c-hunty!
As a youngster, we used to bathe in the river of wrongness surrounding a youngster by the name of hunty. He was a fiery haired fellow, from a nearby school, who had done a wrong deed whilst partaking in a primary school youth-hostelling visit. The story goes thus...It was a youth-hostel with an outdoor shitter, it was the last night of said visit, and hunty wakes up and needs to go...and when needs must, what does a young boy do? Upon the realisation that he was the only one awake in the dorm of 6 boys, he feared for his safety, and decided to try and wake one of the other boys to escort him to the shitter. This plan was flawed, he was unable to rouse any of his classmates from their sleep. Gripped by pure fear, he decided to do the unthinkable. Grabbing his parka from the hook in the corner,and lying in on the floor next to his bed, he proceeds to curl one out into the sleeve, and use a dirty sock to wipe himself. When the deed was done, he left the parka on the floor, ready for the mornings departure. Relieved, in more sense than one, young hunty tucked himself back into bed and nodded off. Early the following morning the boys in awoke to a hideous stench, after all it was summer, and each gets ready anxiously awaiting the inspection by the teacher before leaving. He is also greeted by this unholy stench, but must have obviously passed it off as a "scent of the countryside." It was only when the boys grabbed their coats to leave that the truth reared its ugly head. The lads picked up their bags and were putting thier coats on, when it dawned on huntster that he'd shit in the wrong coat in error. The was little he could do, but watch in horror as his friend discovered the lump of shit in the sleeve of his coat, in front of his fellow classmates and teacher. Apparently he cried like a baby! Needless to say, hunty was most unpopular,and i bet parents' evening was a bit special! 12 years on that story still follows him around, like the stench of a ripe shit in the sleeve of your parka!
(madamebonsoir, Fri 7 May 2004, 23:18, Reply)

I have too many poo stories!!
This is possibly an urbal myth but one of my friend's friends had persuaded his girlfriend to give him his brown wings (heehee). All was well until he got home and noticed a swelling under his foreskin.

Twas a kernal of sweetcorn!
(Bunnygirl, Fri 7 May 2004, 23:09, Reply)

Terminology
Thanks to the 3 year old son of a colleague of mine, I now refer to painful bowel movements as a "crocodile poo."

Because they are bitey, he explained!
(Rompy, Fri 7 May 2004, 23:03, Reply)

Floating Bumnuggets
Sorry for the length of this but I thought it was amusing (not at the time).

I was sharing a hotel in Santa Cruz with three women. Who all used to bog for far too long in the morning. So me having the mother of all turtle armarda's off my port bowel decided i had to burst in to have a crap.

Anyway twas a bit of a shit but there was no bogpaper. So i decided to use kitchen towels. Just my luck to have the mother of all klingons. So after profuse amounts of kitchen paper - mission accomplished.

Now being it was an american bog - it had a very small hole for bog paper to go down (and tons of water). By this point I have one of the three women banging on the door. So I flush and wait for it to go. But the bog keeps filling up with water - more water - more water. By this point the knocking on the door is louder (need to get in the bog).

And it was just shortly after the last knock that the bog started to overflow - spilling numerous arsebiscuits onto the floor. I won't tell u the rest. But I am sure there is a pissed off hotel janitor somewhere :D

Sorry for the length....

Dave
(davidpike, Fri 7 May 2004, 23:01, Reply)