i was too scared to ask to go to the toilet in assembely
so sitting on the cold hard floor with 300 other 8 year olds, i proceeded to wee and then use my arms to keep the puddle underneath me.

haha never actually admitted that to anyone before.

Dont tell anyone.. right?
( Obz Click, ting, stamps, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 19:10, Reply)

out of my depth
lets see ..

it was my 18th birthday about a week ago - being a weird little borkin boy i had never drunk or been to a nightclub before

i had about 5 people buying me drinks all night in and around a nightclub


results ?

not surprisingly - i got very very drunked -however i do recall seeing 'weebl' scratched into the metal of the toilets in the nightclub - will any b3tan own up to this ?
( connor, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 19:10, Reply)

Russian interpreter
A few months after passing GCSE Russian, I somehow ended up volunteering to interpret at a business meeting between a local bus company and some visiting Russian businessmen who wanted to do some business with the UK travel industry.
So there's all these men in suits sat around the table with deadly serious expressions on their faces, ready to talk serious business.
And then there's 16-year-old me, barely able to count to 10, never mind say things in Russian like "We have a fleet of modern, airconditioned buses that we could make available to you through a leasing arrangement."
I was so out of my depth it wasn't true, and of course since the participants weren't able to communicate with each other, the meeting was a total flop. Utterly humiliating.
( Biffins Bridge, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 19:05, Reply)

About 15 I think
was representing my local YFC (for you non country folk that’s young farmers club) at a clay pigeon shooting event. I was the youngest there by 10yrs to make matters worse, I wasn't that good at clay pigeon shooting. My tally for that day was 50 Clays - 0 hits, all I got was a bruised shoulder, never again will I attempt to shoot clays.
( Sheep in Socks it is illegal to take a lion to the cinema., Thu 14 Oct 2004, 18:57, Reply)

First time I got myself totally monged...
I'm a right lightweight n totally outta my depth with drugs, but decided to have a bit of weed. So at the next part oppurtunity I have a lil bit of weed. Next thing I know its morning and I find myself being told the events of the evenin. Apparently I got so hammered I tried to piss outta the blokes kitchen window while standing on his kitchen counter, only for his mum to find me n lead me from his kitchen to his bog. Woke up the next morning in his dog basket with his dog sleeping on me as well...
(lifelikeandposeable, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 18:52, Reply)

many a time...
thought i'd run for school council in the junior school, got voted in, and proceeded to a shite job. never said anything at the first meeting, and froze up when i had to report back to class. managed to lose the old skool 7.5 floppy disk with the dtp program on too.

what a cunt i am

hope this doesn't happen again at my big interview next week...
(sunny chiba, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 18:42, Reply)

During a "quarter-life crisis"
which has led me to quit my job and go back to Uni, I joined a gym, to develop my body from pathetic to barely adequate. I decided to join a "body combat" class, rated for beginners. 10 minutes into this one hour class, everyone was repeating a routine of kicks and punches, while a sweaty, wheezy man tried to slide unnoticed out of the room.
( Rev. A-MOL is lurking around these parts again, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 18:37, Reply)

Drowning is fun!
When I was 4 or 5 I couldn't touch bottom below the slide in the neighborhood pool, but my 6 year-old neighbor could... on tiptoes. I thought it would be a good idea to have her stand at the bottom of the slide and catch me as I came careening down. Of course we both went under, had to be dragged out by the lifeguards.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who had poor water saftey assumptions when I was young.

Some years later, I was 12 I think, I thought putting my hair over my face while I tanned instead of putting on sunscreen would prevent me from burning. I was burned in a zebra-fashion on the face for a week.
(PenguinGirl, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 18:35, Reply)

Passed the class though
In high school I was a senior and somehow missed the Speech requirement to graduate, so I was placed in a before-hours debate club class which I thought was great because all they did was sit around and talk all hour. Then at the end of the semester I was informed that I had to actually participate in a debate to pass the class. Unfortunately the opportunity presented was at a debate competition in another city and I knew just about nothing about debating. So I climbed up there on the podium and basically argued pointlessly with this intelligent girl half my age until I was declared the loser and that was that. Lots of snickers in the audience, I don't think I'm a very good faker.
(hdsazama, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 18:08, Reply)

Oh the humiliation.
In the first year of secondary school I volunteered to sing in a Christmas show, I believe i was motivated by testosterone. Anyway I had one hours practice of the song and was deemed ready to perform infront of around two hundred. As I sat on the stage I got more and more nervous and by the time it was my turn I was a quivering ball of flesh, after falling down the steps from the stage I was ready to die but I perserved only to faint into the lap of the headmaster during the first chorus. Needless to say I moved county.
(Badger McAdams, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 18:03, Reply)

My GSCE music practical
I decided to choose my higher-grade music to play on the viola- the teachers were wincing in pain it was so bad so i went to run out of the room, smashing into it as it was *Pull* and *Locked*
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 18:00, Reply)

Am I not merciful?
I had arrived at Glasgow airport at about 10am on New Years Eve 1997. 36 hourse and no sleep earlier, I had started in Adelaide. My sister picked me up, laughed at my goatee, then took me home.
Having made the journey several times before, I knew not to sleep or jetlag would last days. Hence tea and an introduction to 'Shooting Stars' and 'The Fast Show' on video which did not help my sanity.
Come 8 o'clock I was seeing double with tiredness. Nonetheless off we went to a hogmanay bash. At said party I drank a lot of whisky, perved at the oft revealed suspender adorned thighs of a woman there and finally ended up in a conversation with a rather interesting chap.
Alcohol and sleeplessness turned me into my unpleasant alter-ego of not-listening-but-Ill-tell-you-all-I-know man. The subject - late Roman empire general, Count Belisarius. My knowledge - gleaned from 'Count Belisarius' the book by R. Graves which I had read on the plane. The chap I was talking to had the temerity to contradict my learned opinions on a couple of occasions.
After a while I asked him what he did - University history lecturer, his period - late Roman, his speciality (by this stage I was in full rabbit in headlights mode)- PhD on the effect of the relationship between Justinian and Belisarius on the collapse of the Western Roman Empire or some such. Arse.
And oh, while my face was red and my tongue swollen with shame, he also introduced me to his stocking clad vixen of a wife over whom I had drooled throughout our conversation. Damn.

I had neither length nor girth after that intellectual drubbing.
(I am the infinite monkey!, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 17:53, Reply)

In PE class once
We were doing trampolineing. Now this was something I could actually do so wanting to be the first to be able to swing round wilst in the air, I did so, landing on my head and bouncing off the bloody thing. They wouldnt get me a neckbrace s I went home looking like Quasimodo.
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 17:50, Reply)

Accidentaly Pee showered a man
I was in one of those toilets where you pee standing up. My friend was peeing behind me on the other side, so I thought I could well turn suddenly and shower his back. I turned and shouted take this only to find an anonymous person looking siutably embarassed and angered, now half covered in my fluid body liquid. I just pulled up my pants and ran.
I later realised I had also been talking alone before showering him. Quite scared and embarassed I was.

Oh the moral is i'm out of my depth doing gay pranks
(Musk ox hygene inspector, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 17:40, Reply)

Kevin
Stole my kidney!!
(ben_1903 www.crackout.tk, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 17:36, Reply)

once we went out on a rubber dingy
for 1 person with 3 of us in and the wind was too strong, we got carried too near the pier (which apparently u arn't allowed to do) and the lifeguards had to take us back, ooo the whole pier was laughing at us.. *sigh*
(Intt, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 17:32, Reply)

Out of my depth, out of my head.
6 drops of the finest LSD money can buy and a student rock pub on packed Friday night.

Fucked if I'm doing that again.
(blagpuss, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 17:07, Reply)

Every day at work
I'm a fraud.
:(
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 17:05, Reply)

Public Humiliation
There was a girl in my 6th form I fancied and she suggested that she and I sing a song for the Christmas Show at my school. I was a pressure cooker of testosterone and agreed, thinking about all the 'rehearsing' we could do together.. Well, we rehearsed the song infront of her parents about 10 times and that was it. No private rehearsing at all.

The big night came for the show, she provided me with a costume..... and thought it would be a laugh it we swapped them over! Just as we went, she got nervous and fainted and I went on stage, on my own, in a dress and sang "Gold by Spandau Ballet" (???!!!) and got laughed at and ridiculed for 6 months because of it. She didn't even let me snog, let along fondle her norks.

She went out with some dickhead 5 years older who got her pregnant and fucked off. That'll teach her for making me wear a dress in public. I only wear them in private now!!!
( Toma_o, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 16:54, Reply)

not really sure if this counts but its funny
im working in small supermarket to get me through uni. theres a really nice guy (who looks just like insy) and we had spent the whole of one evening chatting. we got on so well and i thought i was well in there.
it comes to locking up the shop, hes waiting for a lift and im skanking one off a mate. as i say goodbye i thought it would be a good idea to kiss him. he jumped back about 3ft.
i didnt think anymore of it, only one person saw
come in few days later, not only does everyone know but the incident was caught on the CCTV. the look on his face is most amusing.
(fluffytail, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 16:36, Reply)

fighting
I like to 'put myself about a bit' in as much as Im a bully and a bit of a coward to boot. so at the football (Luton Town vs Sheffield Wednesday) I was fully involved in some of the 'off the pitch activites' before and after the game. However after 6 or so pints of stella I decided to pick on a bloke who I bleieved to be a fan of Sheffield Wednesday. to my dismay he happened to be one of the hardest men in Luton who promptly gave me a hiding that resulted in me spending the night in casualty having a fractured eye socket and a lacerated facial nerve seen to.
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 16:12, Reply)

Me and this girl at my school
were to take part in a school concert. I play guitar, she sings. The problem is, we had no songs, so we decided we would write one. This was on Saturday. The concert was on the following Monday. So that Sunday, I went to the girl's house on saturday armed with a guitar. We fucked about and did virtually no work, due to her throwing a massive wobbly while her mum was out and kicking me and her mate out of the house. I assumed, therefore, that the concert was off.

Picture this. It's 3pm on Monday. I'm sitting in Maths looking forward to a quiet evening of Quake or something, and who should come running up to me but the singer?

"Reid!" she shouts "We've got to write a song!"
"I thought we cancelled?"
"No, we're playing! We're on in four hours!"

I wrote down the first thing that came into my head. It was excrable, not even as interesting as Coldplay feeling uninspired. Never mind, I thought, nobody turns up to school events anyway. We got this chappie in to play bass, and he was basically improvising the whole time. Oh well. We had FOUR HOURS to write the song and perform it! Aaargh! But never mind, I thought, nobody'll take this seriously, the other acts aren't up to much...

We later played to a full school theatre of about 300 people.

Out of my depth? Pacifically.

apologies for length?
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 16:12, Reply)

Out of my depth
I started using e-Bay

Damn it's addictive.
(Chom, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 16:10, Reply)

in 4th grade
...kids in our class would scare our teacher after recess by hiding in her closet, then jumping out when she hung up her coat. This was endlessly amusing to us, and not too traumatic to her. When it was my turn, I hid in the closet a little before end of recess. I waited, gloating in the closet, planning the devastatingly funny statement I would make when she opened the door. The class returned. The teacher began her lesson...but never opened the closet door. At least a half hour passed. Every moment that ticked by made it stupider and less funny. I began to get claustrophobic. After about 45 minutes, I just came out in disgrace. It was a warm day and the teacher had not worn a coat. Embarrassing.
(lightningwon, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 16:09, Reply)

what can I say?
when I was only little I jumped into the deep end at the local pool... almost killed me that!

Enjoy - A
(Ajtag, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 15:47, Reply)

Market Research vetting falls down...
I'm 24. I once got asked to a market research forum on Enterprise-level storage (backup devices, SANs etc.) £70 incentive payment - result! When I turned up, I must have been the only person under 40 and earning less than £80k. A room of 7 people incorporating 'Group IT Managers' and 'Worldwide Storage Strategy Directors' of one massive corporation or another. There were microphones everywhere. There were difficult questions.. Discussions of large sums of money. And there was me - a backup boy with 1 year's experience.
Reckon I blagged it ok though (and got the cash!)
( chrisjohnson, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 15:38, Reply)

Quite literally.
When I was a small kid, my mum took me and my sister to the Tropicana in Weston-Super-Mare. This was an outdoor swimming pool, now sadly closed, that had some really cool slides (or they seemed so to such a young lad as I was...)

Well, I hadn't learnt to swim yet. But the really big slide looked so much fun. So I went on it, and it was ace. But then it deposited me in the deep end, and I proceeded to thrash about like a.. err... person who can't swim, and had to be pulled out by the lifeguard.

I immediately ran off and went on the slide again. And had to be rescued. Again.

The guard had a go at me. My mum had a go at me. I didn't care, I had a great day.
( Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 15:31, Reply)

About 15 months ago
walking down a street in Liverpool, I was politely asked if I had any heroin on me. Or, rather "Eeeeeh mate, got any fuckin' scag?". I didn't, but being slightly drunk (read: shitfaced) I played along with it and gave him the remains of a kitkat wrapped in foil, which I had in my pocket. He gave me 40 quid and I was off.

About a month later there was a group of lovely looking men outside my house (god knows how they found me) threatening to "twat me to fucking africa" if I didn't give them 40 quid and a tenner in compensation. Which I did. And they left.

Totally out of my depth.
(The Secret 7000 ...join us. www.secret7000.co.uk, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 15:26, Reply)

I used to love ginsters
...
( charlieroker, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 15:18, Reply)

i once........
became president of the USA, ruined the economy, destroyed social welfare, and started a war I couldn't get out of. Arf.
(joe_merchandise, Thu 14 Oct 2004, 15:18, Reply)