Sick Jokes
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume
(the squirrelmeister, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 22:34, Reply)

And I just remembered a limerick
Which I told my old boss seconds after I'd met him in an exchange that went something like this:

"Young man, this is our new chief of staff, Mr Hunt".
"That reminds me!" I said, chugging down some more scotch and dry.
"There once was a fellow named Hunt,
Taught his cock a peculiar stunt.
With a scream and a shout,
It could twist inside out,
Like a glove until it was a cunt!"

I don't remember if he laughed or not, but I didn't get fired and years later he did. For turning into a cunt funnily enough.
(difficultchild, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 6:34, Reply)

It's all in the timing...
Was in a pub one night with a group of colleagues and a mate who'd just come back from a trip to Queensland (the redneck centre of Australia).
"How do you know when you're girlfriend's been taking steroids?" he asks.
"When she flips you over after sex and fucks your arse with her clitoris!"
Ho ho ho, we all say... except one girl who was strangely silent.
She was apparently on a course of steroids for a skin condition and was suffering the side effects.
...
The real punchline of course was the fact she went home with the aforementioned mate after a few dozen more drinks and the next day he reported back she did in fact have a clitoris like a midget's leg.
"Easiest foreplay ever!" he related with glee.
(difficultchild, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 6:09, Reply)

What's the big fleshy thing around the vagina called?
The woman.
(Willhouse Fear, the thief of Dreams, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 1:18, Reply)

What would Martin Luther King be if he was white?
Alive.
(Willhouse Fear, the thief of Dreams, Thu 6 Apr 2006, 1:18, Reply)

Britain
When Britain was an Empire, She was ruled by an Emperor.

When Britain was a Kingdom, She was ruled by a King.

Now Britain is a country, Sheis ruled by Tony Blair.
( Ogwen69 has been ignoring X-Factor since, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 13:03, Reply)

anoither Keller
Q,How did Helen Keller burn her ear ?
A,she answered the Iron,
Q,How did she burn her other ear ?
A, they called back
(Oreoboots Boots, Wed 5 Apr 2006, 2:34, Reply)

Sorry
Why did Helen Keller drive her car off a cliff?

Because she's a woman.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Tue 4 Apr 2006, 22:29, Reply)

Another MJ one...
Q: Why is Michael Jackson always late for work?

A: Because he always likes to come in a little behind.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Tue 4 Apr 2006, 22:28, Reply)

Why are blacks scared of chainsaws?
Its the sound they make: RUN-nigga-nigga-nigga RUN-nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga-nigga
(when you say it out loud it sounds like the sound of a chainsaw... helps if you do a chainsaw action as well)

My friend heard this one while he was at work in Toys-R-Us. A collegue shouted it to him down the length of an aisle, while there was a black man stoot right in between them... And he said coons not blacks...

*yay* my first post!

p.s. if you're going to say it out loud to see how it sounds, make sure you know who is listening...
(Mr._Pickles Yiff! Yiff! Grrr! Miaow!, Tue 4 Apr 2006, 18:59, Reply)

Whats michael jacksons favourite song?
NO!!!! its NOT I'm forever blowing bubbles...


It happens to be Metallica's "Enter Sandman"..


Reason??..... The chorus..

"Enter night, exit light... Take my hand... We're off to never neverland!!!"
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Tue 4 Apr 2006, 16:29, Reply)

LOL
Q: What's the difference between Oral sex and Anal sex??

A: Oral Sex makes your day, but Anal Sex makes your whole week!!
(MachoNachos Without geometry life is pointless!, Tue 4 Apr 2006, 15:29, Reply)

Back on the baby bandwagon!!!
Whats worse than nailing a baby to a plank of wood?

Ripping it off once you've finished fucking its eye sockets!!!




Whats worse than tying a baby to your car bumper and crashing?


Tying it to your tyre and skidding!!!!
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Mon 3 Apr 2006, 14:21, Reply)

What do you call an un-hygenic anorexic?
A quarter pounder with cheese!!!
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Mon 3 Apr 2006, 14:17, Reply)

If a motorcyclist runs over a woman, who's to blame?
The motorcyclist - he shouldn't have been riding around in the kitchen!
( Albert the Mildly Deranged purveyors of nothing much since a year or two ago, Sun 2 Apr 2006, 23:34, Reply)

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have some hanky-panky.

But silly Jill
forgot her pill
and now there's little Franky.
( Albert the Mildly Deranged purveyors of nothing much since a year or two ago, Sun 2 Apr 2006, 22:54, Reply)

Whats red & yellow and looks good on hippies?
Fire
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Sun 2 Apr 2006, 16:54, Reply)

I Love Limmericks
There once was a lady from Crue
whom filled her vagina with glue
she said with a grin
if they pay to get in
they'll pay to get out of it too
(Oreoboots Boots, Sun 2 Apr 2006, 2:41, Reply)

What do you call an attractive girl in Poland?
A tourist.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sat 1 Apr 2006, 20:58, Reply)

What should you do if you find a chink in your armour?
Tell him to fuck off.
( Easty The Notorious B.I.Ginge, Sat 1 Apr 2006, 0:40, Reply)

What's the best thing about anal raping a 5 year old?
Using the tears as lube.
(Human, Fri 31 Mar 2006, 20:37, Reply)

Jokes I know
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to get her brother to come help and the other to CUCK MY SOCK

Why do women have children? Because it HURTS and they DESERVE IT
(Snake (on a) Crane FKA thwack, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 15:15, Reply)

14 another Jew joke
Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
A: A canoe tips.
(dan666, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 12:47, Reply)

12 and 13
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Kamikaze pilot?
A: He crashed his plane in to his brothers scrap yard

From South Park:
Q. What do you call a Jewish womans boobs?
A. JOOBS
(dan666, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 12:46, Reply)

10 and 11- into double figures
Q: Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.


Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace will do that to you.
(dan666, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 12:43, Reply)

9 - easter fun
Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

A: Palm Sunday
(dan666, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 12:41, Reply)

6, 7 and 8
Q: How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner?
A: Why the fuck should we fix it? We never use it!

Q: Why do they call it Pre-Menstrual Tension?
A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.


Q: How do you know when you are getting old?
A: When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
(dan666, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 12:39, Reply)

5
Q: What did King Kong say to Oprah Winfrey?
A: Is it in?
(dan666, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 12:38, Reply)

make that 4
Q. What do you call a 300 pound woman ?













A. Fat.
(dan666, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 12:36, Reply)

3 in a row
Q: Did you hear about the blind skunk?
A: It fucked a piece of shit.
(dan666, Wed 29 Mar 2006, 12:35, Reply)