London, you're dumped.
London, it is so over between us. You used to be exotic and alluring, with the bright lights, clubs and concerts. Then I got to know you a bit better, and realised that it wasn't always this good. Since then, our relationship has been going downhill; I'm struggling to remember the good times, and only seem able to focus on the crime, local chav community, awful pollution and traffic, and sheer expense of being with you.

My house has been broken into, my computer stolen, my friends attacked, my bank account raped and my health damaged.

I'll probably regret what I'm doing a bit, and miss you at first, but I'm utterly convinced that in the long run, this is the right course to take.

I'm sorry to put you through this, but you'll be alright. You'll cope without me; you always have. Some new girl will come along with the joy of moving to the big city in her eyes, and you'll have good times with her instead of me. Honestly, I don't mind.

I think I've always known that things were a bit wrong, but this feeling of discontent has been growing within me for quite a long time. I think it all came to a head this week, when some spotty little oik tried to steal my bike from Victoria Station (and do Network Rail give a toss? Do they my arse), I developed a heinous mouth/throat infection due to cycling in traffic fumes every day, and I saw the crazy Kennington man this afternoon, sitting outside of the cafe with his cock hanging out.

To be honest though, these are all small things. Insignificant compared to the most important reason we can't be together any more. Some mouth-breathing insanity-mongers elected Boris Johnson as Mayor. I can't live with people who think like that. Really I can't.

London, as of now, I am looking for somewhere new to live. We'll see each other again, I have no doubt. But just as friends, for gigs and museums and stuff (you always did get amazing line-ups at gigs). But as we are now, we're finished.

Goodbye.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 17:42, 32 replies)

yay!
I dumped London back in February. Come to the West Country where yokels drink zider and we all laze around in the fields being provincial.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 17:44, closed)

never lived in London
but i dont think that i'd ever want to... I enjoy the countryside too much
(Foulkesy123 The one and only..., Wed 11 Jun 2008, 17:46, closed)

I like London
But only for visits - would never want to live there. It says a lot when, as a non smoker blowing your nose leaves a deposit that is actually worse than if you smoke 20 a day and don't live in the city...

Quite happy where I am - clean air, 10 minutes from the coast, 20 minutes to the hills, and 30 minutes from what is a pretty good city.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 11 Jun 2008, 17:52, closed)

London's amazing
but it's intense and a sensory overload sometimes. I miss it, but only when things get so utterly slow here that I pine for excitement.

Then I go and mug someone just to feel urban again.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 17:53, closed)

I also
dumped London for the West Country. We get on much better as friends, and Bristol doesn't treat me like shit.
(miffytherabbit, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 18:08, closed)

^
that's because Bristol is all laid-back loveliness, although it's overrun with bloody hippies.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 18:10, closed)

Clicked
I wrote a similar letter, but to my country, when it elected a chimpanzee to its 2nd presidential term. Almost mailed it to the local newspaper. I didn't actually get up the guts to leave, though, but we plan to do so sharpish once my wife finishes her doctorate.
(chase, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 18:14, closed)

I think I'd be happy enough in London
A lot more going on than where I live.
A fourty minute walk to the nearest pub, and an hour and a half walk to the nearest shop is rubbish.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 18:17, closed)

^^ What DG said
I couldn't agree more.

And Kaol, you really need a car.

I'm not talking about carjacking at knifepoint though!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 18:26, closed)

Yes, I do need a car.
Hmm...
I need to pay my rent more though.
Also, there are no busses that stop within two miles.

I think I just need to move house.
Preferably into a houseful of delightful ladies.

With a high tolerence to fear.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 18:27, closed)

Sometimes
I feel feel a pang of regret for the callous way I dumped the West Country and shacked up with London.

I've always felt that one day I'll return, if it'll have me back.
( Moey, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 18:33, closed)

@Kaol, re: moving house
I have a spare room, the rent is reasonable, and I own a lovely magnetic knife rack.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 18:59, closed)

No offence, but...
No thanks.

I'm terrible to live with.
I'm messy, I'm always awake, I play bass, and have animals.

Oh, and I don't fancy moving that far.

God, I'm still at work.
I'm gonna be here 'til 9 at this rate.

*frowns*
( Cawl, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 19:04, closed)

no offence taken
I would have demanded a very large damage deposit from you to cover the cost of clearing up the bloodstains.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 19:11, closed)

I could be crude here...
And offer to make a "very large deposit" on you face, or some such.

But I've risen above it.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 19:37, closed)

it would require
a mighty withdrawal
from the bank
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 19:41, closed)

Hmm...
Wank Bank... eh?
( Cawl, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 19:42, closed)

As I tend to
use trains every so often now, and they usually involve going down south, the transfer at London is inevitable.

And every time I leave the damn place I hope never to go back.

*projectile vomits on london*
(TheHBoxster is probably playing Beatles Rock Band on, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 19:56, closed)

To be honest
I loved her when I was a West Country yokel, and I love her even more now that I'm here and I see her every day. She's noisy, dirty and crowded but there's always something going on and she's open all night.

I'm referring to London, obviously, not BobFossil.
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 21:07, closed)

Apparently London
is a lot like New York- in which case, it would take an act of God to get me to stay there for any length of time.

I always have said that the biggest problem with New York is that it's overrun with New Yorkers. I would imagine the same would apply to London?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 11 Jun 2008, 21:31, closed)

@TRL
Surprisingly London appears to be overrun with everyone else other than Londoners. I've lived here for about a year and a half now and with very few exceptions, everyone I've got some kind of connection with, be it work, friends, homelife etc...none of them are original Londoners and most are from other countries.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 22:13, closed)

doddle! come to dubai next month...
with me an mrs spimf innit

you can play your flute in the desert and wear floaty stuff like the nice lady in the turkish delight ad years ago

and i'll buy you a baby camel

:D
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 22:54, closed)

You know...
I love London. But at the same time, I ruddy hate it. Having lived here for the last 4 years, I've nearly had enough.

So an understanding *clicky* for you!

Oh, and bye bye... :'(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Jun 2008, 23:15, closed)

2 years I lived in London
and fell to pieces. Too much temptation. Great gigs though as you say and museums, restaurants, galleries etc. I occasionally fly over now for 24 hours to see a gig or a fight, spend an absolute fortune and flee like my life depends on it.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 9:16, closed)

yeah, West Country is the way forward.
It's going to take at least a year to get out, but the wheels have been set in motion.

I'm thinking of moving somewhere near Bath/Bristol.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 9:36, closed)

^ come to Bristol!
*is biased*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 10:10, closed)

I was with London..
for four stinking drunken rotten years.. We broke up rather suddenly and messily after a steady decline over six months..

I dumped London for Norway. Dayum who wouldn't! :p Clean air, mountain AND sea walking distance away. She's beautiful, friendly, just awesome. I am so totally in love!

I feel a little sorry for London though, now that two years have passed.. The poor love gets dumped a lot, a lot of bad press. Wouldn't go back there though! No bloody way!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 10:35, closed)

beckyjsbx
I was down in London last year on a course. The only 'local' person I spoke to all week was another guy on the same course - and he was from Essex.

Everyone else I met - without exception - was foreign.

Foreigners working in the shops, the hotel I stayed in, the pubs, the training centre - even the tutor.

If Al Qaeda attacked Euston Station, they might not actually kill any Londoners.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 Jun 2008, 11:05, closed)

What is it about the West Country?
When me and her indoors are done in London (we think in a couple more years as things are starting to go right career-wise), we're going to head to the West Country.

I love it down there. We're going to go to Bath - all the benefits of a city with all the benefits of the country. Beautiful!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 11:25, closed)

@DiT
My brother and his family have just ditched London and moved to Bath, and they loves it.

Mind you, they were living in Crystal Palace... any where's got to be good compared to Crystal Palace, surely.
( Moey, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 11:39, closed)

Not Bath
Bath is wonderful, but only to visit. If you live there it's full of tourists, and shops that sell things that you want but don't need, and overpriced twee teashops. It does have a cool underground strudel shop though...

Bristol is much better plus you can visit Bath easily as it's only about 12 miles away.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 11:45, closed)

I did wonder
why they chose Bath, but they have two very young kids, so a small suburb on the edge of Bath seemed more appealing to them.

I do remember it to be a bit too touristy for my liking.
( Moey, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 11:48, closed)