My neighbour over the back has a garden full of fairy lights and statues of animals,
and brings his MAN FRIENDS there to sit and hold hands. It's quite pleasent really; it's just a bit odd to look out the bathroom window and see well - that.

My actual neighbour holds swingers parties every month or two. We think so anyway.
( stevierar, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 15:14, Reply)

Box Collection
There is this lady in my apartment community that is middle-aged and a bit eccentric. I have seen her collecting discarded cardboard boxes for the last several months. Every time I ask her, while she is parked next to the great big dumpster near my units, what she is doing, she tells me as if its her first time: Im getting ready to move.

The date of this move never draws nearer: it is ALWAYS two months away. 8 MONTHS after the first time she answered my query.

Her ENTIRE car is FULL of folded cardboard boxes. I believe she is trying to build a monopoly on cardboard boxes, either that or a new home.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 14:37, Reply)

SpongyMonkey
...please tell me one of them is called morpheus???
(Zutroy started without you, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 14:35, Reply)

WMcheesemaster has issues,
Like 'WMcheesemaster has issues,' my neighbour also likes to steal our garbage out of our bin, but instead likes to put it in her house as she is a horder.I take great pleasure in catching her stealing our garbage and making her jump.
Other than this she is pretty nice and has took possesion of the brick flower box which is on our property but we don't mind cos she plants nice flowers. She also has a lovely lil dog which we use to let in the house but we don't now cos its covered in fleas.
Our other neighbours are all great as well apart from the junkies living in the flats at the end of the street. It was on TV when they raided them :D
(purplefairy, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 14:04, Reply)

Mad and scary neighbours
My neighbours are bizarre: next door on one side I have a terrifying chav-tastic family whose kids are named after characters out of The Matrix (no joke) who swear at each other constantly in the garden - even their 4 yr old says the f word. The other side, the bloke there hits the woman every time Forest lose, so quite often...the piece de resistance is the woman next door but one who keeps putting her cat on my doorstep, ringing the bell and then running away. I've seen her do it from my bedroom window...
(SpongyMonkey is an honorary East Anglian on, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 13:59, Reply)

the ben....
you're a homophobic halfwit.
(InfiniteZenMaster, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 13:58, Reply)

gays...
my old next door neighbours were gay and used to breed cats, so i used to shoot the expensive fish they had in a massive pond. then the dog, named bindy, escaped into my garden, so i shot that too.
(the ben, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 12:55, Reply)

My neighbour's daughters...
... used to spit over the fence at me (I was about 5 at the time, they must have been 13 or 14) and my parents used to always tell me to give what I recieved, so I sat on a ladder and threw eggs at them. They moved out a few years after, albeit a little more ladylike than they were when they arrived. The people on the other side wern't that nice either, my frisbee flew over the hedge and they put it on their bonfire :-\
(geeker needs a new hard drive :-|, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 12:07, Reply)

Wanna live in a fancy neighbourhood?
I live in a complicated neighbourhood. Why? Because not that long ago it turned from one of the cheapest and seediest places to live in, into the zone where every high-profiled businessman, politician and high-society moron wants to have a home. This means the neighbourhood has ‘improved’ (sort of…) but it also means there’s a great deal of residents from the old days still stubbornly dwelling here.
What is so wrong with my neighbours? Well, let’s see:

- Multiple murders have occurred in the last years (specifically I remember one about a gay popular-song preformer being axed to death by his lover and a man who used a shotgun to kill his wife, daughter and cat, shooting himself immediately after);
- Several suicide attempts (one very notorious amongst the neighbourhood in which the man in question didn’t actually die the first three times he tried because he couldn’t quite get himself killed by jumping from his 4th floor apartment or the one about the girl who slashed her wrists twice or the guy who was found by his 12 year old daughter hung by the neck in his bathroom);
- We’re ‘protected’ by a guild of drug dealers who roam the streets but at the same time make sure no other ‘gang’ gets in their turf, so we even feel safe because of this (go figure);
- There’s a huge amount of immigrants living in bunches of up to 20 per apartment (imagine the noise) because the rents are astronomical and only gathering up can they actually pay. Among them there are Ukrainians who get drunk on Sundays and sing all day long at the top of their lungs, Brazilians who sit on the windowsills (legs on the outside) speaking on their mobiles with their families back home, local and foreign students (German, English, Brazilian and …whatever) having parties till 5 am (and they don’t even INVITE me), an African couple who have arguments so severe in the middle of the street that one day I saw the woman throw a pan of boiling water on her husband’s arm while their kids were screaming in panic zealously protected by a very young girl (I think she’s their aunt) who was trying to get them out of the way- of course, police and paramedics were involved;
- The owner of the market downstairs constantly arrases my mother (because apparently she’s one of the only women in the neighbourhood whom he hasn’t bagged (she’s 59 and he’s about 45);
- There’s an opera singer who rehearses on Sunday mornings, a cello player, a piano player and a saxophone player who practice with their windows wide open;
- It’s one of the few streets in the vicinity in which the traffic goes ‘up’ and so there’s dozens of cars going by all day and all night. Of course, this is an excellent excuse for fights among taxi drivers, lorry drivers and regular Joes (let me just mention one time I saw a man trying to defend his right to park in that extremely busy street with a HAMMER while his entire family – including baby- waited in the car, or the taxi diver running up the street crying for help while he was being chased by another driver after being punched in the face);

*Sigh* I could go on, because there’s a lot more (the pantless drug addict, the old ladies picking up fleas from each other’s legs during a freak infestation, the drunk who hid in your stairs and pissed in a plastic bag – which sometimes ruptured…

And why do the rich and glamorous want a home in this neighbourhood, you ask? I can’t tell you. Maybe it’s because you can see the river.
But I will say this: my house is worth a lot more now than it was when I was a child.
Which is good, I guess.
(Mikash, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 11:37, Reply)

murder and fire bombs
I used to live in the west end of Newcastle, lovely house and canny enough neighbours, on the left an Asian couple on the right a local family. Dad was canny enough gave us beer the first night we moved in and the like.
We first noticed something was a foot when a number of burning cars started turning up out side the house, oh strange. A few days later I’m reading the paper and a story about a 17 lad that was at his gf’s house and he decided to help him self to some cash, this was seen by the gf’s 8 year old sister, our hero, not wanting to be caught, stabs little sister 17 times and runs, this my friends, was my next door neighbour and the burning cars a warning from the girls family.
It got worst when some one poured petrol all over the front door and lit it (this was a terrace by the way!!) whilst my gf was in my house, pretty fucked up. It clamed down when the kid was locked up.
Big innit?
(In the guise of Chad Sexington, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 11:07, Reply)

The inbred Swiss
We had a "family" living accross the street, in a HUGE old house worth about 4 million buckaroonies, the (recluse) mother who we only ever saw peering out of the top window and the (mad-as-a-hatter) daughter, who used to
1) wear the most eye-popping arrangement of clashing patterned khaftan thingies with one of those desert stormer mullet hats
2) hum really loudly as she swayed up and down the street at all hours
3) mow the lawn in the middle of the night (for which you practically get the death penalty in switzerland) but mow around the clumps of wild flowers/ weeds,
then, 4), she met a rather strange young fellow who was half-paralysed and walked swaying in the opposite direction to her (we called them heidi and the tin man) and they had a lovely wedding ceremony in the middle of their clumpily-mown lawn which started at 8 in the morning with the local junior church brass band playing for them. They were astoundingly shite, and very very loud, but once we'd gotten over the burst eardrums and shock of being woken up by 'brass band pays selected hits like the rasmus and nickelback' we appreciated the novelty value of it and went over for some free champus.
(chesty, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 10:50, Reply)

ok here we go
Growing up in suburia, many neighbours ranging from psychotic truck drivers to a lesbien couple that fancied my little sister (she is 17).

In student accomodation, a bi polar girl from manc who loved the dirty dancing sound track on a sunday morning, and below me a crazy junkie that would wait until 5 am to come in 'drunk' and wake up the block.

In my student the neighbours didn't really bother us, a scary old lady with a black cat the size of a panther, she was ok.

Currently in the arse end of baravia,a girl, who I often see letting herself in and pinballing off the walls when i'm, on my way to work.

And finally upstairs from me, a quiet asian lad that has some very camp friends that 'like to dance' at 3 am.
(Bored, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 9:36, Reply)

MY neighbours
they are grade 7/8 on several instruments, and if we download anything, we are going to get disconnected from te internet, now
THAT's scary
(ameoba photographer for hire, cheap, see profile, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 9:08, Reply)

My neighbors are twunts
I live in an apartment with my girl,
All day and all night they fight, thier young son plays in the hallway. One night at 3am or so, they were at it again. At the time me and the lady friend were, "Getting busy" I got pissed off threw my pants on, walked across the hall, knocked on the door. The scumbag husband answered, and said "What the fuck do you want honkie?" He's from some country in the middle east so i assumed he wasn't accoustomed to our code of conduct in canada. I replied "Shut the fuck up!" and punched him right in the face.

Not a peep in two weeks.

Oh and i saw the guy leaving his flat while i was comming home, he had a bandaged nose, i said "Remember our little talk eh" and made a fist.
(Human, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 9:04, Reply)

(Apart from my last post!),I don't seem to have many problems with neighbours, but I do attract some dodgy housemates:
1/. I currently live with my over-emotional, borderline-psychotic boss. Not by choice, either, it's company accommodation.
2/. At uni, had a strange guy in the next bedroom. Never spoke to me, rarely saw him around the house.
Whenever my boyfriend & I would (quietly) start things up, we'd hear him open his cupboard and slide a box off the top shelf. We assumed it was full of porn.
Towards the end of the semester, my diary went missing. Looked everywhere, no sign of it, gave up and bought a new one. Also "lost" some photos, too.
This strange bloke went away to Melbourne for a couple of weeks, and wouldn't be back until after I'd moved out. He would also be moving out, so the landlord asked him to leave the bedroom door open, so that he'd know it was ok to show the room to prospective tenants.
So, I'm walking past, glance in, and notice something shiny and red poking out from under his bed. "MY DIARY!" I yelled to my boyfriend, who came a'runnin'. We found the diary, missing photos and miscellaneous pieces of my crap stashed under the bed ...
We also checked-out the alleged porn-box in his cupboard - it was full of regular textbooks.
3/. Living in (different) student accom. - 17 students. Two decided to date ... and shag regularly. In the room above mine. Accompanied by some ratshit song by Toni Braxton (the SAME frikkin' song, on repeat). At top volume.
Cue a volley of ceiling-banging/floor banging, until I went up and told them off, saying I had an 8am tutorial the next day.
Which I did ... but I never went to class anyway, so it wouldn't have mattered.
(Celerydemon, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 4:45, Reply)

A smack dealer...
...lives next door to me. Pesky bloaty-headed-skinny-bodied freaks walking up and down your street gets annoying. It's amazing how the Police battering your neighbour's front door off it's hinges early on a Saturday morning can wake you up.

I'm not a fan of fireworks and I don't think he is either after vaulting over some railings with a knife to confront the people who let some off late at night and woke their poor smackhead-to-be baby.

Then there was the time he broke the window of a passing car (I have no idea how he broke the window of a moving car) after she had hooted her horn several times at a rediculous hour in the morning.

To be fair, she was pissing me off too.
(Filthy Rich, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 3:11, Reply)

Just remembered this one...
I'm posting this on behalf of a friend who doesn't use B3ta.

We'll call him James, for that is his name. He lives in a very nice cul-de-sac in a four-bed detached house. Opposite is a house that was, originally, virtually identical to his own. The owner, a hotshot banker-broker-investor type, had done virtually every type of extension and upgrade imaginable to the house, from electronic gates to a swimming pool. Apparantly, he was trying to get the house's value up to an even million, which is quite difficult when he bought it for £400,000 and the area isn't exactly Notting Hill.

Two months ago, he packed up and ran from the nation. James knows this because he had a private investigator knock on his door, who had been hired to track down the geezer and hopefully the many thousands of pounds he owes to various creditors. (Private investigators are cunts, by the way. Imagine trying to intimidate someone by pretending you're as powerful as a policeman, without actually being one.) So yes, this virtually-million-pound property opposite James is currently sitting abandoned. Technically, if I squat in it for ten years, it'll become my legal property.

There's something surprisingly poignant about the whole thing. For this poor chap, success was obviously the worst thing that ever happened to him. Paradoxically, it put him on the path towards bankruptcy, and has cost him his good name, his house and any hope of reentering the real world legally. There's just this house, sitting empty, probably for years to come. Life, eh?
(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 1:44, Reply)

Just remembered Bernie
My father and I lived on the top (third) floor of an old house that had been converted to apartments. Bernie lived on the second floor. He didn't like any type of noise at all (hint: you live in an apartment, dickhead). He would complain that he could hear our dog walking around. But the weird part was when he called us to complain about the noise we were making, three hours after we'd all gone to sleep.

Once, Bernie's girlfriend stopped my dad in the hall and gave him a letter. He never said exactly what was in it, but the gist was that if anything ever "happened" to her, Bernie did it.

Later he got arrested for something involving an axe.
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 1:38, Reply)

how could they tell?
My mother had a pair of women living next door who were quite lovely neighbors except that they had two Rottweilers that barked all the time at anything. Nobody quite knew how to approach this problem as both women were deaf. Eventually it was solved when by some means they obtained a baby, because the barking upset the baby, which in turn made them do something about the barking. Then my mother moved away because some lunatics kept shooting random people at gas stations and the local Home Depot.
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 0:54, Reply)

My neighbours are lovely.
The ones who moved out were lovely too. Except for the fact that they used to have horrifyingly loud old people sex during which they would scream each others names. And their daughter would occasionally throw her mums fanny pads out the window at passers by.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 0:45, Reply)

rough neighborhood?
...no. I live in possibly the softest neighborhood on earth. Except for the one guy at the end of the street, who enjoyed semiweekly visits from the local constabulary investigating a "domestic disturbance." After a year of this I guess his wife got fed up with being "disturbed" by this lunatic all the time and moved out. So to get back at her, he set fire to his own house. And put bricks through all the windows of his Hummer. Eleven fire trucks took an hour to put it out, and the cops busted this idiot about two houses down the street. Given that, at the time of his arsonious escapade, he was already out on bail for the brilliant decision to smuggle methamphetamines into a police station, I'm hoping he won't be back soon. The burned-out house has sat empty for the last eight months and I think we all look forward to the bank foreclosing and tearing it down.
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Mon 29 Aug 2005, 0:41, Reply)

neighbours?

We don't have any neighbours.

We live in the country side and its fantastic.
(paranoidvisions only in it for the money, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 23:48, Reply)

You lot think
you have it so bad. You don't suffer compared to me. I have an itchy eye.
( Laughing Boy, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 23:24, Reply)

Not that scary
Neighbours at uni had many, many parties. During one of them my friend happened to look out of her window and saw two blokes from the party next door having sex against the lamppost outside our house.
(mw, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 20:18, Reply)

Mad Neighbour
Our neighbour opposite seemed quite normal at first, lived with her 16 year old son who was a nice guy. We went away on holiday and lent him our playstation and games. About a week after we returned a note was put through the letter box accusing us of corrupting her son with vile and obscene pornographic material. This turned out to be Tombraider. She also regularly screams at the kids playing out the back, the parents then come and hammer on her door and arguments/screaming matches result. She also accused the guy living underneath her of sexually assulting her - I think this was another one of her fantasys. The housing association have been trying to evict her for years but have never managed.
(monkeytrumpets, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 19:31, Reply)

No scary neighbours at all, actually
www.channel4.com/4homes/ontv/best&worst/best&worst_best.html

I love living in Epsom.
(The Machinist, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 16:49, Reply)

About a year ago
I was walking down Bassett Street in Chalk Farm (where I lived for 3 years) and I chanced upon a letter pinned to one of the trees in the street.

It began: "To that fucking piece of shit, I know that you shagged my sister and when I see you I am going to fucking kill you, you dirty..."

and continued in that vein for a whole page.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 13:39, Reply)

My neighbours were insane.
Not content with robbing bikes, car stereos, and dealing drugs, they had to sign for a parcel I had delivered an decided to keep the bloody thing. After being found out they tried offering us £20 (the stuff I'd ordered came to £50), a half drunk bottle of Jack Daniels and a letter that proved what illiterate scum they were. To prove their innocence and their anger at being 'treated like dirt' they trashed their house. The T.V. went through the window and screams of 'get my gun because I'm going to shoot them' could be heard. The polce came in riot gear beacuse thy actually thought he had a gun.

A week after this they set their house on fire. While their two year old son was still inside. Since then they've poured acid over the car, scratched the bonnet and smashed the windows. They were recently arrested for having just over 400 cannabis plants in house.

Strangely, people still ask me what promted me to sell my house.
(ladyremo, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 13:32, Reply)

I lived in a rough area of Newcastle some years ago....
....as rough as a really rough badgers arse that had been specially roughened by an arse roughening expert using a new extra powerful electric arse roughener in order to win some prize for roughest arse, pretty rough, you get the picture. Our blocks of flats seemed to have either old people in them or the most unpleasant scratters imaginable shipped in by the council as the wrinklies died off. One such young scamp was always up to no good, driving around at breakneck speed in various uninsured death-traps, playing tuneless drum and bass pap at mental volumes, generally being a turd whilst ripped to the tits on something etc. One November 6th my then girliefriend said that apparently the daft fuckwit had been firing fireworks from outside his front door in the general direction of our block but the only reason we had'nt been burnt to the ground was because he had only stolen (probably) shitty fireworks that didn't have the range he wanted. Murder you can maybe understand, people have motives and stuff, but random acts of stupidity like dropping stuff off bridges and what this utter utter wanker was up to that get people hurt...... words really do fail me. About 6 months later said tosspot disappeared after the police stopped his car and found a bootful of petrol bombs. Don't know how long he got but the thought of Mr Big in the local prison introducing him to the joys of Man-love and explaining to him that in fact he isn't the toughest kid on the block makes my little face light up with joy. Oh yes!


Apologies for sounding like a ranting "hangings too good for 'em" type politician in the middle there, but in his case, by the plums, using barbed wire, I think it was.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Sun 28 Aug 2005, 12:54, Reply)

Ive just rememeberd a few more
Last year I was in a student house and there was a young indian family living next door. They had hundereds of screaming tiny kids that would stand infrount of our front door and stare at it/us if we opened it.
The parents aparently used to argue lots before I moved in.
The mum used to hoover at 3am almost every day and the kids used to throw themselves against the wall that backed onto my friends room.

Still this was a bit batter than the girl that moved into the room next to me who had anoying loud sex with her bf. She used to squeak.
Not remotely erotic
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 12:12, Reply)