PE Teachers - a mixed bag
I think we're guilty of over-generalising PE teachers a bit here. I certainly never had any who seemed like paedos, and they weren't even ALL bastards.

1st) Mr Dale - classic hard bastard, stupid tash, only interested in the sporty kids. Didn't learn much, but he didn't really torture us either. I entered a school "Superstars" competition, and came second in the swimming, beating everyone from my year and all but one from the year above, and was decent at sprinting too, but that didn't interest him.

2nd) Mr Hind - brilliant! Made every lesson fun, found activities that everyone would like, made an effort with the disinterested peope, and actually taught us skills. Wasn't so totally obsessed with football and rugby that nothing else counted, so I learned that I was the best in my school and shot-putt, and a decent sprinter. Until that school, I had assumed myself crap at everything but swimming.

3rd) Mr Reynolds. This guy was the proper deal. Bullied the younger kids, then tried to be all cool and matey with the older kids. Literally would not give anything above a C to anyone who was not in the football and rugby team. One memorable year, I was in the track team for 200m, circuit training would see me and one other guy battling it out tooth and nail to be the best, I was in the top couple few at badminton, and volleyball, and though I was shit at cross-country, I ran, in a situation where the runners ran, and everyone else walked, so I tried hard and finished well. I got a C.

The other great injustice from him was that I tried out for 100m, and finished second, so he selected the winner, and a member of the football team who wasn't at the trial, and put me in 200m, which they hadn't trialled for at all, and at which I was crap.
(Sammyhaswoefullyneglectedyou, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 12:18, Reply)

idiot
Way back when i was at high school we had the school sports day looming up on the calander. Personally im not one of the athletic types and so wasnt concerned by this in the slightest or interested. However the rule was that unless medically excused you were required to participate in one track and one field event. Most people went for the 100 meters purley on the basis that it was the shortest distance for the track but the field event was a bit of a mixed bag. I decided to have a go at the discus for no particular reason .

In the weeks leading up to the sports day we spent the 2 pe classes a week alternating between the swimming pool lessons and sports day practicing. So the first week i start to pratice the discus throw in a vain attempt to not look like a complete spacker come the big day.

So off i trundeled to the far corner of the field with a couple of others to where the throwing circle and cage things were. With myself there was a malaysian exchange student and the most hated person in my year group . A kid that even the teachers despised for his lying, cheating stealing ways , a kid who had systematically pissed everyone off while playing the "they are picking on me" card. let him be known as tc here but he was known by many other names such as arsehole.

things started fine we all got in a few wobbling throws, some of which were even within the legal area. Then tc throws an ok effort and goes to retrieve his discus.I waited for my turn as he wandered back. Tc walked off the throwing area and back towards us , fine hes out in the "safety" zone. So i start my spinny twirly throw and release the projectile...........
Except the dopey fucker has wandered back across into the throwing area. I could only watch in awe as the discus collined with a sickening thud on the side of his head. Tc dropped like a sack of spuds. We rushed over to him to see if he was still alive .

Next was the whole sickbay, talk to the pe teacher about what happened thing blah blah blah not my fault. Except tc told them that i had just thrown it without looking , lying cunt. As i walked through the grounds at morning tea i got a standing ovation from everyone in my year over what i had done. As i said he was hated that much , even some of the staff smiled at me that day.

Fast forward a couple of days to the next pe lesson and we are in the pool, but before it begins we get a lecture from the pe teacher about safety etc (glaring at me the whole time) and " How the human brain is easily and irreversibly damaged from even the slightest bump"
So with that in mind we jump into the pool to play a sort of dodge ball with him throwing tennis balls at our heads. No the irony was not lost on us.

The next week we were back to athletics tc is still excused pe on account of his injuries. I decided to pratice the discus again although oddly nobody else wanted to pratice with me , cant think why? tc was handed a measuring tape and told to makehimself useful.

He did so by constantly making a target of himself by wandering without looking into the javlin throwing area......
At the end of class that day the teacher apologised to me for not believing me about the discus and forgave me . Then he mentioned something about the terminally stupid.



legnth??? a personal best of about 9 meters if i recall
(welgar, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 11:38, Reply)

Amusing and not so amusing gym teacher nicknames
Another first time poster after many years of reading....hello peeps!

My first secondary school was a Public one in Birkenhead (i.e. extremely Private, never really understood that). Think Tomkinson's Schooldays but without the fun of nailing the smaller boys to the school wall. The head was a dour Welshman, ex-rugby player for his country. He was big on God and small on humour. He had a mangled ear, presumably from the rugby, but it had earned him the amusing nickname of syph, as in syphilitic. He was a cunt.

The gym teacher was a Mr Liddell, grandson of Eric Liddell on whose life the film Chariots of Fire was partly based. He was mildly sadistic and also rather pious, but actually not too bad on reflection. His nickname was, rather unimaginatively, Eric...ho hum.

I got expelled from there after 4 years on the pretext of fighting. The truth was I just had too much attitude, was academically lazy and not particularly good at sport (if I had been, I would have got away with the laziness). This didn’t really fit in with the school ethos of getting the highest possible A Level results, oxbridge entries etc coupled with excessive bestiality on the ‘rugger’ pitch, so I ended up going to a former grammar school, but by then a comprehensive (this is the early 80’s) in rough and ready Rock Ferry (of the Duffy album fame).

I thought I might have a hard time there, ex-public boy school etc, but it was actually pretty cool, and I’m still friends with some people from there now, which is more than I can say for the other school. It was much more my kind of place.

One of the gym teachers there was a Mr Fielding. He was tall, lanky, slightly effeminate with a balding, flyaway comb-over hair job, and used to shoo us into the showers with a limp wristed wave of his hand and an enthusiastic cry of ‘come along boys!’. There were the usual allegations of gayness, probably unfounded, but he had one of the best teacher nicknames I’ve ever heard...

Mr Feel-Me-Ding!

He should have been a character in a Carry On film.
(jellyknees, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 10:40, 2 replies)

He was very gentle for a PE teacher,
but, in hindsight, he was outright corrupt: getting us to do labouring work in his house under the guise of getting exercise.

Mind you, I did win the karate tournament.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 10:13, 1 reply)

I think my PE lessons at school were fairly normal...
...the teachers much preferred the sporty kids, and would let them get away with murder. Those who were asthmatic and overweight (i.e. yours truely) would be either shouted at or ignored - no support, no help, no encouragement.

But then, in my final term of PE at high school, it was decided we would have a unihock tournament (it's indoor hockey with a puck, if you're not familiar with it). Rather than allow ourselves to be the last picked, all of the PE underachievers decided to band together into a team of, lets be frank, losers. We then decided to subvert the game as much as possible.

This involved cheating as much as the 'all star' team did, but only when playing against them (we played as fairly as our opponents did). We took the puck from someone likely to score, and scored own goals on their behalf. At one point, my stick broke, and as there were no spares, I was required to play with the stick in one hand and the paddle in another.

This gave us all a new sense of purpose, and we won the tournament.

I would like to think that after witnessing this, our PE teachers realised that you just need to motivate the underachievers in the right way, but I doubt it...
( TheAlmightyBeev, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Ever so slightly topic askew...
I have numerous tales of cricket ball/knackers interfacing and humiliating school showers stories etc. but by and large all of my PE teachers have been reasonably decent human beings. However, I cannot think about school PE lessons without immediately being aware of the greatest pain known to mankind...forget scrunched gonads, forget kidney stones and ladies you can forget childbirth...a wet size 5 leather football full pelt to the bare thigh on a rain soaked, muddy winter's day with the temperature hovering perilously close to zero. Nothing can prepare you.
( number5 is going out chaps, and may be some time., Thu 26 Nov 2009, 8:21, 7 replies)

I have a funny story
when I was at school doing Standard Grades, my PE teacher was a man with rosy red cheeks, lego style hair and a fondness for using the word 'tucker'.

Yes, him, now I would like to continue.

Anyway, this one time, there must have been sixteen of us in the class or something, as we were doing basketball and got split into teams of four. Shirts and skins obviously, such is the nature of things.

Anyway, the dreadfully funny thing is that in the process of directing us to where we had to stand on the court, he directed us thus-

'You four- over there, at that end'

'And the four skins- this end please'.

It took him a while to cotton on to why we were all sniggering.

You see, it sounded like he'd said 'foreskins'.
(DOZERTRON! Baseball!, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:43, 6 replies)

Does Swimming count?
At the Swimming Gala at the end of Junior school, my teacher said that I had to join in and put me down for the freestyle one length girls race. I told her I was not sure I could do it. She thought that I meant win - but I meant swim a whole length for the first time ever without touching the side.

I was the only child to start in the water so was behind from the beginning. It is a good job that it was freestyle as I swapped between breaststroke and doggy paddle every yard. I was in a middle lane and the only reason I stuck to the task was the fact that I was frightened to go sideways as I could not turn reliably in the water.

When I got about half way the others were all out of the water and waiting and two teachers were pacing slowly alongside me. Eventually I reached the end and clung to the wall trembling. After a short wait to catch my breath, I pulled myself over to the steps but did not have the strength to pull myself up them. My teacher reached down and helped pull me out and I tottered, completely exhausted to the changing rooms.

I remember it so vividly now over forty years later.
.
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 21:19, 3 replies)