Bognor Station
As a train arrived, the tannoy spake thusly:

"British Rail would like to inform passengers that the train arriving on platform one is on fire. You are advised not to join this service".

I love the "advised" -- the final decision is, of course, up to you.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 15:52, 7 replies)

That's quite brilliant

( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 15:55, closed)

I like the calmness of the announcement....
Would have been a lot better with the thud of the microphone hitting the floor and a feedback screach punctuated by footsteps getting faster and ever more distant.
( tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 16:45, closed)

My favourite tannoy announcement; (Spoken in broad Jamaican accent)
"Due to an incident at Victoria, dis train ain't goin nowhere for a long while!"
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 16:49, closed)

Others I genuinely heard
On a particularly grim day at Portsmouth and Southsea:

"The next train to arrive on platform 1 will be the 14:20 from London Waterloo, and apparently it's pissing down there, too."

"British Rail would like to advise passengers not to feed the pigeons, as there's a danger you might cheer them up."

I think he was not having a good announcer day.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 17:02, closed)

I live in Bognor and use the station all the time
I genuinely heard once:
"could the platform attendant please stand by with the ramp for the incoming disabled person. Raspberry ripple!"
My wife and I looked at each other and wrote it off as imagining it. Weird!
(sunray18, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 20:29, closed)

Rhyming slang?
Is raspberry ripple rhyming slang for cripple?
(Woofie, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 20:43, closed)

Yeah
Most definitely! That's what made it funny and unpalatable at the same time.
(sunray18, Wed 27 Apr 2011, 21:10, closed)