Can't remember if I was told this, read it or just made it up
Boris Jonhnson's dad, who looks exactly like Boris, was cycling along the road when a member of the great unwashed shouted "Oi, Johnson, you twat".

Without skipping a beat J Snr replied "I think you mean my son"
(LetsGetDownToIt, Fri 1 May 2015, 12:04, 2 replies)

Northern Ireland secretary Sir Patrick Mayhew came to my school in the 90s.
If you don't remember him, imagine a cross between Rowley Birkin QC and Colonel Mustard.
I and a friend were chosen to show him a computer program I'd made in visual basic because they had to show off the newest thing the school had and it was the 90s and apparently we had nothing better than that.
As soon as he arrived it was obvious that he'd never been in front of a computer before, and my demonstation turned into five minutes trying to explain what a mouse was. He thought it was funny that it was called a mouse. No he didn't want to touch it. Whatever do you mean by click the mouse? These young people with their gadgets, jolly odd what what. Are we done yet?
Then they took a photo which appeared on the front of the local paper the next day. I was labelled as my friend, he was labelled as me, both names were misspelled. They got Sir Patrick right though.
( Zuowan, Fri 1 May 2015, 11:36, Reply)

not my story but it does make me laugh
one of my friends was making her way home from the pub in a somewhat inebriated state. she stepped into the road and then reeled back as she was nearly run over by a massive white thatch of wig barrelling along on a bike. realising who it was, she yelled,

"I LOVE YOU BORIS!!!!" at the top of her voice.

he didn't turn a straw-like hair.

"thank you. thank you very much," he called back over his shoulder like some kind of 2 wheeled elvis, and disappeared into the night. she was devastated when she remembered it in the morning. she's somewhere to the left of tony benn in her sober state.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 1 May 2015, 10:57, 1 reply)

Tony Bliar visited my workplace during his time as PM
He waved at me when I took a photo with my smartphone. The megapixels on the phone was shit so all I got was a blurry image of someone that might have been him.
(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Fri 1 May 2015, 10:44, 9 replies)

Kilroy
Robert Kilroy Silk was doing the rounds in my quaint market hometown of Melton Mowbray, trying to drum up support for either UKIP or that other thing he did for a bit. Being a naive 13 year old, and recognising his face from days off school watching TV, I turned to my friend and simply asked 'Is that Kilroy?'

One of his leaflet buddies, overhearing, turned to us and said 'Yes it is. Now don't make fun.'
(Conthortius, Fri 1 May 2015, 10:40, 1 reply)

Mark Oaten offered me some drugs but they were just some laxatives :(

(McChinaman banned, Fri 1 May 2015, 10:24, 1 reply)

Cricket
I used to play cricket with a very high-ranking Labour Party lord. That's not that special - I imagine many in the Sussex leagues can say the same thing. We didn't really talk politics, but he was a nice enough chap. He wouldn't ask Prescott to come down for a game. Apparently he hates cricket.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Fri 1 May 2015, 9:59, Reply)

Cyril Smith paid me a pound to fart on his bollocks
Cheers
( $$ ✅, Fri 1 May 2015, 9:57, Reply)

Lembit Opik
Pissed out of his skull, drinking champagne on the terrace of the South Bank Centre on a hot summer's evening a few years back. He had a young woman on his lap (not a weathergirl or a Cheeky Girl), who kept brushing away his hand as he tried to sneak it up her skirt.

Taller than you expect.

Also, I was at University with a lad who is now a US congressman. Back then, he was mostly interested in drink, women, and recreational drugs, but judging by his Facebook nowadays he's pretty into Jesus. I always wonder how sincere it is....
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 1 May 2015, 9:50, 1 reply)

Sat around 10 yards away from
David Blunkett at a football match along with his dog. Thing is he was sat with earphones in so he could hear what was happening so why bother going to the game? Perhaps his dog was a keen fan.
Roy Hattersley usually sits near him too along with his missis
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 1 May 2015, 9:49, 10 replies)

Cyril Smith
I sat next to him at a Royal Regiment of Fusiliers dinner in Rochdale Town Hall in the 80's. He was a pleasant enough chap, even if his elbow encroached my space. At no point was there any attempt or suggestion of bare bottom spanking or fisting.

He seemed to enjoy his dinner.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 1 May 2015, 9:43, Reply)

Bumped into Anne Widdecombe at the bottom of Gabriel's Hill, Maidstone.
She looked very cross, and may even have harrumphed at us.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 1 May 2015, 9:24, Reply)

Saw Search Results Norman Lamb MP doing a shit into a crisp packet just south of Cambridge

( $$ ✅, Fri 1 May 2015, 8:46, 3 replies)

When I lived in God's own city* I knew both of my MPs
The first was a principled, honest, hard-working man of the people he represented. A man who paid his staff in a time of unpaid interns, only paid himself the skilled man's rate of the area and donated the rest. Of course he had to go, so his own party deselected him and parachuted in the second guy.
I knew him, too. In fact, in the 70's and 80's we worked in the same factory and were both part of the union movement. A more venal, spiteful, self-serving backstabber it has never been my misfortune to meet - and I've met the Attorney General!**.
*Coventry
**He's my present MP
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 1 May 2015, 8:32, 3 replies)

I once met Alex Salmond in the northbound car park of Keele Services on the M6.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 1 May 2015, 8:24, Reply)

Not long back I was having a pint in the Fat Cat in Norwich
There were two old guys doing a crossword at the bar, with one clue to go - they had the dictionary out by this point, so as a bit of a crossword buff I offered to help. The clue was "Sweet sour" and they had T_R_ filled in already. I smiled and said "Tart", and one of them chuckled, saying, "All I could think of was Tory". I excused myself and went back to my pint.

It wasn't until afterwards that my mate dug me in the ribs and pointed out that I'd been talking to Norman Tebbit. I really didn't recognise him without the leather jacket :(
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 1 May 2015, 7:35, Reply)

Strong commanding performance from Cameron

(McChinaman banned, Fri 1 May 2015, 7:21, 3 replies)

On one day in 2000, i had snaps taken of me hugging the australian pm, the kiwi pm (no oil painting), and various oppositon leaders, brandishing my beerlike an olympic torch
I, like the 10000 other aussies and kiwis, had been drinking steadily for two days for the Galipoli commemoration on some godforsaken scrubby peninsular south of Istanbul. i remember after drinking through the night wanting to get a better view of the dawn service, and found myself somehow being marched with the turkish presspack onto the stage where i remained. there i stood for the entire televised service, standing centre back on stage behind the various speakers, in shorts holding a dripping plastic bag full of tinnies, while rows of turkish military, dignitaries, and tv crew glared at me no doubt wandering who the fuck I was and what i was doing there.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 1 May 2015, 3:42, 3 replies)

I love the sound of my own voice
I mostly keep it in check these days but back then I used to trot out a favorite opinion anytime a politician asked for questions.
'That's very interesting,' said one of the smart ones, 'But I don't really see what it has to do with anything we've been talking about.'
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Fri 1 May 2015, 2:45, Reply)

2 of the Feckers.
1) Kenneth Clarke was MP for the part of Nottinghamshire where I grew up. On my 18th birthday, near to an election, he was in my local pub after attending a "chat to the locals" - long before Farage turned going to the pub as part of election night.

"I hope I can count on your vote in the next election"? he asked.

"I hope you get the beers in"! I replied. And he did. Still didn't vote for him.

2) The anti-christ of teachers, Michael Gove, came to the school I worked in. I asked the Head to not come near my room. So he brings Gove into the classroom when I am teaching the lowest set in the school.

He walks in and asks Ashley* what he is doing.

"You're that twat off the TV." Ash says to him.

"I have been on TV, yes"! replies Gove with a casual dismissal of the remark..

"Did you get caught shagging kids"? Ash throws back...

Never seen anyone leave a room in such a hurry.

*Ash was not his real name. I think it was Tom.
(The Kitchen Sink, Thu 30 Apr 2015, 23:34, Reply)

Does this count?
She's an election blagger of sorts so she will have to do

Bestival 2008...*wavy lines*

Spent most of the afternoon getting pissed under a stage (it was raining)
and on surfacing into the cloudy wet field I spotted a lass sat with a bloke 'chilling' with a pint of cider in hand looking a bit hippie and that with festival hair.
Convinced I recognised her from Bristol I looked, looked again and asked 'Oh, do I know you from Bristol? Aren't you friends with Fiona, Fiona * from Bristol? Interpreter?'
They both looked at me, then gave each other a wry smile.
Me 'no? You know, haven't I met you at her house once? Fiona? No?'
Again no answer, just knowing looks to each other and an 'oh dear how we feel sorry for her look'
erm....ok...not really knowing why they wouldn't even answer with a 'no' apart from the fact they looked like they were incredibly stoned, they then stood up and wandered off.
I turned to my mate a bit confused.

Then the penny dropped.

'Oh for FUCKS SAKE, I thought that was one of Fionas friends, I fucking KNEW I recognised that face, it's that fucking awful woman off the Apprentice, Jesus....The fucking shame of it, She could have at least said something'

So there you go, my encounter with lady Katie la-de-dah Hopkinsface in a muddy field while she drank a pint of cider out of a cardboard cup while wearing what can only be described as 'clothes of a hippie' and apparently enjoying herself amidst the great unwashed.
How times have changed ey Katie?
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 30 Apr 2015, 23:29, 2 replies)

I once met Tony Blair.
This was back when I was a nipper in first or second year of primary school. He was giving a talk of some kind at another school and he went round schmoozing afterwards.

He had sweaty hands.
( jonbob loves you, Thu 30 Apr 2015, 21:40, 1 reply)

Boris again
He stood in our constituency in 1997. It wasn't an auspicious time for a Tory to be coming to our village, as our main source of employment - a steelworks - had been shut down by a bunch of asset-strippers a few years before.

The thatched Thatcherite went into the shop which stood across the road from our house. Said shop was run at that time by a 40W bulb from the local Labour establishment. Even more unfortunate for him was that his entry coincided with the presence of my mother, a woman with a withering attitude to politicians in general, and preening right-wing ones in particular, and never one to hold back on expressing herself.

It is to that encounter that I attribute that 'confused baby' look that Boris still affects whenever he is un-nerved by something.
(judge62 Captcha must die!!, Thu 30 Apr 2015, 20:52, Reply)

The Scottish government recently did series of Question Times around the country.
Being a bit of a political nerd, I went along for the crack. They invited questions in groups of three. The guy directly behind me got the first question (about tax dodging) and I got the second (something wanky about startups). First Minister Nicola Sturgeon said something about the first question, then invited John Swinney (finance minster) to continue. As he would be answering my question, I arranged my features in a sage, discerning expression (I probably just looked like constipated) and nodded judiciously as he made his points, looking directly towards me.

Except that, after about thirty seconds, I realised he wasn't answering my question. He was still responding to the first bloke's question. He was looking not at me but the guy behind me. Oh my god...! I didn't want to immediately stop nodding as it would seem too abrupt, so I had to kind of phase it out.

I'm a fucking idiot.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 30 Apr 2015, 19:52, 6 replies)

Nigel Farage knocked on my door and I told him he can stuff his manifesto up his arsehole and
fart it out of his cunt. Then I roundhouse kicked him across the street into a brand new Ford Mondeo. Then pissed on him.

True story actually happened.
( $$ ✅, Thu 30 Apr 2015, 19:52, 3 replies)

clarkson for PM!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 30 Apr 2015, 19:41, 5 replies)

My MP
I won't name him specifically, but he's a Scottish Labour guy who is thankfully quite likely to be replaced on May 7th.

My correspondence with him started with me sending him a template email via Amnesty International (I'm still quite supportive of that organisation, and at the time I was sending these things off without a second thought, kind of like signing a petition), basically to encourage him to oppose a bill that the Tories were pushing through that would allow the government to hold the trials of 'terror suspects' in secret, and in short violate their human rights. To my surprise, he actually responded, and to my disappointment he and his party had voted for an amendment that pretty much did jack shit to the actual bill. He even sent me two letters informing me of the progress of the bill, something I discovered he's keen on doing to maintain some kind of reputation as one of 'Britain's most responsive MPs'.

Doing some digging, I discovered that he had claimed nearly £300,000 in expenses since his election and that he employs his partner as his secretary. Thanks to the miracle of First Past The Post, he was also voted in despite over 60% of the constituency voting for someone else.

He came in to talk to our school a few times (and yes, as a few of you guessed I am still roughly school age), which led to some rather interesting discussions concerning his actions in Westminster. I brought up his conspicuous failure to vote on several key bills regarding fracking, further welfare cuts and Trident, to which he responded that he had 'other responsibilities'. When I subjected him to the same sort of scrutiny on social media, he blocked me from his Facebook page and still goes on about 'bullying trolls' to this day.

In fairness to the man, he is very responsive and is quite good as a local representative. He went out of his way to justify his position to me at first, so maybe I pushed him a bit far. Anyway, he'll be going soon.

Important clarification: Scottish Labour are not like the Labour party in the rest of the UK. In their intense hatred of the SNP they have almost entirely abandoned their left wing principles and by sharing a platform with the Tories during the independence referendum they have lost the confidence of the majority of the Scottish electorate. They're now just a bunch of Blairites, and my MP is no exception.
(a humble reindeer herder serial milk-drinker, compulsive liar., Thu 30 Apr 2015, 19:31, 13 replies)

Boris Johnson stuck his johnson up my bot bot :(

( broadsword w⚓, Thu 30 Apr 2015, 19:18, 4 replies)

First!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 30 Apr 2015, 19:10, 4 replies)