Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob You should follow me http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 0:00)
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You lot are shitWhere's al? Or someone, anyone with a sense of humour?
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 13:59,
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I doubt ithe doesn't like bi-peds
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:06,
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You'll doTell me a joke, Uncle Chompy
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:08,
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Because it was deadWhy did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:12, Reply)
Not good enoughgive yourself ten lashings
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:16,
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Of Devonshire custard*noms*
*noms*
*noms*
*noms*
*noms*
*noms*
*noms*
*noms*
*noms*
*noms*
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:17, Reply)
OH YEAH DEFFOCold though, I hate hot custard, it's vom
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:18,
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You are a little bit shiteven if you wipe really thoroughly, you never get it all
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:09,
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Not trueI use moist wipes, but I still find skid marks in my grundies
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:11,
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Totally trueThey do clean you after a shit, but then you insist on sharting into your grundies all day.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:13, Reply)
NawI think it's because I need some kind of shit brush for my arse hair
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:13,
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Nopemore like I've dunked my bum fluff in brown juice. You can get rid of the solids easily, but there's still brown in there
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:19,
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It's a planI'll give it a go and post pictures of the results
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:24,
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If you give me your phone numberI'll MMS you videos of myself on the john
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:28,
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Do you mean wet wipes?Or do you just like using words like moist and gusset whenever you can
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:12, Reply)
The ones I buy are actually called moist wipes.I did almost use the word 'gusset' instead of 'grundies' though.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:14, Reply)
I'll be here forapproximately...
no, scratch that - I need to get changed into my gorgeous Artist Clothes and get myself to Hackney.
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:10,
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BYE!I've gone now.
Have a lovely time everyone. Please try to not be too funny because it's not fair that I have to miss out on all the larks.
Ta ta.
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chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:16,
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Wanna joke? WANNA JOKE? You couldn't handle a joke.A drunk walks in to a kebab shop and is surprised to see Father Christmas serving behind the counter.
"Santa!" he says. "What are you doing working here? Shouldn't you be up at the North Pole preparing for the big day?"
Santa Claus sighs. He's really let himself go. The red suit's got lard and chilli sauce and bits of lettuce all over it. His apron's in a mess and he just looks fed up and like he really doesn't want to be serving up kebabs for a living.
"Well," Santa says at last, "the business has gone belly up. With the recession, the credit crunch and all, the toy industry is fucked. I had to sack some of the elves, make cut backs in quality and we just lost our competitive edge. Plus we wound up the delivery side and subcontracted out to Royal Mail. But... It didn't help. The receivers came in, asset-stripped the business and we went into liquidation."
"Fucking hell," the drunk says. "I'm really sorry, it kind of takes the tradition out of Christmas in a way."
"Yeah," says Santa Claus and manages a wan smile. "Well enough of me and my woes. What can I get you?"
The drunk says, "I'll have a large Donner."
"Sorry," says Santa. "We're all out of Donner.......Will Blitzen do instead?"
Serves yoiu right, calling me shit.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:10, Reply)
Not as good as I was hopingbut it'll do, you got a click
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:13,
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A horse walks into the barAnd the barman says, "why the long face"
"Because I'm a fucking horse you cunt" replied the horse
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:10, Reply)
It's the oldest joke in existenceKnock knock
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:14,
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WOWI didn't know you were a cowboy!
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:18,
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Ja Stopen the fucking doorbefore I kick it in and stick my hairbrush up your arse
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:19, Reply)
Truebut I prefer mine, although yours has a lovely charm to it
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:21,
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I think you've misunderstood the way knock knock jokes work(
Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:22,
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It works better out loud :(They say "Knock knock"
You say "Who's there"
Cue confusion for about 30 seconds.
What did the dog say when it fell over on the sandpaper?
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:27,
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That joke reminds me of my father :(It's pretty much his only one.
He's half German and all he can say (EDIT: in German) is "I am a fried egg"
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:35,
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Mein pimmel ist GroBe und KurzTranslated: My penis is big and curly
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:42,
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No it's notyou just love picking on all the ladies, because you're a total man-ho
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:33,
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What, who, me?I do. It's just not of my ugly face.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:36,
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Hmm, you have a point.But honestly, why would I whore myself out in this setting? I think everyone's reasonably intelligent and has got over the "OMG girl on the internet" thing :P
And also, Edmund is the anti-pander, and has put me off even thinking of asking for panderation.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:45,
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Maybe I'm using reverse psychologyand CAN'T BELIEVE someone is TALKING to me on the INTERNETS!
Or not.
Or maybe I'm just really bored.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:53,
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So far you've used 'lol'and a few too many of these '!?!', maybe that's it
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:14,
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Ah.I apologise for these appalling typographical faux-pas.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:18,
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We're a whole different class of internet(
Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:34,
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I'm not over it*wiggly brows*
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:54,
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You're not over GIRLS, Bertie.You probably have a crush on PsychoChomp.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:58,
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I have a crush on everyoneIt pays not to be fussy
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:00,
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:(Rather, that's how I should be. I'm too fussy for my own good.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:04,
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Alcohol will solve that problem(
Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:11,
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I don't have a profile pic eitherDon't you love me?
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:41,
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YOU don't have a picture at all either!I have a picture of myself. It's my arm. But it's still a picture. And I've had ones of my face too. You're just a blank canvas.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:46,
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But I've been to bashesso everyone knows what a lug-eared fugly cucker I am
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:52,
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Speaking of bashesI'm going to the bash tonight.
My second ^_^
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:54,
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Lucky youtell Enzyme I said 'wooga-wooga wooga, oi oi oi' and punch him in the tits from me. He'll know what it means.
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:55,
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I discovered someone on my course is a b3tan- and a links whore - so I informed him of the THREATS made against our pet Professor.
He lol'd.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:57,
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No, he's a bitch.As in, has breasts and everything.
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:35,
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I know, sweetheart.www.b3ta.com/talk/6531120
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:34,
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How about this one?Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:21, Reply)
Oh! Can't believe I forgot that one!(
Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:32,
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Good. I've come to read your meterand kick you over then take all your valuables
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:25, Reply)
Ha!Spot the scouser.
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Agnostic Antichrist why isn't fingering a girl known as digital sex?, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:36,
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A man walks in to a barHe is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
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PhillieJoe Being clever is not as clever as being, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:25,
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DunnoI just read it somewhere. I think its an old German joke
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PhillieJoe Being clever is not as clever as being, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:26,
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That has mutated into a /b/ memeExcept it's more like "He's an alcohol and it's destroying his family"
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Lampito asleep in the poppies, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:28,
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A Power Ranger walks into a bar,The bar man says "What can I get 'ya?
The Power Ranger then goes....goes...GO GO POWER RANGERS! DEE DEE DEEN! GO GO POWER RANGERS! DEE DEE DEEN! FUCKING CALLING MY DINO ZORD YOU PUMP-FUCK! DEE DEE DEE DEEEEN! combine and PEW PEW PEW DEFEATED YOUR MASSIVE MOTHER WHO WAS DESTROYING THE CITY GO GO POWER RANGERS, YOUMIGHTIMOMOMOMPOWNNIGER RANGJJJERS!
Totally got fucking barred.
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Donkey Gums Is engaged now to someone he's never met, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:26,
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Why did I laugh so much at your punch line?This joke is bloody awful, yet the delivery was perfect
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:27,
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I think you'll find it's the best joke in existance.I was doing 'aeroplane arms' and 'propeller mouth' as I wrote it.
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Donkey Gums Is engaged now to someone he's never met, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:31,
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Consider it clicked.(
Noely Noel people in my ear are telling me to stay calm, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:34,
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I love you.(
Wicca'd Witch - at the back with the glitter and safety scissors, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 0:31,
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But he gets up againyou're never going to keep him downs
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:29,
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You win the internet(
The Light In Chains won't play poker with the Skull Spark Joker, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:42,
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Idunnupis a classic, I totally got al with that one once, back in the good old days
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:28,
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this is stupidStevie wonder isn't allowed a speed boat because he's bl
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 14:54, Reply)
I love this jokeso very much
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Vipros looks like he stands on kids' toys, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 16:00,
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What big, long and hairy and upsets girl guides?Brian Blessed.
Or a bigger, longer version of my penis. Perhaps amplified using some sort of lens and projected at such an angle to make it appear like a hairy, fleshy apparition of Big Ben.
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:14, Reply)
What's pink, 12 inches long and makes women scream in the morning?Cot death!
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:28, Reply)
*see every single page ofThe Sick Joke QOTW
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Monkeysex You can't box zombies, you fool, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:33,
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A horse walks into a barthe barman goes "why the long face?"
The horse goes "I've got aids."
:-----(
(, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:37, Reply)
Stop me if you've heard itexcept you can't coz it's the internet.
Why does George Michael have a brown nose?
He was careless with his wispa.
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warmfuzzyfeeling bite my shiny metal ass, Sat 7 Nov 2009, 14:37,
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