A one sided affair
I was never popular at school, if I'm honest. I was one of those oddball types who actually enjoyed learning, I was the kid who did his homework during lunch.

In short, I was, looking back, the ideal victim. Through secondary school my injuries included a broken nose, several cracked ribs and bruises so numerous that I would lose count a week or two after any school holiday was finished. I couldn't make it from one lesson to another without getting either physically assaulted (at least once per day) or getting verbal from someone as I tried desperately to be invisible as I marched through the corridors.

The teachers... Their idea of punishment when I couldn't hide the bruises, was to give any assailant a three day holiday, which as you can imagine, got round and only made things worse. Despite my parents best efforts after a particularly egregious assault, whereby my face was utterly pulped. Nothing changed, the school would tell them there was nothing they could do beyond suspensions... There are many days I wish I'd taken my step dad's invitation to go to the police up. But I like a fool didn't, trusting the teachers to protect me...

Then one day what little faith I had left in the system was utterly destroyed. One of the gangs that made it their mission in life to make mine hell jumped me just before the start of the school day. I'd like to say that I was trying to be adult in not retaliating and going to the staff, but it would be a lie - the fight had been beaten out of me long since. At the insistence of a mate who witnessed the end of the assault, I slowly made my way to the staff room. That was that I thought. Wrong.

The staff brought the Keith (for that was his name) and demanded to know what he thought he was playing at. He claimed I'd shoved his brother into a corridor wall with my bag before pushing him to the wall and in front of dozens of witnesses threaten to and I quote "fuck you up permanently". The brother and his mate were duly brought and they confirmed the story. I had a big bag at the time and readily conceded that I may well have barged past him at some point. At worst I figured Keith was about to get away with it yet again, but no. My head of year informed me, whilst I stood before him with several cuts and no small amount of bruising developing on my face, that if I couldn't find any proof that I hadn't shoved this kid, I would be permanently excluded, with no right of appeal. I didn't have a word to describe how I felt at the time, but looking back thunderstruck covers it nicely.

This same head of year was the person who had on no fewer than three separate occasions told my folks that there was no possibility for such a thing happening was now telling me this was precisely what was about to happen to me. Zero tolerance was the reason given. Again I'd like to claim that I was simply playing it cool, truth was I didn't have any words left. I went to my next lesson pretty much accepting that I'd not be in that hell hole by the weeks end.

As it happens my Spanish teacher after hearing what had happened went to bat for me, turns out it was her class that this incident occurred, together with his form tutor, who stated in no uncertain terms that both he and his friend were lying sacks of crap who would back each other up no matter what and who would whine and complain at the sound of a raised voice much less than a physical assault had said nothing to either, went to my head of year and put a stop to the process that was at this point half way complete.

But I never forgot and again when word got around, the bullying increased tenfold. They and I knew at that point I couldn't complain, that if I defended myself beyond trying to block their blows they could have me expelled. I'd like to say there was some happy ending, or funny comeback, but there isn't. About a quarter of the boys in my year who left at sixteen were in prison before they hit eighteen, a fair few died in car accidents a drug overdoses and me? Well I my life pretty much went from one disaster to another after that.

Apologies for length and lack of funnies.

(edits for loose/lose fail)
(the_leander, Sat 4 Aug 2012, 17:37, 103 replies)

All that schooling and you STILL don't know the difference between 'loose' and 'lose'?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 4 Aug 2012, 17:47, closed)

I'm totally blaming Androids auto correct feature for this
Though to be fair what it corrected wasn't much better...
(the_leander, Sat 4 Aug 2012, 18:12, closed)

Most bullying happens in schools because teachers allow it.
It doesn't have to be all the teachers, or even most of the teachers, but as long as there are a few cowardly shits on the staff who'll throw weak kids to the wolves to save their own skins, bullying will happen.
(ubergeekian, Sat 4 Aug 2012, 18:15, closed)

partly true but also
individual teachers are bound by each school's discipline policy, which believe me can vary massively. All it takes is one 'every child is a snowflake' cretin in senior management and the school culture is fucked.
(jennymnemonic, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 12:44, closed)

Dunno about every child is a snowflake
But the culture in my school at the time allowed for a GCSE English class to carry on through 2/3rds of the course without a teacher being provided.

Turns out at the time the fines were less than the cost of a teacher's wages. They only brought one in at the end so they could collect on the exam money.
(the_leander, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 20:44, closed)

Brave to share.
I hope you gained some catharsis by putting it out there. Bear in mind there are also bullies on here, be prepared to respond with EXTREME PREJUDICE :-)
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sat 4 Aug 2012, 19:20, closed)

Yup, I know
Trawling through the qotw archives it becomes pretty obvious. But honestly, what can they realistically do that hasn't been done worse by others? I'm not that kid anymore, I have a much better toolset to deal with such things. These days I just try to get on with it.

I do sometimes wonder though if I wouldn't have been better off in the long run if I had got expelled..
(the_leander, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 3:18, closed)

Schooldays........nightmare.
Just read your post what can I say,I suffered bullying in school but not as much as yourself,still was a nightmare never knowing what was gonna happen during the day,
Leaving school you think it would stop...no, even the workplace isn,t safe.
Then there's posting your thoughts and experiences on certain websites I,ll say no more.
(andycrass loves two hats on, Sat 4 Aug 2012, 19:22, closed)

At least you're not bitter about it.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 1:35, closed)

...whereas you're such a constant ray of sunshine and optimism.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 2:51, closed)

Really?
I thought she was just a miserable cunt.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 16:35, closed)

^^^ proper lolling @ both replies here
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 21:06, closed)

School is a nasty place. It has often been likened to prison, a sentiment I totally agree with. My kids suffered horrible bullying at school culminating with my daughter being thrown on the floor by two little shits and kicked repeatedly in the head. When the school did nothing (despite an alleged zero tolerance policy), I withdrew both of my children from the state education system in disgust and home educated them. Should have done it a lot sooner.
(Freakmandu, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 2:52, closed)

I copped a bit of bullying from Glen "Phlegm" Frahm but nothing like that.
So did just about anyone else he got close to except for "Crackers" who was as almost big as Phlegm but a lot more solid.

It's a bloody wonder your parents did not take legal action.
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 7:57, closed)

It's a bloody wonder your parents did not take legal action.
From what they said I got the impression that the school convinced them that the police wouldn't take it seriously and that they (the school) had effective disciplinary procedures that could and would stamp it out... Like me they were foolish enough to take them at their word.

Tbh at the time I doubt I could have handled the sort of stress a court case would involve. These days? Sure, a doddle, but I was pretty much a wreck back then. It also didn't help that after the third major incident, I started to actively hide my injuries from my parents, the only times they saw anything were when they left marks in places I couldn't cover up, such as my face, or forearms (short sleeved shirts).
(the_leander, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 9:05, closed)

The difference between state and public schools
seems to be that the bullies from state schools end up in prison, and the bullies from public schools end up in government.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 8:09, closed)

Neither groups want to read your book though.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 10:26, closed)

So your killer comeback
is that bullies don't want to read my ebook?

That's me told.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 10:37, closed)

Yep.
That blunt wit of batty has struck again.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 16:36, closed)

Ouch
It's rubbish when adults let kids down, but x1,000,000 when they are in positions of power and responsiblity. Hope sharing this has helped catharsise.
(McChinaman banned, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 10:59, closed)

Not alone
"I was the kid who did his homework during lunch"
I am sure that there are plenty on here who fall under that category. Glad you made it through the ordeal of childhood. What does not kill me ...
(justin(e), Sun 5 Aug 2012, 11:30, closed)

I Agree with you and Chinaman up there 100%
My lad went to supposedly a really good school and he was mercilessly bullied, in many ways like the OP. He's quite bookish and apparently this makes you a 'loner', as if wanting to learn things makes you weird... His year head was decent, but they said they were powerless to do anything. It made me so angry - and sad, as I'd see him each morning psyching himself up for the day ahead (he was eleven so in the first year of secondary school). Fortunately we got away and he's blossoming into a fantastic person, but it's this fear of litigation that ties the hands of the schools and is totally ridiculous (and a click from me OP - there's nothing wrong in trying to do your best).
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 14:23, closed)

Fuck
And I thought I had it bad
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 13:09, closed)

I reckon you might have been a snotty little wanker as well,
probably an irritating little shitbag.
Loads of people enjoy learning, and do their homework, and succeed and are a bit geeky without getting beaten up, maybe if you'd be more likeable eh?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 5 Aug 2012, 19:09, closed)

You sound great!
And not at all like a cunt.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 20:20, closed)

Most of those who did the beatings I'd never even spoken to, so I couldn't say.
But bravo on your victim blaming, perhaps you'd like to regale us with your views on rape victim styling tips next...

But seeing as you're here, tell me, when your school is handing out rewards such as 3 day holidays for attacking the geeky types (I was by no means alone in receiving this treatment) just what is being "likeable" going to achieve when someone wants to avoid taking a test, or is simply bored?

Answers on the back of a ten pound note to the usual address.
(the_leander, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 20:40, closed)

see, this is what i'm talking about,
i simply make an observation that it's possible that you being the bookish type may not have been the only reason for the beatings, and you start talking about rape. Talk about a victim complex, jeez.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 5 Aug 2012, 21:26, closed)

Ignored the question, continued victim blaming and justifying sustained abuse...
There's a shocker.

It's not a complex if you were actually a victim.

I'm curious as to why you feel the need to defend the right of bullies to abuse.
(the_leander, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 21:40, closed)

I'm not in any way defending what they did,
you've got straight on the defensive.
To answer your previous question, I was a fairly geeky, fairly chubby ginger child, pretty much fair game, but managed to get through school life with very little real hassle, where as other kids who were snotty little shitbags, who would look down their nose at the less talented kids, and were always flaunting about in lass like some sort of genius got some nasty treatment.
If you want to read in to my posts stuff that isn't there so you can carry on being the victim, go for it son, whatever makes you feel better.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 5 Aug 2012, 21:46, closed)

Defend was the wrong word and I retract it. Justifying it however is correct.
You start your post with suggesting I was a "snotty little wanker" and a "little shitbag"and you're surprised that you've been called on it? Really? Wow! Now who's being defensive?

What you've done there is firstly make a baseless assumption, not an observation. The clear inference from that being that I somehow earned my treatment. So despite your claims to the contrary, what you've written is nothing more than victim blaming and a justification of abuse and no amount of flouncing will change that.

Kids will single others out for any number of reasons, height, weight, hair, eye or skin colour, what football team they support, athletic ability etc etc This in of itself can be dealt with if effective disciplinary measures are taken, it stops when the threat of loss to the bully outweighs the potential gain. From the sounds of it, your school was capable of dealing with the worst excesses. Congrats. But if you look at some of the other posters on here, that clearly isn't always the case.

For the record, in my case it started out with not only moving to a new primary school a year before secondary, but also not having the money to buy the latest trainers, turns out that £20 Dunlop Wolves were not as cool as £130 Nike Air Max (this was back in the early 90's when they first came out). When it became apparent that on top of wearing uncool clothes that I was a bit geeky, enjoyed learning... Well it was pretty much down hill from there.

When there are no effective sanctions though, it will continue unabated. When you have a system that from the bullies mind not only encourages the behaviour but also promises rewards for escalating it (such as being given 3 days holiday - also known as a suspension), what might have been the "little hassle" that many, like yourself got will inevitably turn into what I did. As I said, I was by no means the only one on the business end of this, one poor fucker whose sole crime was being bit camp was literally driven insane in that place, the kid ended up in one of the few mental institutions still operating in the southwest at the time.

What happened to me and others in that school was due to the measures set down to stop such behaviour actually being seen as a perverse incentive, backed up with a willingness on the teachers parts to get rid of the relative handful of victims rather than the larger numbers bullies. For more modern examples of this behaviour, take a look at the way ASBOs are viewed by many tearaways.

You could have approached this any number of ways, instead you tried to put the blame on me, was I perfect? Was I fuck. What I was however, was utterly powerless to deal with what was being thrown at me and utterly screwed over by those who did have not just the power, but the responsibility.

And I think I'll leave it there.
(the_leander, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 22:57, closed)

some poor shit in my class got a similar treatment to yours - he was ginger, annoying, and a compulsive liar (not little or even remotely logical ones, either - apparently, he was training RAF pilots at the age of 14). Granted, he was a dick but I'm not sure he deserved to get beaten up on a daily basis, stripped and tied to the rugby posts, or have a knife held to his throat on the school field. I got invited to his birthday parties not for being his friend (I wasn't), but simply for being one of the few that didn't actively cause him any harm - which is, in retrospect, quite sad. Perhaps he was a "snotty little wanker" and an "irritating shitbag", but only a complete cunt would think that justified his years of physical and mental abuse.

On the plus side, last I heard he was working in a care home for the elderly, making a positive difference to people's lives, and was apparently (finally) happy.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 23:18, closed)

working in a care home for the elderly
Hmm!

Oddly enough, I'm looking to get into nursing myself, I wonder if there is a correlation between how people are treated as school and the sorts of jobs that appeal to them?
(the_leander, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 23:31, closed)

Rory is sooo going to think that it's me!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:00, closed)

see,
i knew you were a snotty little wanker.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 0:04, closed)

Got nothing huh?
Colour me surprised.
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 0:24, closed)

Simply substitute "I was a fairly geeky, fairly chubby ginger child, pretty much fair game, but managed to get through school life with very little real hassle" with "I am unable to appreciate that other people's circumstances, environs, and experiences might differ in any way to mine", and whatever it is that he fondly imagines is a point is rendered moot.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 0:35, closed)

True enough. I was hoping he might realise that not everyone's experience was like his.

I guess some folk simply never grow out of the mindset.
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 0:44, closed)

i think maybe you missed my point entirely.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 0:48, closed)

You had no point to miss.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:00, closed)

really?
Well, thanks for clearing that up.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:06, closed)

Oh, I'm very glad to be of service, but I get the impression that your gratitude is insincere. So far as I can make out, your solution to children being bullied is "don't be a snotty little wanker or irritating little shitbag, just toe the line and be 'likeable'". If pressed to elaborate upon why you believe this torrent of half-arsed shite should be taken seriously, you will explain that it worked for you. Personally. With your sample size of, well, you.

Glad we've cleared that up. Bullying shall no longer be an issue, now that you've fixed it.

Well done.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:18, closed)

learn to read you smug wanker.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 6:42, closed)

I linked you back to your own post, you depressing dullard. If you're trying to communicate an idea, it really is your responsibility to ensure that the things you write match up with the things you think - assinine as they are, I can only go by the words that you actually manage to mash out.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 9:44, closed)

right, so my experience is less valid than his or yours why?
I also didn't say I got off Scott free, a couple of beatings were handed down over time, but far less than the more irritating of my peers. Maybe if you climbed out of your own arse and were willing to accept that the entire world isn't after you just because some kids were cruel to you, then maybe you'd come across as less of an arrogant cock.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 11:22, closed)

Neither he nor I said the world is out to get us.
Looking back at it, it was simply a case of the brother covering for his sibling and the school taking the opportunity to brush the bullying issue under the carpet, which is a point that has been validated by both parents and other victims in this thread and on the bullying qotw multiple times. To help set the scene, this school had had to rebrand itself from a comprehensive to a community college because it had such a poor reputation locally.

But you carry on making your strawmen.
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 11:43, closed)

I never said I was bullied - it was another kid in my class, and he was not treated kindly at all. Looking back, I wish I'd tried a bit harder on his behalf, rather than just turning up and eating jelly at his birthday parties, but hey ho. Water under the bridge now. Also, I don't think my experience is any more valid than anyone's, yours included - the difference being, I'm not the one leveraging my own experiences to justify calling someone a 'snotty little wanker' and so forth, simply for having the temerity to receive a drubbing. If you're making a serious point, fair enough - but it does read (to me) as if you started a bit of trolling and have been furiously backpedaling ever since.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 14:11, closed)

It hasn't really worked for him, though, has it?
Because he comes across as a snotty little wanker and irritating little shitbag and not at all likeable.
(ubergeekian, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 18:01, closed)

look,
As I've already said, if you want to read in to what I've said as pro-bullying, and blaming you for what happened go ahead. That's not the point I was trying to make.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:10, closed)

Well, it's not a case of reading into it, it's what it is.
If it's simply a case of you not putting your point across clearly enough, by all means take another stab at it.

You had an easy out with my pointing to how the school dealt with it in terms of contributory reasons. Instead you've doubled down on me being the cause.

Either the treatment I received was justified, or it wasn't. One of those answers paints the person responding as a cunt.
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:17, closed)

you seem to be incapable of reading.
At no point have I said the bullying is justified, mereley that your own behaviour may have been a contributing factor. And to be honest, by the way you've responded to everything I've said, I'm inclined to believe that you really are a self important prick.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 6:45, closed)

He certainly isn't coming across as likeable here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 8:54, closed)

Shall we ambush him by the lockers and rub his face in dog poo?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 9:05, closed)

Really something.
The way you put some of your previous posts you most certainly did come off as implying that it was somehow justified. Your inability to express yourself in a reasonable, coherent manner isn't my problem. Personally I'm inclined to believe that the reason you responded the way you did was because you recognised your own behavior in what was being called out.

If you don't like the responses you're getting then take some of your own advice: Try being more likeable.
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 9:05, closed)

meh,
You can think what you like, just be aware that instantly jumping on the defensive every time someone tries to add their perspective to a situation, marks you out as a self absorbed, arrogant prick, who is either always right, or a victim.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 9:30, closed)

I can and I do
Perhaps if you had simply asked 'is it possible things you did might have been a contributing factor' you might have gotten a different response compared to the one you did. Trying to paint this as merely you offering an alternate perspective is a hell of a stretch though.

Like I said, your problem, not mine.
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 10:25, closed)

LAST WORD!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 10:27, closed)

You don't need to be annoying or anything else to be bullied as a kid
Just to be slightly different in some way to the percieved norm. I was bullied as a kid because i liked to read books and it took the form of mental and physical abuse. I didn't do anything to encourage the bullying but it happened anyway. Kids are cruel and just saying that bullying can be stopped by the victim changing their behaviour is demonstrating a breath taking lack of understanding of the issue.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 10:56, closed)

i bet you were fat too.
I never said bullying would magically have stopped had he been more likeable, merely that its possible that he could have made it worse for himself by being such a prick.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 11:18, closed)

Some amazing revisionism you got there.
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 11:34, closed)

I think you'll find
that yes you did.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 9:46, closed)

Shurrup an gimme your lunch money gingeswot.
Or you'll be getting another dead-leg.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 6 Aug 2012, 2:25, closed)

NEVER!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 6:47, closed)

*Dead legs*

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 6 Aug 2012, 19:47, closed)

.
You're a fucking cretin.
(Shifty weeeee, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 13:39, closed)

Trust me when I say
I think it's been a while since WP has seen a denomination greater than a silver coloured coin.
Most of the carers don't like the clients to have too much money on them in case they manage to buy too much time at the internet cafe during quality outings.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 0:58, closed)

alright ringo.
You weighing in as a white knight along with phantom?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:07, closed)

WP, how're you going me old
flatulent porcine specimen?
Nah it's just fun for me to watch someone like you give other people shit.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 8:09, closed)

Pretty good mate,
Got a short shift today, and then 2 days off. How's the antipodes?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 8:42, closed)

Raining in my part.
Day off due to the bairn being sick - 2 days of high temp & lots of coughing.
Skweeeeee - beer o-clock fer me!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 9:47, closed)

lucky fuck bag,
Still, I reckon I can get the stuf I need to do tomorrow done by 2, pub by 3, a dribbling wreck by about 9 and passed out on the sofa at home covered in takeaway by 11. I'm a classy gent and no mistake.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 10:47, closed)

On the positive side
Due to these times of austerity, chances are there will be a reduction in these outings as a money saving measure.
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:07, closed)

Cunt.

(EvilTerran rearranged his letters on, Wed 8 Aug 2012, 18:09, closed)

I always liked this answer
www.b3ta.com/questions/bullies/post422780
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 20:47, closed)

ooh,
that's a good one, rape and suicide is definitely equal return for bullying.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 5 Aug 2012, 21:29, closed)

Bang on in terms of dealing with the teachers.
But yeah, more than a bit uncomfortable at celebrating the bully's subsequent rape and suicide.
(the_leander, Sun 5 Aug 2012, 23:03, closed)

Meh.
I see nothing wrong with celebrating the death of an enemy of a family member. Fuck all that 'turn the other cheek' and 'forgivness' bullshit.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 6 Aug 2012, 2:07, closed)

I like that.
Bit long though.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 6 Aug 2012, 1:48, closed)

QOTW classic
Reading the winners from this week reminds me how QOTW used to be really entertaining. From the rape story to Mr Wallace and HankySpanky. Classic.
(justin(e), Mon 6 Aug 2012, 16:38, closed)

Bin there dun that.
T-shirt never arrived in the post.
Note stuj's input in both posts. Not important but it jumped out at me.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 8:21, closed)

I would like some clarification here please

"The teachers... Their idea of punishment when I couldn't hide the bruises, was to give any assailant a three day holiday"

But then: "My head of year informed me, whilst I stood before him with several cuts and no small amount of bruising developing on my face, that if I couldn't find any proof that I hadn't shoved this kid, I would be permanently excluded, with no right of appeal."

Something doesn't fit here. Did your school tolerate bullying or not? Either the teachers would have hammered justice down umpteen times for what you claim happened to you in the first instance, or they would have looked the other way and / or given you a 'three day holiday' for the second instance?

I'm sorry, but until that is explained I'm inclined to agree with the above comments regarding your 'victim complex'
(King Nightmare, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 9:02, closed)

A fair question
In the first, that's what they repeatedly told my folks - there was virtually no way to permanently exclude someone. Like the Capt Placid story linked to, they were big on buzzword laden plan involving at times the use of a timeout room for a few days so as to prevent them going around the school at break and lunch times, to suspensions being doled out with the more serious assaults.

When Keith did his number on me however that morning, the words timeout, suspension and exclusion featured nowhere in the discussion of punishment, only expulsion. Did they have a policy? Sure they did, it was even written in the welcome pack that was given just prior to me starting there. But that doesn't mean they followed it consistently however.

Consider that if they did follow it every time they would have had to remove 3 or 4 of the ringleaders to really stamp it out. That's an awful lot of black marks against them, enough perhaps that the local education authority might start paying attention if done at once or close together. Verses removing 1 person who up until that Spanish teacher and form tutor stepped looked to be bang to rights (the brother had a 'witness' don't forget) and would stop some of the pressure to remove the others.

Keith's brother was two years below us whereas the physical bullying I received was by people in my own year group (the only time older lads got involved was on one occasion where I was restrained so to allow the members in my year to take free shots).
(the_leander, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 10:15, closed)

It's frustrating to read stuff like this
and I mean this not as a criticism at all, this is a depressing story which is far too common, and I feel very sympathetic to you.

This may be pointless wittering, but anyway . . .

What is frustrating is that there is a pretty well tried and tested solution, but the people who would benefit from using it are usually the least likely to actually take advantage of it - again this is not a criticism of the poster.

When I was 12, just finished my first year of secondary school, my parents decided that life in the country would be better, and moved us from London to the sticks (somewhere in the Cotswolds). This involved a change of school, where of course my brother and I stuck out like sore thumbs, mainly because of our accents.

The first day we were there, there was a lot of curiosity. Some of it rather ominous - seems us interlopers were unwelcome by a few of the kids - which culminated in me being surrounded by 4 or 5 jeering kids during lunchbreak, intent on showing me that things in the countryside are different to where I came from.

This is, from what I can see, the crossroads where one way leads to being a victim. Acting on some advice that my Dad had given me not long before, I stepped forward and punched the nearest kid firmly in the face.

Now, I'd like to report that during the ensuing melee I Kung Fu'd and Karated the whole gang into whimpering submission, but in truth they gave me a good kicking. As with all school fights, this was 30 seconds of headlocking, with a few punches and kicks. It was all over by the time one of the teachers had got to us, and unfortunately he had seen me throw the first punch, and I was dragged off to the heads office and given a bollocking. That may well have set the tone for my subsequent very mediocre educational career, but that's a different story.

Point is, though the likely lads from class 2I never particularly liked me after that, none of them ever really gave me any more hassle. I was the cunt from London even 5 years later, but I was the cunt from London who punched people in the face if they threatened him. (In fact, that was the one and only time I ever punched anyone in the face at school).

That's what made the difference, I think. It's a real shame that this isn't understood by bullying victims.

I won't hesitate to tell my kids the same thing. Stop it before it can start. You might get a jab back, but it's worth the trouble.
(username failed moderation, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 9:54, closed)

I don't like to advocate violence but
when my lad had issues after moving to a school following a lack of effective action from the head teacher I advised him thusly : "If it happens again and is getting worse and they follow you (he was actually quite sensible and would try to walk away) hit the ringleader, hit him once but hard enough to put him down first time. Don't shout, gloat, or think you won't get into trouble, you will. I will be angry that you have resorted to violence but if it is your last resort I will support you completely."

It did, he did, I did. That was about five years ago and he is very happy at the school and is even quite good mates with the ringleader. Might have got lucky with the advice and clearly won't work for everyone (judging by theOP) but it just might.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 6 Aug 2012, 12:46, closed)

I'm not underestimating how difficult it is to
do this - if you are genuinely scared of someone, the idea of twatting them is probably terrifying.

It's just a shame knowing how effective it is, and how big a difference it can make to a miserable life, that it is so rarely done.

I'm not an advocate of violence either, but I can let this one go as it's just fighting fire with fire.
(username failed moderation, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 13:04, closed)

My daughters going thru a bit of a trot atm.
About 3 years ago (in pre-primary) this kid hit her with wooden block that she'd been told to tidy up by the teacher. Apparently he was building his fortress. After being admonished he told the teacher to "fuck off, cunt". Quote, unquote.
He got suspended for 3 days for that. Him and his older sister have been banned from the local childcare centre and the place they goto now for after school-care has both of them on a social contract.
There's been a few incidents in the last couple of years where he's singled my daughter out.
By no means constant for her but he does pick on other kids as well.
I've suggested to her on more than 1 occasion that if she were to thump him (she's physically bigger than him) I'd back her up all the way & that frequently this is the only way to get bullies to stop.
She's just not that type of kid.
It's a tough 1 - I suggested to the head that me and the missus have a sitdown with his parents. It seems they're not that fussed about his behavior *unless* he's about to get suspended/expelled, then they've got lots of excuses for why he's a little scrote. Every excuse bar the fact that they don't seem to want to take responsibility for their son or trying to teach him how to be a functioning member of the human race.
If I were 30 odd yrs. younger I'd have have that fucker bailed up behind the bicycle shed pounding his face till he cried. (Clearly no euphemism).
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 8:59, closed)

It's not a completely idiotic
idea to enrol her in karate lessons.

It's not primarily an exercise in teaching her to beat people up (although given enough time, she will learn that), it's a great way to give her the confidence she needs to stand up to bullying.

My daughter started when she was 4. She doesn't have any trouble at school, not because she's some kind of thug, but because she doesn't react at all to any threats from other kids.

Recommended - this works for any age / sex too.
(username failed moderation, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 10:43, closed)

I did a few years of aikido & judo when I was a sprog.
Like I said - she's just not that kinda girl.
Try and tackle her for the ball on her Sunday game however - you'd just better watch the fuck out motherfucker!
I'm her coach...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 13:12, closed)

Why not.
Anything that teaches her to defend herself can't be a bad thing. It really is as much about self confidence as it is kicking some big kid in the nuts.
(username failed moderation, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 14:00, closed)

I went through similar times
I was so relived when the bullies left - they were a year above me and there was a group of them. My four years of hell were over. I almost skipped into school the following september and life was great. For about a month. Then on one October morn, a little runt that had come into the school in the new first year, fresh in new trousers that he would grow into, and with a cocky grin that meant he had friends and relations to protect him, announced that I was 'dead' and that I was to fight him after school. This sent chills down my spine. He wasn't much, just a few kilos of puppy fat and an attitude he'd picked up from his....brother, older by about 5 years....I wasn't prepared to go through more so I went to the teachers and complained - as ever, to no avail. A few days later he came past me again, running into the changing rooms in front of me, a few seconds later returning with a plastic cup full of water which he threw over me, to antagonise me into starting a fight that would legitimise his brother's suspended aggression against me. I felt rage. I was 16 now, and it was time for it to stop. I was doing very well in CDT (craft, design, technology as it was more thoroughly known) and was part way through constructing my final project (an X-Y plotter based on a Lego version I had made the year before and programmed by a BBC Micro - I know some of you would appreciate the effort I put in there) and so would regularly have things in my pockets....this time it was a screwdriver. I grabbed that tool out of my pocket even before I knew what I was doing and planted it firmly into the top of his head. It didn't go in very far - something made me stop - but it stuck there, a few millimetres into his scalp. We paused, we were shocked....and then he cried like a bitch. I mean proper squealing. I thought that was it, the end of school, bullying, him...but the CDT teacher walked calmly past, pulled the screwdriver out of the boys head and sent him on his way....the whole thing was covered up. I guess I've provided a complete opposite to the 'screwed over by the man' story and there was no intention to the (now obvious but still tenuous) screwdriver in the head being screwed over by the man pun.....maybe we should have been given a question about bullying.....goes for a lie down.... *takes tablets and tries to forget*
(INGSOC Room 101 will be awaiting you on, Mon 6 Aug 2012, 23:21, closed)

*sympathise*
There's nothing like ineffectual teachers to make you lose all faith in life and humanity. My truest sympathies for what you went through - it shouldn't have happened. But the last place I would ever want to share something as painful as this is b3ta. The bullies that didn't end up in jail or die in car crashes grew up, learned Photoshop and are now at large on the boards of b3ta, scanning the posts for an opportunity to humiliate or irritate another user. By all means try to turn your story in to something positive for the kids of today, but throwing yourself at the mercy of b3ta users is more trouble than it's worth, and not good for your sanity. Good luck.
(protocoldroid, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:24, closed)

I think that if you
disregard the noisy troll, who does this week in, week out, the reaction is on the whole sympathetic.
(username failed moderation, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:05, closed)

I agree,
I've got to say that reading Windy Pigs assault made me rather angry and I felt sorry for the recipient of this vile, frustrated and ill thought-out Trolling. Then I realised he is Ginger and I felt pity so all was well.
(Master of Toss has piles, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:36, closed)

fair comment
I'm hardly on here but this just seemed to stick out. On reflection I'm glad to see the positive replies, but I still wouldn't advise baring one's soul on b3ta. There's always someone getting hit with big sticks over nothing. It's a bear-pit at times.
(protocoldroid, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:42, closed)

Given the low amount of replies this question was getting as well as knowing there had been steppings
I figured I'd take a punt, I wouldn't do this again in a couple of weeks based on what I saw in the run up to the break. Beyond Windy's contribution, tbh I think I got through this pretty much unscathed all things considered.

But yeah, not going to be doing it again any time soon.
(the_leander, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 23:01, closed)

I can imagine Doc Shambolic etc going
"But it's a comedy website! How dare you take offense to anything people say to you!"
(McChinaman banned, Wed 8 Aug 2012, 0:41, closed)

But Shirley that's the point
If you come here without *any* lurkage and jump in feet first then maybe fair-call on we should be more gentle.
However in light of all the sock-puppets (thnx Ignore 2.0 and steppings) I think you're just as likely to come across someone with their L plates who seems fairly aufait as a truly complete noob.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 8 Aug 2012, 0:04, closed)

In some ways
I actually agree with windypig...

Luckily i was part of the middle group in school - neither bully nor bullier. Saying that I never stopped the bullying, so i was as bad as I suppose.

Anyway, my point being, alot of the time the victims didnt do themselves any favours. In fact, I think sometimes they enjoyed the attention this brought. ( I know 'enjoy' is a stupid word, but understand the psycological aspect... helsinki syndrome etc) It was quite perverse I suppose. Adding that to the times where the vitims would sometimes cry wolf, would put the teachers into some tricky situations as to truth.

Also - when talking about teachers, Personally I didnt have any issues, bar one.. but I dont think that was down to me, more a general lack of attention towards our class. However some pupils had issues with the teachers - with genuine reason, because they were difficult with the teacher, lack of finished homework.. answering back.. late to lessons.. lots of other reasons... which in the overal perspective pushed them down the pecking order below the bullies... leaving them open to being skitted at.

To be clear - bullying is horrible, but in some cases the victims dont help themselves.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:38, closed)

You'd think it was obvious, but it isn't really.
Lots of kids are dickheads, that's pretty normal. But there's no clean dividing line between kids that are dickheads, and kids that are bullied.

A kid who is a dickhead doesn't really deserve to have their life made a misery any more than the quiet one who nobody takes any notice of. In my opinion, anyway.

I'm not sure the 'bring it on themselves' argument works. Bullies don't bully according to their victims personality, they bully solely based on the reaction they get.

If the reaction is tears and fear, they carry on. If it's a kick in the bollocks, they'll move on.
(username failed moderation, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:51, closed)

True
But unfortunatley, at that age, very few children make the connection between kicking in the bollocks... and preventive measures.

Instead they fuel the fire by doing what kids are meant to do when they are scared... cry.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 13:44, closed)

To be clear - bullying is horrible, but in some cases the victims dont help themselves.
Looking back I'd gladly concede the point, if I knew then what I know now, most certainly I'd have handled things differently. For starters I'd not have been the lazy git I was in the last year of primary school and taken my teachers advice and done the 11+.

I wouldn't simply try to do my best impression of a hole in the air when coming up against the bullies or really any form of adversity. Avoidance simply doesn't work. I would have told my parents what was going on every time something happened... The list could go on for quite a while hehe.

But that comes with the benefit of eagle eye hindsight under the heading of "if only".
(the_leander, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 22:56, closed)

Wrong
I find it amazing how some people are completely devoid of compassion and the blatant obvious facts staring them in the face. Children are children; impressionable, gullible, stupid and thick. They need to be taught knowledge and more importantly learn social skills. That's one of the reasons why they are at school.

To say that some children encourage bullying is completely ignorant of the child’s up-bringing, psyche, predicament and environment. Anyone who says this must know that they are unaware of how the child operates on a conscious level, so simply cannot judge the child. No-one would encourage bullying and to say that some enjoyed it may even expose the person saying this as having a supressed or dormant perversion toward bullying.

And by the way I wasn't bullied but I did see it happen. Fortunately at my comp we had an excellent headmaster who looked like Vincent Price and any bullies got fucked off quickly. Also most of the kids came from estates and had lots of big friends from all corners (including me) so the bullying wouldn't continue long because people would start getting stabbed outside the school.

I just hope for a future when teachers are re-instated as almighty totalitarian giants of society and can give teenagers a clout and lock them in a cupboard.
(Master of Toss has piles, Wed 8 Aug 2012, 15:06, closed)

AND I bet your dad made you wear some smart trousers to a christening as well.

(DefinitelyNOTAmorousBadgerOhNo, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 23:55, closed)

I thought I had it bad.
And I did. Bullied, unpopular, red headed stepchild, no girlfriends, etc, etc, etc.
Finally abated a bit when I fought back and punched a low rung bully in the face. Still it was hell both at school and at home.

I may be a little fucked in the head, but I moved to the other end of the country, had a good time in college, and am largely successful (worked at some famous companies, current one is very famous and treats its employees well), married, have two boys, loved and respected by many.

Did I contribute to the bullying? I think not, most of the cool kids had a stable household. Bullies would pick on the mentally handicapped. There was no real gray area I could see, just cool kids, normal kids, the bullied, and assholes.
( I smash things in my sleep uruk-hai ...and I'll look low. Now where'd they go?, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 23:59, closed)