My sex misconceptionsFreddy Woo writes, "aged eight, a boy from my class told me everything these was to know about sex: male prostitutes are called destitutes and women use tampons to stop men sticking their willies up them. Also, women pee out their bums, something I didn't realise was wrong until I was about 18 and my first girlfriend looked at me aghast."
Share everything - Uncle B3ta wants to know.
zero points for conception/misconception jokes
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chthonic, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 15:54)
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SEX MAKES YOU PREGNANT!!!111!!eleventy one!!!Mythconception. Maybe it does when you're 17 and paranoid. When you're in your thirties and your biological clock is ticking like a Death Watch beetle, all the semen in the world doesn't seem remotely interested in getting anywhere near your cervix. The sperm are half-heartedly swimming in circles thinking "can I be assed to go further? Can't we just mill about here enjoying the ambient cosiness of the vagina?"
They don't tell you that in school. They imply that if a boy breathes on you intimately then you'll be with child. They don't tell you about windows of fertility and ovulation and cervical mucus.
I steal children instead.
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crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:09,
8 replies)
Do you eat themor just throw them hard at trees?
(, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:11, closed)
I keep them in my cellarthey perform menial tasks for me on Thursdays when I'm busy being naked.
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crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:12,
closed)
Do they shit on your chest on Saturdays?If not, do you need someone to do that?
(, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:19, closed)
I've made people pregnant...Just by looking at them. I have a potency level in the next stratosphere.
I also only produce beautiful blond haired, blue eyed, High IQ Aryan master-race children
Makes me shudder to think of the amount of perfect cock cream I have wasted into tissues when I could have sold it to desperate couples and had an army of pooflakes takinover the world...hey ho.
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:16,
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are you free next weekend?I think I'm ovulating then. If you're busy, just send a jar in the post or something.
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crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 16:22,
closed)
Can you imagine...the love child of CHCB and Pooflake?
Holy B3tans, Batman!
(, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 18:40, closed)
I hope it has his face,my legs,
and a combined superlove of puns.
And will be born to the strains of Stan Ridgway's "Camouflage".
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crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 25 Sep 2008, 19:30,
closed)
^Then maybe he'll grow up to be an awfully big marine.
Who makes god awful puns.
A bit like Arnold
(, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 8:30, closed)
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