Procrastination Timetable
For the benefit of any other b3tan's who have assignments due, this is probably how it'll all pan out even if you do everything in your power to make sure it doesn't. I give you my 75 point procrastination timetable.

1. Get given an assignment. Due in 6 weeks? Pfft, easy.

2. One week goes by. No worries.

3. Two weeks go by. All under control. It'll be done.

4. Three weeks go by. Three weeks 'til hand in date? Plenty of time.

5. Four weeks go by. Okay, two weeks to go.

6. Think about starting assignment. Ooh...Loose Women is on.

7. Five weeks go by. Seven days to go, God managed to make the whole universe in six days. Consider this my day of rest. I'll start tomorrow.

8. Right, let's get this done. Then five days of freedom when everyone else is stressing.

9. Open word. Search the internet for a while.

10. Is that the time? Three hours have gone by and all I have written is a title? Must be a sign. Quit word. Roll on tomorrow.

11. Repeat 9 and 10 for the next four days.

12. Two days to go. Shiiiiit.

13. Change facebook status to prove you are 'gonna nail this essay'.

14. Open word.

15. Open msn and set status to 'online'. Alternatively, xbox live.

16. Chat about how screwed you are.

17. Why is it so silent? Ah, music...hmm, what to choose.

18. Back to word. Stare aimlessly at the screen for five minutes. Write the title.

19. Back to facebook. Anyone said anything new? No? Damn.

20. Emails...

21. Underline the title on word. Write a poor introduction.

22. Ah, a coffee will keep me focused.

23. Text a few mates. Another friend from school signs onto msn. Haven't spoken in awhile - some things are more important than assignments.

24. Do i fancy going out tonight? This is due in in 48 hours...

25. You're right! I do have a whole other day to do it.

26. Exit word. Save? Nah, I have only written an introduction, and it's crap.

27. £4 for a pint? Just because it's after 12? Eugh...good night though, wahey!

28. Wake up at 4pm. Assignment time.

29. May as well watch this made for tv film on Five.

30. Seriously though, I need to do an assignment. No distractions.

31. Sign onto msn. This time as 'appear offline'.

32. Who's online? Oh okay, I suppose I could chat to them. Change status to 'busy' or 'away'. That'll stop everyone from talking.

33. Could do with a drink.

34. Music please!

35. Open word. Focusing is key. Write title and underline in one go. Write a not-half-bad introduction. 1893 words to go.

36. Relax. The first 100 or so weren't so bad. How hard can the last 1900 be? Why worry?

37. Change facebook status to something optimistic.

38. Check email.

39. Back to word.

40. Stare blankly at the screen for ten minutes in between chatting to a mate on msn.

41. End of break. Just need another coffee.

42. Proper end of break now.

43. Do a page of solid writing in a ten mintue time slot. You bullshit well! Nice work.

44. Give yourself a break.

45. Okay, any new notifications or emails?

46. New b3ta qotw. Read the best of the old qotw. Submit a reply to the new qotw.

47. Back to the essay. Write nothing over the next few hours. To make yourself feel better though, rearrange some paragraphs and add or delete words as appropriate.

48. Complain to various friends on msn that you won't get this damned essay done.

49. Compile amusing excuses to get out of doing it.

50. Okay 1am. Wikipedia...whatever happened to Nerds?

51. No way! They're still made?...Okay proper article to help me now.

52. Can't do it! They'll know. Meh, copy...paste...remove hyperlinks.

53. Edit well.

54. Moan to other friends on msn and facebook.

55. You're all done? Good work! I'll be up a while yet.

56. Sleep.

57. Two hours until hand in.

58. Gain a conscience. Delete all wikipedia stuff.

59. Write the essay with no references. Make a few names and books up. Would they really check every reference?

60. Done!

61. Print now? Nope, still an hour to go.

62. Check tv guide. What was missed last night? No worries, it'll be on iplayer/4od. Watch missed prgramme.

63. Print.

64. Is that the time?

65. Change facebook status lamenting the fact you are so screwed because of the time.

66. Quick check of emails...

67. Quick drink.

68. Leg it to the hand in room.

69. Why is it on the third floor?

70. Success! Handed in. Time for a drink.

71. Get home and change facebook status to state that you 'rock'

72. Receive result. It's a pass. Never in doubt.

73. Celebrate.

74. Roll on a new assignment!

75. Repeat from step 1.








Apologies for length but in my experience at least, this is how it is...
(Foz, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:59, 17 replies)

Fucking fantastic.
I actually have an essay to do right now. And am basically doing this.
(littlenipple hate's bad grammar, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:04, closed)

Hmm
Worst thing about this is that I wrote it and I was up until 2.30 this morning getting it ready to be handed in today.

As highlighted by the timetable, I managed it...with an hour to spare.
(Foz, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 17:26, closed)

hhahahahaha :D
this is so pissing true
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:13, closed)

Has anyone anywhere in the history of assignments ever written one early with time to spare?
I think not.
( girlinthehole, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:17, closed)

Once
And only once.

The reason?

It was my 18th that weekend, and the parents weren't letting me out if it wasn't done...
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:38, closed)

I didn't have
facebook or MSM in the days when I had to do assignments.

My approach was more along the lines of:

Smoke weed until I can't see.

Smoke more weed.

Cobble together some shite that seems great when I'm stoned.

Smoke more weed.

Just about scrape a pass.

Smoke weed to celebrate.
( Moey, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:47, closed)

Awsum!
im starting a degree next year. i think i'll print this off, stick it to my wall and use it as a guide!
(fernbrittonsexcessskin will give a shit later, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:14, closed)

That
is basically me. I did half of my dissertation the night before!
(Shapethrower It's what you want, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:27, closed)

Point 50
I found some in a brand new sweet shop opened up near me - only problem is now in my excitement I've eaten too many and have been hyper and unable to sleep properly for days, but still no essays done!
(deadly_sinners, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 23:28, closed)

ha!
sounds like a lot of hard work to me

i went to art college

we did fuck all for four years then had two weeks of activity

i got a first - and a damn good job at the end of it too - so much so that if i did pay tax (which i don't one of the few good things about dubai) i would be lashing out considerably more than the average UK wage just in tax

not bad for a lazy cunt

moral - if your not prepared to cut a few corners you better have sturdy fucking shoes - cos you have a long bloody slog ahead
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:27, closed)

I think that might
be the first time you've mentioned that you earn a substantial amount of money.
(gin'll fix it, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 12:59, closed)

.
I was thinking exactly the same...
(Boar is dreaming of get rich quick schemes..., Mon 17 Nov 2008, 0:31, closed)

Glad
it wasn't just me that noticed.
(gin'll fix it, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 10:16, closed)

christ
that is exactly how i did my masters. Fuck that got boring quick.

I'd click, but, well, you know, stuff.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:46, closed)

Nice...
Sounds like my dissertation, without MSN or FaceBook (insert vodka and rollerblading/dancing around my room) I actually ‘wrote’ mine, yes using pen and paper, had a very sore hand for days after...
(LittleRock is planning her next meal, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 2:24, closed)

just finished...
...stage 43 :)
300 words into a 1500 word proposal. I've done enough work to relax for a bit!
clickies for distraccting me for a few more minutes
(Emily Salvage, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 20:22, closed)

Mine's like this^^
Apart from adding in cleaning!
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Sun 16 Nov 2008, 14:26, closed)