as I have no story for this, have a kind of related one
BEWARE: incredibly long pearoast:

I've only ever related the full extent of this to one person, and will now share it with you.

I had been seeing my ex for two and a half years. Both of us happy and in love for most of the time, albeit I was stoned at least half of it.

We had been living together before we got together at uni, and continued to do so throughout the whole of our relationship. this never caused any troubles.

We shared the same group of friends, a very close group, and everyone got on amazingly well. (and smoked a lot of dope)

it happened that on my course there was a girl who I had liked from pretty much the moment I met her (before I met my ex), she was attached at the time unfortunately, and I was a long-haired overweight metaller. not a good basis for a relationship.

This girl and I became good friends to the extent of sitting together in pretty much every lecture we had for 4 years; we had an arrangement whereby she informed of what work I needed to do and by when, and I checked hers for spelling and grammar. This worked beautifully for both of us.

There was never any thought of a relationship between us until towards the end of our final year at uni we had a field trip to Barcelona, and it became apparent to each of us seperately (when incredibly drunk) that after another month or so that we might not see each other again. (I was no longer a long-haired overweight metaller)

Nothing happened on this trip save for a couple of hours holding hands (possibly some of the happiest hours of my life, and I was unbelievably, rip-roaringly drunk. Three sheets to the wind. Nissed as a pewt. etc.)

On return from Barcelona we parted, with some thinking to be done.

At this point I had decided that my future with the (now ex) girlfriend was not going to be to my liking. Frankly she was becoming a little annoying.

Coupled with this, on a night out with some coursemates, the new girl and I again ended up holding hands and repaired back to hers for a talk (and talk we did). we also shared the best first kiss one could imagine.

I walked home on cloud 9, although with every step closer to my house it was coming home to me that I'd have to split up with my (then current) gf, who I lived with, shared a group of friends with, and who was in the middle of writing her dissertation and would shortly have her finals...

this left me in a dilemma. my nature wouldn't let me break things off with her due to the things mentioned above, and clearly I couldn't continue the way things had been. I wanted to be with the new girl.

So I broke the news to the current gf that I wasn't sure if I loved her anymore, and needed some time to think about it. This led to me jetting off to Swansea for a few days to visit my mate at uni there and going on a massive bender (I think)

a few days later I returned to work on my dissertation etc. to find that my gf had gone to home to work on hers thus leaving me in relative peace.

Now, at this stage I didn't know who knew what out of my friends, so I resolved to keep as much to myself as I could. Spending all day in the library or computer room revising and writing my dissertation and coming home in the evening to lock myself in my room, smoke fags (had given up pot for the duration of this) and chat with the new girl on msn.

Some afternoons were spent in the arms of the new girl, never going that far, but far enough to make me feel somewhat guilty about my double life.

this went on for some time as exams were dealt with and dissertations finished.

One day I was at home and my old gf had been shopping in town. I had finally insisted to myself that today was the day I had to break up with her, regardless of how hard it would be.

I see her arrive by taxi via the gift of my window, and basically run upstairs, bursting into my room.

Her bag and contents including phone, wallet etc. had been stolen while trying on shoes

(a lesson here for you girls)

I naturally tried to comfort her. While I didn't want to be with her anymore, I still cared for her very much, and respected her as well.

Unfortunately she detected "something wrong with my hug" and decided that I did indeed not love her anymore.

This led to the breakup where I uttered all the cliches (It's not you, it's me etc.)

The part I felt guilty about (and did up until I heard that our friends had found out the truth some time later and informed me that I did the right thing) is this:

she repeatedly and insistently, whilst staring at me, asked if there was someone else. I went through a massive debate in my head in a split second, looked her in the eye and said a clear, firm "No"

this was repeated several times with her asking "why don't I believe you?"

eventually this passed, there was some awkwardness, and I once again, drove to Swansea for an almighty 3 day bender in relief and celebration.

I've seen her once or twice since then, and things were awkward (what can I say, I'm awesome, I affect people) but now things are all good, she's happy, and the new girl is the current Mrs Vipros of 3 years and counting. we are just about to buy our second place together.

I'm certain I did the right thing. and the few people who I've told or who know the story have backed me up on that, so I feel vindicated.

The moral of this story is that while honesty is the best policy, a lie if delivered effectively and with conviction can save someone you care about a lot of heartache.

and save you from a whole load more explaining!!!

many apologies for length, but it's wasted my last half hour of work, and I like to think it's a reasonably interesting tale.

if I've blurred any details, and you are dying to know more then message me and I'll try and clear things up.

that is all
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 10:54, 4 replies)

Relationships are never easy from start to finish.
Even if your a decent person things will never go smoothly with a break up.

Good to hear your with your soulmate though.
( girlinthehole, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 11:00, closed)

Re: Relationships are never easy from start to finish.
Especially if your a decent person, things will never go smoothly with a break up.

Breaking up with someone becomes a lot easier if you are not a decent person - I imagine that not caring about hurting someone removes all the anguish and anxiety from the situation. Nice people always have it harder

Bah.

*Clicky*
(pfer, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 13:56, closed)

Well, she's your soulmate
Which means you definitely did the right thing!

As for whether I'd have said yes or no to the "someone else" question, my my that is a big dilemma... have a click for making me scratch my head!
(Adamish Time of death, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 23:19, closed)