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This is a question The Police

Sitting in my local pub late one night enjoying the landlord's flexible idea of what constitutes his licencing hours, a bunch of drunk blokes in raincoats burst in. Requesting to be served, one shouted at the barman "It's alright - we're not coppers!"

They were spitting images of Lt. Columbo to a man. The barman laughed them out of the pub.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 10:12)
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April 11 last year
So two of my mates have birthdays on consecutive days, April 11 and 12. The wierd thing is that they are the best of friends and are highly reminiscent of Beavis and Butt-Head. Anyway, on to the story. We decide to celebrate that we should go out to the pub and get pissed on the 11th. Being the only person I know at the time that could drive, I agreed to not drink so I could drive two people back to Kidlington. After we have been to the pub we all go an get in my car, me, the two that I'm taking home, and the two guys who's birthdays we are celebrating. Also, amongst the drunken fun, another mate starts jumping on my car and wiping the mayonaise side of his burger bun on my windows, then procedes to get in. We drive round Bicester market square and back to the pub and I let him out. Then there's a van behind me. Aw crap, police. So my mate gets out and pisses off with haste, and I am left to chat to the fuzz. I've had two drinks in the course of the night, but the second was a good hour before this incident, and I know I am way under the limit. The police guy that has pulled me over says he can smell alcohol on my breath, and procedes to call for a car that is carrying a brethaliser. He says to me: "Blow into this tube. It'll beep when you have to stop but I'll tell you when to stop as well" I start blowing. "That's good" says the officer. So I igure I missed the beep, and stop blowing. "Okay," says the officer, "I actually meant that you are doing well". Now, I figure I'm 18 and I'm not dead from suffocation yet, of course I'm doing well. But I'm also sensible so I don't point this out to him. Anyway, I re-take the test and pass, the guy gives me a producer (for an overloaded car) and lets me go.

About 3 hours later, on the 12th now, me and the two guys who's birthdays we were celebrating were sitting in a field. We had got one of my mates' old school stuff and were burning it, seeing how it was just taking up room in his bedrom. I've parked my car on the side of the road and we're sitting there with a nice fire going behind some trees. My mate, who's birthday it now is, decides it would be funny to burn his boxers, and so procedes to take them off. Then a van comes by. We can't see it fully because of the trees, but it stops on the road by where we are, reverses a bit, then drives off. It suddenly clicks that it's probably the police, and they have probably just gone to check out my car, which is a short distance away. So we run the other way. Of course, the lack of wheeles means that we are slower than they are, which ultimatly means we get caught. Suprise!! It's the exact same van, with the same officers in, from 3 hours before. I mean, when the police catch you making fires on private property they don't tend to be happy, but when they've not long seen you for breaking driving laws, they are less forgiving. So they call for a backup car, because there's seven of them and three of us, and we are obviously out of hand and hard to control (note sarcasm). They start taking down my details and one of my mates' details, and they search my other mate. It's great that they have so much faith in our honesty, they took my friend's mobile number down because his house phone was disconnected because he was moving, then the guy who was taking the details went to one of the others "Can you just call this number because I don't belie...I want to check it's right."

Anyway, as I mentioned, one of my friends was going to burn his boxers. Well, he never got the chance, and so when we ran he hid them in his jacket. For the last couple of years, we have been calling this guy Random as a nickname, even before this incident. He was the guy who got searched. This is a great example of why. He has so much shite in his pockets. Screws, rubber bands, odd shaped bits of metal, a ruler, just crap that no one would ever carry around. One of my favourites was the afformentioned boxers. Boxer shorts are one of the last things the police would expect to find in someone's pocket, and this was made even funnyer by thecomment that followed from Random: "You can smell them if you like". He also carrys a pen shaped like a piece of shit around, which he calls his "turd pen". When the officer pulled this out he responded: "It's not real, you can put it in your mouth if you like". At this point there are nine police officers, one searching Random and trying to keep a straight face, and the other eight pissing themselves with laughter. I swear, the only reason they let us go scot free was because he was just so damn funny while being searched.

After this we went out in my car and parked on a layby on the A34 between Bicester and Kidlington and slept there, for no reason other than the other guys didnt want to go home for another 12 hours. I'm not sure why, but it was funny so I went along with it.

I still haven't ever actually been convicted of anything or taken in for anything.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2005, 0:53, closed)

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