i finally...
got my booze licence today - i can now shop at one of the very few off sales in dubai - they look like sex shops from the outside - ie blank, windowless shop fronts with no hint of what they sell

it took a month to process

i have been here 4 months

a crappy bottle of cheap wine in a crappy restaurant costs about 15 quid minimum

but still i waited 3 months before filling in the form and spent a FUCKING FORTUNE on crap wine with a 1000% markup in rubbish restaurants...

would sir care to smell the PLASTIC cork?

or would sir like to taste the wine (from a bottle with a bleedin screw cap)?

its not got a cork it CANT be corked you rabid cockeyed arsemunchers!

*does breathing excercises*
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 17:43, 23 replies)

Hmm, booze licences
they should have them here.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 17:48, closed)

FUCK OFF!!

(lost, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:06, closed)

*clinks glasses with spimf*
I didn't know one needed a booze licence in Dubai...

Glad you have yours though. Red wine is a marvellous anti-inflammatory, decongestant, good for the heart, all round panacea. And it counts towards your 5-a-day ;o)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 18:43, closed)

It IS your 5-a-day..
They wont tell you this in the Sunday health supplements.. but a bottle of wine is a kilo of grape juice..
(lost, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:23, closed)

I drank..
..like an alkie in abu dhabi and it was about the same price as the UK. Is it different in dubai?
(inflateable, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 18:48, closed)

yeah if you have a booze licence
prices are similar to tesco in the UK

bars and restaurants are havin a fucking laugh
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:05, closed)

It can still be off with a plastic cork or screwcap..
..but plastic corks are just wrong and the mark of an ugly-tasting wine. Smelling the plastic cork.. WTF? However screwcaps seem fine so far; granted they've not been tested much with wine that can be aged beyond a couple of years.

I have to say, only ever being able to get tipsy when in a restaurant and buying pretenciously-served £15 plonk sucks balls.
(lost, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:04, closed)

it can be oxidised or tainted in other ways but it is VERY unlikely
corked wine smells like damp cardboard

normally fungi in the cork reacts with the yeast and sugars in the wine

if it doesnt arise from the cork it has to be from a wooden barrel - which is VERY unlikely, most run of the mill wines are made in steel vats these days

i'm not a fan of oaked chardonnays but the acid in oak actually prohibits the enzymes that cork wine

a nice Pouilly-Fumé that has been corked is more disappointing than a fit bird who has a muff like a ragmans coat :(

honest guv, trust me - i'm a wino
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:12, closed)

hmmm..
..my last job was as a "wine advisor".. although I didn't know much to start with and I was largely taught by colleagues. They always said that the likelihood of wine being bad (apart from just cheap and nasty) was about the same whatever the method of stoppage. I'll look into this now - I'm forever blathering on about wine to people and like to think I know my stuff, but often, I'm just drunk.. wino here too.
(lost, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:18, closed)

2,4,6-trichloroanisole
thats the bad boy

the closure (sorry its not called stoppage) is nearly always at fault. white wines suffer from fluctuations in heat and strong light but i have to say i have had a fair few corked whites in my time but NEVER a corked red - the tannins make it more robust

i have a very good nose apparently - i've been tested by various whisky blenders during my years spent marketing booze (blenders only nose - never taste when blending)

if fact i wish my nose wasn't so good - i can often smell when female colleagues are on the blob :(
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:27, closed)

ewwwwwwwww
just

eeeewwwwwwww
(man_d is being watched by experts on, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:31, closed)

its not a talent i relish i can assure you
hot day + slightly chubby bird on the blob wearing a floaty sundress = sweat,fish,yeast,rotten meat

i dont enjoy it
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:39, closed)

Me too
It can be useful to know when to be a bit more understanding but it's not pleasant being able to detect it.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 21:32, closed)

It's not corked!
That's how the wine got out of the bottle, and into your glass!

;)
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 23:34, closed)

.
a crappy bottle of wine in a crappy restaurant here costs about £15 min. I think I'd rather be paying that in Dubai from a substantial tax free salary than here on my pittance.
( Ramsay Tupper, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:38, closed)

so whats stopping you
you cant get decent staff out here for love nor money

what do you do for a living and where are you from (makes a HUGE diff sadly)
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 19:40, closed)

I've considered it for some quick cash having seen a friend do it..
..but no. I smoke weed, so no. Even if I decided to give up then they could find traces on my stuff in the airport. And I know how much they research backgrounds and monitor your internet. You have to watch you say in friendly conversations with passing strangers. The place sounds stifling not only in the meterological sense. Plus you have to look the part for Dubai and I never seem to look the part.. that place scares the likes of me - my old mate's tales of life over there really opened my eyes to the strange possibilities of collective human nature.. and mostly to the worst side. Then.. of course Britain is becoming a bit of a darkly surreal nation itself these days. Gordon Brown is so much of a cartoon character I'm wondering if I'll evaporate into the background with the sound of comical bassoons and techni-colour mouse laughter and then float into the credits. The world is weird. And I am rather pissed.
(lost, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 20:56, closed)

thats a lot of bullshit someones been feeding you
clean clothes and not looking like bob marley will see you whisked through customs no bother

no one checks your background, you can say what ever you like to passing strangers - just dont call anyone a cunt or give them the finger and your fine

its wise to look the part going through customs as i say but beyond

you'll need a blood test to get a visa - they check for aid's hiv, hep. thats it.

if your gay - just be reasonably discreet. there is a scene here though.

there is also:

all year round sunshine
no tax
no chavs
no knife crime
no fucker telling you not to smoke or make phonecalls in you car or any other nanny state bullshit

sure its a hassle getting somethings done and they love bureaucracy but its a refreshing change from the drudgery of the UK

there are also TONS of the most beautiful exotic women i have ever clapped eyes on

and you can smoke shisha mate - gets you absolutely BONGOED
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 5:34, closed)

I
Am seriously considering moving over at some point. I'm a little bit, er, corporate. Worried what it'd be like once the fact that it's sunny wears off.
( elgordo, Tue 18 Nov 2008, 22:46, closed)

Well,
Once the fact that it's sunny wears off, you'll realise that it's dusty.
And hot. And with a social dynamic between Emiratis and guest workers that makes you feel like an idiot for thinking that Bangladeshis or Pakistanis could be 'people' too.

On the plus side, it's a short trip from Beirut or Damascus so you can go somewhere far, far superior for the weekend.
(Edktstsss, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 0:24, closed)

you're also close to
oman which is beautiful

3 hours from goa, cairo, istanbul and india, sri lanka and a TON of other great places

mauritius is only 4 hours away and cheap to get to

its dusty in the summer but winter is coming in now and its lovely - every morning is like a fine spring morning in the UK then it gets spain/greece hot in the midday
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 5:42, closed)

Well that's me sorted then
Currently live in Hong Kong and wondered where to go next. Thanks for the advertisement!

I love HK for all sorts of reasons but Dubai sounds perfect.
(Mediaslut, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 6:01, closed)

Yay for Spimfy
Resist the urge to celebrate by getting shitfaced and shagging the missus rotten on a beach.

/click
(Que?, Wed 19 Nov 2008, 5:00, closed)