the skinny klingon
i was in an on-off relationship with an ex for 12 years. the "off" parts were always his fault, he would do stupid things like come into the bathroom for a shit while i was in the bath, or lay on the couch watching t.v while i cleaned, then ask me to make him lunch, which would lead to a huge row and a break-up. he's a lazy good-for-nothing stoner, but he never hit me and he gives the best full-body massages, so we'd always get back together.
to be honest, i treated him like shit. i belittled him in front of our friends, i threw ornaments at him when i was angry, i even let a mate of mine shoot him in the balls with a pellet gun(i was wasted, though). he wouldn't do anything to defend himself, which made me even more agressive towards him.
finally, i realised that our relationship was far from healthy and his passive nature was turning me into someone i really didn't like, so i decided it would be best if we broke up.
i tried talking to him, i tried reasoning with him, i tried telling him that i couldn't be with him and that i didn't love him. none of it worked.
going to the burger bar where he works as a cleaner(hah!) and telling his workmates(bigger hah! nobody there likes him) that i'd caught him dancing round my bedroom to janet jackson, wearing a skin-tight leopardskin dress and with a huge hardon, now, that had to work, right?
wrong.
he forgave me.
i screamed in his face that i didn't want him to forgive me, i wanted him to leave. the floodgates opened and i let rip. i called him everything i could think of, threw things at him, the lot.
he finally left the next morning.

it doesn't end there, though. he spent the next 2 years trying to get back with me, despite the fact that i was by now in another relationship.
how did i get rid of him?
easy. i lent him money. i haven't seen the fucker for 6 months.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 2:32, 5 replies)

Hahahaa...
Lending money, good one.

Hey, I wonder if it's possible to calculate exactly how much is the optimum amount to lend, for maximum non-returnedness?
(pizzaforcat ate some cement and HARDENED the FUCK UP on, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 7:16, closed)

Heh heh, nicely done
As a wise man once said...If you lend someone £20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 8:22, closed)

if it was £20, i wouldn't mind so much
unfortunately, it was £250.
the shit.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 13:51, closed)

ah ah
ah ah
it's only just above 80£ a month so far for the riddance
( olivier8 (euroloon), Wed 11 Jun 2008, 15:13, closed)

@ olivier
it cost me nearly that much to wash his stink out of my couch.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 15:49, closed)