Her execution was great, but assumption of the results was misconceived.
After four years with my ex, things had got a bit flat in all aspects of our relationship.

I was fed up with her being there all the time, our sex life had gone down hill, frankly we were on the road to nowhere.

But, in one desperate final attempt to give us a kick start, she put on an extra special effort in the bedroom.

I came home to find her sprawled on the bed, in stockings, suspenders, long boots, the full works.

She had silk scarves draped over her body.

I stood, I stared, my heart was thumping, my dreams were about to come true.

'Tie me up' she breathed huskily.

So I took a scarf, and gently tied it round her right wrist and looped it round the bed post. My breathing getting heavier and my nerves tingling as I knew my moment was coming.

Then I tied her left wrist to the other bed post. She was moaning and writing.

I tied her right ankle to the foot of the bed, my heart nearly leaping out of my chest. I had dreamt of this for years.

I finally tied her left ankle, she was there, spread out, tied and helpless

'Do what ever you want' she said...

...and I fucked off to the pub for a quiet beer without her nagging.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 18:09, 6 replies)

Oh dear
I was actually getting quite aroused before I hit the punchline.

I even had a real belly-laugh.
And even a mild spaff
( squirrels emit silent screams has updog, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 18:15, closed)

Excellent...
...but Jim Davidson's had this one in his routine for twenty years now. Unless YOU ARE JIM DAVIDSON.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 19:22, closed)

Ha...
I think I first heard Bob Monkhouse tell it, but yeah, its ancient.

Although I did nearly change the punchline to '...so I raped her sister' but that was a step too far, even for me.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 22:22, closed)

Davidson...
...would sometimes change it to "so I slammed her tit in the car door"

Lovely chap.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 10:06, closed)

Bloody hell, that one's got cobwebs on it it's so old!

;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 1 Oct 2008, 20:02, closed)

You should have
picked up someone more attractive and brought her back for a shag while you were at it.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 1 Oct 2008, 20:34, closed)