Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob Hello, I'm a board sig., Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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New thread because Ring of Fyre is a Ok Cupid bellened£138m on the Euro millions tonight, might have have a punt. If I win I'm gonna buy monty and make him my bitch.
Who would you have working for you? Tom Cruise so he could clean under the cupboards and give you blow jobs or Justin lee Collins so you could punch him in the beard everytime you felt frustrated?
alt: battered is buying a bike the "big" hypocrite, when were you most hypocritical?
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:16, Reply)
I read your Alt in a south african accent(
hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:20,
Reply)
I had no idea you played cricket for England.(
Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
My great uncle played cricket for australia apparently.He's supposedly in the Australian Cricket Hall of Fame or something equally wanky.
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:23, Reply)
You should be proud of your great uncleunless he was a fiddler of course
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:24, Reply)
why should I be proud of someone I never met, who died before I was born, whose only notable achievement was throwing a ball better than Shane Warne?(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:33, Reply)
YEAHFUCK YOU, ANCESTORS
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Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:35,
Reply)
Mmm yeah well I dunno, I'm just not. Not that I don't respect him for being good at what he does, but it's just not something I've ever had a sense of pride about.
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
The original post referred to the South African Nation, not specifically the cricket teamtherefore it is perfectly possible for me to reply in the fashion that i did as I am part of the English Nation.
IN YOUR FACE
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:23, Reply)
The English nation is going to be playing cricket against South Africa?So that's how you're using the we?
Firstly, why the fuck wasn't I invited and secondly, that's going to be fucking crowded.
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Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:36,
Reply)
You face is representativeof an ANUS
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Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:42,
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I'm thinking I'll be Poet Laureat by the end of the year, you know.(
Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
look, just because it was proved that you are worse than me yesterdaythere is no need to be rude
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Oh give overgenital herpes is a more welcome visitor than you.
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Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:45,
Reply)
I have such a hate-bongle on for you right now.(
Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
I wish I could win that much money.It wouldn't make me "happy" as such but it would make it a lot easier to relax!
I wouldn't have anyone working for me. It'd be weird.
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Monty is hypercritical all of the time(
sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:24,
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Just one Moar thing..........(
hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:27,
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I'd employ Gillian McKeith as a bog cleanerand have curries EVERY night
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sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:25,
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good workmake sure you wash it down with some stout and a pickled egg
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)
I'd buy Ding and Moggy and clone them.And then GM the clones. And then clone those too.
:D
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stuj BRING BACK BALDMONKEY YOU BALLBAGS!, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
HUN DAN!BOW YOUR HEAD IN SHAME YOU LOWLY WESTERN-SNAILSHIT DOGEYES!
You have no humanism.
:(
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stuj BRING BACK BALDMONKEY YOU BALLBAGS!, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:41,
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Kirstie AllsoppTo look after all the guns and spades I would purchase.
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hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:33,
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I would hire a bunch of black fellasand dress them up like this fine chap and pay them all £50k a year to just to hang around my mansion having a laugh.
Alt. I was hypocritical the day I purchased proper cycling clothes in order to go faster. They do indeed make you go faster but I swore I never would.
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PhillieJoe, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:42,
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I say, he looks like a jolly little cove.(
Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:43,
Reply)
until 5 mins after this painting was finished he was stripped and sent back to the cellar(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:45, Reply)
I thought of a book that you will like"This thing of Darkness" by Harry Thompson, it's a biographical novel of Darwin's first voyage on the Beagle. It is fascinating and excellent in equal measures.
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I quite fancy a 'voyage on the beagle' myself,might wake me up a bit.
That does sound very much like my kind of book actually.
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Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:50,
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Harry Thompson created Have I got news for You, amognst other popular TV showshe also wote the excellent "Penguins Stop Play" about a village craicket team who go on a world tour, you'll probably like that less.
Cancer got him aged just 45, for eva in r hartz and bookshelves
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
I might give it a go as well, no harm in tryingI'd probably make my MD work for me, just to enjoy turning the tables. Also, probably someone like Valentine Warner or Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall for the food.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:51,
Reply)
I'd fire up Zoopla and look for flats in londonMin Price: ONE MILLION POUNDS.
Probably get a 2 bed flatshare in Putney.
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The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:54,
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Shakira to polish my skirting boards, all day, forever.(
SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:56,
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I'd employ Bono as punch bag. Have to make the cunt mute first though (
Battered Nobody wants to buy your drugs here Louis, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 9:57,
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You'll need to buy some sort of box as well.(
SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:01,
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I did my washing last night and they didn't dry out properly in time for work today.There is nothing more miserable than sitting in an office in soggy pants.
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Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:02,
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It is pretty nasty when that happens.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:03,
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maybe you should ask for some more tighty-whiteys for your birthday?(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Stop picturing me in my underwear you filthy bastard.(
Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:10,
Reply)
Man and woman chatting at the coffee machine as I was making my drinkWoman: "I just need something hot and wet in the morning."
Man: "Allow me!"
*Long awkward pause* *both leave without saying anything further*
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The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:17,
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Monty's mum is no lady.(
Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 11:05,
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stop postingsat on a stool in your mum's basement , with a hate bongle on then(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Mummy took the others away once they looked like they'd been left under a pigeon's perch(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:15, Reply)
It's that time of year. The wank sock is up for it's annual washing machine trip. (, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:19, Reply)
I heard it sounds like someone threw a snapped off broom handle into the machine(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:20, Reply)
I'd make my ex and his family work for me - we don't have mains drainage here so I'd make them clean out the cess pit(
chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:19,
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Bit of a bellend, was he?How are you?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:20,
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Bellend is an understatementMoney grabbing evil bastards - and I'm being polite.
I'm fine apart from being currently penniless.
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:23,
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Wankers.How are the kids, managed to find any new way of injuring themselves?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:24,
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SONG POP!(
rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:24,
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Yes, fine, I know you're beating me.Can't do it during the day, will try and get on tonight.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:25,
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nah, i sucked on the last one i sent you hahaha some chimp challenged me this morning. his score? zero.
that's not a fucking challenge, you fuck-knuckle.
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:26,
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Fucking hell, that's not goodI've managed to get 1/5 before, but that was on 'Modern Rap', who the fuck listens to that?!
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:27,
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i like the american onesthey send me random things like "latin radio" and "modern country".
ffs.
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:29,
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I used the coins on there to buy 'UK TV Themes', turns out I'm shit at them too.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:32,
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i suck at that onei hardly watch any tv
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:41,
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They're mostly old ones, Blue Peter, Grange Hill, etc(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:45,
Reply)
I injured myself the other nightwalked into the bedroom in the dark, making my way to the bed side table lamp, when I encounter what turns out to be the Wife's hair straightners lying across the floor.
To say my feet got tangled and i went down like a sack of shit would be an understatement
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:25, Reply)
That's the life of a teacher though I guess, although you could have a word with PJMunless he is the ex...
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Hahahah!Nah, he's not the ex :)
His opinion is even lower....
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:27,
Reply)
No. He's currently negotiating a new bicycle...I've told him I *need* a fancy ipod dock in return. Although to be honest what I really could do with is about £3k - more would be nice but lets not be greedy ;)
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:30,
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I do not recommend taking on extra marking.*sees stack of extra marking and cries*
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crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 11:37,
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I just bought a ticket ONLINE!I'd pay the modern Jesus army to change all their happy clappy hymns to be about me, and then send them off around the world to spread news of my magic powers.
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Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:20,
Reply)
A ticket for what, pray tell?(
Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:21,
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I say, that's a bit strong isn't it?(
Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:27,
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No, that's what the ticket's called.(
stuj BRING BACK BALDMONKEY YOU BALLBAGS!, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:30,
Reply)
i would hire necker for a couple of monthsand fly out everyone i like for a holiday.
bradley cooper, so i could make him dust my apartment wearing just an apron. fuck tom cruise, he sucks. and i don't think i know who the other one is.
i'm never hypocritical. millions of other faults, but they're all on the surface.
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:24,
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Are you aware that Bradley Cooper is currently in a play that requires him spending some of it topless?(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:26,
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NOWHERE????????
oh in new york.
goddammit.
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:26,
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No idea, but he's playing Joseph Merrick(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:28,
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i googledi fainted
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:29,
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I need to put my glasses onI read that as farted.
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:31,
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as if i would ever do anything of the sortever
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:40,
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Of course! I realised my error very quickly ;)(
chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:48,
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Neither would IBut the reviews I've seen say he's good in it
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:38,
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I would cast you as him.Save money on makeup etc.
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Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:39,
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If you drive you are hypocritical, everyone isMorning Swipey, I'm less dead today, still can't must ther energy to work though
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:26, Reply)
i think my sportscar is blatant, not hypocriticalyou can think it's a tosser's car, but at least it's obviously a tosser's car.
why are you half dead?
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:28,
Reply)
AIDS probably, feels like i have a head full of tennis balls, my throat feels like I've been deep throating rusty robo-cockand I'm so tired i slept for 7 hours over the course of yesterday. WOE IS ME
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:30, Reply)
oh noi diagnose a serious case of MAN-FLU
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:31,
Reply)
His mother dropped him on his head when he was a baby, I think.(
Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:31,
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nah, just no one wanted to reply to your thread cos you're an autisti bellend xx(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:27, Reply)
maybe we all banged the new IGNORE DRUM(
rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:28,
Reply)
Oh, bless him, he's just played the Legless Gambit on there.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1693200
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Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:30,
Reply)
*waits for the blacklash from the autistic bellends*(
hartley hare is shaking his Caxirola on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:30,
Reply)
Soz if you think I'm slandering your job as a shitwiper. boohoohoohooWhy not vote for my qotw suggestion instead b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1693172
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:33,
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You totally screens hotted that shit up, right?(
Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:34,
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One of my lifes greatest regretsI gobbed off about it a couple of weeks ago and not long after it was gone along with all his other accounts as 'ringofrye' and he's changed his username. I can't help but feel these events are connected.
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:38,
Reply)
Oh Rory.'shot first, troll second. Schoolboy error.
You could only compound this by saying something utterly shitwitted and then claim to be 'trolling'.
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Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:40,
Reply)
You know you're REALLY made it when Ringo grasses you up to your boss for being silly on the internet and then adds himself to your fans list so he can get upset at you quicker.(
Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:45,
Reply)
I liked Justin Lee Collins before he was famous.He did a stand-up gig at my local, and to this day it's one of the funniest gigs I've seen. I had a beer with him afterwards - he was a nice chap.
Then I heard him on the radio, and thought - "Boy's done good".
Then The Friday Night Project came out, and he became an absolute cunt.
A massive shame - I'm not so much angry as deeply disappointed in him.
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A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:29,
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which is precisely what your parents say about you?someone was going to say it.
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rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:30,
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Oh yes - I'm embarassingly middle class.I'll never amount to anything other than a massive disappointment to my parents.
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A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:37,
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I'll never amount to anything other than a massive disappointment to my parents
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Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:38,
Reply)
Come on, Monty - you can do better than that.(
A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:40,
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When he's not trying to be funny, he annoys me far less than when he is trying to be.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:31,
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I don't know - when he says "Rock on!" it makes me want to rape kittens.(
A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:49,
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It all starts to make sense.The pieces of your spasticated jigsaw are slotting together now...
*consults notes*
Hmmm, likes Justin Lee Collins.....I see.....
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Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:32,
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and 'dark graphic novels' that bits vital(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:34,
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Hmmm.....I seem to have also jotted down something about 'parasols'.Not quite sure why, now.
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Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:35,
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Clearly an insecure bellend.All the cool kids that don't care about that shit call them 'comics'.
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Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:35,
Reply)
Oh but these are 'dark'.So dark.
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Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:37,
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See now, what I call those is 'comics where the colourist has lost all of his pens apart from the brown, black and grey ones'.(
Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:41,
Reply)
I'm not sure but 'pretentious helmet' definitely is.(
Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:43,
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It's two words you fucking prick.(
Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:44,
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Maths never was my strong suit.(
Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:54,
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Well, no - that's two words.EDIT: piss.
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A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:45,
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Yes - I am something of an enigma it's true.I'm dark, edgy and mysterious.
Someone should do a graphic novel about me.
I muight even do one myself.
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A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:38,
Reply)
you should ask apeloverage(
rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:39,
Reply)
He told everyone he was was writing a book and everyone laughed.Well, no-one's laughing now.
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Amorous Badger : One of our most popular models., Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:41,
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hey, that's my best friend, that is(
Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:45,
Reply)
Not badOff larping* in half an hour or so
*aren't you glad I'm on your side?
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Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:50,
Reply)
I don't have any other friends, so sadly yes - yes I am.What's larping?
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A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:51,
Reply)
oh dear oh dearlarping is like social hari kari (not idea if that is spelt right)
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Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:52,
Reply)
or to be more accurateimagine dungeons and dragons geeks only with costumes and foam swords. Or cross country pantomime
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Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:54,
Reply)
pictures are better cavey, moving pictureswww.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17914502
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:59,
Reply)
I'm not americanthat makes it less bad
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Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 11:04,
Reply)
I'm not sure that's true, but since we're BFFs now, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.(
A Vagabond lol commie povvo, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 11:07,
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david tennantjust to do, you know, whatever.
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Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:39,
Reply)
and by "whatever" you mean yourself, right?(
rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:40,
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not that it wasn't perfectly clear from your original post(
rachelswipe can't tell the difference between battered & dozer, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:41,
Reply)
wellI might get him to do the washing up, too.
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Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:42,
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alt: it's better to try and have high standards and failthan not have standards at all.
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Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:40,
Reply)
I would buy Rihanna and Fiona Bruce.And never leave my house again.
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:44, Reply)
...because they'd punched you so hard in the cock that your bollocks came out of your arse(
Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:46,
Reply)
no, that's not the reason.It would involve particular foodstuffs, class As and very expensive clothing.
On them, not me.
(, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)
I don't see the attraction in either of those two.Sometimes Rihanna looks a bit downsy and Fiona Bruce is simply plain.
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Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:56,
Reply)
I would pay *beta user* to *something amusing related to their meme*and then spend all day LOLLING around in my pants.
Alt: As a parent it is part of my job to be hypocritical. I can't wait to tell a disgruntled child to "Do as I say, not as I do"
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tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:47,
Reply)
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it again". (, Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Someone start a new thread please.(
Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 3 Aug 2012, 10:57,
Reply)
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