When my little bro's voice was breaking
I'd follow him around the house doing Scooby Doo impressions. Oh happy days...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 19:48, 1 reply)

I am a twin.
In fact, I'm the second born twin. My brother calls me his afterbirth.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 19:41, Reply)

My brother
He's 18 months older than me and we used to get on like a house on fire as kids. As we've got older, we've grown further apart, mainly due to his being out all the time and going to university, and me moving away from our native England to Scotland for university.

I have a few gripes with him, but the biggest is his sense of humour. As in, it's crap. Reams and reams of dialogue from stand-ups, online cartoons and sit-coms can spew forth from his mouth, getting louder and louder and more high-picthed and desperately funny. His Dr Cox impression annoys me most - probably because it's not an impression, more lifting the entire style and passing it off as himself. But rarely does he make a joke he's not seen 1000 times before. It gets wearing when he laughs heartily and all you can say is, "That's Peep Show, isn't it?".

Oh, and everything's funnier if you shout it, apparently. And repeat it at least 100 times. He doesn't quite get the concept of 'familiaity breeds contempt'.

He also has no concept of Considering Other People so loud music and drinking/eating everything in the firdge isn't unusual (we had six pints of milk in the fridge on Christmas Eve to see the five of us through the next few days. He drank 4 of those pints by Christmas morning). I do hate to stoop to this level but his personal hygiene is... not the best. "I've been wearing these underpants for three days solid!" he proudly announced to me at a party when I was 18 and he was 20. How his girlfriend bears it I'll never know.

My boyfriend and his brother speak on the phone every few days, mostly about the football, but at least they still speak. More than one Facebook message a term is unusual for my brother and me. I wish we were closer but it is difficult when you just can't bear his sense of humour.
(Judge Society would be a pexagram, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 19:20, 1 reply)

The Ugly Sisters
That's what I call my female siblings, who are eight and nine years older than I am.
Gets'em hopping mad in seconds. Great fun.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 19:14, 2 replies)

I am yet to see
either of my 3 sisters this festiveness.
I shall see the only proper one (one proper, two half-s) tomorrow and if I don't get nice things in pretty paper then I shall make her regret all the years she spent beating me.
As my stepfather told her at the time "One day he'll be bigger than you."
But does a child think even 5 years ahead? No no no.
So, sis. Nice pressies.
Or I shall stand and look menacing.
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 17:42, Reply)

I have three sisters.
Two genetic and one adopted.

One shaved all her eyebrows off and thought no one would notice and one tried fake tan even though she's as dark skinned as they come, (Sri Lankan). The other has a heart of gold but lacks any common sense and has a problem with alcohol.

The middle sister, (she of the eyebrows), has only just re-appeared into our lives after a long period of mutual distrust made worse by my evil maternal grandmother. This is the sister I almost murdered when we were teenagers, (seriously). I've come to the conclusion that 20 years trapped in a loveless relationship with the father of her children was punishment enough and she seems to have mellowed.

I still think I should have been an only child.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 17:09, 1 reply)

Extended family siblings
Alright, I have one sister, and my relationship with her is relatively normal, at least aside from the fact that I live on the opposite side of the world from her, all the way over in Korea. My dad is an only child and my mom has a somewhat cold but normal relationship with her one brother.

So as some of you may know, I married a Korean, and she has an older brother and sister, both who are fairly normal despite what she may say about them.

So...summer 2007 my parents and sister came to Korea to meet our new in-laws, and we had a luncheon (not quite a wedding, just a luncheon with a couple speeches and toasts). My parents basically were introduced to a wall of classy looking Korean relatives all in their best suits looking fantastic. Afterwards, my mom told me "You've obviously gotten into a very classy family. Don't mess this up." What she doesn't know...is the back story behind all the people there. She doesn't know about my father-in-law's siblings.

Of course, my father-in-law's eldest brother couldn't be there. During the Korean War, he left home and headed north. They had a feeling he ended up in North Korea, but they weren't sure why, or if he had survived. During the decades of military dictatorship that the South had to endure (but it was pro-American, so it was "good"), my father-in-law had to deny that his older brother existed, or he could be tortured. Anyway, in around 2006 an intergovernmental program told him that his brother survived in North Korea and lived well into his 70s. He was dead now but had left behind a son and a daughter, now into their 40s. He even went up there and met them, and he had to give a sizeable donation to them so they could live or something.

Back to the luncheon, my father-in-law's youngest brother was there. He's a really dapper looking guy with a nice hat and nice suits. Back when he was young, there was a girl that he liked, but she already was in love with another guy. So he did the sensible thing (for South Korea circa 1960s): he raped her. Now that she was no longer innocent, she was forced to marry her rapist (my father-in-law's brother). They were married for several years, and had a son and daughter together. Then the father found out that the wife was cheating on him. With the man that she was originally in love with and wanted to marry...before she was raped. So he ruined her life (again) and alienated her children from her.

And then there's my father-in-law's sister. She's extremely messed up, and it's all due to a dude that lived 2000 years ago. Now, Christianity in Korea is not like Christianity in western culture*: Christians over here are even more immoral than normal people, more prone to corruption, proselytising, walking around with "THE END IS NIGH" placards and screaming at you with a bullhorn, telling you you'll go to Hell, etc.

So anyway, this sister was a serious Jesus vampire. Her husband was not religious, and they had one daughter together, then one son. The son caught some horrible disease on the level of leukemia when he was young. They were told there was a treatment for it that would give him a decent chance for survival. The father went to take the money out, only to find that it was gone. He quickly found that his own wife had sabotaged their son's only chance for survival. She decided that it would do more good if she donated it to some church...instead of spending it on the fucking CURE for the disease he had (I don't know the English translation for it). So yes, she basically murdered her son through religious faith. So what did the father, my father-in-law's brother-in-law, do? He converted to Christianity, the religion that had just killed his only son.

Of course my father-in-law isn't exactly a normal guy either. He spent three years in prison during the pro-American military dictatorship of the '70s/'80s for owning Communist literature. Funny family, they are.


*said for the benefit of any Christians who may be reading this so you can continue to enjoy the story. I really do think that western Christianity sucks ass too; this is just a line I use.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 16:40, Reply)

My younger brother (17 now)
Has, since he was about 14, repeated many times an exhibition he finds absolutely hilarious.

1. Put on a dressing gown and only a dressing gown.

2. Play the song "Flash" by Queen (see where this is going?)

3. Every time the song goes "flash", run up to someone, opening his dressing gown to expose himself with perfect timing.

It has become gradually more disturbing as he's got older.
(Zem flolloping floopily around Squornshellous Zeta, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 16:27, 4 replies)

I'll stick to chatting about just one sibling for now...
I've got a bit of an odd family, I suppose technically I'm the eldest of seven, but it's more like five, and in genetic terms I'm actually an only child. I've got two half-sisters, a step-brother and a step-sister. Now, these four are for all intents and purposes my full brothers and sisters. I (until recently) lived with my halves, and see my steps a lot. I've also got two other half-sisters squirelled away somewhere who I never see, but sort of through my own choosing (I have nothing to do with my birth father, as he's done very little raising of me over my 21 years, that's the closest I'll come to a rant).

Anyway, I'm incredibly close to my step-brother, won't hear of anyone referring to him as 'step', he's my brother. Having said that, we've had our scraps over the years.

Once, we had a fight that started in our bedroom and ended in the garden, a real 'World's Longest Punch Up' from the Fast Show.

I clobbered him across the back with a vacuum cleaner pole/tube, because he told me the football scores before Match of the Day was on. I gave him an asthma attack, and was banned from watching or playing football for a month.

He constantly stole my CDs and games for a while; I'd go to a case and it'd be empty save a little note explaining it had been 'borrowed'. I've had to rebuy some CDs three or four times, and I've just had a game go missing within the last week.

Many, many instances of pushing each other off of climbing frames/out of trees/into ponds. We used to play 'Gladiators' back in the days of Fashanu and Ulrika, and I once threw him off of our bunk bed so hard I thought he'd go through the floor.

Still, 10 years or so later, we're incredibly close, as I've said. He took it really hard when I left for uni, apparently, and so since moving him I've seen a lot of him. We went for our first ever brotherly big night out a month or so ago, and it was honestly one of the best night outs I've ever had. We even did the Scrubs 'He ain't heavy, he's my brother' carrying at the end of it. Fantastic.

He takes great delight in knowing he's the younger, cooler one as well.

So, yeah. Can't live with 'em (cause he lives with his mum), can't stove 'em to death.. cause I love my little brother.
(Dizzy Steinway, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 16:18, 1 reply)

Oh god, where to start?
I'm the eldest of 5, 4 boys and 1 girl, so here is, in no particular order the (mostly) complete list of injustices that we have commited to each other over the years!

*When my sister was about 4 I made a slide for her out of a table and peice of wood. The wood was stuck through with nails and she still has a scar on her cheek to this day.

*Theiving a tin of buiscits, scoffinf them all and blaming it on the others, causing my parents to cancel easter chocolates for them

*Holding my youngest brother over the edge of his bunkbed, with a pillowcase over his head and then dropping him. Of course he was still over the bed, and only fell about a foot, but he didn't know that

*one of my brothers inadvertantly caused the second youngest to swallow a 50p so that he had to go to hospital to have it removed and missed a chunk of his holiday in france

*Coating various items of food in tabasco

*Hiding the toilet roll

*charging money for location of said toilet roll

*The younger two have taken to slapping each other round the back of the head and shouting "Useless cow!" after watching that rather saddening Barnado's ad

*Various attempts to terrify the younger ones while they sleep by faking monster noises and kidnappings

And that's about all I can think of at the moment!
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 15:30, Reply)

My sister is 7 years older than me
we grew up in a small house, 2 up, 2 down.

Mum and dad had one bedroom, my sister and I had to share the other.

I wasn't until I was 11 (and she 18) that I finally reallised that there was something bad and wrong about being dragged into her bed for a "special cuddle".

Thankfully she left home at 21 and the problem went away, I can never quite look here straight in the eye at family gatherings, and I'm 32 now.
(flipper is going to die in a bizarre gardenning accident, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 15:30, 3 replies)

Big Bro
He's ten years older than me, and was an independent teen, so we never got to know each other as brothers (and are still as distant as ever). That having been said, he's affected my life a lot more than i have his.

One of the problems in life he faces is a 15-year-old heroin addiction that needs an endless supply of money to feed. This led him to steal lots of things from lots of people; our grandmother, charity boxes, empty houses at Christmas, and of course my parents. I didn't get off scot-free even though a 17 year old lad generally doesn't have much to steal from.

But i did have one thing.

My grandfather, who died long ago in the sixties, played the violin, and no-one in my family thought very much of it, so it gathered dust in a spare room. I saw it one day as a young kid and asked could i learn to play it, having heard lots of stories about this great bloke and his fascinating life.

Fast forward twelve years and i'm pretty good at it. More than that, i felt it brought me close to a member of my family who wasn't shit (i'm on t'internets on christmas day instead of with them, and glad for it).

If, at the time, i had answered the QOTW about stuff you'd rescue from fire, this violin would be it. I'd answer in a heartbeat. Playing this old fiddle was my one escape from a world where i was an unlikeable awkward cunt.

So when my brother stole it and sold it for ten or twenty quid so he could shoot up on smack, it was about the most heartbreaking thing that had ever happened to me. I'd imagine it was in the same category as a pet you've had for more than a decade, that was just how much it meant to me.

3 years ago i discovered just exactly how much it was worth, too. Not in the Stradivarius league, but still in the many tens of thousands, not that it mattered.

He took a friend from me, not only in the beautiful music we made together, but in the closeness to my granddad i never met, while i played away alone in that house. I've not played the violin since.

He also took my commodore 64, 2 mobile phones, countless clothes and money... Don't let a junkie elicit sympathy from you, they are ill people who will do and say anything for the next fix. To have that kind of addiction you have to be a clever muggins.

RIP Grandad
(RitalinFreak is dying in a clichéd manner, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 15:29, 1 reply)

My Sister the Goblin
At the age of 5... my little sister wanted to be Oliver Twist. She watched the film literally every day and one day decided that it was time to take action. She had to look more like a boy... Using a large pair of kitchen scissors she began cutting all her hair off while rocking along to 'consider yourself' until all that was left was a freak of a child... gashes, head-stubble, clumps of hair here and there... at least, she thought, she looked more like an orphaned boy than a goblin.
(dazsnow the "ever amazing" - cowjam said so once, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 15:21, Reply)

*calls brother on Christmas Eve* "Er, did you get the pizza for Christmas day?"
"er, no – I forgot" *laughs* *all his friends laugh*

Cheers.

(I brought my food over 100 miles to get there - I was in charge of dessert, and he cannot be arsed to buy some cheap pizzas)
(mmmm curry doesn't really understand this sig lark, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 15:20, 2 replies)

I'm the youngest of the family.
My parents were in their mid-thirties when I was born, with a six year gap between my youngest sister and myself. Three older sisters? No, I had four mothers. Mom quite proudly says that my sisters raised me- which in my mind is pretty well fucked up.

I was in college before I realized that womens' menstrual cycles synchronize. Until then all I knew was that there were certain times when it was best to hide in my room all day.

The Three Furies. That's them.

Without mercy, the Furies would punish all crime including the breaking of rules considering all aspects of society. They would strike the offenders with madness and never stopped following criminals. Horrible to look at, the Furies had snakes for hair and blood dripping from their eyes.

Yup, pretty close to how I remember them.

The worst was the youngest one. She had had six years of being the baby of the family, only to be displaced by me. In photos from that time and in the portraits Mom had done of us as kids, she has a sullen glare. She denies now ever having had harsh feelings about me, but even Mom calls bullshit on that.

One afternoon she was lying on the couch and teasing me about something as she usually did whenever bored, when I had enough. I ran across the room and did a classic Superman dive at her, both fists extended, and caught her on either side of her nose. As this had the full weight of my four year old body behind it, she had two gloriously blackened eyes.

Mom spanked me for it, but damn I was proud of myself...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 26 Dec 2008, 15:03, Reply)

warning not particularly funny!
i come from a big family, theres 6 of us kids! 4 girl boys by 3 fathers. apart from me, everyone hates my eldest sister because they say shes a snob,my younger brother i hate with a passion as he punches and intimidates me, and my younger sister is only 21 and has 4 kids who have all been taken off her. my eldest brother is ok, dont really know him that well. and my other sister is half albino, has the 2 kids from hell, and half the time we get on the rest we dont. its mad having 5 brothers and sisters who are practically strangers as for some reason i was 'given' to my grandmother at 2 years old lol.
ah well it would be nice to have a normal family at somestage hahha
(santas_lil_hohoho is packing her vibrator suitcase, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 14:42, 4 replies)

My Brother, Age 5
The rest of the family sit in the front room, watching tv, when my brother nonchalantly appears. In his pants.

"Where are your trousers?" asks my dad.

Little brother thinks for a while. Finally, the inner spin doctor comes up with an appropriate response.

"They're getting nice and dry." he announces, triumpantly.
(Axeman Jim, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 14:37, Reply)

My Sister. Not Blood.
I'm not ashamed to tell this story, if anyone has any problems with it, they're their own. My mother married my step father when I was seven. He already had a daughter who was also seven. We were poor, South London and all, and they made us take baths together until they stopped.

My step dad was a really smart bloke though prone to drinking. He'd spent a good part of his youth working in Egypt, on stuff from the pyramids - not exploring them, like, but the artifacts and stuff, examining photographs. He worked for the British Museum and had articles published and was hugely enthusiastic about his job, even after being relegated to teaching in a shitty university for no money, to the point of naming his first son (with his first wife, died of reasons my mother never told me) Osiris, or Oz for short. His daughter's name was a little held back, Yah, or Iah, though spelled phonetically: Yah, which was their ancient word for moon. He homeschooled us both, and we didn't go out a lot until we both went to do our A-Levels in a boarding school. This is about her though, not him.

So yeah, we took baths together up until we were sixteen, actually - it was a sort of quiet life we lived, I'm sure that kind of thing maybe creeps other people out - and we were always acutely aware we weren't blood relatives. I've always been quite practically unashamed and aware of the female body because of this. Both of the parents worked and so all of the time we were left alone in the house together. We were good at cooking and keeping things clean and we fought at much any children could fight, and we were very close.

We were in the bath on one of those ugly and bright afternoons, where everything is quite quiet and depressing, and she leaned over and touched my penis.
"Do you wank?"
I shrugged. I didn't know how to answer it really, but wanted to seem cool. I guess maybe the lack of external influence on my sex knowledge up until I did leave home has left me with a different viewpoint on the whole thing than most people. I knew about stuff, like, we had TV and weren't completely in seclusion, we had friends etc. It's just a lot of the knowledge about these things comes from socialising in school and that's one experience I never went through.

So I said, "Yeah, lots."

"Can you show me?"

I nodded and held my cock and started stroking it. I hadn't masturbated before - probably the only sixteen year old to ever feel that - and so this was odd for me, but soon enough my little man was hard and proud and I was polishing it with my palm as much as I could. Then my arm started to get tired. I told her this and she took over. It wasn't as good when she did it, and I told her to go faster and hold tighter. While she was working on it, switching hands like a maniac, I asked if she'd suck it. She obliged and put her lips around the head. I began to felt queasy and then it happened, and my little pearly drops of sperm spurted out and onto her supple breasts.

My soul was filled with God's love, it was truly a profoundly religious experience. I'd never liked going to church, and we only went on Christmas and Easter, but I felt like Jesus himself was in the sun and those beautiful warm rays and the cooling bath water were enthused with the holy spirit itself. I was panting and sweating and knew the world as it truly was, the slow vibrational hum of God's pure love. I screamed out in ecstacy. That was the first time I'd cum by Yah.

Length? 5 years, paedophiles. Your IP addresses have been acquired.
P.S. Sometimes writing this stuff makes me uncomfortable.
(sorry., Fri 26 Dec 2008, 12:28, 7 replies)

my little sister
i'm sure she only came to be my sister because she was accidentally taken home by my parents at birth instead of their real baby.

basically she thinks she is the boss of our house. she pushes my mum around a lot but tries and fails when it comes to me and my dad cause we take the piss out of her and she just gets frustrated.

she gets up for college at 6am. my mum has to wake her up. it was 6:03 and she stormed into my mums room shouting and screaming.
"WHEN I TELL YOU TO WAKE ME UP AT 6 I MEAN 6.. NOT 3 MINUTES PAST! YOU STUPID IDIOT NOW I'M GOING TO BE LATE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT I'M NOT GOING TO COLLEGE NOW CAUSE I'M GOING TO BE LATE AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT THEN?!"
my mum just laughed and told her she didn't care whether she went to college or not.
then she started again
"WHEN I DON'T HAVE A JOB AND I'M LIVING ON THE STREETS WHO'S FAULTS THAT GONNA BE? ALLL YOUR FAULT CAUSE YOU DIDN'T WAKE ME UP FOR COLLEGE ON TIME!!"
she shut up when my dad told her if she didn't get out of the room he'd throw a shoe at her.

another time she come home and was ranting on and on about how someone had left her bedroom door open (it turns out she was the one who had but wouldn't admit it) she decided that it was me and my boyfriend who had been into her room. so she came downstairs hurling abuse at us
"HOW DARE YOU GO INTO MY ROOM WITHOUT ASKING! YOU COULD HAVE PHONED ME TO ASK ME AND THEN I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU PERMISSION TO BUT ONLY IF I WAS THERE TO MAKE SURE!"
make sure what exactly, i don't know since she gave this same speech to my mum several times. my mum owns the house! so really she can go into any room she wants to.
anyway during her rant we'd both started laughing at her for kicking off like that. she put on the demonic voice
"AND WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME!?!"
so my boyfriend at the time decided to torment her a bit and said "it was us in your room, we decided to have sex in your bed because we were bored"
she threw several dvd cases at us and thankfully has crap aim so missed.
when we told her it was all just a joke she started ranting on about how it wasn't funny... then threw her college bag at us.

she's locked me out of the house before too. this was because i didn't want to watch what she did on tv and i had the remote.
she's a lot bigger than me so i ended up locked outside.... while she was shouting out the window "SAY SORRY I WANT AN APOLOGY! SAY IT! I DESERVE AN APOLOGY AND YOU WILL GIVE ME ONE OR ELSE YOUR NOT COMING BACK INSIDE!"
i told her to fuck off and climbed through the back kitchen window.
she then proceeded to hit me with a brush handle... i had a black eye after that.
all because i didn't want to watch what she did on tv.
so i got my hockey stick out and smacked her one.

i like to think she's calmed down a lot lately. well until the other day when her friends were round. she stormed out in a mood so they came to tell me what she'd done. then while they were explaining that she'd ran off, her boyfriend (the poor kid) got a phone call saying it was somehow all his fault and he had 5 seconds to get there or else (she didn't say what)

so basically this kid is a complete and total bitch who if things don't go her way she flips out. apparently when she was 6 weeks old i tried to feed her a bag of crisps, a whole bag all at once.
i sometimes think i should have tried harder.

.
(i eat crayons, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 12:26, 2 replies)

Daily kick
My older brother thought that he should toughen me up by giving me a daily kick. I was happy when he went away to university as it meant I didn't get kicked every day. Until he came back and kicked me for every day that he'd been gone. 90 kicks.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 11:56, 3 replies)

I was the elder sister from hell
I have a very amusing picture stuffed away somewhere of me as a three year old visiting my mother in hospital after she'd just given birth to my brother. Dad had bought the bundle of joy a present supposedly from me - and the look on my face as I realised this present wasn't FOR me was priceless.

I think it was at this point little posage decided to make her brothers childhood a nightmare, and her sister to follow.

In our old house every room led into another room, meaning you could run all the way round the ground floor in a circle without stopping. According to my appauled parents, I used to play a "game" which involved me running round the house as fast as I could. So far, so innocent. Except my parents gradually realised that everytime I passed my baby brother's cot I would reach in and punch him.

At one stage I lifted baby brother out of his cot by his arm and dislocated his shoulder, doing exactly the same to my sister after she was born three years later.

When my sister was a toddler I used to say horrible cruel things to her out of a sort of morbid curiosity - to see how far I could push her before she cried. I also used to ask her, in front of my brother, who she loved the most - except I would say my name in a sing song voice so she would pick me.

My brother suffered from quite bad eczema as a child, and I once convinced him to eat a whole pack of sweeteners because I told him there were pills for his skin. He cried as he ate them because they tasted so bad.

I scooped up the biggest load of cocoa powder I could and told him it was chocolate powder. He greedily took the whole mouthful and promptly gagged and almost choked to death.

When we stayed at a farm during the school holidays I told him to go and pet the farmer's dog, knowing only too well that he was a grumpy and very territorial dog who liked to bite children. Several tears and stitches later I was told not to expect any pocket money for several months.

When he was about four or five I decided that now was the ideal time to tell him that Father Christmas didn't exist. He cried for days.

I was unbeliveably horrid to my sister as she grew up - I snapped at her whenever she said anything and once threw her across the room for waking me up (to be fair she has woken me up from a deep sleep by shaking me - I thought I was being attacked. Honest). I was bossy, controlling and just a generally massive bitch who terrorised her poor siblings for simply being there.

Even after all this, I get along with my brother and sister famously. We couldn't be closer (even if I do sometimes order little sis to make me food. She still obeys. It's her own fault really). We have so many private jokes that people from outside the family, even my parents, don't have a clue what we're talking about half the time. Only yesterday we laughed until we were almost sick over a stupid, immature joke that one of us made, while our puzzled extended family looked on.

Mr posage says my family is incredibly unusual, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
(posage As I turned the corner I felt muscular and compact, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 11:50, Reply)

They say one in every 6 people is chinese.
I dont know who it is in my household. It might be my Sister, Sarah, or my brother Xao Ming Chen, but my money's on my elder brother Dennis.
(Vic Flange, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 10:27, 2 replies)

One sister.
See her briefly, once a year, @ Crimbo.

Unfortunately, she's a BNP voter, so we don't really see eye to eye. Funny enough, she's also a Soul fan, and what race did that music come from? Anyway we make an effort to get on for mum. But I'm not a big fan.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 26 Dec 2008, 9:28, 1 reply)

Families? They fuck you up...
I've only just this week witnessed the shitness that is my mum's side of the family getting together & stressing eachother out. 2 brothers, 2 sisters, and they don't so much hate each other, but feel they can't tell eachother to fuck off. Bugger it. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family! Add to that some pressure on myself & bro to produce great grandchildren (no, it's not going to happen you bunch of arses, leave us alone!), and we have to wonder why we're still even talking to the buggers. Between them, they have managed to amass 6 divorces, and that's just mum's side. It's a wealth of the unspoken. Three cheers for me for resolutely NOT having a family christmas this year:)
( Whodathunkit, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 4:10, 1 reply)

Not a funny sibling story
Warning: This story is not that funny

I have a brother, younger by 4 1/2 years and when we were young he adored me. I was his hero. He followed me about like a lost puppy and hung on every word I said.

And I absolutely hated it.

I was a total twat to my poor (and much) younger brother pounding him for even the most mundane of reasons (he was there; his head smelled funny) and woe betide when he accidentally did something wrong - as badly coordinated youngsters are prone to doing.

I even gave him his first nose bleed. When he was annoying me at a dinner party I hurled a nectarine at full pelt 1 meter from his large stinky face and hit him square on the conk (in front of about 15 startled guests).

In my defense, I was having a tough time at school; people were making my life a misery and so I would cowardly retaliate on someone weaker than me rather than deal with the situation.

I think that when I was 16 and older I was much nicer to him: My pride swells when we played 7-a-side footy together and took him for his first pint (him aged 14/15 of course), conspiring against an annoying stepfather, sharing tactics on Championship Manager (but not playing together; that would have been suicidal on his part)

But we just don't have a close sibling relationship - I see my fiancee and her sister and how close they are and I am frankly very jealous. And I have to admit, it's all my own fault.

My New Year Resolution is to take my bro out for a few beers and try to make a drunken (but totally honest) apology for my behaviour of 15 years ago. This isn't the first time I've made this promise and I've chickened out every time. I think that this is the thing that I am most ashamed of in my past because it is most unforgivable - to turn someone who loved me unconditionally into virtually a stranger.


Sorry for lack of funnies, and kudos for trawling through my "woe is me" attention-seeking-of-internet-strangers post.


Click 'I like this' if you think I should get pummeled by the World's Strongest Man as penance for my sins.
(plasticpole, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 3:58, 6 replies)

My brother
I got a hell of a brother.

He's 6 years younger than me and I really love him. Sadly, I haven't been seeing him too often lately....

So, fucking Christmas is good for some things after all :) Family reunions and all that.

We had real fun while we were kids. I used to pinch him while at the lunch table and pretend I didn't while he was crying. He used to break my favorite toys. The usual stuff, you know.

We hang out often together and actually shot down some real nice chicks as a team. It's also extremely useful to have a brother when you have some really brilliantly stupid plan which noone else but him is going to follow.

One particularly fabulous one was trying to parachute him down from the second floor using a linen blanket. He only got away with a couple of bruises. Well, I got some too, when daddy got to know...

Unfortunately, all of this happened in a parallel universe where he was actually born and I didn't have to discover my mother's abortion certificate while digging in a wardrobe at age 10 or so...

Cheers for siblings
Everybody who has one should be happy
( Zhmei HEY B3TA I WAS ON YOUR DINGY ISLAND AT LAST!1!, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 1:47, 2 replies)

Twin guilt
my mother cheated the birth pain system and popped me and my dear brother out 9 minutes apart (I think she was planning on not having to ever have sex again and has slowly regressed into a puritan since)
Weazal's and mine adventures through our soon to be 40th years have been mentioned a few times via qotw (under my previous username of Not just a hatstand, before my MS decide to f**k with my memory and I forgot not only my password but the password for the email account it was linked too)

Apart from being basically grumpy since passing the age of 30 he is is not that bad, and living in a "Sykes" style household (skinny grumpy brother, jolly fat sister, for you young uns out there not able to recalled the 70's sitcom) isn't too bad either, there is a sheen joy of being to tell your housemate to "fuck off and stop being such a great big twat" as he swears that he will torch his PC (porn container) for the 6 billionth time as it fails to keep up with his 5 second patience when you know he is family and wouldn't even consider buggering off and leaving me with a month's rent/bills to pay by myself for I am his little sister.

However I have a lovely Californian lined up and I am seriously considering upping sticks and transplanting over there in the next 5 years and therefore he is getting custody of the maternal unit when he thought he was leaving that one to me, just might piss him off slightly.
Also is a bad thing to put him off his new Christmas game of Call of Duty by wandering into the living room singing "I think I'm burning Japanese, I think I'm burning Japanese, I really think so" just as he has discovered the flamethrower in that arena of pixelated warfare??
(it was like that when I found it fueled by Fanta, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 1:08, Reply)

My New Brother in Law
We were all drinking. A lot. The entire refrigerator in the suite looked like the video for "Ain't nuttin' but a G thang". We were doing shots of everything. Guys were tackling each other and going through walls and doors. It was a sloppy mess. I was going back to my room to cry and masturbate with my tears when I hear a girl screaming.

My soon to be brother-and-law's lady friend was running down the hallway opposite to mine screaming. The good kind of screaming. She was being chased by Greg, who had his pants around his ankles and was doing the frankenstein arms and the grab ass hands. I guess she was screaming pretty loud, because someone opened the door as she was running by.

The girl opening the door was buck nekked. She opened the door just in time to see Greg and his dick. Greg stopped to look to see who had opened the door and turned to give her a full frontal shot. She screamed. Greg pulled up his pants and kept running. It's a good thing he did because a naked roided out Marine with a semi lept out from behind the naked girl. He catches up with Greg and screams;

"Hey fucker, I have been waiting 5 years to see my wife naked! (stupid christians) You just ruined my wedding night. I am going to kick your ass!" Greg was in no mood to fight a naked marine and runs into the party suite. The Marine guy is adamant about kicking somebody's ass and chooses mine.

I says, "Hey, you have a beautiful wife up there who is waiting for you. The last thing I would be doing right now is messing around with a bunch of dudes."

"No he saw my wife naked." He insisted. "I have to kick somebody's ass."

"Well, OK. But would you mind making it someone who isn't in the wedding party and taking pictures tomorrow?"

Eventually the Marine's mother came out, his semi dissapeared, and he went back to his room.
(anotherlogan and the whit he shites, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 0:56, 7 replies)

not sure
I was under the impression that I had siblings, 3 of them in fact. Two incoming calls over the past 5 years suggests otherwise.
(knackerz is skinning up, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 0:13, Reply)