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This is a question The Police

Sitting in my local pub late one night enjoying the landlord's flexible idea of what constitutes his licencing hours, a bunch of drunk blokes in raincoats burst in. Requesting to be served, one shouted at the barman "It's alright - we're not coppers!"

They were spitting images of Lt. Columbo to a man. The barman laughed them out of the pub.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 10:12)
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My Dear Old Mum
MDOM is a polite, middle class and retired ex-nurse who has never been in a police station in her life. Anyway, to cut a very long and very distressing story short (although much hilarity for other QOTW could come up some other time) she began suffering from hyper-mania and eventually it became too much for the family and she was sectioned under the mental health act.

Being quite a strong willed lady she refused to accept the section and steadfastly insisted on remaining in her arm chair knitting. Well, as two hours of gentle discussions with the social workers wasn't doing any good the private hospital expecting her (on BUPA - nice one BUPA) was getting a little annoyed so the nice social workers decided the only possible solution was to call the boys in Blue to persuade her into their van and take her there. Cue two squad cars and a van screaming up outside the house with sirens blazing and a full compiment of about 8 officers trudging into the kitchen and deciding what they would do. After discussions about her being non-violent and generally very polite one young Constable volunteered to go in and have a word. After taking off his helmet (to appear less threatening) he walked into the lounge to have a chat with mother. He seemed to be getting on quite well and they were having a lovely chat when he decided to pat her arm.....and then screamed

Well, in a flash that little old lady had kicked him at "full spac" strength straight in the privates calling him something that rhymes with twunt and dropping him like a pole-axed rabbit. To their credit the remaining 7 policemen piled into the lounge and politely restrained her with extreme prejudice into the back of their van and nee-naa'd her to the hosiptal.

Bloody funny with hind sight....... even funnier was the fact that they required me to sit in the van between them and her because "She is not likley to want to hurt a family member"........ scared? them? surely not.

Epilogue : Young Constable was fine, apparently the swelling went down eventually and he could still have kids, the charges of assaulting a police officer were dropped as she had already been sectioned and thus had diminished responsibility. Still....raise a glass to mother for being the only one in the family to kick down a copper and get away with it ! Not that I would ever condone that, no sir, fine bunch of people..... mostly
(, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 10:33, closed)

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