(not much) Help with enquiries
~~~~~~~
The time: Evening, the late 80's - 'shroom season
The place: a shitty back-to-back on the (far) outskirts of studentland in a northern city
Officer attending: DS Walter I.Dunn-Todeservethis
Others present: 3 long-haired scruffy mongs
~~~~~~~
I attended the above address to obtain witness statements following an assault at a party close to the university. On arrival, I introduced myself (to the response "That's nice"), and explained the reason for my visit. The occupants appeared to be planning to stay in for the evening, as they had made a pungent herbal tea time some time before my arrival (which I was pleased not to be offered), and were watching a video, which I later established to be Pink Floyd: Live at Pompei. They presented as restless & excitable, at times verging on hysteria, and had difficulty recalling the details from a few nights before.
After a few minutes of attempting to obtain a coherent statement, apparently on some signal I did not observe, one of the occupants rose, inviting me to accompany him upstairs. I found this a little odd, and considered whether vice would soon need to be involved, but agreed to the request. On doing so I found myself shown into a typical male student's bedroom, with unwashed dishes & clothes, comic books, LPs, a traffic cone and a small amount of academic material radiating from the unmade bed. In one corner was a 4 foot tall hookah pipe with 12' hose. After some further time I came to the realisation that I had obtained all the information that was likely to be forthcoming, such as it was, brought the interview to a close and left the premises.

Conclusion/recommendation: I do not believe those interviewed would make reliable witnesses in court, as they are clearly a bunch of doped up morons who will be lucky to scrape a Douglas between them.
He was right too!
tl;dr version in replies
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:51, 9 replies)

tl;dr version
A friend of a friend got beaten, when an attempt at a witness statement was made we were too wasted/paranoid to ask the officer to come back another day, wasting his time & getting the trip off to a shitting-ourselves-scary start.
Drugs are bad, mmmkay?
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:13, closed)

Yay
I wish all the incoherent answers would have a sensible version in the replies. Good show!
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Mon 9 May 2011, 15:21, closed)

Thanks - there have been a few in the past
that make me glad there's 2 computers & several miles between me & the OP. 'Greed' comes to mind.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Mon 9 May 2011, 16:46, closed)

Bezirksverordnetenversammlungenwahl?
Should it not be: Bezirksverordnetenversammlungswahl??

Those crazy germans and their Donaudampfschiffahrtselektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft

Edit: I used "there" instead of "their". What a knob!
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Mon 9 May 2011, 17:09, closed)

Nope
It's one Versammlung per Bezirk, and with -n endings you don't need a joining particle under the new spelling rules. I am being somewhat of a dick by making it as long as I can, though. The official name is split into two.

Kill me.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Mon 9 May 2011, 17:29, closed)

Thou shalt live!
I was dead against the Rechtschreibreform in the first place... took me fucking ages to get the bloody language right in the first place and then them damn lefties come in an change it all GRRRR... Anyway, I claim ignorance!I learned the language in Starnberg. We do things differently in Bayern!
(Fausted Sticking his faust where the sun don't shine, Mon 9 May 2011, 17:43, closed)

Afraid I don't speak any German.
What are these intriguingly long words?
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Mon 9 May 2011, 22:07, closed)

Not so easy to translate
The more sub-words there are the harder it is to distill down to exactly what they mean, but:

Donau  dampf  schiffahrts  elektrizitäten  haupt  betriebswerk  bau  unter  beamten  gesellschaft
-----  -----  -----------  --------------  -----  ------------  ---  -----  -------  ------------
  |      |        |              |           |         |         |     |       |          |
Danube steam   boating       eletrical     main      depot     build  sub   official   society

Or, the association for junior officials of the main electrical servicing depot for steam ships on the Danube. That's a famous contender for longet german word.

Mine was:

Bezirks  verordneten  versammlungen  wahl
-------  -----------  -------------  -----
   |          |             |          |
Borough   delegate     assemblies    vote

Parish council elections, which I'm entitled to vote in.

EDIT: Oh. and Rechtschriebreform is Orthographyreform, or the spelling changes they brought in a decade or so ago.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Mon 9 May 2011, 23:02, closed)

Thanks. Funnily enough
I remember my fellow pupils who were studying German quoting an example given by their teacher - something like a steam powered mechanical shovel? I guess the need for new terms around the time of the industrial revolution has something to do with it.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Tue 10 May 2011, 8:58, closed)