In the words of Saul Bellow

'I've never yet turned over a fig leaf that didn't have a price tag on the other side.'



short and sweet like the best commercial sex.
(austen, Thu 26 Jan 2006, 11:10, Reply)

She's NOT a whore.
A few years ago me and my girlfriend went up-country to that London to see REM. We'd got a super-cheap hotel in Kings Cross.

Now, both being born-and-bred Devonians, neither of us knew much about that London, or the reputation that Kings Cross has.

We saw the gig, and headed back to the hotel, my gf all dolled up to look good on the off-chance Micheal Stipe will spot her in the audience.

Walking through reception the receptionist,(a different one to when we'd arrived) stopped us.
'You can't take her in here!' to me, gesturing to my girlfriend.
'Why not?'
'Because we don't allow it sir'
'Allow what?'
'Ah, extra guests.'
'She's with me!'
'Ah, yes sir, but we don't allow that.'
'Right. Allow what?'
'Ah sir, I think we both know what I'm referring to.'
'Um, actually no....'

It took a long and painfully embarrasing conversation to realise that the receptionist thought my girlfriend was a whore I'd just picked up.

Somehow my gf decided that this was my fault.

I'm still a bit confused about it now.
(inflateable, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 21:54, Reply)

The government should put more money towards councelling services and drug rehabilitation programs
Most studies have shown that working as a prositute or useing a prostitue is not very good for mental (or pysical) health.

Both providers and users have been identified statistically as more at risk than other people. They are more likely to be the victim or perpertrator of assult, suicide or drug abuse. There also more likely to suffer from low self esteem and depression. Statistically, ther'e not really the happiest of people.

Either way they probably all need a nice cup of tea and some counselling. I'd like to see the government put more money towards councelling services and drug rehabilitation programs, for both providers and users who are seeking assistance.

These people are our most vunerable citizens. It's easy to judge and lable people, when you are in a comfortable position yourself, but the only thing that stands between most people and desperation is a supportive network of freinds and family. People who will look after you if you fall on difficulat times and encorage you. Something that these people often don't have.
(rattus, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 19:28, Reply)

yeah... with extreme cases of cystitis over the years...
...which causes ridiculous pain and makes you wee blood... so yeah... worth it? A firm no.

Sub note: in year 10 at school (oh, aged around 15), my favourite teacher, Mr Kennedy (who was a young, funky teacher) told me that I'd make a great high class hooker - in all seriousness - after looking at pictures of me at a party from that previous weekend...

It's kinda stuck on my mind since... but not sure the cash would out weigh the pain of a perma-cystitis-attack... Ouch ouch...
(MsRosalita, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 17:06, Reply)

not with money... but yes
probably going to win an award for dorkiest entry..

had a party one new years (2003), my parents went away.. invited a shitload of people to cram into my small suburban home to get drunk, talk shit and generally make mess..

to skip to where the story gets interesting again, i met a friend of a friend, shes cute enough, drunk enough, and keen, so we head to my bedroom.. she looks at my collection of pop culture shit, dvds and video games, oohs and ahhs here and there.. and eventually things start to heat up

things were going well.. making out and what not and being brazen (read: drunk) enough i start to shift things into another gear..

but no! ive been denied, i look at her perplexed (and to be honest, upset) and she says to me;

"how bad do you want this?"

i reply "what do you mean?"

"what are you going to give me in return for this?" she retorts.

to spare what little dignity i can retain out of this, i say something crude about oral sex out of confusion.

she continues, "no i mean, what can you GIVE me?"

"im.. not paying you money if thats what your getting at?"

"well what about that?"

she motions with her head over to an object on my desk... i sigh and give in, we continue with our drunken, awkward sexual escapde, i end up accidentally squirting my buisness on her jeans and she doesnt notice until much later, we head back to the party and dont talk, the whole ordeal lasting only just over 45 minutes.

oh, the object? a nintendo entertainment system, thats right.. a NES. i didnt even give her all my games...

you know the saddest part? i'd probabbly give it up to play smash tv right now.

*sigh*
(ru-fi-OH!, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 16:22, Reply)

When i lived
in a land far far a way (peel street - off spring bank in hull, lovely place for yardies and whatnot)

I used to live in a cardboard box of flats, the joy of housing associations...

everynight the girl in the back flats used to come outside and stand in my alleyway, and we would watch with horror as some bloke would pick her up in his car and park opposite our windows while she gave him head.

wonderful.

i also went to amsterdam recently, i think i missed the red light district.
(Salbo_baggins, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 13:03, Reply)

Not pleasant
A friend of mine went to a stag do in Russia, got blind drunk and picked up some dirty 20 pence whore. She gave him a blowie and then, in his drunken stupor, HE went down on HER!

Makes me gag just relaying the story to you....!
(moonat8, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 12:57, Reply)

paying for sex??
i have never paid for sex but with a surname like mine (hooker) i always get asked how much for an hour of my time?

to the extent i even have the words "whore" scraped on my clock in card at work
( hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 12:25, Reply)

a long time ago, not me but a mate
err a long time ago it wasn't me but a mate of mine, I wouldn't personally , paid for it? I'm married and still paying, what's that? you sick bastards, women need respect, i travel to my boyfriend, it costs money so I suppose, lollipops, arses, made her bleed, not me mind, there was some kind of connection, they all hate us anyway....*wakes up with a jolt* expects to see patrick ewing in a shower but no the week is not ovah....
(lincolnsmithvstheblackprince I'm up to my knees in lionel here, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 12:10, Reply)

A long time ago
And in another life I used to live in a town called Groningen in The Netherlands.

Being the poor desperate hippy I was I needed some money to supliment the megre income of my then girlfriend. I was working as a lighting designer in the local theatre and not getting much for it. (I know where you think this is going and you're WRONG...)

So I got a paper round, that's right, a paper round. Though unlike your average teenager's round in this country this one took me right through the red light district.

The one thing you have to understand about The Netherlands is that prostitution is not the seedy, curb crawling, man-in-a-mac business it is here. Well, OK, sometimes it it, but the point is that there was this road where all the houses were the business addresses of the local prostitutes. And I delivered them thier papers.

More than once I was 'asked in' for a coffee, with the promise that as I was providing them with a service they'd reciprocate. I actually became really good friends with a few of them.

To this day I can't believe I never once in 5 years took advantage of thier offers...
(Woodgie is back, but for how long?, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 11:23, Reply)

It could be said
that in a round about way, at the moment I suppose I am paying for sex. Hmmm... I had best explain my way out of this one. Well, I have met a rather fit bloke. Gorgeous in fact.

*daydreams for five minutes*

The 'paying for it' thing about it is, it's always me getting off my arse to go to his place, which of course costs money. Yes I'm an idiot for doing so but I really just dont mind. He is the best lay I have ever had and also maintains a nice stash for class A pupils too. So....I suppose that sort of balances it out....right?

I'm never going to say sorry for this. Ever.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Wed 25 Jan 2006, 11:17, Reply)

I went to a whorehouse...
...in Leeds with a couple of mates. It was a most odd situation - a normal house with a normal front door. A little slot opened when we knocked (presumably to check we weren’t feds) and the door opened into a reception area, about 2 foot square with a barred “hatch” on one side and a big, solid looking door on the other. My mates paid for me to get in as I wasn’t convinced that this was such a good idea, but they seemed quite keen. You did get a “free” massage and shower for your entrance fee though.

Once we had paid, a door opened into….a normal looking living room, with a few scantily clad tarts sitting watching the TV. Now don’t get me wrong, these were fantastic looking scantily clad tarts, not rough old dogs as many of the stories on here seem to suggest!

So, in we went, sat down and started chatting to these birds. They all seemed quite normal really. After a couple of minutes we were told to choose which one we wanted. My mates quickly chose theirs and disappeared into the “back”. Now as I said, I wasn’t sure about this and decided that victory would be the better part of valour and declined. And besides, at this stage I was a “good boy”.

So, my trip to the brothel in Leeds consisted of sitting in a normal living room, with a glass of water, 4 or 5 half naked women chatting with them about going out, what they’d been up to, having a right laugh and watching an episode of the Bill on telly.

After about half an hour (these were the days when the Bill was only on for half an hour) both mates came out, one looking rather sheepish as he had a girlfriend and couldn’t believe what he’d just done and the other looking rather pleased with himself.

“What was it like then lads?” I asked on the way to the pub.

Sheepish bloke – “I don’t want to talk about it, and if either of you tell my bird, I’ll kick the crap out of you”.
Pleased bloke – “That was fuckin’ great. Apart from the fact I made the bitch bleed”.
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 11:14, Reply)

I think not..
onedotzero: so, taking advantage of a dumb animal is better than having sex with someone who asks for it and enjoys it then? I think not. Bring on the women and men..
(EssY, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 11:05, Reply)

my parents
paid for me to have sex.

well, that's what boarding school is all about, innit?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 10:49, Reply)

No i haven't
You sad bastard.
(Scotchman, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 6:42, Reply)

50p lil
Im at uni at one of the chaviest towns ever, the land of dreams, Northampton.
There is a lady of the night who frequents in the town centre, who is known as 50p Lil. she is known as 50p Lil as she will give a blow job for 50p (or a mars bar depending how desperate she is), she has propersitioned everyone of my male mates. The other day she came into the town centre and pissed on a bench, pooed in a bin and wiped her shitty arse on her hand and carried on her business. She is also known for begging in pizza hut for food whilst covered in man juice... although i havent paid her for sex, i have seen a man getting a blow job outide H&M at 2pm in the afternoon....
( squiddylyd Once you pop you can't stop!, Wed 25 Jan 2006, 2:33, Reply)

brussels, autumn 2001
scotland, having blown a 2 goal lead v the poirots at hampden earlier in the year really need to win to qualify for the 2002 world cup ... they don't ... (0-2)
it takes A Long Time to get back to the city centre from the stadium, then i find a bar, eat some things, drink some things and head hotelwards ...
most of the way back, a hooker of african descent, roughly the height of dennis rodman (but with afro hairstyle and def female) emerges from nowhere and asks "i suck your cock?"

"er, naw" i rejoin

"iss really cheap" she asserts

"no really" i politely reply

"i suck your cock really good and really cheap" she offers

" for fuck's sake woman, scotland have just been knocked out of the world cup!!!"

still don't think she grasped the gravity of the situation ...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 23:04, Reply)

Kinda sorta
Does membership of Udate/Snatch.com count? Its basically a big computerised pimp that doesn't pay teh bitches on its books....

(and really....maybe i did...what about it?)
(vitty And now...F5 F5 F5 F5 F5, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 22:28, Reply)

The Scots ARE Tight : P
People always told me the Scottish were tight with money, and I never believed them because I'm a pretentious liberal minded thing who thinks cultural stereotypes are, like, soooo wrong.

Then I visited Bangkok with a glaswegian friend. Not only did he return to our table from his toilet-stall fumble with a prostitute to spout the classic line:
"Thinking about it, I'm not sure that was a real woman... so I only got a blowjob in case"
so afraid was he of losing a few pennies that he then made the other 5 of us wait around outside the (now closed) 'ping-pong sex show bar' while he followed said man-wo-man off into the night trying to get change.

It took two hours, but he got his change.

(PS, to the guy who paid for it in Barcelona, that was probably the same prostitute my brother terrorised on his holiday by chasing her down the road screaming 'what have you done with the last ten years of your life??'... he's a strange one)
( litzigig, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 18:13, Reply)

Shouted surprise sex
and therefore didn’t have to pay :)
(waxdart hello., Tue 24 Jan 2006, 17:57, Reply)

at a stag weekend in Barcelona..
wow, i was absolutely steaming when I arrived in Barca at midnight with 3 mates...as soon as I stepped out the taxi with my suitcase a hooker asks "would you like your cock sucked for 20 euro"

i let her know that I had just stepped out a taxi and was going to get changed...but i would probably be back...

went back out...every ten steps along Las Ramblas I was propositioned....was going back to our apartment at around 4 in the morning please that I hadn't given in to temptation...just as I turn off Las Ramblas...there she is, the first one...and the price was down to 15 euro's....GET IN

it triggered the next 4 days of com,plete debauchery...i remember one night being sucked off down an alley by another one....then noticed some grubby spaniard watching....i went limp instantly and the ho looks up and says "what is wrong?" I pointed over to the grubby spaniard, she gets up off her knees and starts laying into him....causing so much of a scene that people come to start investigating...me, pulling my trousers up...then madam comes and links arms with me, like she's friggin royalty...

ahhh great weekend.
(Soulisdead, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 17:27, Reply)

Once and what a disaster!
10 years ago now on a drunken weekend in Amsterdam with my mate James.

We stopped off at a local bar met some local geezer, who said he would show us around, ended up getting royally pissed so decided to get a hooker to try the experience, strolling along the windows come across two beauties and we decided this was it!

Cue James finding out that the geezer who has shown us around had stolen all his money from his jacket, and he couldn't afford it, oh well I though and proceeded to the door to be met by some mahoosive bloke! Who promptly asks "you want suck or you want fuck?" "Fuck please" was my reply, and I was escorted into a little room where the girl was waiting. Absolutely smashed, I hand over 70 guilder and she demands me to take of me trollies, which I happily oblige, I am told to lay on the bed, where she wraps the little fella in his protective case and starts on the old Johnson!

Could I get it up! Could I fuck!

She tried for a good 10 minutes but bugger all was happening, so she gave up and asked me to leave, me being a cheeky little scamp promptly asked for my money back and was quickly told to fuck off or the bloke who had met me at the door would kick the shit out of me!

I duly obliged and staggered out to see James on the steps looking all sorry for himself as he had no money, told him it was alright, only to reveal the truth a few weeks later!

No romance that's what I blame, just pay the money get you pants off and let's ride!

Fucking useless!
(DiamonKn My Nan Smells of Twigs, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 15:56, Reply)

Let's see
1 x House - £200,000
1 x 8 Year old - Appox £375k till 16
2 x Cars - 1 golf clipper & 1 x peugeot 306 cc - lets say £20k
1 x CSA payments - £650 per month
1 x house full of stuff - £20k

Yer, I paid for the sex and they took it to the bank and royally stuck it to the MAN!!!!

Enuff Said.
(eurrrrrggggggghhhhhh Cunting /talk, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 15:31, Reply)

Never the best thing to say over the phone
My now thankfully ex boyfriend, rang me whilst I was out drinking with some buddies to tell me that he had recently twice paid for sex AND to top it off caught some nasty dick dropping off type disease. Cue pissed off trips to clinic, gritted teeth and contemplations of contract killings. But thank the lord I was cool. However as hell hath no fury and all that, I'm bidding my time for revenge....Insert personalised evil laugh here.

Wonder if he apologised for length and girth. He bloody well should have...
(chesternut, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 15:11, Reply)

I have...
and it was shite.

she was cute though. for a hooker.
( bierbelly, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 13:18, Reply)

Haven't and wouldn't.... But....
Once on a booze riddled trip to Belgium with some friends, we had booked a quaint hotel in the middle of the Red Light District in Liege. On a rather drink fueled day where we had covered most of Belgium and I had insisted on drinking only Bush 12 (12% ABV) all day, I and my chums were some what twated!!

Most of the guys had gone to the hotel about 2am as we had a 8am start to the next city, but one friend and I stayed in a bar until they chucked us out at 4am then went to the night shop to stock on Westmill Triple and Leffe.

Bottles in hand we then monkey stepped down the street back to the hotel (as you do) at which point we both looked through a window to see a lady of the night crossing her arms and shooing us away.... Oh the shame, we laughed all the way back to the hotel, until it was time to get up, I think the laughing stopped then as I was completely hung over!!
( benkai Doing nothing as of ..., Tue 24 Jan 2006, 13:05, Reply)

One more to add to the married and paying for sex pile.
I get dinner every day and me pants washed.
Worth every penny.
(waxdart hello., Tue 24 Jan 2006, 12:58, Reply)

"my baby, my baby"
Siiigh, not me, but a "friend" lost his cherry to a Czech lady of the night. Alls well that ends well you may think, eh, but no. He tells it that after doing the dirty deed in dingy hotel she started to demand more money. Being a wee slip of a lad of 17 years old he started to panic about her getting nasty or indeed her pimp. He made his escape, only for the "brass" to follow him to the street, chasing him shouting "my baby, my baby," while clutching her stomoch and interjecting the odd native tounged curse. He ran, he escape, he questioned the morals of ever paying for it again. We still sometimes like to chase him, after a few drinkos on a night, through the highways and byways of London, shouting, "my baby." Siiigh, living the dream, living the dream......
(Micktor, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 12:31, Reply)

High Robbery
mate of mine was in south east asia and determined to lose his muck to a local whore, eventually finding one who took him back to her house where they proceeded to get down and dirty. halfway through though he hears this noise, and looking over sees a crib in the corner of the room containing an infant, standing up and watching him give its mother the drilling of her life. apologising, he withdraws and states that he is unable to continue with it staring at him like that, at which point she bangs on the wall and shouts something like "lam chang chao!", next thing he knows a panel has slid aside and two heavies storm in and sieze him, shouting "you pay now! you pay now!"
"fine, no problems." he replies calmly, and hands over her previously agreed fee of what amounted to in the local currency as a whopping £2.50.
(Barton, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 11:19, Reply)

Not personally, but..
Friend of mine went to Amsterdam with others. He's happily attached so couldn't indulge, but some of his single friends could.. One chap found a suitable lady and paid her 50 euros (or similar) for sex - getting close to the brink he expressed an interest in relieving himself over her bare busoms 'that'll be another 50 euros' she said, aware of her captive market. He duly paid up and provided her with some neck jewelery..

He told one of his mates about this under the condition he didn't relay the detail to the rest of the party. fool.

Following morning at breakfast.
'Hey - Fred says you went with a prostitute last night - any good, how much did it cost?'
'Yeah, I suppose I did. About 100 euros'
'blimey, she saw you coming didn't she..'

cue collapse of party in hysterics.

(there are other stories too, people being robbed when leaving their wallet on the bed whilst having sex. One guy going round the porn shops laughing at horse porn, then going 'euggh' at a friend showing him a porno with one man sucking another. As if gay sex is worse than bestiality *shudder*..)

Wouldn't personally indulge - it's just not as much fun if you're not with someone taking the time and attention to care about you.
(EssY, Tue 24 Jan 2006, 11:11, Reply)