sausage
Back in the early 80s, my next door neighbour & I enjoyed filling the time between spliffs by sending off for every freepost offer in the back of magazines and having a laugh at the stream of inappropriately addressed junk mail that dropped through our doors each day. We even had a personal visit from a finance company after we'd expressed an interest in borrowing some money (got a free Parker pen with that one).

"Is there a Mrs Pindet at home today please?"
"Errm..which one?"
"It's a Mrs. Dee Pindet we'd like to speak to?"

After a couple of months of this we decided that we had enough pens and started thinking about the relative merits of annoying minor celebrities. About this time a certain Stuart Hall was on the telly a lot. News slots, sport reporting, It's a Knockout. His trademark look was a stripy shirt, white collar and outrageous ties. I couldn't stand the cunt and rather than having to listen to the local news and be outraged by his neckwear I started making plain paper ties that you could blutak to your TV screen thus reducing retinal pain by up to 20%.

One evening my friend and I penned a letter to Mr Hall addressed to him at the TV studios he worked from suggesting that we could start up a fanclub for him. We even floated the idea of custom paper ties for members. If I recall correctly we went for random pseudonyms and were surprised and delighted to receive a nice big envelope franked by the BBC addressed to Aard Strider and Jericho Cadbury. Along with the signed photos ("all the best Aard & Jerry!") was a genuine offer for us to run his fanclub and speak to his 'people' about financial remuneration. He even liked the paper tie idea.

Sadly due to the massive drugs, we never followed him up on his offer and he ended up going to jail. Jericho and I drifted apart. He'd kept our scrapbook of silly junk mail and the correspondence from Stuart and other minor celebrities we'd annoyed.

A few years ago I bumped into Jericho and asked him if he'd kept any of the letters. He reckoned they were somewhere in his loft, couldn't be arsed looking for them but if they turned up he'd let me know.

I looked him up on Facebook last week and sent him a message to ask about the evidence of our creative genius and he basically told me to fuck off as he had more important things to worry about on his life and that I should just fucking grow up. I'm sure he's still got everything filed away in his loft.

If this isn't an example of a surly archivement then frankly I'll be sausaged.
(riffjedibaby almost 1,000 chickens, Fri 17 Oct 2014, 16:38, 1 reply)

the cunt
I'd have kept those.
(yeswehavenopasties, Sat 18 Oct 2014, 5:48, closed)