Gather round for story time, boys and girls
So one night I decide to head out to the local club for a little dance and a bit of booze. Seeing as it was a chilly Saturday in November, I decide to try out a new hat I'd gotten recently. It was cozy, covering most of my head, although it chafed the sides pretty badly, very tight fit.

When I got to the club, they had a terrible selection of drinks; regardless, I picked my preference and got a bottle of Carlsberg. Went to mingle on the dance floor when one of the fellow dancing blokes knocked the bottle clean out of my hand, sent it sloshing all over the floor. He apologised to me and offered to get me a replacement drink. I accepted and instead got a pint of Carling.

Barely had I taken a couple of sips from my fresh glass when some other pisshead bumped into me, causing me to wear about eight fluid ounces of lager down my front. Rush to the loo, plenty of paper towels to soak it up; by now, my hat was really bothering me so I took it off and splashed some water on the irritation, then went back out. Again, the perpetrator is guilt-ridden and doles out some cash to get me another beverage. I decide to play it safe and got a can, rather than an easily spilt/broken glass or bottle. This time I chose Heineken, my options slowly dwindling.

I got about halfway through this time, starting to feel a little satisfied with my accomplishment. Complacently, I placed it down on the table and went to have a little dance and spread the new boozy scent of my clothes amongst the other patrons. On my way back, I see one of the bar staff collect my drink, pour the contents into the sink and toss the empty cylinder of aluminium into the bin. I mention that I hadn't finished refreshing myself with it, and once more, I get plenty of sorries and he provides me with a half of Stella, their last option.

This time, I managed to keep hold of it until the glass was empty.
So once my drink was gone, I decided I should go home and get out of my damp gear. I checked the tenderness caused by my headgear, applied some moisturising cream on it, and went to bed.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of how I got my ear-rash-an'-all four-beers
(LLamaBoy skived off work on, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 0:24, 8 replies)

Took me a while
but i liked it
(Stevie Ruggling, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 0:37, closed)

Hahaha
Brilliant.
(Dracia flailed on, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 1:59, closed)

Haha!
Fantastic!
(stiglfc And the big wheel keep on turnin', Sun 13 Apr 2008, 3:06, closed)

I hate you
But it was very good. Have a click.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 3:24, closed)

Holy fuck
I can't believe you just did that to me. Top marks.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 8:15, closed)

That was terrible.
Have a click.
(Good Looking Deity Grew a magnificent beard on, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 11:07, closed)

Didn't see that coming
.
so have a click
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 13 Apr 2008, 14:25, closed)

Dreadful
utterly dreadful, but I didn't see it coming at all.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 13 Apr 2008, 17:51, closed)