Israeli security...
Almost forgot another, even more out of my depth, travel story.

So, I'm about 17/18, on another family holiday, this time in Israel. Now I'm a Newcastle United fan and as it happens I knew another Newcastle fan, Motti, who lived in Israel via IRC (ah, the good old days before Messanger which scares and confuses me). What's more this holiday coincides with a vital Champions League game away to PSV Eindhoven. So I agree to go see the game with him.

Problem number 1: I'm on holiday in Eilat in the far south of the country and he lives in Haifa in the far north, about 200 miles away.
Problem number 2: the night before I'm due to leave they have more rain in one night than they usually have in a whole year. Result: the only road north is completely unusuable (and there's no railway). So I've got to fly.

Now anyone with any experience of Israeli airlines knows the security is a tad tighter than your usual airlines. This means that rather than just "window or aisle seat?" you get asked "what is your purpose in flying? Do you have a contact number? Do you have any connections with pro-Palestinian movements? Window or aisle seat?" For some reason the woman at the check-in at Eilat had difficulty understanding why I was flying 200 miles for a 2 day visit the main purpose of which was to watch a football match on television. It took 30 minutes to finally convince her I wasn't about to explode in mid-air.

So, I finally arrive in Haifa and meet Motti. We watch the game then next day play football with his friends (this would suffice as an out of my depth story in itself, imagine a slow, overweight, spasticated shortarse whose only aptitude for the game is in sliding in and hurting people playing on concrete against a group of Zidane-alikes) before heading to the airport. On the way I tell the story of how hard it was persuading the woman at check-in in Eilat.
"Oh, just tell her your my cousin, they'll understand that" says Motti.
Genuis plan, thinks I, save all that hassle.

And so the following scene unfolds at Haifa airport:
"Why did you fly up here?"
"To visit my cousin."
"What's his name?"
"Motti."
"And his surname?"
"..."
"I don't actually know."
30 seconds later I'm sitting in a cupboard with a guy with a sub-machinegun standing over me. Lesson: never, ever lie to Israeli security. Or if you do at least think about it beforehand.
(Captcheese, Fri 22 Oct 2004, 9:02, Reply)

just couldn't help meself
Leave the n00bs alone, a$$hole.

homepage.ntlworld.com/jeccysden/junk/cubber.jpg

oops.
( Jeccius is also me Xbox 360 Gamertag, Fri 22 Oct 2004, 8:59, Reply)

Everyday
I play with other peoples money and I am seriously out of my depth - yes I know its not funny but am too scared to say much else incase I incur the rath of cubber
(DWF, Fri 22 Oct 2004, 2:02, Reply)

I'm prepared to back up 5lab on that one.
If newbies can't respect the old farts regulars, then they should fuck off. cubber was well out of order.
(Cohen the Bavarian, Fri 22 Oct 2004, 1:31, Reply)

Well
with me being a poor student I decided I needed a job. I decided that the best job I could possibly get for my inexperienced self would be a supermarket shelf-stacker. I applied and managed to get a phone interview. After making it past the initial questions about myself with little trouble, the interviewer asked me the incredibly difficult question of 'why do you want to work at the Co-op?' Cue my eloquent reply of 'Er...um...well i like shops.' Strangely its been six months and they still havent phoned me back. Oh well.
(Monki, Thu 21 Oct 2004, 23:17, Reply)

I have the uncanny ability to be put of my depth everywhere !
On work experience I went to a primary school. I was left to work with a group of year 4 children. My work experience took place late in the academic year, and the kids were all excited about the summer holidays. Imagine 6 hyper 8 year old,and me trying to get them to do fractions. Needless to say it wasn't the easiest thing i've had to do. What made the whole experience more memorable was the myriad of questions they asked me. Are you married?, where are your children?, Why do you sound like the queen (i've got a slightly camp voice), Will you watch the sex education videos with us (i was spared this thank god), Are you a virgin ?.

I was so happy when their lunch break started i could of cried.

I'm now at uni training to be a teacher. Am i mad....yes. I guess I am
(spookyfish, Thu 21 Oct 2004, 21:27, Reply)