stoopid pile of clothes
Me and a couple of friends had all been out on the lash one evening and returned to my flat at around 4am... as we approached I could see that the rear offside window of my car had been smashed. Balls.

I looked inside and saw my CDs piled up on the back seat and a pile of clothes on the passenger seat. "They must have had them out of the boot or something" my vodka addled brain assumed... until the pile of clothes stirred slightly.

We'd only managed to catch the numpty mid-steal! He pretended to be asleep as he knew he was surrounded and must have tried to unlock the door but found that I'd deadlocked it, his only escape route was the broken window.

We phoned the police and while we were waiting, one of us went to my neighbour's house. He was (and probably still is) a massive stoner, we knew he'd be up and would find it amusing. He came back out with his 2 mates and a round of vodka and cokes (with ice and lemon). The police arrived to be greeted by us, quite drunk and in good spirits surrounding my car, a small chav (he was 17 I found out subsequently) languishing in the front seat. The plod led him off and took statements from us, I got the car fixed and thought not much more of it.

A few days later, I got a phone call. They'd charged him with theft, "but there was nothing missing" I said, "did you not notice your lack of loose change?" they replied... he'd managed to get himself a criminal record for stealing 44p in 2s and 1s... and a weird fat pen that didn't work that I got free from work. He told them that he'd been chased around the estate and saw my car was open, he hid in there. They couldn't prove otherwise but they got him for the epic theft.

They returned my posessions later that week.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Tue 10 May 2011, 13:47, Reply)