I'm getting a haircut today. What are you doing today?
What was teh worst haircut you ever had? Did all the other boys and girls laugh at you and point? I hope so. You disgust me.

Alt: I have to go to a stupid family christening for a baby I've never met and have no interest in. What would be an appropriate present?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Just got back from gym, lost another 1.5kg since last week.
Alt: a book by Richard dwkins
( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:22, Reply)

What's that as a percentage of your body mass?
or just give us your present kg
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Dunno, and no chance!

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Give us your bmi, I need figures to work with here

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Yes, arm the troll! Sod off Rory.

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:29, Reply)

:(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:36, Reply)

bmi is hugely misleading
as it takes no account of proportion or muscle mass.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:30, Reply)

It's always the fatties that claim this.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Given that my chest weighs at least a stone on its own
my bmi is massively off kilter. A few years back, I lost a staggering amount of weight, and got so skinny it hurt to sit down in the bath. My boobs hadn't shrunk, though, so my bmi said I was only just at the top end of my healthy weight.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:34, Reply)

yeah but your chest is made up of fat and water, like camel humps
if you lost weight your tits would shrink
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:37, Reply)

That's what I thought, too
but they didn't. Size 8-10 and still a fucking E cup. I kept falling over forwards.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:38, Reply)

use a unicycle to prop them up
call it the boobycycle
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:39, Reply)

^ this ^
it sucks. i keep thinking about surgery in my desperate wish to be flat-chested, but..... then i look at what they DO, and.....

back to R&P for a decent bra, i guess. although they're almost as expensive.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Nah, it's not, it's horseshit
My BMI puts me overweight and I've got a body fat percentage of 14%. When my brother was at the height of his rugby career, BMI made him "obese" (6'3" and well over 17 stone) and he had 6% body fat, which is marathon runner territory.

waist size vs height and weight is way more useful, most GPs that aren't idiots use that these days.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:01, Reply)

or cake

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:32, Reply)

I tried to make cake on Monday and I burnt it.
Was very upsetting.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:37, Reply)

It's a guide nevertheless, and whichever way you dice it if you exceed 35 you really are a fat fuck

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:35, Reply)

0.00000000000000000000000001%

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Fuck you.
I've been stuck on the same kilo for about two months now. Up one week, down the next, really should start actively dieting again.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:26, Reply)

No carbs after 4pm has helped a lot.

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I'm going to reply to this one because I've got Nakers on ignore.

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Well, at least answer the fucking question, spazmo.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Nah, it's kind of a crap question.
I actually liked Nakers' thread better but I don't like *him*, so.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:25, Reply)

is this more of this fake "I hate you" stuff?

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I have a secret crush on him

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I *knew* it.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Join the queue Frenchie

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:34, Reply)

I am drinking beer, having meetings and the company have just announced my new job
Alt:
Razor blade dummies
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:23, Reply)

I also have to attend a christening. This Sunday. Terrific. I don't think. Worst of all it's a Catholic ceremony.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:23, Reply)

i was at a catholic christening ages ago and me and my brother just sat at the back making paedo jokes about the vicar

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:24, Reply)

I think my wife would cheerfully kill me if I did that.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:25, Reply)

i got a stern look from my mrs, but she can GO FUCK HERSELF

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I don't think this one is catholic.
I think it's one of those 'we never go to church but we're having a christian naming ceremony which we don't find the slightest bit hypocritical' type of christening.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:25, Reply)

We're having a non-religious naming ceremony for microbattered. Slight level of hypocrisy given we got married in a cathedral, but we only did that to keep my mother in law happy.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:26, Reply)

This is why I would never get married in a church.
Massive hypocrisy on my part, seeing as I don't believe in it and never go. I'd probably burst into flames at the altar anyway.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Make for a good wedding video

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:33, Reply)

i feel like you, but got married in church
It means nothing to me so I didn't care. Also it's so much prettier than some council office off the high street of your local town
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I got married in a hotel

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Holiday inn?
I know that's possible, I like the church thing though
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Those aren't the only two options, you know.
We got married in a nice country hotel. It was proper beautiful. Just like the bride.

I typed that as 'brie' at first. That would have been lol.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:46, Reply)

triple brie is amazing.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Cheese is wrong.
You are wrong.
This whole courtroom is wrong.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I don't like ALL cheese. Just some kinds.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:51, Reply)

i had curtains in the 90s, like everyone else,b ut they didn't work so it jsut sat on my head like a wig
alt. cocaine
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:24, Reply)

That was one hairstyle that never suited anybody.
And the worst part was, it was in fashion before the advent of straighteners, so anyone with even the slightest curl to their hair looked like a knob.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:27, Reply)

it suited duncan from byker grove, but it didn't suit me :(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Which one's that?
Ant or Dec?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Dec
I laid decking the other week, it looks mint
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:33, Reply)

this could be the new shed

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Careful now

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Do you want decking?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:41, Reply)

Deck the shed with boughs of Lol-ly
tra-la-la-la la-la-la-lahhhhh
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:41, Reply)

Ssssshhhhh.
Don't invoke xmas. If we pretend it's not coming, it might stay away for another few months.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Only 125 days to go

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:43, Reply)

shutupshutupshutupshutup

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:45, Reply)

I'll deck-cide when to start talking about shedmas, thank you very much

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:44, Reply)

What are you going to get me? I'd love some new roof felt.

(Legless is a prick., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:46, Reply)

I'd be happy with getting anything felt.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)

*golf claps*

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:49, Reply)

haha
be quiet, cavy
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:49, Reply)

dude you don't get jesus a present on his birthday, you don't get sheds a present at shedmas
but maybe a cordeless drill, a groundbreaker thing, or an schoolgirl slave
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)

You obviously don't know many schoolgirls.
They're lazy as fuck and always complaining about something.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:49, Reply)

they work if you smack 'em up

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)

In my experience
they usually just start shouting about how you can't touch them and they know their rights and their mum says they don't have to DO your stupid homework and you can't give them a detention because they've got a nut allergy or something.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:53, Reply)

god you're BORING

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:59, Reply)

I've just purchased a new cordless: DeWalt 18v with two batteries for £99.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:49, Reply)

the one with the 80mm dildo attachment?
sweet
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:51, Reply)

It's a real eye-waterer.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I would say the bob-haircut I had would be the worst. It went all fluffy and poofy.
a card would be appropriate.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:26, Reply)

All one length?
When I were a nipper, my mum decided I needed to have a pageboy haircut. Turns out, curly hair won't sit nicely in a style like that. Who knew?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:29, Reply)

My thumb is a little better today.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:31, Reply)

better today bit smaller than a cocktail sausage
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:38, Reply)

No, that's his cock.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:41, Reply)

yeah that's pretty much it.
I usually have a lot of layers in my hair now. So it sits pretty nicely.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Christenings are pointless
Tell them this, thereby giving them the gift of reason.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:33, Reply)

That wouldn't go down well.
The child's grandmother is one of those frightful public school types that still calls her parents 'mummy' and 'daddy' even though she's over sixty.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I call mine mater and pater

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:36, Reply)

mater Cock hungry filthslut
pater The Gimp
( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:39, Reply)

He's The Gimp
She's a cock hungry filthslut. Together - they fight crime!
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Even more reason why you should shake things up

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I don't see what is wrong with that*


*My wife does that.
( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Oh dear.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:41, Reply)

That would really REALLY bother me
But hey...she's not my wife. Good luck to you.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Doesn't bother me at all. Married a posh bird innit.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)

and evryone knows they're filthy.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Maybe I'd get used to it, who knows

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)

theres a lot of it in Ladypigs circle of old school mates,
I went along for their 10 year reunion, and wanted to stab eyes out after about an hour.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:56, Reply)

Yes
I'm taking a slightly more buddhist approach to life these days. These people may not share my experiences, what brings me joy or pain, the things we worry about are probably different. But it doesn't make their struggle any less significant than my own. Unless they're coloured of course.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:03, Reply)

gaaaaaaaaaay

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:03, Reply)

You're entitiled to that opinion
Unless of course you're coloured.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:04, Reply)

I wouldn't give a shit about what the grandparents thought.
It's my fucking child, not theirs. People are such pussies.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:43, Reply)

I really hope it isn't your child.
That would make for awkward family gatherings.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:44, Reply)

It might be
I've got a rep, yo
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)

I had a shaved nead with some hair left at the front, it was awful.
i may also get my hair cut today

alt: Dildo
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:35, Reply)

You shaved your Nead?
And you went out in public?? Woah.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Glasgow will look so much better

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)

i used to have an awful haircut as a child.
All sticking out at the sides like a pikey.

Alt. A punch up the prostate for the dad, and a kick in the ovaries for mummy dear.
( Windy Pig is a stupid cunt., Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:36, Reply)

All my hairstyles have been ace, even when I went through my long hair stage for several years

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Did you go through a neck beard stage?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Did you go through an amusing phase? I'd like to have seen that.

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:39, Reply)

haha

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:40, Reply)

it was an epoch
I'm assuming from this answer that you still have a neck beard
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:40, Reply)

It was dull, tedious, and everything I have come to expect from a mong such as yourself.
I'm surprised you're not competing this week.
( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Don't get your neck beard in a twist

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:50, Reply)

8 minutes for that gem...

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Does it take you 8 minutes to wash your neck beard?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:00, Reply)

It takes approximately the same amount of time that it takes you to delude yourself that what you have written is funny.
Remember, I'm officially less shit than you.
( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:03, Reply)

You officially have a neck beard that's for sure

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Tedious subthread is tedious.
You two are as bad as Dozer and HH. Stop being dicks and start behaving like adults. One of you is a parent and the other is a teacher. You're both supposed to be responsible role models.

*tuts*
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:07, Reply)

tbf tho
bob is really fat
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:24, Reply)

what is a neck beard?

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:27, Reply)

a beard on has one the neck

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:28, Reply)

first google image result looks like my old schoolmate jim
nice one, jim
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:30, Reply)

POIDH

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Its supposed to make fatties look thinner by covering some of their chins

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:30, Reply)

oh i see
doesn't work for women, though
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:31, Reply)

I had really short, pink hair
I couldn't have looked any more dyke-like if I'd worn a plaid shirt and caterpillar boots.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Good mroning you.
Feeling better today?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:54, Reply)

No.
I have just checked the weather forecast.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:00, Reply)

Watch out for little Dutch boys

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:55, Reply)

Are you still heading to Barcelona?

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 10:57, Reply)

If he is unable to find funds I will go on my own
I will NOT be deprived of a holiday.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:00, Reply)

I thought you'd already supplied the funds?
Is he seriously goingto waste a paid-faor holiday because it might take him forever to pay you back?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:01, Reply)

if he does this, he's a twat.
a bigger twat than Labs.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:02, Reply)

why is labs a twat?
i miss labs
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:15, Reply)

He's not a twat at all, I just like giving him shit.
He loves it.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:15, Reply)

oh good
i love teh labs
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:20, Reply)

who?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:15, Reply)

I have already paid for the flights and hotel
he says he is not coming because he will have no spending money. Unless, of course, I provide that as well but I cannot really afford to - especially since I know full well he will want to take the metro everywhere instead of walking and he will sulk if we don't eat out in the evenings.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Tell him to go to wonga

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Those kinds of places are a bad idea
he will either find the money somehow, or not. I will be going regardless, for all he tried to get me to cancel everything and get a refund and come and stay with him for two weeks instead, as he did not like the idea of me going on my own. I fucking paid for it, so I'm going. End of.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:17, Reply)

They're not a great idea,
but this is the perfect situation for them. Borrow £200 pay back £260ish next month, rather than fuck you out of the cost of a flight and hotel. He won't be rolling in spending money but it's enough to eat out every so often.
(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:20, Reply)

that's what you do if you work in a pie factory in stoke and don't know how money works

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Or you're a tennis coach?

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:35, Reply)

he really does sound fick

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:37, Reply)

You need to confront him about why he doesn't want to go away with you
Seriously...He doesn't want to go. And I think you ought to find out why.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:44, Reply)

It does strike me as peculiar
how this has suddenly happened with no warning and no way around it. Frankly I think it's so much horseshit. There's always a way around obstacles *if* you want to get around them.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Exactly
If he was really into the idea, going out for dinner wouldn't even enter his mind. Spending money on anything, in fact.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:49, Reply)

This is what I said. Everything's paid for, he turns up.
OK, so he doesn't have any spending money, so it'll be a shoestring trip. It's not like it's going to be hundreds of pounds. If the idea of walking places and not eating out so much puts him off a trip abroad with his girlfriend, then I don't know what.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:52, Reply)

See? This guy gets it

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:53, Reply)

I lied. I fucking *do* know what.

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Of course you do

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:57, Reply)

It had occurred to me
however you've got to have some basic measure of trust. As he was on about selling not just his every day car but his beloved classic car as well (naturally, meaning that he could never come and visit and I would have to schlep up to his every weekend) I think he's probably serious on this one.
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Unless he's making these gestures because he knows you'd never go for it
Look, I don't know the guy, but people have thought up worse schemes than this to get out of something they didn't want to do. What harm can come from you just asking him? If he gets all defensive and upset, then you'll know.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Yeah I know, and as I've said, it does you credit.
But, this is not an insurmountable problem. The actual holiday bit is a non-issue. Regardless of how screwed he is in the months to come, this is all paid for. Why is he screwing you over for however-many hundreds of pounds on wasted tickets when all he has to do is turn up? It doesn't make any sense.

Couple that with the idea that he's said "oh, yeah, I can't come visit anymore, you'll have to do all the travelling now, my similarly impoverished girlfriend who's just spend money on a holiday I'm now refusing to go on".

He's a cunt.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:54, Reply)

omg
tell him that you want to date a man, not a manchild, and he either comes on the romantic holiday, or he goes back to bashing his balls alone.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:15, Reply)

No no, too agressive
There might be a deeper issue. Berk doesn't want to frighten this guy off, she clearly cares about him. There may well be a reasonable explanation as to why he doesn't want to go.
( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:55, Reply)

tell him to fuck off
unless you're an idiot?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:16, Reply)

he sounds like an incompetent lifefail

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:34, Reply)

I am starting to think so.

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:37, Reply)

It sounds to me like he doesn't really want to go

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:40, Reply)

You think he'd pay her back at all?

( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Good for you.

( Battered Would you really have a negro run our firm?, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:02, Reply)

worst haircut ever
was when toni & guy decided to give me the kind of short punky fringe that would only look good on a skinny 16 year old model with a pixie crop. it did NOT suit the rest of my collar-bone length hair. horrific.

i have a question. so my cousin does her gcse's next year, and she is a bit of a mixed-up kid. her mum and stepdad have never worked and live in a council flat, and their ambition for her is to get the council flat next door. when her dad tries to get her to work, she just tells him he's being boring, or that she isn't coming to stay with him any more. she's a bright girl, but looking at failing the lot.

i am wondering if i should give her an incentive she will understand - say £50 per A, £25 per B, £10 per C. is that a good idea or totally inappropriate??
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:04, Reply)

maybe run the idea past her parents first.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:05, Reply)

They want her to fail though, they need killing

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:07, Reply)

i will def ask my uncle, but i know he won't mind, he is just desperate for her to do well
i have no way of contacting her mum and stepdad, but frankly, if they are telling her exams don't matter, then i don't care if i offend them!!
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Sounds like an idea.
You could add that you'll let her stay with you for her summer holidays if she passes all her exams.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:05, Reply)

see, this would be a great idea
if i could cope with having an emo around for that long. plus her older half-brother is staying with me with his bird at the moment, and he tells me that she keeps asking him to buy her weed. she's 14 ffs!
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:09, Reply)

maybe she should stay at monty's, haha

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:09, Reply)

I smoked weed from 15 didn't do me any harm...

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:16, Reply)

I beg to differ
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1710259
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:18, Reply)

if she's going to smoke it, she can get on with it, it's her life
but i am NOT buying it for her!
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Kill her mum and stepdad
How do you even so such frightful proles?
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:07, Reply)

She's northern.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:07, Reply)

they're not even proles

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:08, Reply)

If they live in council house they clearly are
That plus their attitude! What the fuck is wrong with them?
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:10, Reply)

They're northern.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:11, Reply)

hang on
my geography sucks, but isn't scotland moar northern than yorkshire?
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Scotland is Scottish, not northern.
You start again once you get to the border.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:22, Reply)

My parents did that for the SATs with me
it did work because I wanted money. Definitely check with her parents first though.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:08, Reply)

this is what i thought
i think she understands how important they are, but is being a bit of an ostrich because she has no idea what she wants to do in life. short-term incentive of cash might work!
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:10, Reply)

let her fail, we need more english-born bog cleaners and mcdonalds workers

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:10, Reply)

if you say that through 3 ciggies and half a bottle of cider
you could be her stepdad
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:12, Reply)

wicked, then i'd get to fuck her too

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:12, Reply)

i so should not be laughing at this

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:12, Reply)

KAPLOWIE, RIGHT IN THE KISSER.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:36, Reply)

On that basis, and nothing for a D and under, I'd get £10 off you.
Oh god, I swear I'm not stupid. I'm really not stupid. I'm only stupid on paper.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:37, Reply)

I bet on paper, I'm the thickest one here =/

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Worst haircut I ever had
was when I was about fifteen and they hacked off all my hair to my shoulders. I looked like an eighties reject.

Alt: Depends how much you like the family. Peter Rabbit china?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Miniape, got a box set of roald Dahl books which was great

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:08, Reply)

That is pretty good
it was longer ago for me I got all the traditional type presents (silver spoons/napkin rings etc)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Hey you.
Long time no see.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Alright poppet how are you?
yeah I've been moving house
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Are you still in the same city
or have you moved back to live with your mum?
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:13, Reply)

I'm in Ireland at the moment
not sure exactly what I'm doing. I feel like if I stay in Ireland I'll never get a job, but living in England means living alone probably somewhere really horrible with no money. So choices.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Ummm
I guess so. Did you decide what to do about your degree in the end, are you going to appeal? Have you had any more luck with jobs etc?
(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:19, Reply)

I've sent them a letter
they haven't got back, which means it's too late this year anyway. And no luck with jobs at all. Life is shit :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:21, Reply)

hugz 4 u bbz

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:30, Reply)

how did it all go? nicely settled in?

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:13, Reply)

Yeah they're all fine
(they moved in Ireland) and I think they're liking it.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:17, Reply)

It's you!
Hello you!

To be honest, I'm not sure how old this child is. I remember being shown pictures of her when she was born, but I can't re,member how long ago that was. mr b3th wants to just give money. I imagine that's what we'll end up doing.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Hey b3th, how have you been?
Money is fine, or any china shit to be honest.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Books and more books are good!

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:13, Reply)

yes, this
you can get beautiful enid blyton box sets or narnia or something - they can read them together as they get older.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:14, Reply)

You could read them for your niece, seeing as she won't be able to read them herself

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:18, Reply)

ha!

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Folio Society have got some nice kids books out at the moment.
Narnia's one of the sets. As is Winnie the Pooh and Peter Rabbit etc.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:43, Reply)

Alt: no you don't
if you aren't interested, don't go. If you are, don't moan about it. Simples.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Dont read swipes sub thread it'll make you quite angry I reckon

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:20, Reply)

quite angry frothing over with ill-suppressed lust, like all men
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:21, Reply)

I've never bothered to suppress lust, ill or otherwise.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:49, Reply)

I finally figured out what type of people quote adverts. Simples.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:27, Reply)

haha ninja

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:31, Reply)

I know, I'm a right cunt.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:48, Reply)

There's a new one folx

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Wed 22 Aug 2012, 11:44, Reply)