That girl at the nightclub...
The one that's slightly tipsy, and sitting on my lap all night?

She's really only good for one thing. And I genuinely mean that.
(Floz Nietsnezolf doesn't have photoshop, Fri 1 Jan 2010, 22:30, 4 replies)

women on the internet
don't pretend to be young gay men.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 1 Jan 2010, 21:52, 1 reply)

in our house..
I go for the record breaker of farts, as in how long I can keep the percussion of the flatulence going like a fading drum roll. She just goes for the silence death of the smell.

In other words women are sneaky, whilst men are musical.
(wobbler, Fri 1 Jan 2010, 19:28, Reply)

Women's faults are many, but us men have only two....
...everything we say and everything we do! :o)
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Fri 1 Jan 2010, 17:14, Reply)

Men make television watching too complicated
I just wanted to watch a DVD.

So I had to turn the DVD player, the TV and the amp on.
I then had to turn some dial on the amp until it said DVD and then I had to press a button on the remote until the picture came on the TV.
Then I had to turn a dial on the remote until I found the bit that operates the DVD player.

And it still didn't fucking work because the amp crashed!

Men make it all to complicated.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 1 Jan 2010, 15:19, 12 replies)

The two most sexist statments I ever heard
were from my parents.

Number one - when I was still with my husband and he was a cheating fuck, my mum told me to get pregnant (secretly, which would have involved not taking the pill and not telling my husband I was doing that) to "calm him down".
Number two - my dad told me not to get a tattoo (I was thirty at the time and husband has finally left, thank fuck) because "No nice guy is going to want you with a tattoo. What if you meet someone nice who likes you then discovers you have a tattoo and doesn't want you anymore ?"

These two statements imply alot about both of their views about men but I suspect the ideas say more about them as people.

FWIW, didn't get pregnant (just horrified at her suggestion) but did get the tattoo. Twice.
Got a lovely man who doesn't like tattoos (not that he can see them ;) ) but likes me just the same.
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Fri 1 Jan 2010, 12:37, 5 replies)

Er.....
That all men are twats.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Fri 1 Jan 2010, 12:21, 1 reply)

Old women
now some of them are the lovely nan types but others have this completely horrible attitude.
They're just so rude. For example i'm a shop assistant and some of them will just throw their money at me, snatch their change and leave without so much as a thanks.
(stitched, Fri 1 Jan 2010, 12:11, 5 replies)

I really wasn't going to post anything on this, buuuut....
Last night, I noticed an odd divide between the chaps and ladies at a party. The majority of the ladies, it transpired, had the greatest of difficulty in grasping the idea that 2010 was the start of a new decade, many insisting that it shouldn't start until 2011, while none of the chaps had a problem with the original statement.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Fri 1 Jan 2010, 9:18, 34 replies)

An inability to make up one's mind?
I am a lady myself, so I guess this statement is made with extreme prejudice, but I have dated my fair share of lasses, and I do know a few of the things that piss off you men from first-hand experience.

In my experience, women NEVER seem to know what they want. They may think they do, and they may tell you they do, and they may even convince you they do, but it's inevitably an evil trap! They follow this up by suddenly being a) unsure, and/or b) pissed off at you for not being able to accurately guess what they ACTUALLY want. Even though they don't know, or won't say. Drives me mad.

There's a quote in the movie Sliding Doors (a fairly revolting movie, but still, the sentiment is good): "We're women! We don't know what we want! That's what makes us so facinating! And terrifying." Too right.
(BlackArmadillo Avoided writing that article on, Fri 1 Jan 2010, 7:03, 4 replies)

happy new year, bitches.
Woo, first post of 2010. may your year be blessed and productive, etc. Now come to cape town and spend all your money. Now, if you'll excuse me, i'm off to get paralytic.
EDIT: i'm 2 hours ahead, does that count?
(Tiktock Beating off flamers with a shitty stick, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 22:45, 3 replies)

I can mention one that I DON'T think is true
Male nurses.

In one of my nursing classes, somebody mentioned that men shouldn't be nurses, because women 'might get embarrassed'.

What about the men who have to deal with female nurses washing their bits?! I know this doesn't happen all the time, what with male nurses, auxiliaries and care assistants, but how the fuck would a male nurse be any less caring and efficient?! I have been at the mercy of a few male nurses, and they were brilliant. And of some fucking terrible female nurses, like my last op. I've complained to the hospital, they were that fucking bad.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 22:12, 8 replies)

Playing the gender card
During the hype of the US presidential election of 2008, a few minor elections happened in my state. Though not nearly as "colorful" as the presidential election, the race for our state senator was moderately interesting. In one corner, we had the republican: a white, mildly conservative man. In the other corner, we had the democrat: a white, environmentalist, pro-choice woman, who, according to some, was desperate to win the election after losing to another republican two years previous.

My vote was with the democrat (as I am one blah blah) for the majority of the election until one day when I noticed something peculiar in my family's mailbox. Around election time, the ratio of election junk mail to legit mail nears that of catalogs near Christmastime, so I wasn't surprised to see four letters from the democrats attacking the republicans and two letters from the republicans attacking the democrats.

I was, however, surprised to see three duplicate mailings lauding our democrat. Apparently, my brother and my father weren't important enough to receive these mailings as only my mother, my sister, and I got them. These lovely, shiny postcards boiled down to: "Linda Stender worked in a flower shop with her mummy when she was little. Because she worked in a flower shop with her mummy when she was little, Linda Stender has the leadership and the drive to make a difference in the US Senate. A vote for Linda Stender is a vote for flowers." Sent to every woman in the state.

Length? About four inches after I ripped that postcard up.
(StarryWisdom, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 21:59, 1 reply)

Money
They want it, and we got it, and we share it, but why the evasiveness if we run out and ask for a bit back?
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 21:18, 1 reply)

Sexism and the twilight years
After many years of being on my own out of choice I have taken the plunge and embarked on a new relationship.(a bit scary when you are middle aged)
My dad died when I was young so I was dragged up by my mum who made me read Kate Millett, Germaine Greer et al. She also taught me to open doors and walk on the outside to protect against puddle splashes.The two are not mutually exclusive.
The new partner and I have discussed equality and are both aware that Men and Women are not equal but have different skills and strengths.
What got me past the second date was opening doors walking on the outside etc. oh and not pouncing.
It hasn't demeaned either of us.
Respect is probably the keyword rather than Equality.

Length apparently I don't need to apoligise (Just to prove I am a bloke)
(johnners hitting things with hammers until they work, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 20:42, 2 replies)

Farting.
The trouble and strife is a nightmare. When I fart she looks at me like I'm scum and tells me how disgusting I am. Whenever she farts it's always SBD so the first I know about it is either an unearthly stench or the sound of her uncontrolled giggling.

When I do it I'm a filthy pig but when she does it she's a comic genius!
(robbersdog, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 19:58, 3 replies)

Am I less of a man?
I have always had a number of close female friends. My wife is very tolerant.

On the plus side, when you are friends with women, you get to sit around and hear there tales of seduction and other men's sexual inadequacy, which is always entertaining. Few things are better than hearing that one of your big-talking lothario pals has a tiny dick, shoots too soon, or is otherwise lousy in bed.

The weird thing is that being able to make friends with women is considered a little queer. One particularly sexy friend of mine told me I am "in touch with my feminine side" and told a friend that it was ok to speak freely around me because I was "one of the girls."

No one would mistake me for gay: I am married and have three kids, over six feet tall and hairy (I was told I was too scruffy to appeal to boys). But it has something to do with not conforming to a narrower "lad" stereotype of what it means to be a man, or a "jock" in North America. I don't give a fuck about sports, and I like books and music.

What I don't understand is why it is considered more masculine to sit in a lockeroom with a bunch of naked men talking about blowjobs than it is to be the one man in a room full of women talking about blowjobs.

But there you go.
(TommyShanks, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 19:32, 5 replies)

I like holding doors open for both men and women...
...particularly when they're just a little too far behind you and have to do that comedy little jog as they feel bad about holding you up.

With women you get the added bonus of a jubbly jiggle
( pixel_fucker is going to need a bigger brush, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 18:25, 8 replies)

Family Advice
I am a girl-person [*gasp!* On the internets! The horror!] in her early-mid-twenties and, appropriately for the Christmas season, have recently had to endure my elderly [and not-so-elderly]female relatives nagging on at me to move out of Singletown and settle down with a man [not even a ‘nice young man’, just any man] and pump out a few kids before I dry up entirely.

They then went on to analyse my many problems which make me unattractive to men:

- I am too highly educated [I'm not, I went to a decent uni and got a not-terrible degree]; no man will want a woman who has higher qualifications than he has. I pointed out that there are plenty of men with equal or higher qualifications than me, but was reminded that they will all be undoubtedly too good for me and I should aim lower.

- I have too many friends; which is apparently intimidating to men, and also means I have too little time to find a man

- I don’t know enough people [yes, this was said right after they moaned I have too many friends]

- I’m too fat. Well, yes, admittedly they have a point here. I am fat. But in the last half of 2009 I lost 4 stone, and even managed to lose a pound over Christmas week. I am under no illusions that I’m attractive, but I’m trying my goddamn hardest to get healthier. It seems though, that trying to achieve a goal isn’t good enough, and my female relatives believe I’ll be worthless until I reach said goal. Lovely.

- My standards are too high. One of my aunts pointed out that fat chav girls have no problems finding men to stick it in them, as proved by the high numbers of fat chav girls that have produced crotchfruits. I pointed out that I wouldn’t want any man that only wanted a cheap fuck. Apparently, this is an unacceptable viewpoint to my female relatives.

- I am apparently too masculine, in that I don’t like soaps, Heat magazine, designer fashion, X-Factor, high-heeled shoes, cocktail bars, Cheryl Cole etc. And I DO like sci-fi movies, Led Zeppelin, watching stand-up, jeans and trainers, rock bars and jack and coke etc. This makes me very unattractive to men as they won’t like me being so ‘ungirly’.


All in all, it was a hideous time for me, with my self-confidence torn to shreds at the hands of the women in my family. I escaped to the kitchen, where the men were on their second round of the buffet lunch. They asked why I was upset so I explained that I was too fat, ugly, intelligent and unfeminine to ever get a man and I should just give up now.

From the men in my family came words of encouragement and support. They congratulated me on losing weight, I got genuine support on my efforts to further my education through the OU. They told me to enjoy my friends and not to hurry or worry over such unimportant things as marriage and kids when I’m only 24.


What I’m clumsily trying to illustrate here is that quite often the gender roles and pressures are applied more strongly by our own gender, than any ‘sexism’ from the opposite. And, rightly or wrongly, I’ll follow the male advice and enjoy myself, rather than fretting and trying to be something I’m not, just to tie myself into an unsatisfying relationship with a man who wants a pretty, stupid, girly girl, instead of ME.
( Seventh is somewhat subdued, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 17:47, 31 replies)

Brilliant sketch.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EElqrgk4N0

Also, lasses can't throw and southern women need to stop getting so offended when men call you "love". It's not degrading, it's just being friendly.
(Hitler's other ball. R soul., Thu 31 Dec 2009, 17:39, 1 reply)

How sexist Tennessee is
SLVA asked this earlier and several people seemed to get upset. It is case law in TN that the mother gets custody of the children in a divorce. My ex-sister-in-law was awarded custody of my nephews AND all charges (prostitution, possession, possession with intent to sell, etc) were dropped because the judge said "your kids need their mother right now." I live in a fucked up state where any woman, no matter how bad, will be treated like princesses if they have kids. Oh, and after she was arrested SIX DIFFERENT TIMES for the same offences, my brother was awarded custody and is the inspiration for me to be a good dad.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 17:19, 1 reply)

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?












Aww, don't you worry your pretty little head about that love, it's a bit technical, you get yourself in the kitchen and sort me out a cuppa and I'll get on it when Match of the Day's finished. There's a few dishes in there as well if you want something to do whilst the kettle boils. Cheers pet, 1 sugar please.



Oh and how many times do I have to tell you, don't wear those pants - they make your arse look fat.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Thu 31 Dec 2009, 15:55, 4 replies)

Learned or Innate?
My 4 year old nephew Benny was over for a visit recently. He has been raised by his mother only, as his father decided kids weren't for him, and disappeared early on, so you would expect him to be raised with neutral or maybe even slightly feminist tendencies. But as we were roughhousing on the couch my fiance comes over and sits next to us and Benny shouts "You can't sit here, this is for guys only!"
Well ok, she thinks, it's probably just some game he wants to play. Can't hurt to play along can it? So she goes across the room to sit in a chair.
"No, you can't sit there either, that's for guys only!" He blurts.
No problem, she goes into the next room and sits on the stairs facing us.
"You can't sit there either!" He delightedly squeals.
Still not sure at what he's getting at my fiance asks "Well Benny, where do girls go?"
Without hesitation he says "The kitchen!"
(opiska, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 15:27, 1 reply)

We are different, deal with it.
I think that people get the term 'equality' confused. They think that means that men and women are equally good at all things.

My Missus is a strong, intelligent and confident woman who has been very successful in her career yada yada yada, but can still be a complete and utter bird. She loses her keys every 5 minutes (left in the front door mostly), is a right spaz when it comes to technology and can't throw for toffee. Me on the other hand, I forget to do something even though I have been reminded 5 times, can only focus on 1 thing at a time and have no idea when anyone's birthday is.

I accept this, she accepts this and we get along perfectly. I generally do the bloke stuff (handle the finances, do most of the driving and put the bins out - when I don't forget to - which is most days) and she does the woman stuff (remembers everyone's birthday, knows where everything is - except her keys, and chooses what sofas to buy).

This does not make me better than her or the other way round, it just makes us different. There are exceptions to every rule but generally men are good at manly stuff and women are good at womanly stuff. I suspect that if this was not case the human race would be screwed.

I am sure it all comes down to nature. I am at the age where I have small kids and so do many of my friends. In the main, the boys tend to be loud little hooligans who like to break things and the girls tend to be quiet and like to draw. OK, there is the odd exception like my mate's little boy who is obviously gay, but other than that they pretty much go to type.

Anyway, have a good new year everyone!
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 14:57, 2 replies)

I think sexism is underated...
I mean we all do it...yes even you, the smug git at the back....it's usually a bit of fun and as long as you don't take it too far and the recipient has a sense of humour, it passes the time.

HOWEVER, in a remarkably contradictory fashion I am wound up regularly by double standards in advertising/commercials...

It seems 2/3 of ads (at least in the UK) are of the "ooh my husband is such a cuntbeak, he can't even do the dishes without resulting in a trip to A&E!" variety. I can only remember the Yorkie ads ever being 'brave' enough to poke fun at females, and even then they obviously thought they had to be overly tongue in cheek so as not to cause a riot.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 14:51, 4 replies)

Re: Sexual equality -
I don't want to be sexually equal with men - why would I want to lower my standards?!

And as an aside; I agree with all the posts on here about the awareness of ribbons - there are loads for Breast Cancer and Cervical Cancer about (which is a good thing), but which also means that the male cancers get overlooked. Please guys, check yourselves and get advice - my father-in-law died at the age of 59 from Prostate Cancer. Better to be embarrassed than the alternative, I think you'll agree...
(surfergirl is riding the wave of luurvveee, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 14:23, 3 replies)

Ladies, I understand this is a difficult QOTW for you,
so put your knickers on and go get me a cup of tea.
(mrmonkfish yolo420weedwizard, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 11:15, 1 reply)

Women and their weight
I've noted that women will spend huge amounts of time discussing how much weight they've put on, the emergence of bingo wings, which item of clothing no longer fits them (including an entire narrative of where they bought it, who with, what they were wearing at the time) and will mournfully console each other about how hard it is right before they collectively dive in to a tin of Quality Street.

And leave the fucking Chardonnay alone as well.
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 11:00, 9 replies)

Birds are hypocrites
For example: If I went for a pee and didn't wash my hands afterwards you'd say "that's disgusting" yet you'd quite happily put it in your mouth. For the first couple of months.
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 31 Dec 2009, 10:51, 13 replies)