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This is a question The Police

Sitting in my local pub late one night enjoying the landlord's flexible idea of what constitutes his licencing hours, a bunch of drunk blokes in raincoats burst in. Requesting to be served, one shouted at the barman "It's alright - we're not coppers!"

They were spitting images of Lt. Columbo to a man. The barman laughed them out of the pub.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2005, 10:12)
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Stopped on the way home from a pissup once
Walked home from town after drinking alot, including my taxi money (cmon, we've all done this at least once in our lives). Got within 200 yards of my house, still swaying in the correct general direction (as I is still well drunk, even after a 2 mile walk home at 1 in the morning), and a plain dark blue Sierra pulls up in front of me. 2 people get out, one of them's some grumpy bloke, and the other is some fit bird, who'se currently walking towards me. I'm drunkedly thinking hello, my luck's in here when she pulls out her police badge.

"Hi, I'm DI Fitbird (no idead what the name is), can you help us out please?"

"Yeah, sure" I say, trying to stand straight, "wassup?"

"We've had reports that there have been some break-in's in the area, and we need to find this address. Can you tell us where that is please?"

Now this estate where I used to live was basically a postman's nightmare. A square estate with multiple flats in the middle and lines of semi-detatched houses forming a border around the outside. Hell, first time in the area I ended up getting lost and turning up where I started an hour later. And now they ask me for directions while I'm pissed.

"I'm sorry luv, but you'll be better off using the map behind you on that wall" I say pointing at it "but I've been living here for years and I still need to use it myself."

The bloke copper (who we'll call DI Cunt) takes offense to this. So much so that I can clearly see his stress and veins start popping on his neck. He growls "Don't mess us around or I'll nick you where you stand". I look at him and am just about to tell him to fuck right off when I notice that DI Fitbird beat me to it and gave him a right mouthful lol. After he went quiet and looked rather sheepish, me and the DI looked at the streetmap and found the house that they were looking for.

As they walked away all I could here was words from her like "do that again and I promise that you'll be fucking demoted", much to my amusement.
(, Tue 27 Sep 2005, 11:00, closed)

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