Good morning B3TA!
Two hours ago the sun was shining and the skies were blue, the day was full of promise. Now it's clouded over and it looks like rain - quel surprise!
Tell me dear O/Ters, what would you do if it was sunny and you had the day off? Beer garden and a slow wobble home? Catch up on gardening? Rampant sweaty sex in a seedy back-street hotel with two rent boys and a crackhead hooker? Let your imaginations run wild and fill the pages with speculation.
Alt: £79 million (est) jackpot on the Euromillions. Would you do good or squander it in a coke fuelled orgy of excess?
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:22, Reply)

I would probably go to something like the premiere of The Art of Rap film
and then probably hang out with some of hip hop's all-time legends (and Chuck D) whilst probably drinking free beer and taxing Yeti's chisel.

Probably something like that, I should imagine.

Alt: it would mean I would have my own chisel at the Art of Rap premiere and wouldn't have to tax Yeti's.
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Don’t believe the hype, BOOOOYYYYYYYY

( hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:31, Reply)

I'm really, really looking forward to it, Double H.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:35, Reply)

Looks cool

( hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:36, Reply)

I've dug out an old Rock Steady Crew t shirt in honour of the occasion.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Again some of my classics got left at the demented bitches place, Parental advisary T-shirt would also work

( hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:46, Reply)

I still have loads of mine.
My 'Fat Lace: the magazine for ageing B-Boys' shirt with Milk D on the back nearly got an outing.
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:50, Reply)

What about be-bop, Krang, and Shredder?

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:19, Reply)

I take it you managed to get those tickets then?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:36, Reply)

I am on DJ Big Ted's guest list.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Will you be entering through the round window?

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:43, Reply)

I'm gonna smash Hamble's back doors in.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:46, Reply)

+ spit roast Jemima with Bungle.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Would you Rod Jane and Freddy?

( hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Shut up

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Don't you mean Zip(py) it

( hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:57, Reply)

No.
Prick.
( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:05, Reply)

Watch out for Texas Pete.

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Sounds shit.

( Davros' Granddad Monty, could you grow up and have a life? Kthxbai., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:50, Reply)

The BBQ would be out within about 10 minutes
A quick meat run would sort us out for the day, and it'd be burgers, pork loin, steak, and sausages all day long.

Alt: I'd give a lot to charity, that's for certain. Maybe £1 million each for Cancer Research and Broadgreen Hospital.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:36, Reply)

I agree about the charity bit.........
I would want to a direct hand in it, most charity money gets sucked up by admin.
( hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Aye, that's a good point
I think I'd want to get involved too.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:41, Reply)

A mixture of squandering it on a collection of cars, giving some away and paying people to go round punching people I dislike.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:41, Reply)

'Punching people I dislike'
Interesting idea! How much, do you think, would it cost per person? Would this be a simple punch or a good (non-fatal) kicking?
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Would depend on each individual, as some would deserve more punching than others. Probably work out some form of pay-per-punch deal.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Do it yourself rumplestiltskin

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Or I could always hire you to sit on them I suppose.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:59, Reply)

I would just kill you and kidnap your kid, feed it lard butties then send it too Rory for some motivational coaching.

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:03, Reply)

Ha ha ha

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:05, Reply)

It's still sunny here
and I am extremely close to flicking work the V's and having an impromptu day off as it is, and I've only been here 45 minutes.

Alt: I'd flick work the V's for a bloody start.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Needs moar V flicking.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:44, Reply)

I have just been told
that my MSc is now in doubt and that my contract will only be extended to Christmas instead of the two years I was promised. I have fucking bust my balls for this place and quite literally the only thing that has kept me going during possibly one of the worst, most stressful years of my life is the knowledge that I will get a qualification and publications out of this. Now it appears that I won't and the reason I know this is not because I was called in to the office for a quiet word but because I was cc'd in to an email meant for someone else. Livid does not even fucking touch it; I am angrier even than Battered today.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Fucking hell Berk.
That's shit. Sounds like they didn't have the balls to tell you to your face but did it via email. Need me to punch them in their fat, wobbly manboobs?
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Oh FFS
What total cunts, man. You poor sod.

You need to start stealing, and FAST.
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Most of the expensive stuff is a bit big and heavy to get home on a bike
and I am not really sure what I could do with a load of chemicals (none of them are fun ones, sadly) and plastic/glassware. I am furious. Furious.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Fuck them then.
If they're going to fire you at christmas, take the rest of the day off. Take two even.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:04, Reply)

I am gutted for you.
What spineless shitbags.
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Breaking Berk?

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)

That's really fucking shit.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:58, Reply)

What a bunch of cunts.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Someone could really fuck someone else's shit up in the run up to cristmas.
Email everything to a rival laboratory and fuck up the results.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:58, Reply)

I would also buy a bigger shed.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:45, Reply)

I would pay my bills, have lots of food in the fridge, and quit being a waitress for starters.
the scum of geelong will have to serve themselves their fucking coffee.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:49, Reply)

'the scum of geelong' sounds like a monster from Star Wars

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:50, Reply)

sadly, it's just a population of people.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:51, Reply)

But Poppet, £79 million is $118million (Aus)
I think you should set your sights higher than your fridge!
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:53, Reply)

When You have next to no food in your fridge, having a full one is a delight.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:58, Reply)

I'd hire Poppet for a ridiculous amount of cash as my personal waitress,
and be an abusive scumbag.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:56, Reply)

You're saying that on the presumption that I'd accept your cunty job.
You can shove that thought up your arse.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Ha ha.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:59, Reply)

*applause*

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:59, Reply)

*takes it on the chin*

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)

If it were today, I would go back to bed and sleep a lot more.
But in general, sitting outside drinking nice beer and getting stoned is my preferred way to spend a sunny day.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:51, Reply)

I would only add one thing to your excellent 'sitting outside drinking nice beer and getting stoned' idea
I'd take a couple of acoustic guitars too.
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Let's do it!...

(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:09, Reply)

If that's the idea for today - no
We'd all have to be dressed as Nannook of the north!
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:17, Reply)

FUCKING HELL!
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH "OLYMPIC" TRANSPORT.

I AM SO ANGRY THAT I AM GOING TO HURT SOME MOTHERFUCKERS!

CUNTS.
(Set your faces to Stunned. Dignitas is what Monty and Kroney need, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 8:59, Reply)

It's only going to get worse as well.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)

What is Olympic Transport?

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Like normal transport only even shitter.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:05, Reply)

A piggyback from Daley Thompson

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:08, Reply)

A 'backy' off Kevin Keegan

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:11, Reply)

CHILL OUT, BRAH.
You have two months of this shit, old boy.
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:05, Reply)

You live in London and the transport's been fucked by the olympics?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

breathes.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)

It's not funny.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)

^ this ^

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:11, Reply)

It is funny
Just not if you live in London
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:19, Reply)

I disagree.
And where I live, the Olympics has done wonders for public transport.
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:21, Reply)

You...hahahahaha....wonder....hahah......where its gone?
AMIRITE?

Morning Boyce
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

hello

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Alt
I'd spend it on cider and curry.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:04, Reply)

You would as well, you cheeky tyke.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Glad
My text yesterday cheered you up a bit.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:08, Reply)

You're doing it wrong. Texts calling him a cunt are much better.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:09, Reply)

I lolled. Then I lolled some more.
Then, just when I thought I was all lolled out, a little tiny additional lol slipped out.
( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)

lol wee
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Damn you, I was about to type that.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Buy a box at the emirates, a house in Islington and a couple abroad. Buy a reickenbacher bass (spelling)
And a crossbow.
( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:07, Reply)

*Rickenbacker

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)

Ta!

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Craig David
Could give you some advice with that final purchase.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Eh?

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Have to say, I don't get this one either

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Me nor
Jeff, can you fill me in?
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Begone fromme ye internette, foul cretynne.

( Monty Boyce Dignity is having the stones to dress in lycra, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:20, Reply)

BO SELECTA!

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Oh fucking hell Jeff.
*shakes head repeatedly *
( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Utter shit

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:36, Reply)

On a Thursday?
He'll be too busy making love.
You could try him on Sunday, but I know he likes to chill then, so he might not be keen.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Lol
I don't get it...
( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:14, Reply)

See my reply up ^ there a bit.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:36, Reply)

I saw, I pooh poohed

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Moriarty might try and nick your bass
Just letting you know, is all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:23, Reply)

This is very good indeed
Morning AA
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Danke
Morning Sporto, how are you this morning?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Fucking shit, thanks for asking
Cracked the screen on my iPhone last night, came home to find calf A had encouraged calf B to shit himself and walk down the stairs trailing shite all the way. Dog then puked everywhere and I've been up since 3:30am
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:38, Reply)

BASTARDS

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:38, Reply)

All in all, sounds like a good day!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Customers sending threatening emails last night also helped
Thatchers Katy Cider is remarkably pleasant though, as I discovered last night. 7.4% and two bottles for £3 in Sainsburys. I will be returning this evening
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Thanks for making me feel better about my day.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

I aim to please

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Oh dear...
I'm trying not to giggle at that but I can't help it.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:52, Reply)

You can laugh on my behalf
I'm currently having a serious sense of humour failure
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:52, Reply)

I go pass it on the way to work.
It's quite a pointless place.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Not if you like football dumbass, I think sushi places are pointless BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE SUSHI, see how it works Gonz

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)

But you can fit thousands of sushi restaurants in that space.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)

Why the fuck would you want to?

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 10:04, Reply)

I wouldn't, you were the one who mentioned sushi.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 10:06, Reply)

I have so little work to do that I as near as bollocks do have the day off...

But as you said Captain, the weather has gone a bit gash.

I intend to write a little, then get to the pub asafp.

Care to join me, you wibbling fuck-knuckle?

Sorry, alt: I'd buy Greece.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:12, Reply)

There could be libation opportunities!

(Captain Placid Good at something, not doing it for free, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Hmm...

*slips into drinking trousers*
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Whenever you two are making plans to go for a drink
You always remind me of this: www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=vn1TJgB65ps#t=532s
"Five of your finest flagons of ale, stout yeoman of the bar"
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Well...

We always ensure to doff our top hats to any fine young fillies that happen along our way.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Thu 19 Jul 2012, 10:05, Reply)

I would see exactly how many pugs it takes to move a truck 10m

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)

My tv show "tug o pug" would basically be an hour long show each week where people have to guess how many pugs it would take to pull something.
I'd be so rich with my betting scheme.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)