Hardcore Prawn
After a 17 year foray into vegetarianism, I was finally seduced by a pork chop. I’ll now eat anything that isn’t nailed down. Apart from anything involving hot milk, because Andrea Wood sicked up a rice pudding on me in RE class when I was 7 and I still haven’t got over it.

However, there are two food things make me want to run away and cry. Sharing food and eating complicated food in public; I’m a bit fat-handed and it usually ends up looking like I’ve skinned a puppy at the table. And sharing? I’m an only child; the word isn’t in my vocabulary.

So imagine my delight when a boy asked me out for dinner. A date! That never happens! Oooh, yes please, I’d love to…

We went for tapas. “It’s okay, I’ll get over the sharing thing,” I thought, “I’ll just order extra. Problem solved.” And I did, it was fine, I coped admirably, brave little Rakky that I am. One of the dishes was those big shell-on prawns. “They’re a bit tricky,” I panicked, “and I’m not hugely keen on eating with my hands either. No matter, I’ll just have to get on with it.” So I picked up a prawn and was trying to work out to get into the little fucker, whilst trying to look coy and girly and coquettish (I’m aware, by the way, that there is nothing remotely sexy about trying to peel a prawn, but I was a bit piddly and let’s just add it to the long list of reasons that I’m still single, okay?). I finally managed to snap its head off and was duly sprayed in the face with the green sludge that had been its last prawny meal.

“That’s the first time I’ve been the recipient of a prawn money shot,” were the next words out of my mouth.

My date looked at me, horrified. The couple on the next table choked on their patatas bravas. I called for the bill. I've never been near the buisness end of a prawn since.

Length? Good god, even I wouldn’t sleep with me after that.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 2 Mar 2007, 14:10, Reply)