quite near hammersmith, so am there about once a month, maybe....

.... for the bummings, like
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)

*checks prostate*
*sniffs finger*

You've got "check my prostate" written all over your face.
(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)

sooner or later, you'll run out of room on my face

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)

Is that right, Mooncat?
There's a while yet.
(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)

mooncat???

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)

http://hub.tv-ark.org.uk/images/itvyorkshire/yorkshire_images/programmes/getupandgo_2.jpg

(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)

cock chicken or cock penis?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)

i clicked "i like this" by mistake
i feel dirty now.

penis penis. a big pink papier mache penis, with massive black crayola pubes. it was striking.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)

did it make you drool?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:08, Reply)

She had a wide on like the blackwall tunnel

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)

blackwall tunnel hippo's yawn
(localboy Ignore are for cunts, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)

Hang on...
Are they saying you should check your prostate with a cock?
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:22, Reply)

just for lolz?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:01, Reply)

I could tell you some of the things I have to do in my job
but I suspect most of you are having your lunch, so I doubt I'd be thanked for it. Emptying autoclave buckets when the samples have leaked in to them is probably the worst - scooping out a delightful mix of superheated stinking shit, urine, blood, agar and melted plastic whilst trying not to retch so hard you actually vomit your own insides up?
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)

Go on, I'm finished

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)

Yeah, me too.
Is there some sort of uniform that you have to wear?
(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:09, Reply)

You mentioned this yesterday as well
anyone would think you had something on your mind. I have to wear a labcoat, if that helps?
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:19, Reply)

That helps greatly, thank you.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:19, Reply)

Safety specs and elbow length purple latex gloves?

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)

*asplodes*

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)

Stop. That's too much.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)

just put them all "to sleep"

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:08, Reply)

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Autoclaves leaking shit off the shoulder of Orion. I watched western blots glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like a poorly-stained gel.

Time to die
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:09, Reply)

what is an autoclave

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:10, Reply)

its a fancy washing machine

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)

fucks sake
why did they have to label the things in the picture?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-18719962
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:15, Reply)

To help Nakers understand what is going on.

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:18, Reply)

but 'coach'?
really?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:18, Reply)

He calls it a sofa

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)

sofa so good

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)

It is a large pressure vessel
designed to be heated either electrically or with steam to around 121 degrees to sterilise materials and equipment.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:17, Reply)

why would it be full of piss and shit?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:19, Reply)

Because we're working with typhoid samples
you have to work with them in a special containment lab to prevent people (lab workers, general public etc) from becoming contaminated with the bacteria and spreading the infection. We generate a lot of infectious waste which has to be autoclaved, ie, the bacteria have to be killed (by a combination of high temperature and pressure) before it can leave the lab.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:23, Reply)

just spray bit with some Domestos, it kills 99.9% of germs DEAD

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)

and even the 99.9% bit is just them being cautious
it's probably 100%
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)

berk works with the 0.1%

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)

even typhoid doesn't like being covered in chlorine and ammonia

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:27, Reply)

WOOOAAHH
It loves it
( Kroney Dignity is having the stones to dress in hemp, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:27, Reply)

It's cheaper to use an autoclave than cover everything with bleach.

(PsychoChomp I want to more creative in a buisness kinda way., Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)

Is this also true of your victims

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)

spraying with your own piss would kill at least 99.9% of germs dead.
However, since your average square metre of surface has hundreds of millions, if not hundreds of billions of bacteria on it, killing 99.9% of them is a bit like pissing into a hurricane. Killing 99.9% of a billion germs still leaves a million quite happy. And those million are probably quite resistant to domestos, so they'll grow up in a day or two to another billion bacteria, only these ones are hardier.

Don't mean to worry you, of course. But you are going to die.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)

When?

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:29, Reply)

sometime. probably when you least expect it.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:32, Reply)

The Mighty Daily Mail Badger

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)

haha, nice

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:32, Reply)

shut up, nothing can beat big bad Dom

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:30, Reply)

Because we have to sterile kill any samples that may contain live cells
before we dispose of them. So generally we autoclave pretty much everything before we chuck it. Sometimes bags burst if they haven't been set up properly.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)

yeah, that's what i said, fucko

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:19, Reply)

Woah. Steady Q. Didn't see that there.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)

that's ok man, we cool

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:23, Reply)

After being forced to do that sort of thing, I'd imagine having Tennis Fella's face baring down on you...
... With the exact same expssion on his face as he got when trying to re-enter the the vents in facility on goldeneye......wouldn't be so bad.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)

Best is getting shitfaced on company budget
Worst is being the only person to have learned several parts of the business, meaning I have to train others in them.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:18, Reply)

how long does it take to teach Northerners to change a toner cartridge?
CAn you get a GNVQ in it?
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)

More along the lines of working round the software that we have to use to deal with other companies
Particularly our CRM software, piece of shit that it is.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:22, Reply)

CRM is the biggest waste of time any company can.. er, thing
we don't use one, and things run much more smoothly... er from it
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)

We make a CRM system

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)

well they're shit, and I hope they make you CR-Y

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)

worse than that is
when you're training that person to then take your job, or be your manager even though they know way less than you do.
(localboy Ignore are for cunts, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:23, Reply)

I had to stay behind ten minutes after I should have finished once.

( Kroney Dignity is having the stones to dress in hemp, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:22, Reply)

And what was the worst thing?

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:24, Reply)

No, that was it.

( Kroney Dignity is having the stones to dress in hemp, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)

FREE CHIPTHSSSSS

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)

eubanklolz

(localboy Ignore are for cunts, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKronley

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)

new thread someone

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 14:43, Reply)