Monty has posted 40,000 more messages on Off Topic than I have.
Monts, I think you have a(nother) serious addiction.

In other news, I get to upgrade my phone this weekend, going to do some baking (swirly millionaires shortbread) and paint my nails whilst watching the MotoGP at Laguna. I know, I know my life is like totally lolwackycool.

You have to watch a bit of the Olympics - What sport would you choose?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Tennis.
I'm going to be homebrewing and shopping and houseworking. EXCITING TIMESSSS
(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Oh and the Milton Keynes Fringe is on so I might see some of the "Art"

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Hello stranger
I have tickets for some of the athletics, including the men's 800m finals, so I will stick with those. Although I'd love to see the show jumping. If I could play with the horses afterwards.

I am LOL'ing at lusty's pic of monty and his cider addiction on FB. Genius.
( rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:26, Reply)

You are the horse whisperer AICMFP.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:27, Reply)

u shd gt an iphone 4s

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Judas.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:30, Reply)

u shd gt an iphone 2

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Finally a bit of sense
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-19009344
(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I say deport the fucker to America

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:31, Reply)

That's fantastic!
I feel all warm and nice, as I donated £10 towards his legal fees.
( Edenmonster, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Some sort of martial art, probably taekwondo.
I'm going to do some maths, and install Ubuntu 4.12 lts 64 bit. This makes me sound like a massive geek, but I'm really not. I usually send my weekends drinking cider and shouting at people.
( Edenmonster, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I'm with Chompy tennis could be good, or the 100 metres final or maybe some basketball
How come you are back suddenyl? Where have you been?
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:30, Reply)

Giving head jobs for crack.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:31, Reply)

are you aiming for 40k posts in 24hrs?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Warhammerlols

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

worst of all the lols

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)

There's this thing called "Work"
It takes up most of my day
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)

interesting, tell me more about this "work"

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)

I turn up in the week and do some stuff and they pay me at the end of the month

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Long time no see TGB!...

Where have you been? Anyhoo, I agree with the iPhone as mobile of choice, although those new Galaxy S3's look quite the dandy don't you know.

Alt: Erm, does beach volleyball count as a 'sport'?
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:37, Reply)

I'm going for a HTC One V
It's a sensible size. These new giant phone things are not pocket friendly
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)

They are quite expensive aren't they

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

No. You're thinking the One X

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

No I was thinkning of a pun

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:51, Reply)

...ok?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Women's volleyball!
Eh, lads? Eh?
( A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:40, Reply)

ORLY?
40,001!!! YESSSSSSS

*kneeslide*

I don't have to watch the Olympics. You are wrong.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I'm going to get Lusty to make you

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Good luck with that

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Thanks :D

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Fucksocks
25,000
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Talking of phones.
I left my phone in the back of a taxi last night. This annoys me as I've lost not just my phone, but my contact list as well.

If only I'd backed it up.

If any of you need me to have your phone number, then please re-gaz it.

What phone should I try and get?
( JeffTheDogFucker, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Was it password protected ?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Yes.

( JeffTheDogFucker, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Good
Mine weren't, I felt so worthless
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

If you had an android phone it would have automatically backed up to a gmail account.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)

This is useful as then Google can use all of your infomation for marketing purposes
*tin foil hat*
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)

And tomato locations

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)

You assume that at some point I plugged the phone in to a computer.

( JeffTheDogFucker, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Nerp, it shares contacts over 3g or wireless.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

A Peter Storm one

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Err.....yours?

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:45, Reply)

If you had an iphone you could locate it vi an app then track down the lowlife that had it

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Assuming you had turned this feature on

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

With an android you can install it remotely and turn it on

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Thanks "Bishop"

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Why didn't you tell me this when my phone was stolen?!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Because I hate you.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

oh. ok then.
Well I hope your beer goes flat
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Tooooo faaaarrrr

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:15, Reply)

Same with android, but the app is free.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

so was the i-phone one...

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I have a hilarious app that shouts this over and over!

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)

GOSH NAKEDAPE THAT SOUNDS EXCELLENT

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)

COULD WE ALL STOP HAVING ANOTHER FUCKING PHONE-OFF PLEASE?

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:49, Reply)

COULD WE ALL STOP HAVING ANOTHER FUCKING COCK-OFF PLEASE

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)

COCK WE ALL COCK COCKING ANOTHER COCKINGzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Archery, see if I can see the missus in the crowd.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:49, Reply)

did she refuse to be seen in public with you?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Other way round, I couldn't get the time off work to go with her

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:51, Reply)

see hit
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:49, Reply)

i misread it as this anyway

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)

I'd watch some of the football and the 100m, 200m and 400m

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:55, Reply)

Do you think Bolt is going to beat his world records?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:56, Reply)

Yes
...by a long way. I think he is going to run a ridiculous time, especially after the false start woes he had
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Some man in the paper said he predicts a 9.4 sec race

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)

REALLY TGB HOW INTERESTING!

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Shall I talk about the doping tests instead?
I know how interested you are in MASSIVE DRUGS
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

I failed a dope test once

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

Nonsense
We all know you'd pass any dope test
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:05, Reply)

this would have made more sense
point proven I guess
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)

No thanks.
All aspects of sport are shit and dull.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)

9.5 I'll bet

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)

nope, he's not fit
He might not even win, his training partner Yohan Blake has been beating him all year. i reckon he'll take the gold
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Boris quote of the day:
"There will be more gold, silver and bronze medals than you'd need to bail out Greece and Spain together!"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Gotta love him

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

The clean and jerk, or whatever it was that Sullymannyogloo fella did
I really wish I'd concentrated more on 'running really fast in a straight line' at school, the plaudits are fucking phenomenal.
(PsychoChomp_ I no a nice little eatery, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)

what colour are you?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Lego coloured.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)

jaundiced, this doesn't bode well for his athletic career

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)

*applies for role in The Simpsons*

(PsychoChomp_ I no a nice little eatery, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

role in The Simpsons job at Disneyland as a Ben Hardwick impersonator
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:05, Reply)

4 year contract, at most
Not worth it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Your heart's just not in it
heart liver
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:20, Reply)

skin-toned

(PsychoChomp_ I no a nice little eatery, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Alright Legoland or whatever your fucking name is?

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)

I dreamed a meme in time gone byyyyyyyy

(PsychoChomp_ I no a nice little eatery, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

So, what you're saying is that you want to watch that Sullymannyogloo fella have a wank in the shower?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

+ again
Nah man, gimme a few minutes.
(PsychoChomp_ I no a nice little eatery, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Morning Leo
How are the rest of the Turtles?

By which I mean your kids.
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Hey Darth
How are the rest of the Gay community?

By which I mean your many male lovers.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Supple and toned, thank you
The baby oil shortage is hitting us hard though, we've had to resort to using lard
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

HA *office snort*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:12, Reply)

And how's life in the world of laser-eyed hardworking Badgers?

(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

ROBOT BADGER

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Oh man I wish I was a robot badger that would be awesome.
But otherwise everything is good thanks. This week has gone super quick. In fact this whole year has!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:20, Reply)

I agree
Almost August already? Blimey
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

That's because this year to date has been building up to tonight
The next two weeks are going to be like running through treacle. Or "running", as British sprinters call it.
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

FOUR WEEKS
Why do you not class the Paralympics as a worthy event? You heartless bastard.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Gold, Silver or Bronze?
Still a spacker
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Flids don't count.
They're not even real people FFS, cyborg cunts.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Going to Italy in three
Nothing that happens while I'm out there counts
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:46, Reply)

This has just reminded me...

The other day my two young sons (aged 11 & 8)were arguing about something when the youngest one pointed at his brother and said 'You're GAY!'

The missus overheard this and interjected, saying something along the lines of: "What you've just said could be offensive to the gay community"

My youngest son paused for a moment, reflected on what he had just heard. He then pointed at his brother and blurted: 'You're the gay community!"

#hadtobethere
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:20, Reply)

I dunno, i lolled a little

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Football OBVIOUSLY
The way that Moroccan fella got sent off yesterday was ludicrous. His team-mates protestations afterwards were even better. "You mean we CAN'T kick people in the groin? WTF?! (translated from Dago)"

Morning TGB
(Darth Foxtrot just doesn't see the point in sobriety, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:09, Reply)

will probably watch the Tae Kwon Do
to remind me how far I didn't get learning that and Archery to look at techniques to improve my current abilities (i.e. lucky to hit the 50m target for a whole end)
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)

can you do Tea Kwon Do LARPing?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)

i do drink a lot of tea when larping
and there are special techniques for sword fighting without spilling tea. So I'm going with yes
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I have to watch a bit of the Olympics? Have to?
Jesus. Er, ok, well I guess the women's something. Swimming, or whatever. If I have to watch something I hate, it'd better have girls in it, at least.

Alright, teej?
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Beach volleyballlll

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

PWOAR!
i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01213/Eleanor-Simmonds_1213978c.jpg
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:17, Reply)

hahaha!
Mrs Battered/plumdozer
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:17, Reply)

Fuck's sake.
I can't even get through one fucking day without an inappropriate bongle on.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Being a nursery nurse is probably not a good job choice then

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Well he-llo...

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)

You don't have to.
You should stand up to bullies and say NO.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

I'm not a bully.
I'm enforcing British spirit at this joyus time of Olympic gamingining
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

gaming in gin, eh?
*scratches chin*
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:23, Reply)

For the win?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Yes!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Work is doing my nut in today.
I have a mobile telephone. I use it for phonecalls. To my m8tes.
(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Bender.

( JeffTheDogFucker, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)

You love it you slag.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:28, Reply)

I thought I had until half way through august to get a thing finished
my boss just emailed me asking for it today. I need to try and put it off until Monday, I planned today to be a lazing about day
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

That's against your human rights and shit.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:29, Reply)

I no rite

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:30, Reply)

great I now have until mid morning monday
I don't wake up until mid morning
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:30, Reply)

So you are now lazing around the house?

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)

damn right
work can wait until Sunday
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:35, Reply)

I've had a dreadful week.
Next week shall be even worse. I operate at such skeletal staff levels, as soon as someone has the temerity to take a holiday or be ill I am fucked. One wanker's been off for two weeks and is back on Monday - just as another one fucks off. The cunts.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:33, Reply)

Plus a saleswanker just told me to 'enjoy the Olympics'.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)

You are my storage solution hero.

(Set your faces to Stunned. Bon viveur, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Stunny's little soldier.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Sounds like my gaff.
One person goes on holiday, we can't cope. Two of us are on holiday on the last week of August, that'll be fun for those other losers.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 11:36, Reply)